BS: It's poo time again!

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 Dec 17 - 08:57 AM

I had a colonoscopy on my 60th birthday. No anesthetic as I understandably wanted to get out. Bit uncomfortable but not too bad. Plus I got to ask them to take my 60th birthday picture - from the inside :-)

I think I can match embarrassing hospital procedures, Steve, At the 'interview' for my vasectomy I had to lie on a couch, sans kex, while the doctor groped about my tackle and a nurse asked deep meaningful questions of both my wife and me. I managed to embarrass the Mrs more though. As we came out I saw that the waiting room was full of very nervous looking men. I hobbled across the floor, leaned on my wife's shoulder and groaned in a very loud voice 'I didn't think they would do it there and then'

Wonder how many legged it :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 01 Dec 17 - 08:22 AM

Back in the 80s I struggled a bit with what was supposed to be IBS, though the symptoms didn't really fit and it eventually went away by itself. But before it did I was sent for a barium enema. What an experience. First they fill yer bowel with air to blow it up a bit (like blowing those annoying paper unrolling whistles in Christmas crackers). Then they pump all this white runny stuff up you. Then the X-ray, then the "emptying."

But they made me put on one of those hospital gowns that tie at the back. My one was clearly designed for a midget. It barely (geddit?) went down to the bottom of my bumchicks and it was not possible to not have a two-inch slit all the way down me back. I had to walk knickerlessly round the hospital from one room to another like that. Sitting down on chairs was basically an act of public indecency. After the procedure, I was directed to a small suite of toilets (more arse-out walking around from room to room) and instructed to sit on one to let it all hang out. Thing is, the row of bogs was opposite a patients' waiting area and there were lots of people there. On top of that, the flimsy bog doors had gaps a foot high at the bottom, so you could see the feet of the sitting occupants... Needless to say, every sound could be heard. Every gurgle, slosh, gush and massive 40-second fart. It was all so bloody ridiculous that I sat in there laughing my head off. I was amazed that the assembled waiting patients didn't burst into spontaneous applause when I emerged. Mind you, they were probably all worried that they were about to be put through the same experience...

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Michael
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 02:07 PM

I had the "finger thing" last week. Doctor: "That feels fine to me".
But then she didn't have a finger up her bum.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 01:37 PM

Funny you all should bring this up.
My doctor had a company called Exact Science
send a ColoGuard kit to my house,
and yeah, it sits there, saying,
So, what are you waiting for?

nice to know I'm not the only one.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 11:51 AM

"Preparing for the colonoscopy."

Aaaaaaaahhh! My mistake - apologies! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: robomatic
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 11:39 AM

Went for the colonoscopy last year. I opted for undergoing it without a general anesthetic. It was definitely doable but I totally understand why an anesthetic is recommended. Not painful but definitely not comfortable. On the plus side, got to see my innards on display in real time and that was cool.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 11:17 AM

Preparing for the colonoscopy. You have to be clean so you fast for 3 days and then take very powerful laxatives. The fasting left me a bit weak and the laxatives took more water out of me than I was replacing.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 10:48 AM

I gave it the right name. The Endoscopy Center is where all of those internal camera folks work in my part of town, whichever end they enter.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 10:46 AM

Just from preparing to have a shit? Fucking hell, what were you doing? I just drop me kecks, grab a piece of bog-paper, squat over the pot, and catch the matter as it drops.

Piece of piss. Errrr....shit! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 10:32 AM

The preparations can be worse than the procedure. The last time I was carted away in an ambulance after my blood pressure dropped drastically and left me paralysed on the bathroom floor due to dehydration.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 10:20 AM

Having shit-wallowed for two children hundreds, if not thousands, of times, and having picked up my dog's warm turds at least three times a day for the past five-and-a-half years, the idea of catching three of my own chocolate-bobbies, one a day on three separate days, concerns me not one whit.

