The Archers in Ambridge tonight.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 02:22 PM

So Nigel's death now seems to be "all about Shula." She'll be telling us next that she feels guilty about not marrying him instead of Lizzie, as he wouldn't now be dead. If I hear any more of the woman's self-indulgent "grief" I'll probably have to vomit over the tranny.* Does this harridan's ghastliness know no bounds? As for the twins' upcoming interview at the snobby Cathedral School, to which they have to take a personal object to talk about (wha...???), Shula said to Lizzie how nice it was that Lily had chosen something "horsey." Aaargh!

*Transistor radio, yanks. Sheesh.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Michael
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 05:17 PM

Well Brian's member never used to be bored.

Mike

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 11:52 AM

or all the bored members

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 10:54 AM

Actually, I think Lillian will persuade Jennifer to join her in a threesome with Matt who will film it and send videos to all the board members of Borsetshire Land.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 10:17 AM

Understandably unrequited, I'd say.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 10:15 AM

I thought Jennifer was going to run off with Keith Horrorbin.
I still think Helen is the most likely to be a lesbian - but probably unrequited.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 10:05 AM

Yes, "Brarrrrn Dahling" Jennifer tends to sail amorally through as well. A lesbian fling would be good (I seem to recall we've had a buttock-clenching gay kiss already, so perhaps something a little squelchier would be in order...), provided she's not too busy trying to remember which bloke is the father of which of her ghastly offspring.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 09:38 AM

"maybe we can expect something deliciously vile to happen to him"

He'll probably have a heart attack when Matt buys The Bull.Or maybe he'll discover that the appalling Jennifer is having a lesbian relationship with Sabrina.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 09:11 AM

Nigels fall from graze

the BBC prog More or Less listen again (a numbers based prog) reckoned that the scream was long enought to qualify for (memory doesn't serve too well) a 10 storey building. Stately Home X 2 - I would think.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST,Big Norman Voice
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 09:05 AM

Gosh, what a load of inverted bloody snobs you lot are.
Come on now, it's about time someone dragged Maggie Thatcher into this thread.
Where's Richard Bridge when you need him?
Not only is the Archers not real, it doesn't accurately represent real life either! Well it's about as real as a Socialist Society.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 08:59 AM

Yep, Brarrrrn's had an easy ride in recent years. Getting the missus to bring up his love-child was quite a coup, coming on top of Siobhan's convenient death (just think how complicated his life would be now...). You do have to wonder whether David wasn't involved in that one as well in some tangential way. The worst Brarrrrn's had to put up with was to be forced to attend a gay wedding after putting up a load of homophobic resistance, but even that got Adam neatly out of the way. He really does seem to be able to sit back and let life sort itself tidily out around him. Of course, in real life it's gits like him who always have all the luck, so, as The Archers is allegedly not real life, maybe we can expect something deliciously vile to happen to him. I'm not sure that the council estate thing is quite bad enough. Get David on the case, I reckon.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 08:47 AM

I think the council should compulsorily purchase and big piece of Brarrrrn Aldridge's land and build a council estate next to his house.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 08:32 AM

Let's hope they pass the entrance exam for the Cathedral School. At least we should hear a bit less from the insufferable little brats then.

I won't hear a word against The Woodentops - they were my favourites. Except for Bill 'n' Ben of course.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 08:11 AM

I've just realised where I've come across Freddie 'n' Lilly's voices before - they're The Woodentops.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: JHW
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 07:56 AM

'I've been losing patience with it and the awful scriptwriting for some time'
Fraid so. Can't bring myself to listen to funerals and such lamenting when what they SHOULD all be discussing is the effect the SCRIPT is having on Ambridge.
I've stopped listening.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 07:46 AM

My guess is that Matt will buy The Bull and covert it into executive residences. This will give Eddie and Joe the chance to extend the Cider Club.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 06:22 AM

"What what?" Toffness rubbing off? :-)

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 06:21 AM

I agree, but I still feel that something apocalyptic must be afoot. I mean, surely a toff falling off his own roof can't have been what what was meant by the stuff "to shake Ambridge to its core for years to come." There simply have to be angles.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 17 Jan 11 - 03:25 AM

"Am I alone in dreading the tedium-to-come of this dreary, class-ridden sub-plot?"

