BS: Some suggestions for Google

Subject: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: olddude
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 10:44 PM

so they keep saying you can find anything on Google right so tonight I tried
"where the fuck is my phone"

I was hoping it would come back with something like "you left it in your car dumbass" but noooooooo. All it had was a bunch of other people trying the same thing ..

why do they make it so you can find things that you really really need to find right

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: olddude
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 10:59 PM

found my phone, upstairs in the bathroom, why my phone was trying to take a bath I dunno .. anyway Google was no help at all

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 11:02 PM

Google knew where it was all along but it didn't want to embarrass you. By finding itself you renewed your self-esteem. See how nice Google is to you?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 11:25 PM

well shucks when ya put it that way Amos ... I could be wrong Lol

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 Jul 12 - 05:39 AM

Maybe this is like Romney's 'Retroactive retirement' (see another thread).
If you were to post exactly the same query on Google now, it would probably lead you to this thread, which you could read & go: "Aha! my phone's in the bathroom."
You could then collect your phone, and that would be another success story for Google.



Always assuming you haven't already moved your phone :)

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: GUEST,Marks
Date: 17 Jul 12 - 06:22 AM

Olddude

Pull up "The Remember Song" on You Tube. Tom Rush has a great
version.
As we approach maturity we will more and more identify with this song.

Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 17 Jul 12 - 10:10 AM

LOL for sure Mark, I remember the song

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 12 - 10:25 AM

I like the "Try to remember/The kind of September...." song. I think it's in the first three words, as in "Try to remember/The rest of the lyrics/Where you put your keys, your phone, your checkbook...."

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 04:23 AM

Many thanks, OD ~ we can all learn from having our shortcomings drawn to our attention.

But in what way does this thread contain any "suggestions" for me? Please elucidate.

Yours truly

Google

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 07:43 AM

Are you serious? Are you not aware that, even if Google were capable of answering such questions, the volume of those asked by musicians alone would use up 100% of its computing resources? "Where's my capo, slide, fingerpicks, bodhran tipper, dulcimer hammers, string winder, etc." 24 hours a day, 365 days a year? I can already smell Google's servers overheating just from the thought of it!

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 07:49 AM

You can now see Scott's Antarctic hut on Street View.
Very handy if you are not sure you're at the right one.

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 11:22 AM

I've got some suggestions for Google right heah!

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: GUEST,Howard Jones
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 03:15 PM

I'm beginning to find Google less and less useful for searching for anything. When you search for a business or organisation you're likely to be looking for its website, right? However unless its a big business which generates lots of traffic the official website is likely to be well down the rankings, below sites claiming to sell its products and business directories which have nothing more than its name.

Now they're going to scrap iGoogle, which allows you to customise your homepage with useful links and information. Not much point to stick with them anymore. Google are showing the same contempt for their users as Facebook.

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 03:23 PM

Yeah, Google is getting more and more commercial and less and less useful.

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 19 Jul 12 - 02:12 PM

Myself, I don't like their rather weird drawings and illustrations for eg 150th Birthday of Joe Bloggs. The person so celebrated is often quite unknown to me. And why celebrate someone's 150th Birthday? Surely they're dead??

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 19 Jul 12 - 07:58 PM

The problem is that while Google knows everything, the results you see are listed in order of how popular the answers are with the 11,000 people who might ask the identical question you have asked.

Google will NOT DISPLAY more than a couple of hundred answers, and if they show you 200 (or 900) answers, and yours happens to be ONE ANSWER farther down the list there is no way for you ever to see the one you want. There are never fewer than 254,739,224 results for any Google search, and they obviously cannot list them all.

So the answer to the original question is that Google KNOWS, but your phone happens not be be sufficiently popular to make it on the list.

You can ameliorate the situation by adding glitter and lace to your phone, and posting on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and at least three other "social sites" that your phone has some bizarre sexual traits (which should be varied among the sites), then create the phone's own Facebook page and put up a YouTube video of your phone "doing something (suggestive?) with a cat" and as soon as your phone has at least 1,300,000 Facebook "friends" you might have a chance (small) that Google will follow your phone relentlessly and will report it's location (and what it's doing) on a minute by minute basis.

(It might also help to put a sign by the front door indicating "PAPARAZI PROHIBITED," and to be sure that your dumpster is filled with "party debris" that includes some indication that your phone has "friends" with unusual and exotic tastes.)

If all this fails, your only recourse will be for your phone to commit some form of assault against a popular public figure at a well known and very public location.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jul 12 - 01:26 AM

Really and truly the only sure way is for your phone to throw a shoe at George W Bush.

Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Google
From: Joe Offer
Date: 20 Jul 12 - 03:47 AM

Well, Dan, I searched for "where the fuck is my phone" on Google, and Google said there were 2,360,000 results.

Why didn't you just read through those results?

-Joe-