BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:10 PM

No need to steal it, just come and join us. Donuel left his credit tab open, and funding 24 hour a day crumpet tastings is covered. Bring your friends! Bring your cats.

Fresh cream is available, as is butter, ginger preserves, and a nice Russian Caravan black tea.

Costumes are not required, but politics should be left at home.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:27 PM

A large batch of crumpets are being prepared, in advance of the expected larg takeout orders. "Tugo" pakages of 6 crumpets, a pound of butter, and a 12 oz jar of ginger marmalade are being stacked on a table by the door.

A large barrel of cream and tuna fish smoothies is rolled out.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 09:44 AM

A small gaily-decorated launch is seen tying up at the quay.
Out step an African man in full African costume, a rather plump old lady carrying an enormous Victoria sponge cake, and several Siamese cats wearing jolly little ruffs and with bright ribbons on their tails.
They enter the tavern smiling, and the party begins.

The cats perform the Siamese Moggie Polka.
The African performs an Ivorian dance.
And the old lady plays her melodeon.

Crumpets, kilos of butter and all the other good things are served, while the cats get fatter and fatter from gorging on the delicious creamed tuna.
The old lady dances in turn with the wombats, Donuel, Beardedbruce, the wombless bat, the Squid and all the other customers in the tavern.

The noise is tremendous and there are big smiles all round...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:03 AM

African in full African costume was rather vague, but the dance being Ivorian gave me a cool visual... man, I really enjoyed the 60's en brousse.

And Russian Caravan was the favorite kedvesédesanyámnak, sniffs the wombless bat, doing a spinny pentagram in flight whistling engineer songs so the html will work. Avoiding train **wreck* songs so as not to twist the mojo... Reduced to Monkey and the engineer, the bat flies faster than intended, but doesn't hit anything because, well, it's a *bat*.

Lessee if it works.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Greg F.
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:08 AM

Amazing.

BS Bruce can even manage to weaponize and pollute a harmless thread like this one!

And be permitted to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:11 AM

{html victory digression: Woo hoo! "Mom" in Hungarian, composed of particles meaning kind, sweet, mother, owned-ness (her being *my* mom), and ownership (the tea being a favorite *of hers*). Klingon ain't got nothing on it, as I discovered, ha ha, on the Star Trek cruise. I am so punny.}

The wombless bat crashes into the Ivorian dancer, knocking him off his stilts and into the barrel of smoothies. That should take the edge off! cackles the old lady with the melodeon, who is just happy to have been missed by the furry and human projectiles...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 01:01 PM

The African is wearing a long tunic over trousers, all made from a material called 'bazin'. It's emerald green and very shiny. Around the neck and down the front is intricate and colourful silvery embroidery, and a huge embroidered design decorates the front panel. On his head is a little close-fitting white, crocheted cap. He has pointy red leather shoes.
The old lady is in pale blue cotton trousers, a cream flowing top, and her trusty sandals.
She pulls out her old Hohner harmonica and plays a sailor's hornpipe.
The cats dance on their back legs with their front paws folded.
Old Speckled Hen ale flows into everyone's glass, and a Toast is given:-
"To all at the Tavern, God bless us every one!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 01:54 PM

Several Siamese cats go over to GregtrF, and piss in his glass of vinegar.

Fresh crumpets are brought out for the dancers.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Greg F.
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:09 PM

Q.E.D. Brucie.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 03:58 AM

SmokeyPokey, the chief Siamese cat, hurries over to Greg and whispers in his ear. Greg begins to smile. It wasn't wee at all, but some excellent Glen Morangie, which each cat carries in a tiny flask for special occasions.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 06:34 AM

The non- giant wombTs surround GredtrF with their brooms and dustpans, wily sweeping up the crapets he is producing.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 08:22 AM

(never post from a phone)


The non-giant wombats surround GregtrF with their brooms and dustpans, waiting to sweep up all the crapets he is producing.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 01:52 PM

A fresh batch of crumpets is brought out.

They are good enough to inspire sonnets.


Freshly churned butter has been brought, as well as home-made orange marmalade.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 04:04 PM

It wasn't wee, it was a LARGE amount, if you add up all the flasks...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 07 Feb 18 - 08:50 PM

Tech note:
Here in the US, crumpet rings are also listed as egg/ pancake/ cookie rings. But the height of "proper" crumpet rings seem to be larger than the rings so labelled.

And I invite civil comments on such variations as heart and squeeze shaped "rings"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 07 Feb 18 - 08:54 PM

Square. I hate cell phone autocorrects.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Feb 18 - 08:36 PM

I guess the Tavern goers were properly taught( as decent people) tha if you can't say something nice, you should say nothing at all.

I will take it that non- round crumpet rings are NOT a Good Thing.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Feb 18 - 04:15 AM

Around Christmas time here in UK, there are Christmas tree-shaped crumpets on sale. But the points on the shape get too hard in the toaster. I like round crumpets the best.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 03:08 PM

A takeout order of stuffed grape leaves( vegan, stuffed with rice and spices), hummus, babaganoush, and large flat loaves of Middle Eastern bread are picked up by beardedbruce for tonight's pot luck.

A tray of herring and cream smoothies, each topped with an anchovy, are brought out for the cats.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 03:18 PM

The old lady (who is already too fat) cannot resist the delicious food on offer this evening. The cats are slinking forward like little commandos on their bellies, heading for the very tempting fishy smoothie.
The smiling African hasn't decided yet which of his many special Ivorian outfits he's going to wear, but soon he arrives in a shiny turquoise bazin suit with dark green embroidery. He adores the lovely offerings on the table, and thanks the Tavern chef most sincerely, as do the cats and the old lady.
Unfortunately, the entire group doze off, having very full stomachs. There is soon the sound of loud snoring; even the cats snore.
It's the Snoring Chorus. With big smiles.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:11 PM

The assorted Chorii come down from the loft, and hum along with the cats as they snore.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Greg F.
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:20 PM

Without warning a giant bearded asshole splashes excrement all 'round the Tavern whilst screaming nonsense. Having seen and heard the same act many times before, the patrons shake their heads and go about their business.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:28 PM

The dropbear falls upon the asshole, GregtrF, and tears out his intestines and wraps them around his neck. The asshole still keeps spreading excrement all over Mudcat.

Everyone cheers.

The squirming body of the former GregtrF is dragged out to the beach for the gulls to feast upon.

A vast celebration is prepared, to celebrate.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:30 PM

One female rodent in the corner sheds a tear. " I loved that asshole." she says.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:37 PM

The non-giant wombats with mops and dustpans, clean up the excrement left around by GregtrF, making the Tavern, once more, a place for decent people to come and enjoy themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:39 PM

The dropbear goes off to the showers, needing to get cleaned up.