BS: Jokes people don't get

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Little Robyn
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 05:56 PM

MtheGM and Ebbie, New Zilders are there next to the Strines. The song list is in New Zild - has anyone figured them out?
For example, There loys spear Ninglan = There'll always be an England.
We've been accused of being lazy speakers. Actually, I don't really speak that way but some Kiwis do.
How about this one? Aloha low, who shall I defriend?
Robyn

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 06:02 PM

Oosa li'l gelli baiya sigh?

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Little Robyn
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 06:24 PM

Correct.
How about
Heavier wear verbena cross this eat awhile end?

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 07:25 PM

Ebbie, among us, I agree that funnier jokes do exist. But I am a personal eye witness that many Aussies were very fond of that book in the 1980s, and identified with its contents. As I said, the main fun about it is to pretend that locals "get" the jokes and foreigners (notably including Brits alias "Poms") don't. Travelers are best advised to join in the game.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Ginger Balzac
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 09:24 PM

I've got a drinking problem





My favourite pub just burnt down

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 30 Jul 12 - 11:55 PM

I've managed a few, Little R, but by no means all...

Near Whizzy Air -- no idea!
Aloha low, who shall I defriend -- Hello, hello, who's your lady friend?
Few news oozy -- If you knew Suzy
Wider while a view -- Why do I love you
There loys spear Ninglan -- I was completely mystified by this one!
Orlon eye skirls lava sailor -- All the nice girls love a sailor
Whole my end, I missed ranger in Parrot-eyes -- Hold my hand, I'm a stranger in Paradise
Eyesore Yule a snide ingot the dole feeling -- I saw you last night and got that old feeling
Thug hurler dye Mary -- The girl that I marry
I minim Hoover laugh -- I'm in/I mean I'm(?) over(?) love
Heavier wear verbena cross this eat awhile end? -- Have you ever been across the sea to Ireland?
And of course, the NZ National anthem, Gaudy fair Newzild -- Go to fair New Zealand(?)

Sew... Ow dye dew?

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Little Robyn
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 12:32 AM

OK Yorkshire Yankee, you did very well.
Near Whizzy Air -- Now is the hour
Aloha low, who shall I defriend -- Hello, hello, who's your lady friend?
Few news oozy -- If you knew Suzy
Wider while a view -- Why do I love you
There loys spear Ninglan -- There'll always be an England
Orlon eye skirls lava sailor -- All the nice girls love a sailor
Whole my end, I missed ranger in Parrot-eyes -- Hold my hand, I'm a stranger in Paradise
Eyesore Yule a snide ingot the dole feeling -- I saw you last night and got that old feeling
Thug hurler dye Mary -- The girl that I marry
I minim Hoover laugh -- I'm in the mood for love
Heavier wear verbena cross this eat awhile end? -- Have you ever been across the sea to Ireland?
And the NZ National anthem, Gaudy fair Newzild -- God defend New Zealand

Robyn

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: framus
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 07:24 PM

Interesting thread, but mostly gobbledeygook to a poor oul superannuated Paddy. Most Brits haven't got us yet!

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 07:43 PM

Jokes that the majority of Brits don't get must include:-

G W Bush
Dick Cheney
Rush Limbaugh
John McCain
Mitt Romney
And, of course, the rest of the "Republican Party" (sounds like re-born UK pub landlords, and has about the same chance of running the country).

Well, you did ask...............
Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: kendall
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 07:52 PM

My car is a Chevy Impala. Above the Impala I wrote VLAD THE

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 08:29 PM

American:

"Jeet?"

"No...sgweet"




"Have you eaten yet?"

"No, let's go eat."

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 10:27 PM

Thanks for the answers, Robyn! (I think the ones I didn't get would not have come to me no matter how long I thought about 'em!)

Here's one that puzzled me the first time I saw it written down (I thought maybe it was someone's name): Donchano (i.e. Don't ya know)

Also (thanks to this thread), have recollected the absolutely brilliant "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut" (which I haven't thought of in a loooong time).

Words & more info here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQAh6OnBgM4

This version of Little Red Riding Hood was written in 1940 by a professor of French named H. L. Chace, who wanted to show his students that intonation - that is, the melody of a language - is an integral part of its meaning. The words here are all common English words, but not the ones you'd expect to tell the story of Little Red Riding Hood.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge dock florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry ladle cluck wetter putty ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut...

Enjoy!

