BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM

U-Haul, box full of cat and all showed... The last two days have been complete chaos... Right now, their stuff is everywhere, they are still out moving boxes into the attic room over the garage, the grand-youngin's are here, the daughter-in-law has to start her new job tomorrow morning and I'm hiding in my man-cave/office...

The silver lining is that the daughter-in-law has pudder skills so we're going to get some help there...

Now, lemme see if I can get to my beer box without getting drafted to move some else heavy...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 05:24 PM

I'll camp out next to the mailbox...

Okay, just got a call from the U-Haulers and they are now about 60 miles away...

Let the fun begin...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:03 PM

its in the mail ... my brother

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 10:09 AM

Send me some weed, ol'ster...

I'm out...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: olddude
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:57 AM

Hey Bobster
here is a line from a song I am working on

"I got no worries, I got no cares, I got no troubled mind
the blues don't mean a thing to me
I stay stoned out, all the time"

good advice?

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:47 AM

Well, the kids got a late start... They live in a building with a freight elevator which was supposed to be available to them but someone messed up and had to move all their stuff in the people elevator... Set them back 6 hours...

Like I said... It's going to be interesting...

Think I'll just get drunk... lol...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:08 AM

Bobz, we'll still be here to pick up the pieces!

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:01 PM

"legal", Sandra??? What's that word mean??? lol...

But what if it does kill me, Jen??? lol...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:42 PM

Bobert, that which doesn't kill you can make you stronger.....we're all here for you, you know.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:39 PM

if you can't find any moonshine, you might need a glass of something legal!

won't be the same, but ...

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 04:32 PM

I donno... I mean, the poor ol' gal don't even weigh 110 pounds... Maybe she's anorexic??? We'll find out soon enough... Gol danged... Steppie Son know the gal for couple years, marries here last week... Ain't the warranty on brides 12 months or, ummmmmm??? I mean, the boy couldn't have used up that much "ummmm," in week, could he??? Well, if he did then maybe that why she fainted???

Like I say, "I donno???"

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 04:17 PM

It's like that in the UK too but the quacks have a bit of discretion. Makes sense - if you blacked out doing (really ossifer I had no idea) you have on US norms nearly 2 tons of metal going like a bullet and no pilot on board...

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 03:54 PM

I haven't yet found any 'shine in these parts... Can't even find no weed... Yeah, I know: "That sucks!!!" Yes it does...

So the new d-i-l (daughter in law) fainted 3 days ago down in Florida and fell and hit her head and just go9 out of the hospital yesterday and step-son says that NC law says that you can't drive if you have had a seizure in the last 6 months??? Not that she had a seizure but they don't know but the job she has lined up us 45 minute drive (one way)???

This could get complicated???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 01:51 PM

Olddude just wants to keep everybody happy.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: olddude
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 12:26 PM

One word Bob
"Moonshine"

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 12:17 PM

Good luck darlin'. I'm sure it will be fine.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:14 AM

I am sure it is going to be alright.

GOOD LUCK!!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:06 AM

Yikes!!!

They'll be here tomorrow... But wait... There's more... The step-son's daughter wants to be here, too??? Hmmmmmm??? Going to go from empty to bustin' at the seams...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:05 AM

hug from me, too

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Crowhugger
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:13 PM

«T-2 days...»

LOL! and a hug. You'll survive :-).

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:07 PM

The "wash" has me concerned...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Janie
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:01 PM

What Ebbie said.

Happy Christmas, Beaubear. It will all be fine...(or at least, come out in the wash....)

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:33 PM

Ebbie!!!

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:31 PM

Chin up, friend. It will be all right. Or it won't. Either way you will all learn a lot.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 10:18 PM

T - 2 days...

What the hell have I done???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 08:57 AM

Well, as fir shaggin'??? Shag away... Might of fact I have an official shaggin' wagon (Spartan trailer) and they can walk back to it any time they want... Can get nude back there, and all...

(That's part of the shaggin', Boberdz..)

I know that!!!

Neither play geetar so I ain't worried about DADGAD....

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 08:02 AM

You may want, if it is practical, to have a separate phone line for them and for their separate computer with a different ISP from yours - in case they are bittorrent freakz.