And it's infinitely preferable to bowel cancer.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 10:11 AM

Endoscopy: camera in guts. Most of the time, they're concerned about the colon end of things.
Next time, I will do the laxative and subsequent non-stop pooping the day before, not the night. There's something about shitting one's brains out, then having to drive an hour at 0-dark-30 that's just too much.

Do the slides, guys - it could be worse!

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 09:42 AM

I must have a colonoscopy in the next couple of months -- it's due. I hope that it comes out clear of...well, you know...bad poo. I once had to have an endoscopy as well, and thought they should be done at the same time ("DOCTOR! I see a light at the end of the tunnel!") but the medicos wouldn't do it. It's not the procedure I object to (you're under the care of the gas-passers) or the need for it (HEAVENS NO!) but the preparation of laxatives and colon cleansing stuff. I really have other things to do than spend a day being miserable, rushing for the throne room. I supoo-se I could go to the poo-b, but they'd just be shoveling it.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: JHW
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 09:37 AM

Freind told me he was offered an oscopy from both ends. Asked them for the top down approach first.

Usually get my poo sticks at Christmas. Christmas pud samples are easier to take and always pass.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 09:26 AM

In the UK "endoscopy" is used for both colonoscopy and gastroscopy. Both involve sticking a camera in orofices but at opposite ends of the body.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 09:21 AM

"Endoscopy" is when they make a hole in your stomach and stick a camera in. You're probably thinking of "colonoscophy" which is a camera up the wazoo. A poop chute periscope, so to speak. There's a thread somewhere: the procedure's nuthin', the prep is a nightmare. Good thing is, it's supposed to be all you need for 10 years. (Or 7, in the case of my doc.)

Now the mail-in sample pack is annoying, but pretty easy. You can make a game of it- chasing turds around with a popsicle stick.

My cousin ignored getting a colonoscopy for a couple years, and opted for colon cancer. She's ok now, but would much rather have had the colonoscopy. If the smeary-slide thing is an option for you, do it.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!clueless
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 08:57 AM

A close friend of the wife's in her early 60s is being treated for bowel cancer,
after finally convincing her clueless Dr to do something about her suspicions that a small lump wasn't quite right and not just piles...


Hopefully not too late, treatment and the unpleasant side effects may have been started just at the last minute in time.....???

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 07:25 AM

I passed (?) mine with, er, flying colours a couple of weeks ago. It's only three days' worth of smears, Will, not five.

One of those "you really couldn't bloody make this up" moments happened to me apropos (apropoo?) of this topic. I was being examined in the bodily region in question via the deeply-inserted finger of a somewhat strange lady doctor with hippie hair and a long, multi-coloured, flowing "earth mother" dress when she leaned over my jack-knifed body, looked me in the eyes and whispered "We can't go on meeting like this..."

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 07:14 AM

In the US they send you round to the Endoscopy Center after reaming your insides with a sodium laxative. Including anesthesia, despite warm blankets, it's as miserable as it's cracked up to be.

Subject: RE: BS: It's poo time again!
From: DMcG
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 06:08 AM

Mine too. I am afraid it is one of the things I have trouble getting around to: it often sits of the shelf for a few weeks. Once I start the series of tests it is no problem but I don't like to start unless, for example, I know I will be in the same place for a week or so. The thought of it on display in a hotel or to a frowning customs officer does not appeal ...

Subject: BS: It's poo time again!
From: Will Fly
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 05:57 AM

The regular offer of bowel cancer screening has plopped through my letter box again - 5 days of poo samples - whoopee!

I've done this twice before, with clear results, thank heavens, but forgot to do it last year. As an aged relative has just died of that disease, it's prompted me not to miss the test this time round.

I've known a few people who, through squeamishness, have refused to do it, but what's a bit of poo catching discomfort compared with the agonies of bowel cancer...

Anyway, here's my favourite video on the subject of poo:
Frank Hovis on the lavatory

The great John Sparkesvin full comic flow. Who'da thought he'd become tha narrator of Peppa Pig...