BS: stay afloat while others don't

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Mar 20 - 08:10 PM

The one patient who displayed symptoms reminiscent of coronavirus
has been tested,
and found negative for COVID-19.
Up to this moment, no other patients are ill.
Apparently the precautions we have been taking
are paying off.

As stated earlier, what directly affects the clinic
is illness in the staff.
One physician is at home, positive for COVID-19.

But there are patients who know people who have died of the disease,
outside.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Mar 20 - 04:07 PM

Earlier this week, one patient at the clinic woke, and
had unusual difficulty breathing. Nurses on full alert!
Rushed the otherwise healthy young man to the ER,
got him testing, he was kept for observation.

Today his coronavirus test results returned: Negative.
Enormous relief here at the clinic residence hall.

No other patient at the clinic is symptomatic;
however there have been deaths of friends, from COVID-19,
for a handful of patients here.

This week alone, three clinic patients --
two were in-patients with rooms at the residence,
one was living on-campus in one of the clinic apartments --
have discharged earlier than planned,
largely because they have families they are concerned about.
Then there is one in-patient here who is really fragile, and
just had their clinical case conference.
This patient has to stay for now, because if discharged,
their home area lacks the resources and support they need so much.
However, this patient's children include a special-needs child
and the patient is FURIOUS at being separated from the child.
Tricky and touchy situation, AND this patient is a one of the drama-venting types.

The nursing staff is very stressed and some of them have been insensitive with patients, which makes a bad thing worse.
Most of the nurses, however, know better.
We are actually very well cared for here
and I can't personally imagine anyplace better to be
with this pandemic going on. So I am holding up all right.
No further aches or pains, either, and sleeping well.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Mar 20 - 05:01 PM

The CEO of the clinic, himself a psychiatrist,
sat down today with the "therapeutic community"
-- clinic-speak for us patients with some nursing/mental-health-worker staff -- to bring us up to date on the clinic versus the coronavirus pandemic.

A nurse who was ill, received negative test results, yay!
A staff intern in the clinic admissions office,
who went home ill on 10 March and has not returned to work,
received test results positive for coronavirus.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Mar 20 - 01:08 PM

I *really* enjoyed taking the Rorschach. Really. My shrink, though, felt sorry for the tester, apparently smart people take foreeever.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Mar 20 - 03:46 PM

Interesting times at the mental health clinic.
This institution has meticulous and elaborate hierarchies of treatment plans. As patients stabilize, make progress, and become more prepared to ease back into the world outside,
there are ways to "step down" their treatment while not yet going so far as discharge.
The little clinic is organized so that the campus includes, not only the in-patient residence and the building with the conference rooms, offices, and other public functions,
but also some homes that have been converted to 'multi-family', in other words, apartment residences.
In these, patients who no longer require nursing supervision, can check in daily at the clinic and can keep on getting treatment,
while they get the hang of living together outside the in-patient residence.
There are treatment plans in which a patient lives nearby and agrees to treatment less than five days a week, with according reduction in the weekly amount billed to them.
Some hold down jobs as they do so.
And this is all BEFORE discharge and aftercare.

What has this to do with the coronavirus and the sheltering?
A heck of a lot.
Not all of the decisions have been fixed yet,
and a lot of the planning is at the contingency stage.
For one thing --
knock on wood --
we have no patients with symptoms of coronavirus, and thus,
no patients who require quarantine and that sort of nursing.

Four staffpersons, however, including
one nurse and one physician,
are ill and at home, and are being or have been tested;
word of mouth has it that test results for these clinicians here
will come through this week.

In the meantime, contingency plans are being made
in case there are patients who sicken with coronavirus;
such as, which wing of the residence can be closed off so that
only the nurses and other staff are admitted,
while the rest of us carry on in a different wing...

we are supposed to be hunkering down for the rest of March and all of April, but naturally everything is subject to change.
I feel safe and well, but we have some patients here
with anxiety issues to begin with,
and they are NOT happy campers.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Mar 20 - 02:28 PM

This high-end clinic takes seriously the consideration of a patient's family. To that end, every clinical 'team' to which any patient is assigned, includes a fully certified social worker. Even I have a social worker here. This is a new experience for me, as I have avoided living with others since I left my family of origin, and I don't have significant others, or dependents, or in-laws, or what have you.

Part of the initial six-week evaluation includes a detailed family history for each patient. The new patient goes over their family history with the social worker in particular. This is going to result in the social worker drawing up something I have never seen before, they call it a geno-gram. Still in preparation, I think I have supplied all of my information but I have yet to see this diagram.

