Mudcat Tavern -Round 9

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 08 Sep 99 - 09:17 AM

this thread is getting long...... time to warp to...

(fanfare of trumpets)

Mudcat Tavern - Round 10

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 08 Sep 99 - 09:07 AM

Have a great time Roger.... no doubt we'll all still be here when you get back.........

Jon A , thanks I'll join you for an orange juice.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 08 Sep 99 - 08:33 AM

Well, by the time I get back from Greece, the old tavern will probably have moved a couple of times so I'll have to get the staff at the NY Center to redirect me, perhaps it'll turn into a taverna.
Last chance for a virtual Metaxas, this time tomorrow, earthquakes and flight delays permitting, I'll be trying the real thing. [In Ormos Marathakambos on Samos if you want to avoid it!]
After a fortnight in Greece, I come back speaking Greek like a native (a native of Birmingham, unfortunately).
If you are going to have a swamp I better remind myself to wear my Wellington boots (you call them "rubbers" in Uncle Sam's fair land, don't you? Strange, what we call rubbers in the old country wouldn't go over my feet, even if sensitile lubricated).
It'll be nearer three weeks before I drop in again, allowing for catching up at work. I'll have dropped the "zimmer" alias and try to think up something more appropriate.
I'm taking a collected Carl Hiassen (3 novels) to read, a pity PeteT & LEJ & co haven't published their private eye epic, it's shaping to be even better!
Stin Y Yassas
Roger (zimmer no more)
"Lazybones, sleeping in the sun"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Susan A-R
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 11:23 PM

Keep on walkin' forward Mick. But get outa that thong will ya??

You'll get there, I'm sure.

Oh, and Peter, here's your sad-o-metric. I cleaned it up as best I could but, well, you may want to be careful where you turn it on. seems to be stuck. . .

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Dave Swan
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 09:29 PM

Damn, Mick. Sorry to hear this one didn't go the right way. Here's to those who perservere. E.S.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Big Mick
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 09:23 PM

Yep, we lost this one. The laws in the United States are so weighted against the workers right to organize that it is very hard to win the first time out. You only have about a 30% chance of winning. This is because they can use paid union busters, captive audience meetings and don't have to provide you a list of employees until two weeks out from the election. So you are left with trying to surmise who works there, then figuring out first and last name, then deducing where they live, etc. But we have a solid core of supporters and I prepared them to be ready to have to do this several times. By the third attempt you have a pretty good shot, but I believe we will get this one on the second go round. The employer made too many promises that they will not keep. Never do.

Beebs, get the house a round, and join me in a toast to those that perservere. Good folks, solid committee with the courage of their convictions. Slainte.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 07:33 PM

Hey, Skarp, let me get you that Icelandic blue water-( let's see... Russian Red, Irish Green...Here it is!) One large glass with some glacial ice cubes from a Greenland fjord! Enjoy!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: jon a
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 06:27 PM

That drinks on me Skarpi, thanks for your help with the christy moore lyrics, Im looking forward to more icelandic history from you, it is very interesting. Skol

Jon

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: skarpi
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 06:15 PM

Hello all, Ithink I will have one large glass of pure Icelandic blue Water, thank you. Who is the bartender?

All the best to you all. P.S I should put another thread about Iceland in about two or three days.

Bless á meðan Skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: jon a
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 06:06 PM

Good day All whoever is behind the bar I would like a large glass of orange juice please, it's too hot for alcohol round here. A large drink for alison too if she,s here, if not then put one behind the bar for her, thanks for the lyrics help Alison; I tried the database with Christy moore and "witches" but got nowhere, and the blue link was very kind of you, thanks again.

Jon

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: MMario
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 04:45 PM

My work day is over, my brain it is fried
And I'm off to the Tavern to get virtual pie-eyed
I know I'm in trouble when this helps me stay sane
But what do you expect, from a man with no brain?

If it's alcoholic, pour me a shot , no a double, no make that a bottle.....or two!

Day one of the week from hell is over. The most frightening thing is the people I am dealing with are the people teaching our young. Thank goodness that I know a few from OUTSIDE of work that help me keep faith in the educational system.

bbc - good luck this week!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: MMario
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 03:45 PM

What phase is the moon in?

