BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen

Subject: BS: Facebook Parenting for the troubled teen
From: ragdall
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 07:23 AM

This YouTube video has become very popular. It is receiving both praise and condemnation from viewers.
"Facebook Parenting for the troubled teen" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtDzckYltY8&feature=player_embedded

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 11:52 AM

I say the father was wrong not to respect his daughter's privacy and wrong to try to humiliate her publicly. It's just plain wrong to make your family problems public like this.

And where was the girl's mother? Assuming she is still involved in their lives, he was wrong not to consult her before taking action. (I didn't watch the video all the way to the end.) Hopefully she would have talked some sense into him.

The guy is a bully.

I recommend family therapy for all of them.

Rags: how did you learn about this video? If a friend of yours provided a link, either by email or on Facebook, I think you have a responsibility to tell your friend what you think of it.

I want to start a campaign to put an end to one-way communication on the internet. Too much crap is being thoughtlessly forwarded. If you're going to take the time to watch a video like this, you ought to take some time to send some feedback the other way. Only that way will your time not be wasted.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 12:08 PM

I should have added: "...thoughtlessly forwarded and thoughtlessly posted at Mudcat."

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 12:10 PM

...His daughter was upset of the list of chores that she's asked to do and took her beef to Facebook...

Read more: http://technorati.com/videos/article/father-shoots-laptop-because-of-daugthers/#ixzz1m5tliWRH

What goes around comes around.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 12:19 PM

I didn't see anything bullying or intimidating about this guy....his daughter wrote a nasty letter to her parents on facebook, intimating that she is their slave, and she has to do this and that...make all the beds, clean the whole house do the dishes, make and pour them coffee the whole time...and so on, when in actuality she just has to doa few things that take a few minutes. Her letter was very profane and the guy toned it down when he was reading it.   I do not think he did anything wrong or controversial. He is a good father who spent alot of money upgrading her laptop for her...and then she pulls this. I would have done the same thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 12:23 PM

A good example of making the punishment fit the crime.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 12:50 PM

Do we know how old the girl is? I felt her father came across as very immature and petulant, and to do this is undignified and unforgivable. Family problems should stay within the family. It would have been infinitely better for him to have talked to his daughter in a spirit of negotiation about the chores and about her activities on Facebook. Dialogue is the best way. Too much nowadays is in the public eye, it's very distasteful.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 12:59 PM

...immature and petulant... On the contrary Eliza.

The daughter was old enough to have and misuse her own Facebook account. The Father was fully justified in dealing with this in a way that made her aware that there were consequences for her actions.

She was the one who took the matter outside of the family. Why should she not have been held responsible? The Father's response was appropriate as he was the one who was dealing with an immature and petulant teenager.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 01:28 PM

I do agree, Bert, that young people must be taught to face the consequences of their actions, but I'm just picturing to myself the relationship now between them, after this very acrimonious and angry conflict. It could be that the father/daughter bond is damaged beyond repair. I hope not.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Wesley S
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 01:34 PM

His house his rules. And as far as a teenager getting privacy at facebook or at home?? Rubbish.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 01:39 PM

...It could be that the father/daughter bond is damaged beyond repair. I hope not...

I agree Eliza, Let us hope that they are both laughing about it by now.

I know that our kids, now in their thirties still laugh about some of their punishments. Like when we had a Hee Haw marathon on all day, or when they wouldn't turn their music down after repeated requests and they found themselves listening to Patsy Cline all day.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 01:49 PM

The thing is, we as children just after WW2 did many tiring 'chores' as standard. It never occurred to us to complain or to resent it. Our parents weren't very well-off and my father worked long hours, coming home exhausted and drained. We wouldn't have dreamed of asking for 'things', (the poor man had the same tatty winter coat for years.) But children nowadays have no concept of this. Our society is built on having 'things' or 'stuff'. They don't expect to do jobs around the house. (If we had asked to be paid, my Dad would've smacked our bottoms!) The world has changed, and I'm not sure today's young people are benefitting from the materialism and 'youth culture'. But if my darling old Dad and I had ever come to this, I'd have broken my heart and so would he. I like to think we'd have sat down and had a good talk to find a resolution.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 01:53 PM

...I like to think we'd have sat down and had a good talk to find a resolution...