The other thing the social worker does, has two parts to it, and that is the social worker advocating on behalf of the patient to the patient's family.
Firstly, the patient and the social worker decide whether any family member is to have information disclosed to them about the patient's status and treatment, and whatever is decided, a formal agreement is drawn up, signed, and dated, to that end.
Secondly, the social worker contacts the patient's relatives to interview them about the patient's history from the relatives' point of view.

This month, my assigned social worker received my permission to talk by phone with one of my blood relatives, not saying which one. It would have to be, wouldn't you know, one of the relatives who is most disruptive. In the end, it had to be so: it is the family that decides which relatives will manage affairs and monitor communications on the family's behalf, so even though this relative is one of the unbalanced ones, communicating through this person conforms to family expectations -- and is more satisfactory to the family. The thing is, I now have an advocate in this social worker, doing the communicating on my behalf, and this clinician is the one who takes the heat, not me.

I can't even put into words how huge this is for me.
This kind of advocacy is something even my attorney, financially oriented as my attorney is, has not provided for me.
I suppose I ought to be really emotional about this, and pleased about it.
Instead I feel worn out and exhausted. Having turned this corner, so to speak, I'm just so tired and weary -- okay, depressed -- from years of putting a brave face on and keeping the stiff upper lip, and not giving anybody the satisfaction of seeing me show any signs of vulnerability. More than anything, I feel like rest and quiet is what I need.

For these reasons, the coronavirus restrictions pose no hardship for me at all: the clinic campus is my home, the care is excellent, and I can actually rest and relax as I have not done in years. I feel too weary even to weep, although someday the tears will come -- I know there is at least one good cry inside of me, I'm just too weary to let it out.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Mar 20 - 10:44 AM

We clinic in-patients -- and the patients whose "step-down" treatment plans put them in apartments on the clinic campus, rather than in the big residential building -- are actually very very well taken care of, in spite of the patients who always find something to complain and bleat and moan about.
I have heard no reports of clinic patients, in or out of the big building, showing symptoms of coronavirus or otherwise feeling poorly.

No, the bad news comes from the clinic staff. More than one have developed symptoms or illness. I have heard of these professionals staying at home and cancelling their appointments or what have you. Of course everyone is alert and gossiping as much as their consciences will permit, I mean the patients, sorry, the staff are on their best behavior.
What I have not heard is that anyone has had access to testing here. In this county of the state, there are coronavirus cases; I heard one report on the radio, no name given, but the report gave the name of the town, and it is within ten miles of the clinic, which is the diagnosed person's hometown. This person is now in this county's largest city, where there is a hospital, and in treatment -- and isolation -- there.

I know of no one personally who has experienced someone whom they know dying, yet, of coronavirus; no doubt this too will change.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Mar 20 - 10:21 AM

A couple of nights' good sleep,
and I feel more like my old self, recovered from the
psych-test four-hour marathon.

While this clinic is the best possible place for me to be,
particularly while weathering the coronavirus pandemic,
there are plenty of fellow patients who disagree with me.

The most unhappy are those who are parents with children.
One patient, a married father whose wife is pregnant,
has said, to heck with it, and is terminating his treatment,
directing the clinic towards discharge,
and heading for home as soon as practical.

Well, naturally, we in-patients are getting on each other's nerves
under the stress and strain of the present,
especially with the future holding
all these threatening unknowns.
Some patients, predictably, increase their voluntary isolation.
When it is mealtime,
they show up at the dining room/kitchen area,
get their meal to-go,
and without further ado they carry the dishes and walk away,
to eat in the privacy of their residence rooms.

And some in-patients are sniping shrilly at the rest of us
because we get closer to each other than six feet,
we sit too close together,
we don't wash our hands with sanitizer to THEIR satisfaction,
miaow miaow MIAAAAAAAAAAOW.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Mar 20 - 02:45 PM

Boredom is NOT one of the things I am feeling right now;
on another day there may be time for boredom, but not today.

The clinic's initial six-week treatment procedure, going up to
the case conference that determines future treatment, includes
psychological testing -- some of it projective,
some of it cognitive, other stuff I don't have words for.
Normally, during those first six weeks,
the staff psychologist who administers the testing one-on-one
will space the testing out over three days in a particular week.
He would have done so with me, had things been normal,
which of course they are not.
The first appointment was first thing this morning.

I ate a good breakfast and went straight to the office building.
In the reception lobby, the psychologist met me and led me up the stairs to the topmost floor -- third story.
Not his usual space, but again, things are not normal --
so he got this conference room set aside on the highest floor.