No, I've been losing patience with it and the awful scriptwriting for some time.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: JHW
Date: 16 Jan 11 - 02:58 PM

Yes Sabrina. Panto pussy.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Jan 11 - 04:36 PM

This is turning into a slow burner. I thought something was going to come out during Lizzie's walk in the grounds with Lily'n'Freddie (who were clearly truanting again with the connivance of Lizzie), but it turned instead into an angst-ridden debate as to whether the brats should go and mix with the hoi-polloi at the local comp (gosh, what a GHASTLY thought, mummy!) or go instead, as Nigel The Toff had always wanted, to the Cathedral School. Of course, there are entrance exams for that as well as future cost implications, but I suppose there's always the life insurance money. Nigel had clearly groomed his kids in that direction, if their remarks to mumsie are to be believed. Am I alone in dreading the tedium-to-come of this dreary, class-ridden sub-plot?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 15 Jan 11 - 07:14 AM

Isn't it Sabrina Thwaite? Not sure if I've heard her speak but she did make a 'sound' during the panto rehearsals.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: JHW
Date: 15 Jan 11 - 06:44 AM

Samantha Thwaite doubles on Haven't a Clue

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 02:12 PM

Come to think of it, I don't recall any mention of faithful old Titcombe at any time throughout this dead-Nigel saga. I'm betting that Shulugh would have regarded him as far too lower-class even to stand at the back at the funeral service. He was probably put in charge of the horse's nosebag outside the church in the rain. My disdain for these people knows no bounds. As for what you said about silent witnesses, topsie, that got me thinking. In the series of that name, aren't all the witnesses in question dead? My God, can't you just see what might be going through David's mind? There's more carnage to come, I tell you!

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 01:06 PM

I wonder whether they pay an actor to play Titcombe. I wouldn't be at all surprised. I saw a video clip of Clue once and there was no Samantha. Colin Sell is a real bloke, though. I once went to a show with Barry Cryer reminiscing, and he had Colin with him. He's a lovely, self-effacing chap. Good pianist too. I don't know how he's put up with all that ribbing over the years!

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 12:17 PM

You can still be a witness even if you don't speak. And even normally silent characters have been known to express themselves at times. I'm not sure about Prue Forrest but I definitely heard Shane in Nelson's winebar speak once.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Morticia
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 11:59 AM

Samantha isn't real?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 11:20 AM

Isn't there a Mrs Titcombe now?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 11:15 AM

Yes, I heard that. It's even worse than I thought: 20 storeys high required. And Nigel's scream was a smooth continuum. No articulation of sound to suggest a transition from sloping roof to freefall. I have a suspicion. He started screaming before he started falling. The only possible explanation is that he saw David starting to deliberately let go of that banner, most likely with an evil grin on his scheming face. So Nigel started to scream, first in wide-eyed terror as he saw what about to happen, and then carrying on with the scream in freefall. There is simply going to have to have been a witness to this who has yet to come forward. I was going to suggest Titcombe, but, as we know, he never speaks, and is about as real as Samantha on Sorry I Haven't A Clue. So either Freddie or Lily it will have to be...

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 08:48 AM

There was more on the height of Lower Loxley and the length of Nigel's scream on 'More or Less' just now, with another interview with the actor. It should be available on BBC 'Listen Again' before long.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 07:11 AM

It becomes more and more fascinatingly awful.Try to count how many different inflections and innuendoes Jill can get into the word "yes".

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 07:01 AM

My sister up north does the ironing whilst listening to the Sunday omnibus. I daren't ring her up whilst it's on for fear that she'd burn her ear. I'm afraid I have to avoid the omnibus one like the plague just in case I accidentally hear that terrible piano accordion version of the tune at the beginning. I'd never be the same again.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 06:52 AM

My son, who is also Archers bycatch, heard the omnibus last week (I had left the radio on in the bathroom and he was having a bath [note to Americans: in England the bathroom contains a bath - what you call a bathtub]).
His reaction was "Was that really the Archers? It sounded more like Eastenders."