Most parents try that first, but nowadays many kids don't listen.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 01:59 PM

Do you know Bert, I don't think they communicate much at all! They seem to sit in different rooms glued to technology, eat on their laps and live like unacquainted lodgers in the same house. My nieces are terrors, they just grunt or whinge and treat my sister as a servant. But she does patiently try to talk things through and there's much goodwill still between them all. I'm quite glad really I never had any children, I'd probably have murdered them!

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Bert
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 02:11 PM

Communication nowadays seems to be by text message. And it is not just teens. It has spread into young adults who take their smart phones with them everywhere and are glued to them in the most inappropriate situations.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: G-Force
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 02:29 PM

Well I say nice to see a parent trying to impart a little good behaviour. Perhaps he should have done it a long time ago. The gun thing is not quite UK but she needs to understand that she can't act like a spoilt brat and not suffer the consequences. More importantly, what sort of adult is she going turn out to be.

Our children were expected to be responsible with mutual respect all round. They turned into quite nice people and we were just average parents who didn't always get it right but we would never have put up with behaviour like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Megan L
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 02:37 PM

When I was young my mother told me she was the responsible adult in the relationship. As I grew both my parents taught me what that meant, a responsible adult does not play childish games of "You shouted so I shout louder"

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 03:08 PM

In related news: Brain Dead Teen To Be Euthanised

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Leadfingers
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 06:18 PM

Amergin - Harrowing , but NOT connected in MY opinion .

The Lass has set her FB page as NOT accessible to her parents , then posted a letter slagging them off . 'Dad' has enough expertise to access it , and posted a reply - Quite reasonable to a Fifteen year old girl I thought , though the Gun was a tad O T T

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: GUEST,CamiSu
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 12:14 AM

Leadfingers, That is from the Onion. Satire. Definitely related.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 05:15 PM

I haven't looked for updates, since the topic is not particularly interesting; but it might be pertinent that early reports of the video indicated inability to confirm that there was a real daughter or a real FarceBook posting. It seemed to them quite likely that this video was made for YouTube and doesn't reflect a real situation.

If the father was able to acquire the laptop to shoot it, he had it in hand to do any of numerous other more appropriate things with it, and had no need to violate the environement (and most locations' laws) by splattering it all over the landscape.

There have recently been numerous similar "obviously contrived" videos about smashing iPhones et. al. that illustrate the great attraction for the public to examples of puerile behavior.

Most certainly, publicising his "spat" with his daughter in a way that ridicules both her and him was inappropriate, but with a modest bit of relationship counselling for both - assuming there are real people involved - I see no reason to believe the incident should have consequences that any of us should be interested in worrying about.

The Siberian Mastodon is about as believable, and does offer some points for discussion.

Quite incidentally, what I get at Bert's link allows you to offer comments but does not show you what you're commenting on. Maybe a lot of us would feel quite comfortably at home there, but I get little satisfaction from it. (Is the link the best available?)

[Note: So maybe I'm just in grouch mode because the cat just sneezed all over both keyboard and monitor. Watch for my coming video on the "appropriate" discipline I apply to the cat, as soon as I find some suitable road-kill for his stand-in.]

John

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Greg F.
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 05:47 PM

Could have been dealt with in an adult manner had the parents been responsible & forbid her to have a FarceBook page in the first place.

Someone has to combat self-absorbtion and techno-addiction.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Maryrrf
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 06:41 PM

I thought the Dad's reaction was OTT, but I'll bet he had just reached his limit with what appears to be a very self absorbed teenaged daughter that probably mouthed off and rolled her eyes just one too many times. Her comments were obnoxious and would've had most parents steaming, although it should have been handled in a more mature way. I think a stern, matter of fact talk, taking away the computer that had been provided to her, replacing the fancy cell phone with an extremely basic model for emergencies only, and letting Miss Spoiled Brat know that she could have those things if she got a part time job, saved the money and bought them herself (since she obviously didn't appreciate them when they were provided by her parents) might have been the way to go.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 07:12 PM

Pity he couldn't have made a video of just over 8 minutes without a cigarette in his hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: ragdall
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 09:09 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: Jim Dixon - PM
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 11:52 AM

Rags: how did you learn about this video? If a friend of yours provided a link, either by email or on Facebook, I think you have a responsibility to tell your friend what you think of it.

