BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 14 Jan 19 - 08:48 PM

Oh yes, the armless Intravenous de Milo (that took a moment or 2 to sink in, after I realised it wasn't about that pseudo-Ovaltine called Milo, either of which would be good therapy for those on the Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019, provided it was laced with your SOC (Spirit Of Choice)
And how I would love to meet Surgeon Lance Boyles: could he by any chance be a relation of Mr Laudable Pus? Or Miss Staph Aureus?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 14 Jan 19 - 09:11 PM

That should ave been Staff (Staph) Nurse Aureus!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Jan 19 - 10:27 PM

Don't forget the cafeteria workers Sam&Ella !

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Jan 19 - 12:18 AM

Doing well now, all bits are intact, and uke practice is happening.

Thank you all for the good wishes!

It's definitely true what the Readers Digest said all those years ago.....laughter is the best medicine.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jan 19 - 11:08 AM

Thanks to James Herriott and his short stories about dogs,
I know about Laudable Pus
(yes, that story IS a memorable one).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 15 Jan 19 - 04:49 PM

If it was James Herriot, could have been Laudable Puss!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Severn
Date: 17 Jan 19 - 04:40 PM

Just to let you know the bathing suit area has been newly designated "Sauna o Beach" I thought some of you were still celebrating Xmas until I realized that you were singing "O,
Tanning Balm". A similar misunderstanding once resulted in a balm scare over in Gilead.....

The quality of the food seems to have gotten worse ever since Chef Eatie Gourmet suddenly got sick and "Dishpan Hans" from the cleanup end of things had to temporarily take over under emergency conditions. Even the Green Jello tastes a little soapy. I guess no one told him that the "Wash Your Hands Before You Return To Work" sign also implies rinsing them......

Also beware of "Ernie The Gurney", who takes the hallways at a run and already has a few "X"s marked on the side of his vehicle.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 Jan 19 - 05:16 PM

"Ernie...he drove the fastest milk cart in the West." and now I see he's whizzing along with a gurney.

Cod liver oil, rose hip syrup and concentrated orange juice are being dispensed to the poorly ones. "Come along now, cod liver oil is delicious! Open wide..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Severn
Date: 17 Jan 19 - 05:44 PM

Our complaints to Nonetta Bull, out nutritionist, have been in vain......

I checked over the duty roster, and here's who's left over from past Wards:

Tanya Hyde, the lovely dermatology nurse

Carla Bunkle-also in dermatology

Betty Beye-anesthesiologist

Rabbi Shotz and Pastor Pryme-chaplains

Cathy Terr-nurse

Chlorina Waters & Ethel Fewell (a/k/a Ethel Mermaid-Therapy Pool lifeguards

Otto Pilate- Director of Security

Abraham Bortz-OBGYN

Major Malcolm Function (USMC Ret.)Hospital Adminis-traitor


Check your back threads. I think they go back to 2004 or 2008. There's bound to be more. Who's taking care of YOU?......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 03:42 AM

Behind a white door lies the 'therapies suite'. Reflexology, crystal healing, acupuncture and crying therapy.
Old Lady is in charge of the latter - she's just received her first bank statement after the Crimbo spend.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Jos
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 03:49 AM

"crying therapy"?

Please, nurse, can I have the laughter therapy instead?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 04:05 AM

Certainly dear Jos. Old Lady will perform her interpretation of the W African dance the Mapouka (bottom-wiggling type of thing) followed by The Floss. You'll be convulsed.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Jos
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 06:42 AM

Perfect - that'll do the trick, thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 11:09 AM

To the list of available vitamin-boosting doses is added a tablespoon of Radio Malt. Anyone like some of that? (those old enough to remember it)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 02:26 PM

I don't remember. Maybe too much single malt? Oooh, but I do remember Virol? Can it still be got?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Jos
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 03:02 PM

I don't remember Radio Malt, so it's not an age thing.
However, you can still get several different brands of malt extract (with or without cod-liver oil). You can use it to make a malt loaf, or spoon it into your children if you, and they, are so inclined - it might be nice stirred into hot milk as an Ovaltine substitute.
If we are going to have it in the recovery ward, can we have the version without the cod-liver oil?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 04:02 PM

My two friends called Susan had Virol, but my mother swore by Radio Malt.
I must have been a paragon of virtue, as I adored anything she dosed me with. Just after the War, the Welfare State made efforts to ensure rickets and malnutrition were avoided in children, so we had all these tasty (to me!) things to supplement our diets.
I loved greens, cabbage and sprouts too. And even secretly ate raw liver when I could sneak some out of the larder. Weird child.

Now where is that Steve? Old Lady has ordered in some very expensive wine for him to taste.
And it looks as if more comfy sofas should be ordered, as snow is forecast and poorly folk will want to sit by the fire.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Jos
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 05:07 PM

When I was a child we had government issue orange juice - concentrated, in oblong-shaped medicine style bottles. Much nicer and more nutritious than the orange squash we had when we were older.
My children had Virol (which in our house was called 'sticky-brown-medicine') - a big spoonful each every day.
What I really REALLY liked was gripe water.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 19 Jan 19 - 04:22 AM

I used to love the odd Farley's rusk Jos. My sister was born long after me, and I'd pinch one of the baby's rusks to munch when mother wasn't looking.