Things seem to be almost as non-sensical out here as they are in RL today...
*oh, that I were a little clay possom and the worst thing in life I had to worry about was 'Spaw.*

Had a district network crash today...when I tried to walk the person through restoring the server over the phone, they told me they couldn't see the switch I was talking about because it was too dark in the room....

yup. no power. and they couldn't understand why the computers weren't running.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 02:59 PM

Perhaps if we had a "Lyric request" button that prompted the user for the sought after lyric..... I'll ask Max if he can do that. You'll have to pour me a pint of Whitbread Trophy for that though.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 02:48 PM

Have another stiff one there Allan....the simple answer to your question is "NO"......sorry

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Allan C.
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 02:39 PM

Pulleeeez! Somebody pour me something quick - either lye or whiskey whatever is strong and avaiable. I am suffering from a major struggle with surpressed anger. If you haven't already noticed, there is yet another "lyrics wanted"-type thread that is giving birth to even more requests - MANY of which are in the DT! Don't these people READ? Ah-h-h-h-h...there's the stuff. Man! That burns all the way down. Burbon and rat poison? Wonderful - just what I needed. I feel better already.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 01:23 PM

Only at Mudcat would there be a discussion regarding the accuracy of a parody.......LMAO!!!!! Personally I liked the whole thing, but I'm easy..........

The marsh outside the door from y'all's discussion on the thought of the day ain't real hot Mario.......I could see a lot of drownings. Cleigh says he likes the idea, but personally, I think the possums are too thick already. But do whatever you wish. We oughta' draw a line at Peter and his Waylon Heron performing here though.........unless we're not payin' 'em, then it'd be OK.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Barbara
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 01:00 PM

I gather they lost, Peter.

Jeri, I should probably apologise for my "Service".. your initial verses were much closer to the real thing. I kinda 'cut to the chase'. A real Robert Service poem would have at least 16 lines of build up before the kiss, and another of the same before the Irish potato got cooked... and much more atmosphere.
Actually, it still needs a confrontation between 'sPaw and Big Mick...which is where Jeri's intro leads...
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: MMario
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 12:59 PM

As it's almost time for the next incarnation of the Tavern --may I suggest that when it is relocated the side door be space-warped to open onto a nice creek, complete with a small area of bog and/or swamp, and some shade trees?

It seems like more then one of us have known the pleasures of puddling around in nature....and that would be a lot easier then converting the smoothie pit into a terrarium/aquarium.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Peter T.
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 10:37 AM

Hey, Mick, what happened with the vote, etc.?
yours, Peter T. (day after Labor Day question)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 10:05 AM

MMario, no wonder I kept falling off! You better have it back for the kids: me, I can't tell my Arras from my Elba!
Roger ("Gonna let the 2.19 cure my troubled mind")

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: MMario
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 09:22 AM

No wonder I'm getting reports that the geography class can't find it's globe. the zimmer's sitting on it!

Just slipping in for a quick coffee and one of those guava danishes...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 09:07 AM

Just sitting here quietly while the cleaning crew clean smoothie and potato and gawd knows what else off every surface (LEJ & bbc, I hope you give them a Xmas bonus), pondering on deep thoughts like: "why does a dictionary have numbered pages" and now that Samuel Beckett's work is back in vogue why hasn't Krapp's last tape come out on CD? Some blues on the juke box, no-one to complain when I sing along
I'm sittin' on top of the world
Roger

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 04:11 AM

What talent at the Tavern! Robert Service meets Ma Rainey! Can't compete. Watched part of Angel Heart last night for Brownie Mcghee: sang one number then came to a messy end. Little snatches of New Orleans jazz in the background as well. Gimme a quick one, I should be tidying the garden before going on holiday.
Roger (Diggin' my potatoes, tramplin' on my vine)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 04:08 AM

Isn't it amazing how much Blarney these Irish guys can come out with.... think they can talk their way out of any situation........ you forget Mick you're dealing with a Belfast woman who has heard it all before *grin*....

Now get against that wall...... it's time to get clean (or should that be down and dirty?? *grin*... whatever...)

I've got the end of the hose... who is in charge of turning on the water?????

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Big Mick
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 01:12 AM

Oh never fear, my FAIR ONE dear,
For surely I am not spent.
For what you think a dud, is merely a spud,
and the real thing is neither broke nor bent.
So be wild and free, and joyful with me,
And please, Ma'am, put down the griddle
For when you are done, with Mrs. Lane's son,
With no other shall you ever wish to diddle.

Damn, a fella goes away for a bit, and look what he comes back to. I am flat, laughing my everlovin' arse off..........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 01:03 AM

There are songs you may sing of a spud in a sling
neath the shimmer of Northern Lights
You may keep yer eyes peeled, and yer masher concealed
fer a glimpse of a giant in tights
But when I last saw him his tuber was thawin as he sat in a pit full o' coals
Said he "girls, spare the grater- I'm the old Master Tater
When it's cooked just line up with yer bowls!"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Sep 99 - 12:22 AM

Doug's right....I feel kinda' responsible here.......I mean with the potato in back at least he wasn't misleading the poor, fair alison....but I couldn't stand seeing that potato stuck halfway up his ass, just looked foolish....So now you all take it out on him simply because without the potato his three piece set looks more like a melting fudgcicle flanked by two jelly beans??? Give him a break.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: DougR
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 11:56 PM

Barbara: Pun? Whatever do you mean?

