BS: Off to jump outta an airplane

Subject: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 11:02 AM

Yes got called from some of my unsavory friends that are going sky diving. Missus is gone for a couple of days so I am there. Don't tell her or I will get a shit storm .. wish me luck LOL

No worri3s, I know what I am doing trust me. Only thing you gotta be careful is the crotch straps. If they are placed wrong when it opens your nads pop out your ears ... Ouch

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 11:46 AM

I agree that one would have to be a little "off" to jump out of a plane for fun.

"trust me"??? Oooohh, you shouldna said THAT.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 11:47 AM

Re the crotch straps... at least the grandkids will like your Mickey Mouse impression.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 11:50 AM

Ear nads huh?

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 12:40 PM

My youngest nephew jumped out of a plane; it was his requested graduation present from his father. From 4,500 feet.

Thud. Scrape, scrape, sweep, sweep....

He was just a rookie trooper, and he surely shook with fright
As he checked all his equipment, and made sure his pack was tight
He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar,
"You ain't gonna jump no more!"

cho: Gory, Gory, what a helluva way to die,
Gory, Gory, what a helluva way to die,
Gory, Gory, what a helluva way to die,
He ain't gonna jump no more.

"Is everybody happy ?" cried the sergeant, looking up,
Our hero feebly answered, "Yes!" and then they stood him up,
He leaped into the blast, his static line unhooked,
He ain't gonna jump no more!

He counted long, he counted loud, he waited for the shock,
He felt the wind, he felt the clouds, he felt the awful drop,
He jerked his cord, the silk spilled out and wrapped around his legs.
He ain't gonna jump no more!

The risers wrapped around his neck, connectors cracked his dome
The lines were snarled and tied in knots, around his skinny bones,
The canopy became his shroud, he hurtled to the ground,
He ain't gonna jump no more!

The days he's lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind,
He thought about the girl back home, the one he'd left behind,
He thought about the medics and wondered what they'd find,
He ain't gonna jump no more!

The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild,
The medics jumped and screamed with glee,
They rolled their sleeves and smiled
For it had been a week or more since the last chute had failed
He ain't gonna jump no more !

He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT," the blood went spurting high,
His comrades then were heard to say "A Helluva way to die!";
He lay there rolling 'round in the welter of his gore.
He ain't gonna jump no more!

There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon the chute,
Intestines were a-dangling from his paratrooper's boots,
They picked him up still in his Chute and poured him from his boots
He ain't gonna jump no more!

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 12:42 PM

Actually I did that once, at Ft. Riley, KS, in 1963. What I learned was that if a perfectly good airplane is working as it oughta there's no need to jump out of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 12:55 PM

dang got rained out, went to the airport but thunderstorm, probably not a good day since lots of lightning ... dang ...
this week for sure before the mrs gets home or I will never hear the end of it

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 01:07 PM

She get upset cause of all the back surgeries not that I will fall to my death. It is actually really safe. Ya gotta be crazy but wow what a rush

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 04:07 PM

"Thud" -- the parachutist's four-letter word. That and "Oops!"

"What a rush!" Where have I heard those words before? Rappelling without a harness or safety line? Climbing a 270 degree slope in the rain? Flying a helicopter through heavy ground fire? Jumping a snowmobile across Hell's Canyon? "Just hold my beer and watch this!" "Them drops of oil on the outside just means the dynamite's in good shape!" "Hell, it ain't loaded!" "If it was sharp would I do THIS with it?"

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 04:14 PM

LOL, rush usually follows with a YAHHHHHHHHHHH ... OUCH
I said it was something I would never do ... that is, until I did it, but crazy and bastard go together also

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,Mortimer Longbody
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 05:07 PM

No Dachshund has ever jumped out of an airplane and hurtled down through the air wearing only a parachute pack. Never! And you know why?

Because we're smart, that's why! Rolling in manure is much more fun, and robbing garbage is sublime, but skydiving is something only an idiot would do.

While I think of it, a lot of Germans in the big war had Dachshund pets and mascots, and there was one flying ace who sometimes used to take his "Teckel" up in the fighter plane (a Messerschmitt 109) with him. One day shortly after takeoff with man and dog aboard the plane was seen to be having difficulties, maneuvering in an uncontrolled manner. It crashed into the ground, unfortunately killing both the pilot and his dog! It was suspected that the dog had somehow got entangled with the controls...the cockpit of a Bf-109 was a VERY cramped place.

This proves that Dachshunds shouldn't fly. We should never be more than a few inches above the ground. Trust me.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 05:11 PM

LOL, my wiener dogs say the same thing, that and if you are going to die today, can you leave the can opener on the floor for us

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 05:14 PM

I blame my youngest, she is the one that got me going on it ... crazy young lady ... I suppose it is my gene she got anyway. Rock climbing, mountain climbing .. now jumping out of airplanes after 5 back operations ... no one ever accused me of being intelligent. But a guy has to do what a guy has to do right

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 07:23 PM

I have every confidence that it will go well, olddude. True, a parachute is sewn and packed by humans who might be inattentive or confused, but what of it?