And up there he asked me, how was my schedule today and
did I have the morning free or did I have commitments after this?
I allowed as how our appointment was for two hours of testing,
and after that my schedule was open. And he said:
wanna get all four hours of testing done today?

If I had known what a toll it would take, I don't think I would have agreed.
However: not normal times, I already knew it was strenuous,
so: yes, we might as well get it overwith.

Get it overwith, we have.
We went two-hours plus before he took a break. The break was short.
When we came back, the harder stuff was ahead, including those infamous Rorschach ink blots,
which initial 'impressions' are followed by going back
a second time through the prints and answering questions.
I was pretty cranky by this time:
whaddaya mean, 'why does it look like a whale'?

So the psychologist and I, with the aformentioned break,
went from 8:30 A to 12:30 A, and were done,
and I staggered back to the inpatient residence for lunch.
Bored? NOT.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Mar 20 - 12:34 PM

Stay well, physically and all, keberoxu.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Mar 20 - 07:00 PM

Today at the clinic,
there were meetings of the patients
-- in groups no larger than twenty-five people at a time --
about how to comply with state and government mandates
concerning the coronavirus pandemic.

I seriously doubt that this clinic is going to close;
but for all that, the clinic people have to seriously discuss
if and when they MIGHT,
temporarily, close the clinic.
I would guess that admissions are suspended for the moment.

In the meantime, we residential patients may no longer
have buffet-style meals three times a day --
the buffet self-serve approach another object of mandates.
The kitchen is thinking of ways to serve differently
until it's safe to have meals with a buffet again.
No visitors or guests until further notice,
and for us residents, no traveling until further notice.

I feel as safe here as, and safer than,
I would feel in a lot of places.
But everybody, one way or another, is feeling this crisis.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: mg
Date: 14 Mar 20 - 01:38 AM

i pick up a wipe used for shopping carts and wipe everything in sight

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Mar 20 - 11:28 PM

Someone at my grocery store self-checkout was cleaning the touchscreen between customers, great job

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Mar 20 - 08:06 PM

Still feeling well, no relapse or anything.

This clinic is probably a better place than most
to wait out the coronavirus pandemic.
There are protocols in place should IT manifest on the premises.
The closest I hear of nearby cases:
one town about six or seven miles down the road
has one confirmed adult case,
and said adult has been admitted
to a hospital within twenty miles, for treatment.
Don't know the particulars of this case,
just heard the announcement on the car radio.

Dispensers of high-alcohol-content hand sanitizer have appeared indoors in multiple locations, especially
in the dining area for residential patients and staff.
The kitchen/dining room staff doesn't include waiters,
as there is a buffet area referred to as a "servery" (?).
But such staff as there are,
if they aren't busy in the kitchen during mealtimes,
are standing at doorways,
watching those areas in which eating utensils are picked up or dropped off,
and those areas which have dispensers for beverages like coffee.
Rather than watch us dining patrons as such,
the servers are watching those vulnerable areas,
and when we venture into them
they watch US, like hawks!
There is also one staffperson standing next to the
hand sanitizer dispenser which is next to the kitchen utensils,
politely reminding each individual
to use hand sanitizer
before touching knives, forks, spoons ...

at the end of the day, one's hands are not only clean
but also a little bit dried out.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 12 Mar 20 - 04:45 AM

Oh phew keberoxu! I was...er...just a tiny bit worried there. :O
However, you seem to have pulled through, thank the Lord.
You do sound upbeat and positive, which is very good.
Lots of kind thoughts coming your way!
love, Eliza xx

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Mar 20 - 10:37 PM

Thank you, Donuel; thank you, one and all.
I had some time to rest and got attention from the nurses,
and whatever wearied me seems to have run its course,
as I feel like my normal self again.

Ah, I won't repeat what the fellow patients are saying,
it would be imprudent,
but suffice to say that the topic of coronavirus makes for some
lively conversations in a residential long-term treatment clinic
not all that far away from New York City.
Several of my fellow patients have ties there --
if not residents of the Big Apple, then
they have family or friends who are.
No small amount of gallows humor, dark mordant humor.
Relief of tension and anxiety in a modest way.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Mar 20 - 06:37 PM

Just hoping your convalesence goes well

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Mar 20 - 06:24 PM

This week, after play-reading,
those of us who signed up for the spring play are to start meeting four nights a week at the clinic's patient activities building,
where the theater space is on the top floor.
And I had to notify by voice-mail message
that I am out, sick. Bummer.
But I started feeling sore ALL OVER, and very weak.
So went to nurses' station, got my temperature taken,
took two Advil, got a little supper,
and am going straight to bed.
And again, bummer. I hope this doesn't get any worse ...