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 06:45 AM

Topsie, I have a confession. It's my wife who's the addict. I'm merely an example of "Archers' bycatch." There are millions of us!

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 06:43 AM

Don't worry about catching up. The first half of each episode is dedicated to making sure that anyone who has accidentally failed to listen for up to at least five years will be fully up to speed in no time at all. They achieve this with improbable dialogue such as "Tony, don't forget you've got that meeting with the ministry man that you fixed up on the telephone yesterday after we'd had a chat about it, just before we went to the hospital to see that new baby, your gorgeous grandson Henry, that Helen had two weeks ago, remember?"

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 06:41 AM

Shall we appoint Steve Shaw as official/unofficial Archers Summariser, then we could just check in here for the best bits and not bother listening to the rest?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 05:38 AM

I've missed so much lately but will make an effort to catch up with what has been happening. David has always sounded a bit dodgy to me with his too good to be true oversincere/insincere manner.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 13 Jan 11 - 03:23 PM

Update: David refused to speak at Nige's funeral and has spent all week whining about how bad he feels about it it instead of changing his bloody mind, the spineless git. Kenton came up trumps with a nicely-pitched, sensitive and heartfelt speech. Shulugh's hovering like a useless camel on the sidelines. She and Kenton were caught by Helen The Horrible singing a gleeful folk song just outside the mourning Lizzie's kitchen (don't ask). Nige got carted (literally) to the gig in a wicker coffin. Every bout of hymn-singing was mercifully faded out. We've had classic lines like "She's SO brave" and "It's so [sob] WRONG!" I can't help feeling that the shit has yet to hit the fan.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 13 Jan 11 - 12:49 PM

I have it taped to listen to tonight just before the next one. Archersfest nite! :-)

Subject: Love Archers
From: GUEST,Mary
Date: 13 Jan 11 - 10:57 AM

Missed today's Archers :( Anyone tell me what happened to David?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 07 Jan 11 - 03:37 PM

Hmmm. Glaringly obvious from tonight's episode that David's "business interests", now that the killing's out of the way, must come first. Didn't want the funeral arrangements to get in his way, did he? As I said before - bastard...

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Jan 11 - 06:11 AM

From the interview with the actor playing Nigel, it was his suggestion that he should scream. As it was to be his very last utterance after 30 years I think they were only being fair to go along with it.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Penny S.
Date: 07 Jan 11 - 04:44 AM

Peter, you beat me to it. Anyone know where I can get a copy of Hancock? I have posted on the Archers site that that is what I am going to listen to instead.

Penny

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 07 Jan 11 - 04:25 AM

When Nigel did his bungie jump, he did not scream.
He shouted "I love you Lizzie" or similar.
He should never have been made to scream like that.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 07 Jan 11 - 04:20 AM

"The ghastly Jude has hopefully vanished into obscurity, but what has happened to Jonathan?"

Well I, for one, wouldn't eat Tom's sausages.

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 06 Jan 11 - 06:03 PM

No, AAEFK, Jack Woolley's dog Captain

Kitty

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST,Big Norman Voice
Date: 06 Jan 11 - 06:00 PM

Do you mean Mrs Dale's cat, Captain?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 06 Jan 11 - 05:23 PM

Topsie - Captain lived a long and happy life, and thankfully died before his owner became too demented to look after him.

Leveller - you haven't specified which boyfriend. The ghastly Jude has hopefully vanished into obscurity, but what has happened to Jonathan?

Steve Shaw - it's a bit late to be traducing one of the Yetties.

Kitty

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 06 Jan 11 - 01:52 PM

And what about poor old Captain?

Subject: RE: The Archers in Ambridge tonight.
From: theleveller
Date: 06 Jan 11 - 10:39 AM

And what REALLY happened to Pip's boyfriend?