Alison: Threatening my friend, Big Mick, with the griddle is frightening (not to me of course but Mick must be a little nervous).

WyoWoman: I never dreamed that you might be a "Watcher." I'm sure poor old Mick will suffer enough the pangs of uneasiness with Alison hosing him off without enduring the unpleasantness of an audience. However, if the notion strikes you, who am I to chastise you? Maybe we should all gather to see Mick get his hosing off! But not too much pressure, Alison, I implore you. No bruises please.

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Barbara
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 11:56 PM

if it's ripe enough

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 11:48 PM

That bait works every time...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 11:45 PM

Although I am not one to take the obvious and exploit it or to pick up on a little verbal gaffe and use it for crude and off-color humor or indulge in any sexual humor of a demeaning nature.............sometimes circumstances force me to take the easy shot. So with apologies to all in advance, I respond to Wyowoman's last remark......

"And when she's done let's watch Big Mick hosing alison!"

EXIT--STAGE LEFT

Catspaw49 *** "Spaw"
Practitioner & Purveyor of
Forthright,Honest,and Jovial Obscenity
www.mudcat.org *** Available Most Hours

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 11:29 PM

Barbara Service, I am simply astonished. My dogs also think I'm a maniac, laughing wildly in front of the computer.

C'mon, let's all go outside and watch Alison hosing the Big Mick ...

ww

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 11:05 PM

I'll get him clean... Have we still got that hose outside in the alley? OK Mick, outside..... NOW!! I'll teach you to lie to me.... try to fool me with a spud would you???? I said outside NOW!! Don't make me get my griddle!!...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 10:57 PM

Hay......somebody better get a swab in the head real quick...seems Mick just pulled a beat up baked potato outta his fly and pissed his pants....heck of a mess in there.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 10:24 PM

LOL........ wish I could think of a reply but I'm too busy laughing... LOL

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 08:53 PM

No, you're doing great and I'm bustin' a gut here..............Go for it possum Mom, tell it like it is!!!! LMAOLMAOLLMAOLMAOLMAO

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Barbara
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 07:51 PM

"Euch!, What's this", the fair maid cried,
Wiping her hands on her vest,
"I've loosened the loins of the mightiest moins*
And I've been creamed on by the best
But this is a spud, you dud of a stud!
Not buttered, and no longer hot!
You have led me along with your wit and your song,
But now, your wad has been shot!"

Anyone want to try the last quatrain?
Blessings,
Barbara

*I dunno, but it sure sounds like R. Service, don't it?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 07:35 PM

With all these Black and Tans sloshing around, Mick's tater's not the only thing that's likely to be baked. Oh, what tha' heck. I'll have another, quickly before Koko comes back and turns the place upside down looking for her beloved Mr. Potato ... oh, never mind.

Why look -- there, at the door. That lovely selection of brightly colored feather boas I ordered has just arrived. I think 'Spaw will look smashing in the fuscia one. C'mon, fellers, let's get you all lined up for a real steamy rendition of "Fever ...."

ww

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Barbara
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 07:22 PM

aaah, No Pun Intended, right DougR?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: DougR
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 07:16 PM

Wow, Barbara! I hope Big Mick survives all that! It's sure to be hard on him, I'm sure.

bbc, glad you got things in good shape for school. I know your mind has been 0ccupied with it. I'll join you with a Black and Tan, friend, and be glad to sit with you awhile.

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: bbc
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 06:29 PM

I can't (& won't) follow that (though I applaud your collective wit & originality). I will, however, invite one & all to a round of drinks on me. I think I may just be almost ready for the start of the school year (& not a moment to spare!). I have a plan for weeks 1-5 & an overall plan for the year. Now, I just need to firm things up, but, it looks do-able. Whew, what a relief!!! Pull up a chair & let's sing something (other than that one about Mick's potato!).

bbc--greeting the new school year in New York tomorrow

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Barbara
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 06:06 PM

As she gazed around you could not hear a sound
But the dropping of possum turds
And she gave Big Mick a technicolor smile
and greeted him with sultry words;
She kissed him long, this hairy Mick in his thong --
He nearly dropped to his knees--
And sliding a hand to the front of his pants
She gave the goods a squeeze
"You're glad to see me I can tell, your favorite nel,
I've an unrefusable offer to make"
Heat rose in waves as Mighty Mick became inflamed,
And the potato, it was baked!

God! don't we have anything better to do with our time?
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Dave Swan
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 05:23 PM

There's men that somehow just grip your eyes,
And Big ol' Mick was one
And such was he, and he looked to me
Like a Mick who was on the run
With a furtive glance and Lycra pants
Or the pouch that for them stood
He mumbled a phrase that left them amazed
Saying "Koko's back in the 'hood"
I thought of tubers and volleys and jello
And Velcro and clamshell bras
I turned my head and watching him there
Was Alison, fair one, from Oz.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 10:10 AM

Apologies to Robert Service. Anyone want to play?
-----------------

A bunch of the folks were whooping it up
In the old Mudcat saloon;
The fella that handles the coffee machine
Was plunking a banjo tune;
In front of the bar in a battle of wits
Sat Catspaw 49,
And listening to him, the Mudcatters all
Hung on every line.