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Mar 20 - 08:56 AM

You are a person with judgment. Judging is not only allowed, it is required.

When I was in my clinic I shushed a nurse who was positively howling at their phone in the middle of the night when a) people were sleeping but I was up, pacing) and b) we patients weren't allowed phones... Turned out they were on *camera* phone so I turned them in for horrible HIPAA (the P is Privacy) violation. Boy did they get in trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Mar 20 - 08:54 AM

I was mistaken, thank heavens.

The hollering man was one of the night nurses, not a patient. The patient in question had in fact never left the premises, but did the orderly thing and went to the nurses' station. And from there, the night nurse personally went down to the service entrance to, erm, question the delivery men. Then returned to the station, and reported to the patient what the delivery men said to him, the nurse.

So it was all above board, and I let my fears run away with me.
So I have apologized to the patient for suspecting him, he has accepted my apology, and I am rightfully humbled.
And actually the truckers are going to look into adjusting the delivery time. The kitchen staff were unaware that the delivery of the foodstuffs happened THAT early in the day, and it startled them to be told as much. So maybe a compromise can be reached.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Mar 20 - 01:51 AM

This clinic, as treatment institutions go, is one with a small patient population;
one which is encouraged to bond together and to form alliances, acquaintances, constructive friendships.
Then we are reminded what treatment entails.

Two different patients have had to be released to the local full-service hospital, to be sectioned, and then to be transferred
to a different treatment facility with locked wards and suicide watches,
which this little clinic decided, in the beginning of its history,
never to do, and has stuck by its decision.
One of the two had their crisis just before my own admission.
And the remaining patients (staff, as well) were still processing this development.
The other such patient had their crisis this past week.

Yet another event that I know better than to take personally.
But there was a time and place, in my own therapy and process,
when I, too, took everything personally.
I remember how raw I felt back then.
Some of my fellow patients are just that raw,
and they take it really personally when a fellow in-patient
suffers a setback, a serious one.
I know better now, but who am I to judge them,
when I was once there myself?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Mar 20 - 03:17 PM

In the in-patient residence at the clinic, there are two wings. Actually this residence is a centuries-old Stately Home converted into a clinic residence. The Stately Home itself had these two wings to begin with.
They have been organized into:
an east wing, which has various community areas on both the entrance floor and in the basement.
The upper two floors of the east wing are 'admit' rooms, for which the newly admitted patients have priority in housing.
a west wing, with two upper floors of larger, more gracious housing. Mostly those west-wing rooms are suites which have got one bathroom shared between two bedrooms, and access to said bathroom is through the bedrooms and no place else. The long-term, settled patients are there, moved there from the admit wing.

I'm in an 'admit room' in the east wing. And, as previously stated, when the delivery truck brings the weekly delivery before dawn during a weekday morning, the service loading dock and entrance is directly underneath one window of my tiny room. Like the other 'admit rooms', my room has got a sink and mirror [NO cabinet to hide meds in], and the toilet/bathroom facilities are in the hallway and are shared by the patients in neighboring rooms.
When the truck rolled up last week, in addition to the long time interval of metallic rolling, engine idling, doors slamming, and so on, there was a moment when a man raised his voice and began shouting, seriously shouting. Well, one makes allowances for the fact that the noise continued uninterrupted, and so, right, the man has to shout in order to be heard above the noise. I had a surprise coming, though.

Community meetings (voluntary, but strongly encouraged) take place every weekday. The meeting held that same day, another east-wing, admit-room patient vented their indignation at being awakened before dawn by the truck doing the delivery ... and went on to volunteer that this person, themselves, had inquired about what reason there could be for a delivery at that hour when people are trying to sleep. And went on to relate 'what the delivery men said.'
I put two and two together, and silently thought:
that was YOU?! A fellow patient?
You got up from your bed, threw some clothes on, left your room, went down the stairs, out of the building, over to the service entrance, and SHOUTED AT THE DELIVERY MEN? You, one of the patients, before 5:30 in the bleeping morning??

Their room and my room are on the same floor of the same wing. I didn't hear doors opening and shutting, or footsteps in the hall, and by the time I heard that shouting, I was quite wide awake and fully vigilant (if disinclined to leave the bed), and my ears were on full alert.