And you may also want rules about putting your guitar into non-standard tunings (or out) - a friend arrived here the other day and started to put my DADGAD guitar into standard until I yelled. FFS I've got 18 guitars!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 04:26 AM

Mobody seems to have mentioned about shagging. If they are newly married, do you want to hear them banging away all night, Do you want them walking around half naked when you are around.

You definately need to set ground rules about issues like that IMHO. No good shying away from that subject or you will rue the day.

However, you may not be bothered about that issue, in which case ignore my comments.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 03:18 AM

Welcome to Sidewalk Bob's Honeymoon Hotel.

Just kiiddin' Bobert. Hope it works out OK.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 09:05 PM

Too late... Plus, even if I could, I wouldn't... It's the right thing to do... At least for now, that is... Check back in 4 months...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: michaelr
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 08:51 PM

Just say no.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 07:42 PM

Well, well, well....

Looks as if the nest fillin' is just 12 days away... Yup, step-son and his new bride (4 days ago) will be here and let the fun begin...

What have I done???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Noreen
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 04:54 PM

Ha ha- interesting difference between the male and female approach...

I would definitely say sit down and discuss first in a 'family meeting' but experience has been that males fear that could make things worse- as gnu says- 'looking for trouble'.

Nice relaxed chatting about issues before they move in should help everyone, I'd say- they'll have things they won't be sure about, too.

Good luck!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Nov 11 - 09:41 AM

Important suggestion... make 'em bring & use their OWN computer!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 10:32 PM

Yep, That's what I was saying......

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 07:44 PM

Well, gn-ze... That's kinda what JtS said...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: gnu
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 07:41 PM

Nahhhh... don't say shit. Just play it by ear. Yer all adults. Wait and see how it works out. If you are unsatisfied with anything, THAT'S the time you have a man-to-man with the lad. If that don't work out to YOUR satisfaction, you have a heart-to-heart with the wife and she will kick his ass if required... or yours. And, whether you talk to him or her first is a call YOU gotta make... tough call. Be careful in your choice.

Since he's HER lad, you don't say shit until ya gotta. If you take the initiative on this one YER lookin fer trouble. Deal with trouble IF it arises... don't CAUSE trouble iffin ya don't need ta eh? Seriously... tha less ya say, tha better. If things work out perfect, yer golden. If things start ta go south, ya deal with it on a timely basis. Just don't go lookin fer trouble up front... ya might find it when ya didn't hafta find it.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 06:59 PM

CH, excellent advice!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Crowhugger
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 05:24 PM

LOL, JtS.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 05:05 PM

I think a combination of what Crowhugger and JtS have suggested is the correct path... Fortunately, they will be here for a couple days the firs week of December with the actual move at the end of the month...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 04:52 PM

Jest set on yer poarch a-cleanin yer mistletoe gun. They'll get the message.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Crowhugger
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 04:15 PM

Well Bobert, sometimes you don't ask the easy questions, do you, lol. There's already a lot of good advice here, but here's my 2 cents anyhow. Of course you can only take whatever suggestions fit the personalities, situation and relationships. Good decisions about complex issues made among 4 adults with history (baggage?) rarely happen effortlessly. Good luck!

Someone mentioned P-vine's "...side of the family..." -- is this your step-kid? If so, on top of the boomerang issues are those of step-family--who is the boss of whom (adult kids can be quite young in their outlook in a blended family), mixed loyalties etc.

Regardless of that aspect, the first agreement I hope you'll make is between "you-two" rather than tacitly presuming anything. So, once you-two are talking, aim to agree on what are the must-haves and like-to-haves in terms of privacy, money, chores, parking. Talk about how you will deal with the sunset (no, not the end of day sky, the end of live-in arrangement) or more to the point, lack of sunset on this live-in arrangement. What happens if their move-out plans are delayed or fail entirely (can't get any affordable apt. when the time comes, lose current job) etc. You-two want to agree on time limits, or realize together that they-two can live with you forever if it comes down to that. Something to ask yourselves if you dare: Say you-two positively want this to sunset by X date, would you-two actually change the locks? Riiiiiiight...unthinkable to some, painful for those who do need to consider it a possible evenutality.