When out of the night, which was muggy and warm,
And into the din and the glare,
There stumbled Big Mick, all sweaty and slick,
In a thong, and hung like a bear.
He looked like a man with a wedgie from hell,
His face scrunched in discomfort profound,
Yet he threw a large wad of cash on the bar,
And he called for drinks all 'round.
There was none could believe the size we perceived,
And of falsehood we looked for a sign;
But we drank his health, and the last to drink
Was Catspaw49.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 05:23 AM

Still as fumble fingered as ever. Before Word Processors, colleagues said my typing was nearly as difficult to read as my handwriting!
BTW, a group of high school girls had their noses pressed up against the Tavern window when Big Mick was parading his potato.
I asked them what they thought , they said, "Thong heaven , for little girls"
Roger
"My face is cherry red"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 06 Sep 99 - 04:24 AM

Glad to see things finally calmed down in here over the weekend. Was that what they call Thong Thircle Etiquette?
We were musing in the Neil Young Center over the weekend (OK, I was musing) about the absurd narrow categories the young give to their music: "handbag", "Garage", "house". How to categorise my music? "Briefcase garden shed" perhaps.
The rest of the ward said they thought I sang protest songs: I sang, they protested!
The regulars have used up all my possible thong puns, I must be slipping (it's the smoothie on the floor!).
So I'll just sit here, sipping a Metaxas till the fun starts again.BTW, SheWMBO says we must lose weight when we get back from holiday. She suggests it is the drinks & crisps before dinner during the week that is the problem.
Shame, but we'll just have to give up the crisps (potato chips I believe you colonial chappies call them).
Roger (Built for comfort, I'm not built for speed)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 09:03 PM

Okay pard, and I know whatcha mean 'bout them Texas folk.......Tell ya' what, you hide behind the bar and if they ask who I am, I'll tell 'em I'm a direct descendant of Sam Houston.....then if gargoyle shows up, I'll tell them that he's you......might work............

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 08:11 PM

Hey Catspaw, I'm afraid I really pissed off the Texans over in the GRITS thread by accusing them of not being true Southerners. They can take a joke right? Maybe? Anyhow, here's your buddy Jack, and I'll be hiding behind the bar. Lemme know if any of them Texans come in.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 04:34 PM

Mick's passing out taters over there in the corner Leej.....if you're going to wear sweats, grab one of them big Idaho bakers...and remember it goes in front. And watch you don't get one of those first one's Mick used.........and gimme' a Jack Frost Leej........Say,picked up a nice piece of stoneware from your old stompin' grounds a few weeks back......Karen kinda' collects one of their patterns...........think I'll grab a table....

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 03:34 PM

LEJ struggles to remove thong which he has mistakenly put on backwards, finally emerging from it with a loud POP, then checks to make sure he hasn't lost anything else in the process Goddam, give me a shot of bourbon and a pair of sweatpants quick!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 10:26 AM

Ah, 'Spaw.....I haven't held a brand new kitten in years! Thanks to you and Mikey! And, thanks, Barbara....panthers have always been my favs of the big cats, guess that is why I've always had a black cat.

Pooge & Scrounger? What great names! Thanks everyone, I am much better this morning. How about a cup of hot chocolate...it's pretty chilly...feels like the mountains!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: bbc
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 09:12 AM

First door on the left, crooner. Just look out for 'possums. And check the paper. I don't know *what* they use it for!

bbc

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Barbara
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 01:19 AM

Hi crew, how is everyone?
Here Kat, try this porch panther cub, and a big hug. Tears aren't bad, and it cleans out your sinuses to have a cry every now and then.

I see there's still smoothie tracks on the floor... whose theime thong is that? Anyone seen crooner? I promised to set him up for a drink, so give him a pint of the vile black stuff, and see if it's to his liking. And if he can't keep his hands out of his pockets, what with all this thong wrestling going on, show him where to wash his hands afterwards....
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 01:01 AM

How about a little kitten instead Kat? I agree we can sing one for Mario, but as I'm sitting here, Michael is STILL up (Daddy's boy alright) and holding a 3 day old kitten.....looks like your Trys, my Scrounger...and indeed Scrounger is the "Daddy" and Pooge (Mom), a calico is in 7th heaven. She's the best "Mommycat" I've ever seen. Only has one kitten at a time .. kinda' odd...and she is just fantastic. His eyes are still closed and he is a quiet and cuddly type little guy. Very trusting, very calm and you can tell already he's gonna' be a lap type. So just "see" Mikey holding this new little fella' and reach through the computer screen and let those tiny little claws tickle your hand. I'll put him back with Pooge when you're both done. My Tris is under the weather and I'm going to go check on he and Karen...maybe stretch out a bit with the two of them; it's been a long day. Mikey will come get me when you're done.