I didn't utter a word at the community meeting, only listened.
In the days between then and now, I have been afraid to venture the topic with the person who volunteered those statements during the meeting. But I have discussed it with the nursing/support/community staff, and at one much smaller group I have brought up my experience among the other patients (which do not include the person I suspect of doing the shouting).

If I want to really put this behind me, I will have to have a word with the fellow patient who spoke up in community meeting... what if I get my head bitten off ... but I am imagining all sorts of frightful things, and I fear that only the facts and the truth will put my imagination in its place.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Mar 20 - 10:24 AM

Two mornings ago, before dawn -- sometime between 4 am and 6 am -- the service entrance at the in-patient residence received a delivery. One large truck/lorry, and one large order at the back of said truck. The delivery men worked rapidly, slamming doors and rolling things on dollys and carts, a great metallic thundering noise.
I ought to know. My second-story admit room is directly above the service entrance. I thought there was a thunderstorm! Then I got out of bed, raised a windowshade, and saw the enormous truck directly below the window. But why take it personally? It made me laugh, actually.

The patient in the room next to mine, well, I can't breach confidentiality, but this patient is physically miserable and with good reason, needs their treatment. And my next-door neighbor took the pre-dawn delivery and the noise, personally -- VERY VERY personally. Poor lamb. Between a rock and a hard place, that one. Can't blame the patient for losing it, when they are feeling so rotten to begin with.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 05 Mar 20 - 06:42 PM

I recently bought a Margaret Atwood novel, which I haven't read yet.

It's about a theatre company in a prison, so that doesn't relate to you, but it might have some similarities to the theatre group you are involved with.

Hag-Seed

"When Felix is deposed as artistic director of the Makeshiweg Theatre Festival by his devious assistant and longtime enemy, his production of The Tempest is canceled and he is heartbroken. Reduced to a life of exile in rural southern Ontario—accompanied only by his fantasy daughter, Miranda, who died twelve years ago—Felix devises a plan for retribution.

"Eventually he takes a job teaching Literacy Through Theatre to the prisoners at the nearby Burgess Correctional Institution, and is making a modest success of it when an auspicious star places his enemies within his reach. With the help of their own interpretations, digital effects, and the talents of a professional actress and choreographer, the Burgess Correctional Players prepare to video their Tempest. Not surprisingly, they view Caliban as the character with whom they have the most in common. However, Felix has another twist in mind, and his enemies are about to find themselves taking part in an interactive and illusion-ridden version of The Tempest that will change their lives forever. But how will Felix deal with his invisible Miranda’s decision to take a part in the play?"

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Mar 20 - 04:40 PM

Did I tell you that the patient activities department and the drama division
have narrowed down this year's "spring play" to
two by Shakespeare:
Pericles (very late Shakespeare), or A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Another reading tonight, and we will see what we will see.
I'm in, for better or worse.
It's definitely going to take a big chunk out of my sleep;
but I realized that
I would really kick myself for letting them do it without me!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Mar 20 - 10:53 AM

The spring play in the drama activities program has yet to be chosen,
it will, however, be Shakespeare.
We are reading through Shakespeare plays as a group this week.
Yes, there is a Shakespeare play every spring, and so when we read,
the plays done in the recent past are ruled out.
There was a recent Hamlet, so no Hamlet this year.

The fellow patient who plays the cello,
is part of the group interested in drama, as stated in an earlier post.
A natural performer, very passionate and emotional; it will interest me greatly
to see in what role he is cast.
There are, it will not surprise you to hear,
more women than men.
The staffperson who runs the drama activity, and directs the plays,
is an older man who is a seasoned director and knows Shakespeare repertoire well.
He really loves working with the patients in their modest theater on the clinic campus.
It will be fascinating to observe what he does to adapt a dramatic production to the abilities of clinic patients.
It is a given that some of the men's roles will be played by women
because there aren't enough men.

That said, there is a method I'm already aware of:
the first people cast in the chosen play,
come from the patient population.
Shakespeare plays can be densely populated, and it is regularly the case
that there are more roles than interested patients.
So then the next phase of casting takes place, opened up to
the local community on an amateur/volunteer basis.
The drama program has been running in this fashion at this clinic
for decades now,
thus there is a dedicated support system at the community level.
When the week of performances takes place, in May,
there will be a good crowd in the audience -- tickets are sold --
and the audience will come from a distance in some cases.

