Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries

Subject: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: KarenH
Date: 28 Sep 18 - 06:33 PM

I was walking down the street
On me plates of meat




I said what do you mean a chopper, I never had one at all
He said You will have when I gets you up against the charge room wall
ANd I wouldn't be surprised he said to find that isn't all
When you're helping the police with their enquiries.

Can anybody help with the rest of the lyrics and the name of who wrote this song?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: CET
Date: 28 Sep 18 - 07:20 PM

That is definitely one that I want!

CET

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Sep 18 - 10:54 PM

Hi Karen H,

Before the "Cats of Hell" are unleashed from the Mudcat kennel....A little information will help regarding your request

WHEN - approx dates
Where - approx geographic location
WHO - might have sung it....any other bands before after
NAME of hand or Venue

WHY - do You want these lyrics?I

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Some searches may cover a decade...before the puzzle is solved...There "why" is important...it frequently provides the " steam for discovery. "

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: Thompson
Date: 30 Sep 18 - 07:46 AM

I want them too - sounds like a great song!

Location: I'd assume from the wording it's English rather than American.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,KarenH
Date: 30 Sep 18 - 09:26 AM

Sorry,

It is English, I heard it in pubs in Northern England in the late 70s/early 80s.

No idea who might have recorded it or wrote it. I was hoping to find enlightenment on the topic.

I can remember bits of the words, he ends up in a cell, along with the copper as a bit of poetic justice.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 30 Sep 18 - 05:05 PM

The late Jim Boyles of The Marsden Rattlers used to sing this one so maybe Jim Bainbridge might be able to help. Possibly try album tracks from Hamish Imlach as Jim used to sing a few of his songs.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Sep 18 - 09:38 PM

Northern England is a very big place...I
Do you recall a venue?

The approximate date?
August/December/April 1977 or 1983 or somewhere inbetween?

WHY?

I can virtually promise if you provide details...it WILL be found.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

try the search engine "duckduckgo" it is unedited and does not sponsor adverts, or beacons.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: Joe Offer
Date: 30 Sep 18 - 11:07 PM

I found lots of stuff about crime, but not much about music. I did find two instrumental pieces on Spotify with the title "Helping the Police With Their Engquiries." In short, I found nothing of value.
Can anybody contact Jim Banbridge and see if he knows of the song?
-Joe-

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: KarenH
Date: 01 Oct 18 - 07:46 AM

Well thanks all. Perhaps more Midlands, North Midlands than North as in Durham etc. Can't be more helpful on dates. No 'known' venue, just informal singarounds. Pretty sure the chap who used to sing it did not write it. He used to do the 'Close the coalhouse door, boys,' song as well. And Mr Tambourine Man.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,Charmion's brother Andrew
Date: 12 Oct 18 - 08:32 AM

I can well imagine that CET would like to get to know such a song. I would as well.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,leslie
Date: 20 Dec 18 - 05:08 AM

In the early seventies a sunday morning channel four tv broadcast ewan mcCol and others "songs of working class...." I remember this song on the programme...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,leslie
Date: 20 Dec 18 - 05:10 AM

plates of meat is cockney rhyming slang of course

Subject: Lyr Add: HELPING THE POLICE WITH THEIR ENQUIRIES
From: GUEST,Cockney Colin
Date: 18 Jan 20 - 07:07 AM

The song is copyright to Stephen Sedley and was written in 1966. According to the notes on the song, he was the Folk Critic of The London Tribune at the time. I have sung it since the mid-1970s and it still raises a laugh with the audience joining in the refrain at the end of each verse.

It appears in “Songs of Our Time From The English Folk Scene “ printed in 1967 by Oak Publications, 701, Seventh Avenue, New York, NY. The songbook was produced for Heathside Music by Sing Productions. Compton Cottage, Crescent Lane, Clapham Common, London, UK.


Oh me name is Charlie Arkwright, I’m an easy-going bloke.
I was fit and healthy till they put me in the Poke
Now I’ve lost me teeth, an eye and an ear, and one of me arms is broke
I’ve been helping the police with their enquiries.

I was walking down the street, on me plates of meat,
When round the corner comes a copper,
I sez, “Well how’d yer do?” He sez “I’m nicking you,
For being in possession of a chopper.”
I sez, “What do yer mean, a chopper? I ain’t got one at all”
“You will ‘ave,” he sez, “when I’ve got you up against the station wall
And I wouldn’t be surprised” he sez, “To find that isn’t all,
Once you’re helping the police with their enquiries.”

Well he grabbed me arm and he bust it and he said “Well now you see.
That’s what happens when you resist arrest.”
“I never moved,” sez I. “That’s true enough,” sez he.
“But you might ‘ave ‘ad done, if I hadn’t ‘ave clobbered yer first.”
So he took me down to the station and he put me in a cell
He brought along a chopper and a length of hose as well
He sez, “If these ain’t down to you, I’ll knock yer face to hell.
You’ll be helping the police with their enquiries.”

Well he clobbered me on the spot, then he dun me for the lot
Offensive weapon and bashing the police.
I told the judge, next day, I’d been framed in every way.
And all I wanted was me bit of peace.
But the judge he said “You’re barmy. You need a prison cell.”
So he sent me down to the nuthouse and it's here that I do dwell
The only thing that spoils it is the copper’s here as well
He’s been helping the police with their enquiries.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: Karen Impola
Date: 18 Jan 20 - 11:31 AM

What does "chopper" mean in this context? A gun? A knife?

In the U.S., it usually means a helicopter or a motorcycle. In the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where I learned to talk, "choppers" are leather mittens that you wear over your knitted ones.

Googling "chopper UK slang" tells me it means a penis, but that can't be right.

Funny thing, the English language

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: Mick Pearce (MCP)
Date: 18 Jan 20 - 12:02 PM

It also is UK slang for an axe (is that ax for you?), which is perhaps more likely than penis in this context!

Mick

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: Karen Impola
Date: 18 Jan 20 - 12:29 PM

Thanks, Mick!

Axe or ax are both acceptable in the U.S., but I prefer axe.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: DaveRo
Date: 18 Jan 20 - 01:42 PM

Stephem Sedley was a young barrister in 1966, so he would have been well-acquainted with the subject matter. (ref)

On Spotify I found Leon Rosselson's 'Vote for Us' (1964) on which he performs.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,Jon Bartlett
Date: 15 Mar 20 - 08:24 PM

"Sir Stephen Sedley (born 9 October 1939) is a British lawyer. He worked as a judge of the Court of Appeal of England and Wales from 1999 to 2011 and is currently a visiting professor at the University of Oxford." Thus Wikipedia. he also writes a mean column in the London Review of Books. And of course he was responsible for The Seeds of Love (EFDSS)

Jon Bartlett

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: MoorleyMan
Date: 16 Mar 20 - 07:11 AM

Nice one!

Now can anyone provide a link to a recording of the song?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,Leslie again
Date: 17 Apr 21 - 04:30 AM

chopper__type of hatchet used in butcher's trade

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,Ray
Date: 17 Apr 21 - 06:20 AM

Apart from any sexual connotation, I’ve always thought of a chopper as a single handed axe for chopping firewood.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Helping the Police with Their Enquiries
From: GUEST,leslie
Date: 01 Jul 21 - 03:40 AM

the song was probably banned for a long time . That would explain why it disappeared.
          Many thanks Colin.