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,999
Date: 31 Jul 12 - 10:47 PM

First time--until about the 12th time I said the following--I didn't 'get it'.

WHALE
OIL
BEEF
HOOKED

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 12 - 12:24 AM

Mitt Romney, He is an American Borat right?

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: framus
Date: 01 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM

You probably will be, Guest!

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Stan
Date: 01 Aug 12 - 04:57 PM

Should the name of Stanley Unwin be raised in this thread. There bare examples on UTube. An English comic from the 60s. Do our colonial friends get that?

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Aug 12 - 05:22 PM

When we don't get a joke because we don't understand what's being said that is one thing, and it doesn't cause any problem when it's translated. Good fun.

But when we understand the language completely, and can't see why it's funny, that is quite another thing - and it's a lot more likely to cause upsets, because it implies a challenge to our sense of humour, and no one likes that.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Ebor_Fiddler
Date: 01 Aug 12 - 05:56 PM

My favourite is the old Punch Cartoon, showing the noses of two hippopotemoi (Greek plural here, you'll notice, not Latin)sticking out of the water and one is saying "I keep thinking it's Tuesday".

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Ebor_Fiddler
Date: 01 Aug 12 - 05:59 PM

Or "What's the time Eccles?"

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: PHJim
Date: 02 Aug 12 - 12:17 AM

I saw these instructions for speaking like a Newfoundlander written on a kitchen wall in St. John's:

Whale   Oil   Beef    Hooked.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Little Robyn
Date: 02 Aug 12 - 07:52 AM

Colonials can enjoy Stanley Unwin
even if he's a bit strange. I like Goldiloppers.
Robyn

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: framus
Date: 02 Aug 12 - 08:21 PM

PROFESSOR Stanley Unwin, p leeese. He wasn't trying to have a joke at anybody's expense,just fecking about with our perception of language. And damn good he was!

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 02 Aug 12 - 09:09 PM

So Australians pronounce "alphabetical" as "afferbeckel"?

I'd think "affabay(d)ickil" would be more like it.

And I'd think Cockneys would say "ahfabayikoo."

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Nick
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 07:16 PM

Two pink elephants walk into a pub at twenty to six in the evening and the barman says "Sorry lads he's not in yet"

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 07:59 PM

Well done. I don't get that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 08:57 PM

here's one for The Americans and anyone else under 50 to struggle 'getting'...



What's Greek and plays clarinet ?







Moussaka Bilk





[Sorry, it just popped into my head over dinner.
I fear I may have made that one up myself,
in which case I accept full blame
for unleashing a very shite joke on the world...]

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 05:49 AM

Nick... GREAT joke!

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 07:35 AM

Many jokes, including most of the above, can be "got" by searching the web. It may be too late for laughing then, but at least in written communication you can pretend to be witty. (As we saw, the main fun/abuse is often not the joke itself but the fact that some people don't get it.)

Wikipedia even informs us that "Pink elephants exist in nature, as albino elephants can be pink", and that Jack London coined the phrase. I guess its success in Britain was influenced by Cockney "being elephant's" (... trunk, to rhyme with "drunk").

Another useful (albeit unreliable) source is Urban Dictionary.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 01:47 PM

I'm afraid my husband, being from West Africa, doesn't get many of my jokes. He takes everything literally. For instance, the other day we were looking at the Jobcentreplus site, and I happened to remark, "Well, if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys." He was amazed, and replied, "But monkeys can't be trained to do cleaning jobs ... can they?" I also said, "Even our cat Smoky knows you mustn't put plastic things in the green bin." And he replied, "He wouldn't be able to lift the lid, because it's too tall for him." I gave up.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 02:00 PM

What's yellow and highly explosive ?















Bananamite.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 02:19 PM

Teaching, and posting to Mudcat, convinces me absolutely that a very large portion of the population (maybe most of it) doesn't "get" verbal irony, even when their favorite mode of argument is sarcasm.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 11:57 AM

I am supremely sorry that I only found this wonderful thread months too late. :(

I have really enjoyed it along with the posted YouTube links this morning. I has made my day.

So now I want to make a belated contribution - the absolutely brilliant book "Mots D'Heures: Gousses, Rames: The D'Antin Manuscript" published in 1967. I enjoyed it so much that I bought a copy. I was introduced to this without any explanation and had to figure it out for myself, which made it it even more hilarious when I did. So perhaps I should not give away the secret. But my reaction when I did twig it was "You rotters!"

