'The Desert Song' retelling

Subject: BS: reworking an old musical
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 04:15 AM

Would anyone here read a story that was basically a loose reworking of an old musical?

Subject: RE: BS: 'Desert Song" musical retelling/reworking
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 04:20 AM

ETA: I meant the plot-- not using any of the songs as that would be copyright violation.

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: Stringsinger
Date: 21 May 12 - 11:51 AM

Romberg was not one to pay attention to words. His focus was on music.
Most of the plots from old musicals are pretty lame. That's true of opera as well.

Fortunately there are notable exceptions from Rome, Sondheim, Blitzstein,Rogers and Hammerstein, Yip Harburg, and others who write the lyrics and for those who are the unknown book writers of their musicals. From Boito forward, there have been great book writers for some musicals and operas..

The book is the heart of the musical. If it creaks, the show creaks historically.

The songs may justifiably outlive the show.

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: GUEST,999
Date: 21 May 12 - 03:53 PM

Good luck with the story.

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 05:55 PM

Stringsinger, I thought it was Hammerstein who did the book. Thanks, 999.

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 06:02 PM

And Stringsinger, here is my discussion thread on the musical

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 07:41 PM

my discussion thread on the musical.

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 08:00 PM

ETA: Stringsinger, would you read a new version of the The Desert Song's plot? One in which the Red Shadow is an Arab? (And other things are added, like him getting a job as a cameleer for instance. That's a new twist on the whole secret identity thing.) Right now, I'm on the scene of a Riff raid on a fort on a full moon night.

Subject: RE: BS: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 May 12 - 10:46 PM

Refresh.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 02:24 AM

Is this something anyone would want to read? Or am I just weird to think of writing a young adult novel based loosely on one of my favourite (very obscure) musicals?
ETA: I won't paste it on here as anyone can access these forums.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 02:45 AM

ETA 2: maybe I will for some of the writers here to critique it.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: fat B****rd
Date: 22 May 12 - 03:24 AM

You do whatever your young heart desires. Some fresh notions should always be welcome here.
Uncle fB

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 03:45 AM

Have any of the writers on here actually posted their work on this board? (I know some of the posters here are writers.)
ETA: The retelling is already posted in a forum on on another board I'm a member of, but that's password-protected. I don't know how it would work if I did post it here.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 03:54 AM

Because I haveread posts on other forums that suggest that posting a few excerpts "for the purpose of discussion and study" is fine, (and that is the purpose of this thread) here is the first page of the TDS reworking:

A Knife In The Sand
By Anne Ching

Al-ithnayn(Day Two, Monday)

On tonight's raid I pulled my burnous around me, making sure the hood was up. The full moon shone above the dunes. It was the only way to see where we were going.
I took one hand off the reins and felt the waist of my tunic. It was red, the same colour as the cloak. The shabriya and throwing knife were there. My hand touched the handle of my father's old sword. I lifted my hand back down. The saddle felt soft under me. Asra moved into a walk, then a trot as I pressed my legs against her. No need to go any faster yet. We weren't anywhere near Fort Barracanegra.

The name suited her. She was one of the fastest horses I'd ridden since I got the burn scar. I didn't need to look at the back of my hand to see it carved into my flesh, branding me as chief of the Oulad Semet. I got it on my fourteenth birthday last year when my father died and I can still remember the heat as I put my hand up to the flame after the flint was struck. There was a spell on it to prevent the scar fading. It was red against my dark

The others' horses followed us. Their hoofbeasts thudded, kicking up sand and dust. One was heading towards me. I looked up.

Sayyid, my lieutenant, turned his horse around and rode over to me. It was a grey horse, "What do you see, Red Shadow?" Red Shadow. Not "caid". It was what the newspapers called me, and was as strange as being caid and remembering that I was Riff chieftain now. If this one succeeded, I could just see the headline. "Red Shadow" strikes again. Hunt continues for unidentified Arab rebel leader in Mauretan."
Any comments from the writers on this board?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 04:00 AM

ETA: This is a "Critique Morwen on her story" thread.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 07:18 AM

Refresh. Anyone want to read it and give comments?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: JJ
Date: 22 May 12 - 08:37 AM

You are not weird. Well, maybe you are, but it's a good kind of weird. So write!