Unless you've all lived together very recently and problem-free, please don't wait till the morning after to plan the details of the arrangement or avoid any agreement at all. Perhaps do lunch someplace neutral, soon, (PB&J sandwiches at the mall is dandy if that's the budget) and get the discussion started. They-two will be making a big adjustment, too, to their privacy & pride at the least, so time to mentally & emotionally adjust to your terms is a gracious and loving thing to give them. In a way there is a parallel to grieving while someone is alive vs losing them unexpectedly--some of the mental preparations can be started before having to live the change.

Before the 1st chat, you-two probably want to decide if you'll have a tough opening position (like starting off treating everything on both lists as must-have) or at least realize if you'll likely have a last-minute urge to make everything up to and including your own bed negotiable.

Who knows, maybe they-two will want to agree to ALL your terms. But if they do right away, maybe back up a step, get them to go sleep on it first because it means they probably haven't thought things through very well. Do cheap lunch again soon & to talk about whether they truly believe your terms will work for them.

If, during discussions, something from either of you-two's list is about to be struck off, it's okay to say "We need to sleep on it". Then you'd re-work your lists and take you-two time to sleep on the revision. Or decide ahead of time which like-to-haves you're happy to sacrifice without further discussion, and at what price. Things can derail when one gives away the livingroom and the heated garage for a beer while the other thinks they're worth a whole brewery.

If this is a step child, the biggest risk if you skip or delay agreeing to terms: If you don't talk now and things drive you crazy later, the tension can become unbearable and she can end up feeling she has to choose. Ounce of prevention...

Where I got these notions:
...family gossip from when my husbands bro & wife moved into his parents' place.
...I have step-family.
...I moved (with dog, without spouse) into my mother's small home for 3 months one winter to keep her wood stove stoked and help with meals while she recovered from chemo. Not quite the same but some of the issues were.

Aim to come out of it with plenty of stories to tell! That thought has helped me keep perpective more than once :-).

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 03:29 PM

Well, I scrub pots as long as the food is tasty.


Y'all will be fine!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 01:16 PM

Well, I scrub pots as long as the food is tasty...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Midchuck
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 12:06 PM

Be aware, too, that professional cooks don't do dishes or scrub pots at the restaurant. That's someone else's job. The attitude can carry over at home (been there, got stuck doing LOTS of dishes.)

Now you made me miss my little girl...Snifff!

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bettynh
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 11:55 AM

Be aware, too, that professional cooks don't do dishes or scrub pots at the restaurant. That's someone else's job. The attitude can carry over at home (been there, got stuck doing LOTS of dishes.)

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: fretless
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 09:36 AM

Doesn't look like anyone above has used the term boomerang, but that's the vocabulary. Get used to it.

Suggestions above are all good. Written formalities help to avoid confusions and confrontations.

Biggest challenge in these situaitons is getting past the historical roles of parent/child and shifting to four adults all sharing a property, with only occasional reversions, as appropraite, into parent-child modes.

The good news is that when this works it is a wonderful opportunity for building an adult-to-adult relationship with your child and his partner.

And remember, too, that this will create potential issues with the other two sons and their families, who are not part of the new domestic intimacy.

Good luck! And enjoy your son's cooking.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 09:18 AM

All good suggestions... The son is a "chef" and will more than likely end up working weird hours... His lady is much, much younger than him and is a waitress...

Being a chef he has already said he would take over some of the cooking... He has also said that he will pay toward the utilities...

Food, I am assuming (bad to assume), is something that I hope they understand is an area where they need to contribute their fair share...

Yes, I like the ideas of having a little business meeting maybe the day after they arrive and have the move behind them...

Good ideas & as per usual, thanks...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 08:56 AM

Discuss with your wife some ground rules that need to be set in place in advance before you discuss them with her son and his lady so that you are both singing from the same hymn sheet as it were. I am as guilty as many mums reverting back to being 'mommy' again especially where sons are concerned.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 08:51 AM

Separate fridges?
Seriously, in the days when I lived in shared accomodation,the contents of the fridge, and the owners thereof, was a constant cause of friction
Until you've been woken up at 6 AM by some bereft trucker screaming "WHAT BASTARD STOLE MY EFFING MARMITE?" which he required for his morning toast. You ain't lived.
Definitely need some agreement on financial contributions. Everybody uses electricity, so everybody should pay for it. etc etc.