G'nite Katmyluv.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 12:15 AM

Ewwwww, wadded up? You're sure it isn't used?!! well, okay, t'anks, gyrlfriend. I just get so worked up over the critters ya know; they're all right there in ma heart. Makes it hard to hear about their passing.

Ah, I keep coming back ta the warm tea. Tastes pretty good that. Funny something so damp should work so well as a damper of tears, but there ya go, I just can't go on sobbing with a warm cuppa in m'hands.

Now, about that song for the auld horse.....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 12:07 AM

Ah, glory, Kat. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be unfeeling. Here. Here's me wadded up hankie -- not too dirty, just a bit wrinkled. Let me get you a dip from the smoothie pit... Oh, yeah, you're right. You don't know WHO's been in that thing by this point. I'll just go see if Beebs has a spot of tea for you.

MMario, I'm sorry to hear about the horses. How did that happen...?

ww

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 11:59 PM

You guys cut that out fer a minute, wilya?? Let's have a song for the auld horse. That is so sad; I hate it when a pet/member dies. I've got an auld lady cat...she was 17 in June, who just keeps hanging on but I know one of these days....ah, hell, I need to drown my sorrow, somebody mix me up something STRONG, pulleezze. Sorry about the horse; that really hits home as my daughter's auld mare, who is something like 37, is having a rough go of it right now, too.

Wait, don't leave me here all alone! I know I am a wet blanket...just let me get a couple of these down and I'll, I'll.....breath catches in throat, small sob escapes, true banshee wailing ensues ....just let me sit over here in the corner, mayhap the resident barcat could come sit on m'lap, purr a bit o'love fer me?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: DougR
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 11:48 PM

WyoWoman, just be grateful he's using the possom!

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 11:39 PM

"With a thong in my parts
And a mammary oh, so divine ....

For the record, I personally have never worn a thong and don't intend to wear one. 'Spaw started this, I was just reporting the news, not creating it. However, I DO wonder how so many people say wearing a thong is like flossing your heinie. I mean, WHO would FLOSS their heinies?

I'll have another black and tan, please and a nip of Jameson's on the side. No...'SPAW ... NO... I did NOT say to nip me on the side.... Kat! Mick! Make him stop. He's poking me with that possum!!!!

ww

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: bbc
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 10:04 PM

Now I'm worried about myself. I can tell that was MMario, just from context. Sorry about the bad day. Coffee or something stronger?

bbc

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From:
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 09:24 PM

having found my seat I am going to don and continue wearing these totally opaque glasses....somehow i think that is going to make my evening more enjoyable...I can imagine the ladies and don't have to even contemplate the...

Wonderful day today, one of our horses died, two school districts networks crashed, internet access was down at the office most of the day, and TWO superintendents plus a chaiman of the board managed to totally crash their computers. dead.

And people wonder why I spend so much time on the 'Cat and at Ren-faire?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 06:58 PM

Weird? What are you saying? ......nyick,nyick,nyick...SNAKES.....I mean really Seed, whaddaya' talkin' about?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: --seed
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 06:39 PM

I got hurt in the fracas once. It really messed me up--I had to have a fracas transplant--oh, the hell with it. Being stuck in Terra in Cognito, I can never get here in time to post in time for anybody to know what the potato I'm talking about....thongs for the mammaries, indeed. "Just a thong at twilight..." and "What have they done to my thong?" and perhaps "Thing a thong of thixpenth..." or "There's a thong in my heart." Patsclaw, you're really getting weird...uh, oh. I take that back. I just saw Big Mick. Somebody, quick! I need my medication, NOW! --seed

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: bbc
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 06:19 PM

You guys are so bad! I go away for half the day (working my rear off!) & when I come back, you're still at it. Oh, well, drinks all around. I'll have white wine w/ an iced tea chaser (It's pretty warm in NY again)& join you. Doug, as you probably noticed, the thongs are optional, whichever direction you choose to understand that in. They flatter few, methinks. This trip to school, I dragged my younger son. We had a very productive time & now, I think I can almost face starting back on Tuesday. All I have to do over the long weekend is plan my entire year's program & figure out the lessons for the 1st couple of weeks. Piece of cake!

bbc

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: athlete's foot
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 05:53 PM

I thought thongs were what you wore on your feet...what decade is this? What is a thong? Something to floss your ass with, well I never...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 05:16 PM

ATTACK!!!! KILL!!!! KILL!!!!! C'MON GUYS...ATTACK BILL>>>>>......uh, cmon Attack,uh............Yeah.....Look, why an I the only one who gets the crap thrown at him........I was just trying to be nice to Jeri with that clam-shell bikini and what di I get...PAIN!!!.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 02:54 PM

GAWD Bill D. You've really been saving that one up. When did you ever think you were going to get to use it???