I quote the first poem in this recently unearthed old-French collection of verses:

Un petit d'un petit
S'étonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! degrés te fallent
Indolent qui ne sort cesse
Indolent qui ne se mène
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout Gai de Reguennes.

I handed this deadpan to a bilingual French-Canadian and after she read it and looked puzzled I said "Read it aloud". And then she killed herself laughing too.

If anyone is interested I'll give you the clue. I recognize that we live in a "gotta know now or we can't be bothered" world. But it goes against the grain to give you a clue before you've had a go at it.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: gnu
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 01:20 PM

HAHAHAHAA.... HAD TO READ THE POEM TWICE AND CAUGHT IT THE SECOND TIME I READ THE FIRST LINE. oops... soooory

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Mo the caller
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 04:53 PM

Sounds a bit scrambled to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 05:06 PM

Gnu, thanks. That was enough of a hint for me to get the first line. And the second. Now I have to try to figure out the rest.

It one doesn't get it, it might work better to read it aloud to someone else who is NOT reading the text. They'd be better able to tell you what you just said. Works with test scoring when the kids may be writing phonetically, but you've read the thing 10 times and it still doesn't make sense.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 05:15 PM

Between gnu and Mo, I got it. It's one of those things that, once you crack it, you get the the whole thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 11:29 PM

I may be poo out of luck because I'm not at all sure just how to pronounce it.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 09:56 AM

Then there are jokes where you need a cetain level of knowledge to "get" them:

If you have a pizza with radius z and thickness a, it's volume is pizza.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 09:59 AM

Or this one, which requires a bit more numeracy than the last:

Two mathematicians are in a restaurant, arguing. The first mathematician is complaining that the average citizen knows *nothing* about maths, people are idiots who don't even know how to check their change these days, and the world is generally going to hell in a handbasket.

The second mathematician is objecting, telling his friend that the situation isn't that bad, and warning him not to underestimate the average citizen's mathematical knowledge.

After much argument, the first mathematician staggers off to the toilet. The second mathematician calls the tired-looking young waitress over.

"How can I help you, sir?"

He hands her £20. "I'd like to play a little joke on my friend when he gets back. I'm going to ask you a question. When you answer, I want you to answer, 'x squared.' Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, sir, whatever."

After a few minutes, the first mathematician returns and sits down. The second mathematician says, "Look, I'll *show* you that the average citizen knows more about maths than you think they do." He waves the waitress over.

"Yes gentlemen, what can I do for you?"

"I just have a simple question for you, young lady. Can you tell me what the answer to the integral of 2x dx is?"

The waitress scrunches up her face: "er, I think so... it's… x squared."

The second mathematician leans back in his chair, looks at his friend, and smiles smugly.

Then the waitress, walking away, calls over her shoulder, "Plus a constant."




You either get that or you don't. Without some basic calculus, you just won't.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: gnu
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 11:38 AM

Great stuff!

Froggy... this is gonna sound tres odd but just trust me. Try reading it without too much thought put into understanding it while at the same time... seriously... trying to imitate a French accent. No... I AIN'T shittin ya. Try it.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 11:46 AM

There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

I have Mots D'Heures, Gousses, Rames where Un Petit d'Un Petit is from, Guest.

(And, I had to look up Afferbeck Lauder.)

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Ron Davies
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 12:22 PM

"troubled by British sarcasm".   That's right, we Colonials have no concept of sarcasm.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 12:42 PM

Oh sibili, si ergo,
fortibuses in ero.
Nobili, demis trux.
Sowatis enum?
Cowsendux.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 01:00 PM

Un petit d'un petit! Great! LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 03:02 PM

It reminds me of the character in Pogo singing Christmas carols.

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 03:04 PM

...characterS...

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: GUEST,DrWord
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 05:49 PM

To {From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 13 - 11:57 AM}
   Laugh myself sick!!!!! the un petit d'un petit is simply priceless. glad this thread made your day, and that you posted this!
keep on pickin' [& grinnin']
dennis

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Bert
Date: 04 Mar 13 - 07:11 PM

The way I heard it Bill was

Der dago
forte lorez indero
demaint lorez demiz trux
fulla couzan enzen dux

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Bugsy
Date: 05 Mar 13 - 12:15 AM

Hang in there Kiddo, sending you lots of love and big hugs.

Cheers

bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: Jokes people don't get
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 05 Mar 13 - 01:20 AM

100