At "community meetings" oriented to the patients -- and governed by the patients -- which take place five days a week,
a heck of a lot can come out. Each weekday has a separate agenda.
Yesterday, the agenda included -- I'm using different terms than the committee/rulebook uses --
infractions of the community guidelines and rules, and disruptive ongoing situations.
There are structures in place, all engaging the patient community,
to look at community problems and issues. It is at the meetings that I realize how ill some of the patients are,
because oddly, in this no-locked-ward, open-community setup,
there is considerable peer pressure to carry yourself a certain way.
You can be withdrawn and uncommunicative, but as long as you are not disruptive,
the community can contain you and your behavior.
Some individuals however have got behavior that is screaming for care and attention, they really need help.
I've only been here ten days. Yesterday's meeting spent considerable time, and a lot of heated exchanges and emotion,
on a person who was absent -- by choice --
who has been a problem for months now. I can't say a lot.
This patient started out sociable and formed friendships.
Then, the deeper into the treatment over time,
the more anti-social the patient has become.
When confronted by the structured committees about behavior,
the patient's hostility increases, the anger and resistance increases,
and there is even more pushing away of people.
This is a patient I have yet to meet in my ten days here,
and I have been introduced to so many fellow patients.

The people I speak to here, who have been here a while and are the most mature and wise in perception (this includes fellow patients), remind me that work of this depth and intensity makes slow progress, gradual forward progress.
I am seeing the drama that goes with someone who really, really needs to be here. And I can see that a full resolution may be a long way off, and it won't be one nice neat package deal.
I feel for the patients who have been verbally attacked by the troubled individual. That's all for now.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 01:41 PM

Not only the best thinking, SRS, but playing music is almost like meditation for me. I have seen studies showing the positive influence of playing music on a range of emotional and physical aspects of life.

Don't ask me to quote my sources, because I've been seeing them in the media and in documentaries for decades.

If I am stressed and play music I am able to bring myself into a completely different head space. And playing music with other people is one of the best pastimes that I know. I've said for years that going to parties where people stand around drinking and talking about whatever is not my scene, but make it a party where people are playing music and it's my idea of heaven on earth.

(Please bear in mind that I don't play thrash metal. I'd like to see the studies on the influence of thrash metal on the musicians' emotional and physical well-being. LOL)

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 01:20 PM

That musical opportunity sounds marvelous! I always find I do some of my best thinking when I'm playing for my own pleasure, so hopefully this will be doubly beneficial.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Charmion
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 11:18 AM

Congratulations, Keb. Great to hear.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 08:16 AM

First, the, and a period after the super. No editing of posts allowed on my phone, only backspacing. If I touch where I want to edit I can't type any more. This is new.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Mar 20 - 08:14 AM

Sounds great, k. We had no music in my dirst clinic and rhe some we had on the locked ward was super

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 11:38 PM

Playing music with other people is uplifting for the spirit, in my opinion. Please keep us updated on your musical sharing.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 08:45 PM

well, this day has held some surprises.
Went to treatment consults and group meetings as required,
showed up for all three meals (God forbid I miss the food).

A vigorous and diversified activities program is one of the better-known features of
this institution, such that outsiders know about these things.
In this activities program, some people learn a visual-arts medium and end up with their work mounted in a local exhibition.
And then there is the theater, directed by a long-term theater person.
Two plays a year every year. I'm just in time for the spring play.
I had a word with the professional who does this, and said,
Look, I am partly in treatment for sleep-related health issues;
and if I cannot commit to all those nights of rehearsals because
I literally need to go to my room and get some sleep instead,
then that rules me out, right?
And he said no, far from it. We'll work something out.
So tomorrow night already we all start reading, as a group,
and the group will contribute to the decision of which play to perform.
In getting acquainted with each other -- "meet and greet" -- tonight,
we went around the room and said what kind of performing experience, prior to this, we had.
So I mentioned being in my high school play, lo! these many years past; and I went on to add that
I was once a professional musician and did no small amount of performing,
however I wasn't playing any sort of character at the time.
I added that I had been a pianist accompanying other musicians.