The music of "The Desert Song" was written before the lyrics, btw. This was the usual course of things until Hammerstein began writing with Rodgers.

Because operetta composers were often European, writing the music first avoided awkward settings in a composer's second language, as in Handel's making "towards" the two-syllable "two-ards" in "Messiah."

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 08:45 AM

JJ, have already posted some of it for critique upthread. As I said, this is a "critique me on my writing" thread. Could you comment on what I've written and critique it?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 08:51 AM

ETA: The Julia Stiles movie "The Prince and Me", which was one of my cousin's favourite movies (might still be, I haven't asked her) is actually an adaptation of The Student Prince . ETA 2: And also, I'll post more extracts from it on here for critique.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 22 May 12 - 03:11 PM

Riffs referred to a group of Berbers, but the current meaning (urban dictionary) is unsavoury people (riff-raff), which would be a possibility in retelling. Or the musical definition of Riffs- imagine, being attacked by riffs launched by jazz musicians-

(All right, I'll Go Before I've Bitten the Sword)

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 06:53 PM

Q, do you actually want to read some of it? See post at 3.54.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 07:04 PM

ETA: I posted some of it for critique (assuming people actually want to critique it) in my 3.54 post.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 May 12 - 08:35 PM

Anyone want to read and critique it?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: GUEST
Date: 22 May 12 - 11:49 PM

Please continue...

Your insight and perseverance are creating a MudKat klassik

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 23 May 12 - 12:34 AM

This is not meant to be a straight retelling of the operetta. It's more like a reworking in a fantasy setting. If you want the operetta, go watch the 1929 movie on YouTube. Or get hold of the Nelson Eddy TV broadcast.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 May 12 - 12:55 AM

Odd to think that something Nelson Eddy did wouldn't be well-received. Perhaps he did it without Janette MacDonald?

SRS

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 23 May 12 - 05:14 AM

SRS- yes, he did do it without Jeanette McDonald. ETA: I actually posted bits of the retelling in my 3.54 post

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 23 May 12 - 05:18 AM

Anyone want to read it? It's on this thread, but it's not exactly faithful to its source, but (I hope) somewhat recognisable :). The thing about retelling stories is that you have to make them your own.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 23 May 12 - 05:34 AM

ETA: And I hope I've done that! Would someone please read and critique it?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 23 May 12 - 05:37 AM

Morwen, you may have missed it, but I posted to your other thread with reference to BrassGoggles, the Steampunk forum, where you will almost certainly find people interested in reading, advising and critiquing your fantasy piece.

There is even a dedicated sub-forum for people who write steampunk fiction under "Textual". If you want some decent feedback on your fantasy, and as it seems you're unlikely to get what you're after here, I really would encourage you to check it out.

Unfortunately it seems to be down at the moment, but it's a really thriving and creative little on-line/real life community and you may enjoy it.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 23 May 12 - 07:13 AM

ETA; The story is posted on an alternate history forum I frequent.

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 23 May 12 - 07:21 AM

Alternate History? Sounds it might be interesting! Care to share the Url?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 23 May 12 - 07:28 AM

for the site as a whole or for where the story is posted?
http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/
For the entire site
http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/forumdisplay.php?f=8
for the writer's forum (it's password protected and you have to join the site before you can read anything on it)

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: Snuffy
Date: 23 May 12 - 08:58 AM

ETA??? is it any of the acronyms listed here or something completely different?

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 23 May 12 - 09:15 AM

Edited to Add

Subject: RE: 'The Desert Song' retelling
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 23 May 12 - 01:58 PM

Morwen, you seem intent on driving mudcatters numb with repetition of a request for comment; their lack of response possibly is a understated warning to you to follow the advice of one of the songs in the original:

"GO, before you've bitten the sword !"