BS: Stupidest Question Asked!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 03:11 PM

A couple were arguing about the pronunciation of the word "Hawaii" while on a flight to Honolulu. He insisted it was pronounced "Ha-VAH-ee" and she was just as sure it was "Ha-WAH-ee". He finally turns to the man in the seat across the aisle, saying "excuse me, sir, but how do you pronounce H-a-w-a-i-i ?" The man smiles and responds "Ha-VAH-ee". The man grins and says "Ah-HA! I thought so! Thanks!"

"You're velcome," the man says.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Marion
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 04:16 PM

My friend used to be a tour guide at some place in Toronto. An American visitor once asked her, "Are you close to England up here? I kept seeing signs for London."

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: MMario
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 04:26 PM

There is a boxed in spring near my parents house, where many of the local cottagers fill water jugs.
Part of the spring is piped up to form a water fountain/ bubbler for drinking. A very "typical tourist" question was "How do you shut it off?"

Not a question, but again, tourists near my parents home, and I remember clearly trying to choke back laughter as the adults patiently explained to their children about the "Daddy Swans, Mommy swans and baby swans" as they pointed to the swans, white geese and white ducks.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: KathWestra
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 04:35 PM

This one's true. About 15 years ago, my ex-hubby, Joe Hickerson, was doing a concert on the Music Pier in Ocean City, New Jersey, with David Jones and Ed Trickett. The audience was mostly elderly. The guys had just paused after doing their third or fourth song when a voice piped up from somewhere in the audience: "When's the music going to start?" Stupid question, for sure, but one that's been good for years of laughs.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: MMario
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 04:45 PM

Have been expecting this one to crop up:

Can someone tell me the lyrics, tune and chords for this song I heard the other day on the radio, I can't remember what show or station and I'm not sure if it was a guy or a girl singing it, but I think there was a guitar in the background?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: SandyBob
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 05:09 PM

Groucho Marx and his brothers were playing the vaudeville circuit and were invited to come to the house of a local dignitary for dinner. The dignitary had several beautiful daughters. The Marx boys showed up several hours early and were enjoying the rather intimate affections of the daughters when the girl's parents arrived and found them. As Groucho climbed out a window to get away from the irate father he asked him, "this doesn't affect our dinner plans does it?"

Sandy Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 05:44 PM

for hours of reading about stupid questions in the computer-tech realm....try these...some TOTALLY amazing questions and comments!

http://www.auricular.com/TST//a>

http://www.ecis.com/~weasel/support/techsup.html

http://www.technogirl.net/

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Jen
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 05:55 PM

LOL. I'm glad I read these at work and not at home(there would have been tea all over my monitor at home...)

Jen

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: MK
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 07:37 PM

A man is sitting in his seat on an airplane as passengers continue boarding. He happens to notice an extremely attractive, exquisitely dressed, buxom female walk down the isle toward him, and low and behold she takes the seat next to him.

Scarcely able to control his excitement and nervousness, he decides to strike up a conversation with here.

''Business or pleasure?'' he asks.

She glances over at him non-chalantly and says ''Oh, business. I'm attending the annual nymphomaniacs convention in Chicago.''

The man swallows hard, and wipes his increasingly sweaty palms on his pants, and comments ''So what is YOUR role at this convention?''

She says, ''Well, I am one of several keynote speakers, and I will be debunking several common misconceptions about sexuality.''

''And what misconceptions are those?'' he asks.

''Well'' she says, ''the first is that a lot of people think the African American male is the most well-endowed when in actuality, it is the Native American Indian.

And another common misconception is that a lot of people think that Italian men are the best lovers when actually it is the Jewish male.'' She then stops suddenly, and blushes. ''This is really embarrassing. I shouldn't be telling you this. I don't even know your name!''

The man extends his hand and says ''Allow me to introduce myself. The name is Tonto. Tonto Goldstein!''

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 11:09 PM

Kendall,

Sure is good to see you here. These are good folks. But I have a question for ya!

Why is it that there are no tunes on any of the tracks on one of the two Folk Legacy LP you did??? (I asked a stupid question... Now the ball's in your court.) ;-)

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Alice
Date: 31 Aug 99 - 11:42 PM

Some of you may have already heard this joke...

---

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa.' Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, 'Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!' figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?' The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: 'What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, 'Well, so what IS the answer!?' Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 12:49 PM

I used to have a lovely 1968 camper van. There was a problem with one of the 'bits', and I phoned round a large number of classics part suppliers asking whether they could supply me with a 'waggly stick for a BMC J4'. They were very nice to me considering....

Kris (it was the indicator stick thingy, and it had nasty acrid smoke coming out of it - I'm just a girlie and I don't know technical terms).

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 12:52 PM

Oh God! I've just remembered an even more recent transgression. I was buying a plectrum in the local music shop, and asked the poor man 'What's the difference between a hard one and a soft one?'. Trapdoor NOW!!!!!

Kris

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: BILL MCGOWAN
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 05:37 PM

IS THAT THE PHONE?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From:
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 02:39 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Bert
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 03:03 PM

Hi anon! that would have been funny if you'd ended it with a ?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: bill\sables
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 09:11 PM

While at a music stand in Whitby Folk festival last year a young boy came up to us and asked if we had any melodeon strings I said we had just run out but to go to another stand. Cheers Bill

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: wildlone
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 11:32 PM

I once watched an interview with Ginger Baker on TV,when he was asked"Ginger how do you play all these drums".He looked at his usual large kit and said "I hit em,with these."Holding up drumsticks the inerview seemed to fall apart after that.WL.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Escamillo
Date: 11 Sep 99 - 05:51 AM

This is also true: My friend Jorge, director of the choral ensemble of the Collegium Musicum (traditional school in Buenos Aires) gave a concert with his group at a small town school. Finalized the performance, the maintenance man approaches him, and asks:
- Maestro, didn't you bring any guitar, or accordion ?
- No, the choir sings a cappella, that is, with no instruments.
- Oh, that's a pity, cause these people like music so much !

Andrés Magré - [e-mail]

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: poet
Date: 11 Sep 99 - 07:28 PM

I walked into a book shop in Poole (Dorset) last Tuesday and asked the assistant if they have a Sci Fi section her reply

I,m not sure Sir who wrote it?

NUFF SAID I think

Graham Hyett.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Ma-K
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 11:43 PM

While looking at our new baby at the window of the nursery a new father of twins(boy and girl) came up and said " I wonder if they are identical."

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 11:59 PM

All of my friends at school think i've become mentally ill and they always seem toask me the question," What are you doing", ifeel this is a fairly stupid comment for you can see and probably interpret exactly what I'm doing!! -Giz (LEJ's daughter)

Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 02:25 PM

I think this probably counts as stupidest answer, but what the hell:

In a pub one night, I asked the barmaid what beer they had. She replied in a strong Aussie accent (nothing personal, she just was, right?) 'Ah, wey've gat Four Ix or Farsters' 'No, I mean real ale, beer'. 'Ahw, there's Wotneys' (well, it may not have been, but it was fizzy and not real ale) 'Oh,' says I, 'well could I have a bottle of barley wine please'.... blank look.... 'Is thet a house red or a Rheisling?' 'Just gimme a bottle of cider........!'

LTS