Meanwhile, would you please leave me your Kamouraska Etude in your will?

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 07:36 PM

Before the night jump into Normandy a young soldier told his friend that he was certain everything was going to be fine. He'd found a tag that showed that his mother had packed his 'chute. (True story!)

Always know who packed your chute. Your ex? The brother-in-law who you refused to lend any more money to? Your stock broker? Your congressman? Number 653489 -- and is that someone at the state prison? Did you pack it yourself -- and did you lace it with baling wire or will it actually open? When you feel that tug and you look up will you see a nylon canopy or a lace doily?

It also helps to look down at what you're about to land on. A 60 degree slope covered with rocks? A forest fire? A forest? Something stretched between poles, and it is a power line or a clothes line?

A wrist altimeter is nice too. It can let you know if you're in trouble, like reading 25 feet and you just remembered to pull the ripcord.

Always use rubber heels, too. They won't help with landing but they might let your feet, if nothing else, survive.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 07:46 PM

Leeneia
its yours LOL ... The guys are all pro's, Sheriff officers, ex special forces ... one is an instructor .. safe as laying on my couch ... what a rush .. hopefully this week if the weather goes ok and I can beat my wife home .. she will give me grief for sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 07:48 PM

But then there's Brutus, the sky-diving dachshund. And Mindy, the parachuting Jack Russell terrier. And there's even a jumping pug.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 07:53 PM

Be safe...

Me??? As long as the airplane is flying okay, I'm staying in the thing... My son's mother (my ex) loved that kinda stuff... But then again she was a karate instructor and loved sparring night???

Hope yer junk doesn't come out yer ears, Ol'ster... Talk about yer junk floating...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 09:15 PM

Me to bro, I be lost without my junk :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM

As students in transition training to learn how to fly twin engine planes were told -

"If an engine fails, the remaining engine will always carry you to the point of impact."

The single engine pilots were invariably quick to point out that if you have two engines, it's twice as likely that you'll have at least one engine failure as when you only have one to worry about.

Redneck FLW: "Here, Bubba - Hold my beer and watch me do this!"

John

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 10:22 PM

I guarantee you that if anyone ever gets me out of an airborne plane, I will leave with a chunk of the door frame in each hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 06:28 AM

Did this about twelve years ago - just before my grandson was born. Due to my age I had to do a tandem jump but it certainly was a rush, particularly in freefall.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 03:09 PM

How romantic! Jacqui and Kendall skydiving together!

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 03:29 PM

Olddude!

Still got your junk?

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 03:41 PM

Old dude? Are you still alive?

Old dude?

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 04:21 PM

I am here, I am alive, dang near did a water landing. Wind caught me and I saw the lake coming up LOL ... no harm no foul .. now don't rat me out to my mrs.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 04:23 PM

Leeneia

sorry hon but I will remember to have them get the guitar to you :-) but you should really ask for the Cordoba .. that one is outstanding

Love Dan

laughing

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 04:32 PM

That is a total rush by the way, everyone should do that just once in their life. I think I will retire however, tough on the back and I will never hear the end of it if I get another surgery .. but wayyyyy cool ... It good to have friends, costs me nothing ..

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 12 - 06:19 PM

If your wife finds out you might want to jump just once more -- without the chute.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Janie
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 01:38 AM

Love you Dan. Always seem to have a soft spot in my heart for true nutters.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 09:39 AM

I'm glad it turned out okay.

Me, I'm so afraid of heights, I couldn't stand the idea of jumping out of an airplane.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 09:51 AM

There was a 90 year old woman on the CBS morning show who sky-dived for the 1st time yesterday... Tandem, of course...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 11:06 AM

I love you too Janie :-)
kinda sore today .. but smiling ...

Next time I better bring water skis for a lake landing , I am great at jumpin, the steering part leaves a bit to be worked on LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 12:33 PM

I was just teasing about the Kamouraska Etude. Leave it to somebody who will give it a good home.

Whaddya mean "next time"? We don't wanna hear about any f***ing next time.

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 09:53 PM

Have you told your wife yet, OD? ;^)

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: frogprince
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 10:03 PM

Did you time the jump with one of your pocket watches?

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 10:12 PM

There are only four words you need to remember: This Is Gonna HURT!

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: olddude
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 10:15 PM

I did jump with one of my RR watches, still running perfect. No didn't tell her but I got a call tonight "What is this again airplane jumping BS I heard MR!" so I did my ahhh ahhh ahhh, I was forced yea that's it, ahh ahh, it was for charity yea that's it ... then I did the devil made me do it ahhh ahhh ... "wait till I get home MR!"

someone ratted me out ... I think it was Rap ... You Prick !!!

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Off to jump outta an airplane
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Aug 12 - 11:21 PM

It was the frog. (You only thought it got abducted.)