So we break up and head our separate ways,
and one of the other patients at the meet-and-greet
(one who has been here for some time, and has already
performed in the plays here last year)
hurried after me to say: excuse me, you're an accompanist?
Would you be interested in playing piano with me, I play cello.
"That was YOU?!" I exclaimed. Because I heard him practicing.
There is a music room conveniently close to this very spot,
the computer station, where I enjoyed myself for hours this weekend;
and many of those hours, somebody was behind closed doors in the music room, practicing solo cello, and playing classical cello music really well.
Well, yes, that was he. So at some point in the future, he is going to pull out some of the music in his repertoire, we will find a piano, he will bring his cello, and I will fight the muscle cramps in my hands and arms from being out of practice for so long.
And who would have thought it!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Charmion
Date: 02 Mar 20 - 10:59 AM

When everything else in your life has gone to shit or is trying to, good food can be a literal life-saver, and for many patients I'm sure it's the last source of pleasure left. Management at that joint you're in has some good thinking skills.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Mar 20 - 02:25 PM

February, leap-year day and all, is past, and March is here.
And after a cold snap, the weather is headed back to where it was
on my arrival a week ago: unseasonably warm and bright outside.

There is a rhythm in the patient schedule:
all the individual treatments are on weekdays.
Weekends no-one sees a psychiatrist or therapist except when urgent.
As to the peer-driven group activities,
every weekday does have a community meeting;
but for in-patients, both weekend days have group meetings
that are separate from the community meetings.
So, when the professionals disappear from the weekend routine,
the peer groups (with nursing staff) pick up the slack.

This coming week, my schedule will not be bursting with interviews, introductions, and admission assessments as last week's schedule was.
Along with weekday treatment and appointments, my schedule will have time
for the community meetings that I could not go to last week (except for one or two).
Have to introduce more interactions with the other patients into life.

And so, slowly getting acquainted with more individuals.
Young adult women do predominate the patient population, some of them really young adults still close to their parents.
It is sobering to discover how urgently they needed treatment when they got here.
Now becoming apparent that this is not the easiest gig for men.
Those men patients who are more extroverted and gregarious have the advantage here.
I have now got used to the silent introverted men who seem quietly resigned to
the raised voices of the younger women patients.
The men's presence is far from threatening; I like having them around.

Can't say enough good things about the nurses and their fellow 'mental health workers' at the residence. More than one patient has expressed how nurturing they are.
So much so that I don't feel alone or isolated here.

The patients who obviously are most conflicted and struggling
are the ones separated from loved ones,
which of course is not the case with me.
Those patients who are parents of children feel a constant pull.
Some of these isolate from the other patients because of this.

One outstanding feature of this treatment center, which
will take time to understand on my part, is
the role of the social workers in family therapy
and as the contacts to the relationships outside.
For some of the patients,
the relationship with their assigned social worker is a lifeline.
They depend enormously on their work with the social worker
in order to progress.
I've only met mine once, and as my emotions were running high at the time,
there was only so much work we could get done at our first consult.
So that remains to develop and to be seen.

One last detail: the cooking is wonderful.
Died-and-gone-to-heaven wonderful.
Three delicious square meals a day. It's an enormous blessing.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 09:50 PM

The shower thing might have been a test to see how proactive you are at problem identification and notification. You passed that test with flying colours.

Or it might be a dastardly trick to make people more stressed. Nah! Sounds like they are too nice for that. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 08:16 PM

ah, but it's leap-year day, not Groundhog day.
The sun shone through the snow flurries today.
Does that mean it won't be spring for six weeks?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 05:45 PM

Your shower story reminded me of Bill Murry in ground hog day.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 04:09 PM

Well I'm glad to hear that keberoxu! They really ought to have sorted that out immediately.
Still thinking of you and wishing you well.
Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 03:42 PM

Actually, because somebody [me] spoke up to the nursing station
and had an order put in,
the person who responded to the order
opened up the dial/switch
and moved it to the correct alignment.
And now -- last time I checked, anyhow --
the shower lever works the way it was supposed to in the first place.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 03:32 PM

So you have to wrassle a long hard thing to get a spurt of warm liquid? I am back to the shower trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Feb 20 - 10:51 AM

Haven't been here seven days, and already the patient community
has had send-off gatherings (with refreshments and party vibes)
for two patients as they are discharged.

Last night was the second discharge. I have to speak carefully here.
So I won't give up the gender of the patient, nor the amount of time they were in treatment.
The gathering last night was literally open to all, and the staff who came were
mostly nurses or 'mental health workers' who are not themselves nurses but assist the nursing department.
These are the staff members who eat in the patient dining room with the patients and who do the daily contacts and assessment.
One such staff member cheerfully told the departing patient,
with all of us looking on and listening in, that
they had come a long way in *** number of ****s, if you get my meaning.
And I blurted out " *** ****!!" repeating the amount of time.
Suffice to say this patient's treatment was indeed LONG-TERM.
The charge nurse on the night shift looked over her shoulder at me
and said with a big grin,
"How does it feel hearing that XYZ was here for '*** ****'?"
"They must have needed it very much," I squawked back.