Only on Mudcat Eh!

Bert.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 02:27 PM

......so, what you ladies need to do is take TWO of those thongs and tie 'em together...with a little creative adjustment, they could be used as the TOP half of a costume.....and those of us who wait YEARS to use a pun could serenade you with that old classic....

ready?......

"Thongs for the Mammaries"

*ducking bottles as I head for a back booth with a mug of IPA*

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Dave Swan
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 02:03 PM

Thongs huh? Lemme run out to the car and grab my gen-you-wine armadillo sporran, I don't often get a chance to wear it. Since you've got the Guinness tap open beebs, may I just lie under it for a while? I'm whipped. Oh, and maybe you should take the baked potatoes off the menu for a while. E.S.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 01:56 PM

It wasn't the damn thong that was so bad, but(t) that potato screw up was enough to gag a maggot......I mean it looked like he was blowin' a load fer chrissakes.............Now that's gotta' have an effect on you!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 01:44 PM

Some friends and I in The Mudcat Pub
Were wrestling in the fruit one night,br> When into the room old Catspaw came,
His face all chalky white
"What's up?" says Bert, "Have you seen a ghost?"
"Something seems quite wrong"
"Oh a ghost would be quite tame" says he,
"I've seen Big Mick in a thong"

I could keep going, but I won't...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: MMario
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 12:57 PM

At the end of the day I like a little drink
to raise up me voice and sing
An hour or two with a fine brown brew and I'm ready for anything!
At the MudCat Tavern there were smoothies in the pit

naa.....won't work....

Oh well, I'll just have a super deluxe cashew-mocha-caffiene-jolt-fudge-chocolate-coffee frappe...and then I think I'll login to ....

THERE'S NO COMPUTER IN HERE! AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!! What kind of sadistic person would take away my access to the 'Cat!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: DougR
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 12:51 PM

I'll have another myself, bbc, my dear! Always glad to share a pint with friends. No thongs for me though. Wouldn't want to face the lawsuits from those survivors whose mates or significant others passed on from giggling.

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 10:32 AM

I thought Art was the one who needed the potato so's he could count to 23!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 10:28 AM

Bert just remember to put the potato in front! By the time I mentioned the problem to Mick last night, the potato was half baked..........not to mention Big Mick!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 10:14 AM

If you play volleyball in a thong it'll "warm the cockles of your ass"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 10:11 AM

Pour the same for me please bbc luv.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Den
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 10:04 AM

To hell with these damn thongs...feels like I'm flossing me arse. I'm up to the bar, where's me trousers? A parish priest (pint of Guinness) there bbc. I'm dying with the druth. Ahhhhh! the first to day.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 09:55 AM

Sorry to hear they hit you in the fracas 'Spaw me ol' matey cock. Sounds painfull.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 09:53 AM

Confidence is my middle name Beebs!!! Of course my first name is NevergivemeanystuffIcanuseforajoke. And Jeri hit the nail on the head when she suggested that all it took to "Wind Up Catspaw" was posting a message.............Now how about a cup of coffee?........Any iodine around here?........No, not for the coffee...geez.......I need a little for all these cuts I got here last night, and the coffee could use a little Bacardi's in it to dull the pain........Man I'm bruised up like a sumbitch from that fracas........No sense of humor here at all last nite!!!!........Thanks......AAAHHHHH, tastes great, much better...........Ya' know Beebs, I was wonderin' if David (THWUMP)..OW,DAMN....Geez Beebs what'd ya do that for? I was just gonna' ask what David (FWAP!)..OUCH......What's the problem here? I just wanted to know if David (CLONK)..Ow...Geez, OK...I get it...Okay I won't bring up anything about David (WHAP)..CUT IT OUT BEEBS!!!....Look can I get some more iodine here now, maybe a raw steak.........I gotta' quit comin' in this joint........

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 09:49 AM

That's enough volleyball lets all "Thing a thong"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: bbc
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 09:22 AM

What a group. Once upon a time, I tried to maintain some semblance of order around here. Looks like past tense now. Just a few comments (& a glass of water for kat)--Jeri, to keep things friendly as home, I need to say that, though David may snap the photos, he has *not* been the one to distribute them. All the guilt for that rests on me. Forgive me, if you can, for your new nickname, & catspaw, Shame on you! Haven't you ever heard of things being done in confidence? No, I didn't think so. That's it--no more photos sent to you on the sly! Everybody else, however, just send me your email address & $5--whoa, what am I thinking!!!!! Forget that! Back to schoolwork. Maybe I can stop in later.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 09:00 AM

HAHAHA...Mick... what do you look like?????? LOL

Not fussed on thongs myself.... and anyway I'm so covered in fruit sludge from the smoothie pit no one will notice if I don't bother...... who are our opponents anyway????

