BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 07:20 AM

People are making the basic suggestions *I* would... but it all comes down to personalities anyway. And since this is Eve's side of the family, it may come down to her ability to deal with her son...etc. You sure don't want to have a fight with your wife over her family.

It may all be fine...but be careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Barb'ry
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 04:20 AM

I don't know how well you know your son's partner, but it's horrible to tread on 'polite tiptoes' because there is a continuous 'guest' in your house. I would urge you to have a 'polite honesty' from the start and let everyone know that if anyone of you finds something annoying, irritating etc, they speak up!
I echo the bit about chores - again, don't let yourself/wife or son/lady be too polite.
Money - they have to pay something to keep up their own respect and remain adults sharing a house, rather than just 'moving into mum' and dad's house, if you see what I mean.
Anyway, enjoy and laugh a lot!

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: GUEST,Ebbie
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 03:03 AM

Keep in mind that if you and the P-Vine hadn't moved into the area, this wouldn't have come up. :)

One suggestion: If space allows, I would give them two rooms. A bedroom and a sitting room. Privacy and 'alone time' or the lack of it can be deal breakers.

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Nov 11 - 12:36 AM

Having been down this road a couple of times, here are a few things I would definitely advise:

Make sure that there are common and private areas, clearly defined, for each person or couple, if you have the room. If necessary, write a short agreement about what time it needs to be quiet at night, for instance if they want to watch television late at night and it's loud. If you guys take care of it beforehand with an agreement then it doesn't become an issue.

Are they going to be paying any of the cost of living for themselves? That should be mapped out if they are able to contribute. If so, how much, what for, how often?

If they are going to trade out by doing work around the place I would definitely put that in writing with very definitive language as to what is expected.

It may seem a little harsh, expecting some sort of written agreement between family members, but it can save a lot of heartache in the end. There always needs to be a plan in place for if things don't work out. It reminds me of when a former business partner and I started an ad agency. We had a very simple contract; the most important thing that it included was how we would dissolve the partnership. Same thing works really well with family members.

Without knowing more it's hard to say how much you want to do but, in hindsight in my own situation, it would have been better to have sat down with our adult child and come up with a plan for their independence. As it was it worked out okay but it was messy, feelings were hurt, and there is still some resentment at times. The good thing is we're still talking! LOL

Hope that helps. If you want to e-mail for more suggestions or PM me feel free.

Take care,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 11:37 PM

Bobert, you may want to make agreements about things like household chores. I'm sure you and Eve aren't going to be waiting on the son and his lady. They need to understand they will have to pull their weight when it comes to pitching in with chores like cleaning, cooking, gardening.....and it goes without saying that they do their own laundry.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 11:04 PM

Well you do need someone to climb a tree and get some mistletoe. Is his lady spry?

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 08:26 PM

Like what, Bill???

Seriously...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 08:18 PM

Nope...can't get mine to move OUT.

Advice? Make agreements about obligations and such BEFORE they arrive.

Subject: BS: Empty Nest to Fill Up Again....
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Nov 11 - 07:49 PM

Well, well, well...

First of all, no, the P-Vine isn't pregnant!!!

But one of her 3 sons has gotten into a pickle with a combination of some questionable decisions and a bad economy and so at the end of December he and his lady will be moving here in with us "temporarily" around New Years...

Anyone else been down this road???

Advice???

B~