Jim:
I found it when catching up on "news". At the time that I posted, this video was featured on major Canadian news sites such as
CTV News and The Vancouver Sun.

As a teacher, parent and grandparent, the use and abuse of social networking, evolving teen behaviour/attitudes, and parenting styles are topics of interest to me. I assumed that there are other Mudcat parents and grandparents who would consider this a topic worthy of discussion.

Long before facebook existed, "Fifteen year old girl syndrome", manifested itself several times in my own family, resulting in angry, frustrated fathers who tried to "control" their daughters and failed. I was interested in how Tommy Jordan chose to deal with it in his family and am curious what other Mudcatters think about his situation and his reaction.

My response to the video: While this could be made into a very humourous episode for a Sitcom, resorting to public humiliation and bullying in a real life family is unlikely to improve relationships. Now that Dad has publicly declared war, who knows what Hannah might do next in an attempt to advance her position?

It seemed to me that Tommy Jordan's rant was not much different from his daughter's. He felt that the 15 year old was mistreating him, her stepmother and her own mother, so he was going to show her, and the rest of the world, that he could make a bigger fuss than she did. At 19,344,108 views so far, it appears that he was correct, but will the battle end here?

It may be a happy visual for parents in similar situations, but I thought it was a waste of a perfectly good, freshly upgraded laptop. Although it may not have been as satisfying for Dad, donating the laptop to be used by someone who would appreciate and make better use of it could have had the same effect on the daughter, (goodbye laptop, no Internet use).

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: ragdall
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 09:17 PM

John,
You raised an excellent point that I hadn't considered.   Maybe it's a hoax? I hope that it is. I wonder if we'll find out?

amergin,
The Onion does things so well. Very funny!

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 04:05 AM

As I didn't find the original article I saw interesting enough to expect discussion, I didn't make any notes; and it's no longer in the MSNBC headlines where I first saw it. I believe it was in the "Red Tape Chronicles" and those often drop down out of sight fairly quickly.

A follow-on article does appear now:

'Executing' your teen's laptop might feel good, but it's a bad idea, experts say

By Bob Sullivan

Parents angry about Facebook use now have their poster child. He's a dad wielding a .45 pistol, who posted a YouTube video showing him firing bullets through his daughter's laptop computer as an act of discipline.

The shooter, who identifies himself as Tommy Jordan from North Carolina, has not yet responded to requests for comment, so it's not possible to verify the authenticity of the stunt, in which he allegedly "executed" the laptop after his daughter posted a profanity-laced note on her Facebook page.

...

The previous article, almost a week ago, had a little more about what efforts had been made to confirm the story if my recollection is right, although even there they hadn't found anything conclusive either way.

Since almost anyone who's ever had a laptop probably has an old laptop that would be "expendable" for the sake of a smart-ass joke, I'll still have to consider this a staged non-performance, until someone actually shows some evidence that the guy even has a daughter. It's just too much like other "comic" videos that are all over the place.

If he does actually have a daughter who's such a b**h, he'd best be preparing his defenses for when she figures out how much trouble she can cause him with even a vague report to child welfare. It's very unlikely that an actual behavior of the kind isn't part of a recurring pattern of stupidity, and kids - especially the "wild" ones - know how things work perhaps a little better than we'd like sometimes.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Facebk Parenting: for the troubled teen
From: ragdall
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 05:10 AM

John,
I found this on a Time magazine site:

...Naturally, the video has inspired an onslaught of commentary, from shocked teens distraught that a father could do such a thing, to praise from other parents equally annoyed at their children's complaints. But Jordan has affirmed on Facebook that it's outside observers that are the most outraged – enough to inspired Child Protective Services to show up at his home. "My wife is OK with it. My daughter is OK with it. My Mother is OK with it. I'm OK with it. We're the only ones that matter," he posted.

Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/02/12/angry-father-shoots-daughters-laptop-over-facebook-post/#ixzz1mFrjy0WV

I wonder how much effort Time put into checking him out? They say that he's "an IT worker from Albemarle, N.C.".

rags