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 04:24 AM

.. maybe my typing will benefit from a holiday as well: add 'b' = parambulatory and change 'w' to 'e' = volleyball. Are my fingers getting thicker or keyboards shrinking?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 04:19 AM

It's been a quiet day at Lake... er... I ,ean at the Neil Young Center but the Doctor says calling myself "zimmer" might offend anyone who is paramulatory-challenged. I think when I come back from my 2-week therapy in Greece I may metamorphose into "the skiffler",unless too much 3-star makes me legless.
I'm sorry I 'm not wearing a thong. I tried it once and I got this rash. I stopped wearing them but the rash persisted. My doctor said:
"Though the thong has ended the malady lingers on".
Thick ugly Brummie exits pusued by well-aimed vollwyballs.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: jon a
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 03:20 AM

A small thought Katlaughing, "Those who can keep their heads while all those around them are loseing theirs, do not understand the seriousness of the situation!

Who insisted on these thongs? I mean, if there must be a dress code please could we make it something that dosn't cut the larger among us nearly in half? also can anyone explain why, when it comes to ladies swimware and underware, the less fabric they contain - the more money they cost?

Well if I can make it to the Bar I will take a large rum please, now about this smoothie pool and all these scantily clad and naked women...........

Jon

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 01:17 AM

The Zen of 'Spaw: we do not exist? Or, he does not exist and is a collective figment of our imaginative universes? Tune in next time to the Twilight Tavern Zone for answers to these and other puzzling questions of a galaxy near you or not. Only the Boubaah knows!

Sinking down to the Lotus position amidst the froofie and delicious muck of smoothies, umf...kiwi is a little slick to step on! There...all settled..now I shall demonstrate the meditative Mudcat Pose aka keeping yer head outta yer ass when all those around you are losing theirs! Heads, 'Spaw, heads!

Oooommmmmmmmm.....deep breath filling solar plexus region Oooommmmm, ummmm, darn, couldja all tune those instruments with my oms, puleeze!?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 12:42 AM

Hey group......How goes it tonight? I need one tonight...Just got back from the Sweet Corn Festival..Need to post something about that on the regional humor thread.............So WW, don't be so PO'ed about that minor rule change...Ya gotta' admit that'd accent the "Y" in WyoWoman....(bonk) ...Hey you didn't have to hit me with the freakin' ball WW...GEEZ......Hell no, I ain't playin'...........but I see alison is, see quite a bit too...(pwing) ..OUCH ......Damn that hurt al....... .....and Jeri, got some special costuming things for you here for the volleyball court....Pretty Cool huh?.....Yeah, it's a 2 piece thong bikini made of clamshells and seaweed.....Here you go, put that sucker on and yo.........OUCH..GAWDDAM...OUCH ......HEYHEYHEY.......ENOUGH ALREADY !!! I SAID STOP IT!!! JESUS JERI........ IT'S A JOKE....OUCH..STOP IT!!!.... Alright , I'm sorry ferchrisakes......just a joke....I'll be over here.....Cool off....I'm going to the other side of the joint.........geez, whadda' grouch..........CLAMFOOT!!!...(thwangthk) OW!!.......damn if she ain't got an arm too.........Hey Mick my man, I see you're ready to .......uh.......yeah...... hooboy.......Uh, Mick....we need to talk.........See, uh, putting a potato in the thong can be real enticing to the girls, but uh,....look, uh,......Oy.......well, like, uh, the potato goes in the FRONT man.....Yeah, really...........I mean, well, wearin' that thong and all it looks like you're takin' a shit and have one caught crosswise.........Hey, don't get pissed and put that potato down!!!..... Like I KNOW where it's BEEN and (THWUMP).........you gotta' nice arm too Mick......................Damn if this ain't goin' downhill around here..............Oh HI KAT......Great to see you. Say, what about you and I form a team? I mean we may have some physical drawbacks but I figure we could win if you'd just meditate up some of that weird, hoodoo,voodoo, power zen stuff you dig and we coul(SLAP!)..OW!!!! What the hell is it here tonight........................GOTTA'GO NOW GUYS...See ya later.........(thwump!splat!wham!bonk!splurp!)...DAMN GUYS....OK, I'm SORRY!!! GOT IT? S-O-R-R-Y, SORRY!!!............whadda bunch................