This clinic has, aside from all the hospital protocols,
a patient assessment thingy in place.
The patient assesses themselves on this scale on admission,
and again on discharge;
at discharge, they get to compare the two self-assessments.
And our departing patient volunteered that it was a rude awakening
to see how little self-awareness they had upon admission, and
how blindly optimistic an assessment they made of themselves.
And said laughing:
"I leave here feeling worse than when I came in," partly sardonic
but also partly truthful.

Other treatment places may be different, but in this clinic,
the truth is king.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 06:29 PM

That local psychiatrist turns out to have served two purposes.
The clinic asked me to meet with said psychiatrist so as to
give "clinical context" to admissions about me, which was done.

Turns out the other way that the psychiatrist was important,
was to contact my insurance, as a provider, and to help insurance determine
how much I needed treatment.
The letter (from the clinic) was formally delivered to me this week,
saying that the insurance would accept the treatment thing.
This means a high deductible and subsequent co-pay.
Without the psychiatrist contacting my insurance as a provider,
I'm not certain how acceptable the insurance would have found this.

So that is good news.
Oh, the shower -- somebody finally solved the mystery.
The thing that determines cold and hot water, and the mix, in the shower,
was installed backwards.
When that happens, the lever cannot just be adjusted the way one does, by turning to hot water and then easing away from it in order to include enough cool water so as not to get burned.
In this case, you have to stand there wiggling the lever back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and eventually
the shower will cough up some warmth --
but not with the lever in the conventional hot-water position ...

it seems like a dirty trick.
I guess it's just what happens.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 10:47 AM

Sounds like progress on several fronts... And backs, and (never mind)!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 10:02 AM

Ah, community living. As disclosed in a previous post,
my shared hallway bathroom
has hot water at the sink
and cold water, only, in the shower (no tub).

Around the corner and down another hallway in the same wing,
is another shared bathroom.
Thus, I finally have clean damp hair because I ventured to
a different communal bathroom than the one designated for my room.

Furthermore, the question from the nursing care coordinator:
Why didn't XYZ across the hall from you,
whose room is the other designated room to share that one bathroom,
complain about the lack of hot water in the shower before you did?
"Well," I said,
"maybe he knew the shower had no warm water and so
he just went and showered in that other bathroom around the corner
and didn't say anything to anybody about it..."

... it's called examined living. Literally: Examined Living.
Anyway, the care coordinators were formally informed by me that
this bathroom has no hot water in the shower, and
an order has now been filled out and submitted. Sigh.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 07:16 PM

keberoxu, I missed this thread and another kind Mudcatter recommended it to me.

I knew from other threads that you have been stressed but now I know why.

I second what Mrrzy said. Look after yourself first and then decide whether to share your concern with others, if they are open to your gift of caring. If they aren't and have proven that they on their own destructive path, then be proud of yourself for trying but walk firmly away.

I am so glad that you are now in the right place to find a more healing and peaceful self.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: mg
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 04:44 PM

Sounds good. I had not been following your thread. It is good that you got or are getting help. I wish everyone could.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 03:09 PM

I'm a great believer in the restorative powers of a really good night's sleep, so I'm glad to hear you've been getting lots of shut-eye.
Could you maybe wash your hair in the washbasin? (If you have fairly short hair, it might be possible)
You sound so sensible and positive keb, keep on keeping on!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 02:35 PM

From that there clinic:
We just had us a fire drill.
Thankfully no rain was coming down; it has rained, so everything underfoot was mud and muck. But nothing falling at that moment, so we stood out in front of the big residence while staff counted heads, and then they let us back in. The fire drill is monthly, and once all of us are outside the building, they work really fast to get us back inside.

Talking of wet, maybe in the near future, the shower will have warm water. My hair wants washing because the shower had nothing but cold water and I chickened out. So of course I reported it. Not a private bathroom, a shared one on the hall; the sink has hot water, but not the shower. At first I wondered if this was on purpose -- would you call that paranoid? Well, this building is remarkably elderly, although on the inside it shows every sign of having been thoroughly overhauled and renovated.

Yesterday it was all that I could do to stay awake, but I managed. A complete physical exam was required, and the very thorough physician thinks that an order for testing for sleep apnea is in order. No rush, but eventually. Sleeping well at night for all that, and every night of better sleep helps matters a little more.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 08:42 AM

Just saw this. Re your original post, good for you for putting on your own oxygen mask before trying to help your relatives. All the best in your patient-ce!