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: paddymac
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 12:30 AM

All this talk about them t'ong t'ings and learning how to avoid wedgies in childhood reminds me of the story of the of the young lad in church. He happened to be seated behind a rather large woman who had a problem with her skirt getting all caught up in her ample posterior cleavege. Being a perfect gentleman, the wee lad reached forward and gave her hemline a wee tug to free the skirt from its place of bondage. The lady, misinterpreting the lad's action, whirled around (amazingly deftly considering the tonnage in motion) and slapped the dear boy on his rosy little cheek. The lad was understandabley crest-fallen at such a savage response to his entirely well-intended good deed. Not wishing to think poorly of the woman, the lad reasoned that her response indicated that she preferred to have her dress pressed within her ample folds. Thus, determined to do his good deed for the day, he promptly clutched the offending fabric and returned it to its former position. Being a bright lad, he ducked before that great mass could once again be set in motion. The woman, having no cheek to stop her slap, spun round, lost her balance and fell into the gentleman next to her, setting off a spectacular domino effect, etc.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:36 PM

*Loud guffaw* while half my drink goes up m'nose after reading Jeri's post! Sheesh, somebody pound me on the back, willya?

A glass of water, bbc, please? All together is fine, too, bbc, I can't stand thongs either. It's either comfy cotton or the all-not-together for me!

Bustiers & studded collars, indeed. I'll tell you where the leather collars can go, if'n they're sma' enow!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:19 PM

Oh, I'll sing of a thong and a very pretty one And I call it creeping...

Somebody keep an eye on the door - if David gets in here with that camera, we'll be on the front page of tabloids all over the world. Jeez, nest thing you know, somebody will want us to play pool wearing leather bustiers and studded dog collars. ("Submit, three-ball, obey me!!!")

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: bbc
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:07 PM

Hey, the Tavern's back! I didn't feel too comfortable in the Pub--thought I should be British or something. I really shouldn't be here. I still have too much work to do before school starts on Tuesday, but I heard Doug calling from a distance & had to answer. Black & Tan, was it, my dear? For you, anytime, anywhere. The way I'm feeling, maybe I'll just join you for a sip. Ah, good to sit down! BTW, I don't *do* thongs. I'd be more comfortable in the all-together than partly clothed, thank you very much! Each to his/her own. Any music in here?

love you all,

bbc

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 10:52 PM

WW, yes! Add a little colour to their, ummm, *cheeks*! I dunno, last time I played volleyball, I was barefoot, playing in the Rockies in a sandpit. Turned my foot, tore all the soft tissue in my heel and hobbled for about a year after. Would the smoothie make it better do ya think?

Still with the black stuff of vileness, eh, Mick?? Well, at least the men are good sports and we have equal opportunity *thongs*.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 10:30 PM

You spend your entire childhood learning to keep your panties out of your behind and now it's considered fashion. What is this world ... WHAT? Rick, Roger and MMario ALL want to join us in the smoothie pit? Well... just remember, it IS an equal thong opportunity pit...

Kat, I"m thinking some more strawberries would enhance this color scheme, don't you think? The green is a bit, mmm, unhealthy looking on all this thong-bedecked flesh...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Big Mick
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 10:07 PM

The door flies open and the biggest damn Mick you have ever seen wearing a thong comes strolling up to the bar............Damn, I hate these things. Feels like you have a permanent wedgie........and doesn't a man my size look dumb as hell in it..........What????.......Yes, FAIR ONE I have been told I have nice buns before but I am used to them being under jeans......and by the way, mind if we jump in the smoothie pit....you know I have dreams of ........well the bounds of decency prevent me from going further...........One word out of you, 'Spaw, about this feckin' thong and you will come a helluva lot *%&^&$#^^%&&^* closer than you did earlier in the year......same for you Swanno and Fielding,......What????........Yeah, the election is tomorrow, the die is cast and we have a very good chance of winning the election. I thought I would stop for a jar or 12 of the vile black stuff, before turning in for the night. The unit is about a hundred folks or so in Coloma, Michigan. I will let you know...........Alright ladies, THE FAIR ONE and I are taking on all comers in thong volleyball. Big Mick's rules.........full contact. hahahahahahahahahaha

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 10:04 PM

I used to play volleyball all summer long. There was an older man who also was addicted. He'd start telling jokes right before the serve, and the opposite team would be laughing so hard they couldn't hit the ball, Of course, if someone got lucky and lobbed it back, his team were also paralyzed with paroxysms of laughter.

This thong thing could have the same effect.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: WyoWoman
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 09:47 PM

Wait, wait. I'm reading the rules up here on the wall. WHO says those wishing to play indoor beach volleyball have to wear thong bikinis?

'Spaw, have you been monkeying with the rules again?

ww

wait, wait. does that mean MEN, too. Let's consider this...

Subject: Mudcat Tavern -Round 9
From: alison
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 09:36 PM

Well the sand is soft, the court is relatively flat apart from that possum shaped lump at the far end, and we'll fix that as soon as Big Mick lands on it.......... anyone got a team lined up yet for the Mudcat Indoor Beach Volleyball Championships?????