I remember those glass bottles of orange juice. Lovely stuff.
What did gripe water taste of? I don't think I ever tried that.

We had National Dried Milk (silvery tin with blue on) which I seem to remember was later found to be deficient in some vitamin or other.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Jan 19 - 08:27 PM

Heads up, all. I visited the great outside world recently
and there are some nasty sneezes and coughs making themselves public,
after the annual year-end holiday family smothering rituals.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Jan 19 - 04:33 AM

Ha yes Keberoxu. And the pre-Crimbo crammed shops, with everyone coughing and sneezing sans hanky!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 09:11 PM

We have two convalescing longtime Mudcatters:

one in North Carolina, just discharged from hospital/rehab
and
one in Rhode Island, who slipped on the ice
and needed surgery on one shoulder.

I wonder
who's watching the Super Bowl as I enter this.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 19 - 10:31 PM

As the song says, "It ain't me babe, no, no, no it ain't me babe." The SB score will be available on the news shortly.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 19 - 03:58 AM

Speaking of hankies, I've recently become aware of that hilarious cartoon with 'Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo'. I watched a tattooing programme on TV and some crazy chap wanted Mr Hankey tattooed on his bottom.

Now my question is, why is he called Mr Hankey? What do hankies have to do with poo?

And speaking of tattoos, would anyone welcome a small tattoo parlour in the Recovery Ward? Any requests and what would one like?
No prizes for guessing mine. A large crumpet, two Siamese cats and maybe a very small Mr Hankey. Lots of space on my ...er...rear end.

(But is it very painful?)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 04 Feb 19 - 07:49 AM

No tattoes for me, thanks: I'm more into tatties.
Have been away from the ward for a while in the serious Burns dept, as is usual for this time of year in Scotland. Fortunately the cough has gone after the double strength Amoxicillin!
Never heard of Mr Hankey, but there is a very funny song by Davie Robertson called "The Hanky Song": chorus:
"There's nothing marks a man in life as plainly as his hanky,
A gentleman's is clean and white, but mine's is ayeways manky".

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Feb 19 - 02:12 PM

There were some players in the Super Bowl
who could do with a Recovery Ward visit ...
I don't mean just the losing team ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Severn
Date: 04 Feb 19 - 10:49 PM

You have to keep washing the panky out of your hankies. Just ask Nurse Ratched and X-Ray Ted. She's been trying out her X-Ray Teddy, an early Valentines Day gift. Thank God he's been keeping her occupied. I doubt anyone has found a love match for Hurry Gertie over in Therapy, so I still come out hurting more coming out than I did coming in. I tried to beg to the Men's bathroom to hide at Therapy time, but they've been stationing Bedlam Dora outside Mg room to thwart any escape attempts. This place has taken the concept of Crying Therapy to new heights (or is that Depths?), and I hate to see and hear a brown man cry, with the exception of Bobby Blue Bland......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Feb 19 - 11:58 PM

I can recall a classical pianist here in Oz who rejoiced in the name of - can't vouch for the spelling, it was quite a while ago - Sonia Hanke (pronounced Hanky). Himself used to joke about "what's on ya hankie"......

The Lurgy has made a visit to our house, Himself is fine but I have succumbed. Not the worst case I have ever had, but not the best. Gave quilt group a miss this morning, I reckoned the other women didn't want me coughing and croaking all over the table.

But this, too, shall pass!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 03:38 AM

A large cylinder of Anti-Lurgy gas has arrived. One blast from the attached mask and all Lurgies are instantly cured.

Sonia Hanke will play Beethoven's 'Emperor' 5th piano concerto later, when she's collected a clean hanky from the Tavern linen room. (There's a large concert grand piano in the adjacent Music Room)

X-Ray Teddy is available for cuddles if one books a session.

Old Lady has made a large nut-and-chocolate sponge with real cream filling and a very nice quiche (home-made pastry, not for Muslims as there's lard and butter in it)
Smiling African Man is already helping himself to an enormous slice muttering "Bismillah" something-or-other (which I think means'Sorry God')

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 05:06 AM

Shouldn't laugh but......

In our local rag this evening there was a story about a bloke an hour or so north of here being kicked and trampled on by a horse - ouch, not good. He was taken to hospital - good.

The hospital released a bulletin saying that he was in a stable condition.

I couldn't help it......I didn't just laugh, I had hysterics. Made me cough but it was worth it.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 05:14 AM

Pwaaahaaahaaagh Jennie!!! They could also have said he was 'feeling a bit better' but he might have bridled at that :)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Severn
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 02:22 PM

That was supposed to say Bedpan Dora.

I've never met a Lurgy before. Was his name Al? Do you wish him sent to the Coughin' Corner? Or even the coroner?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 02:42 PM

Ha Severn, it's not the cough that carries you off. It's the coffin they carry you off in.

I'm still smiling at your 'Otto Pilot'. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: open mike
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 04:00 PM

Well, this has been another rough year and I am definately in need of a visit to the recovery ward. As if having my house burn down was not enough to contend with I have also been diagnosed with malignant melamona and am dealing with the aftermath of surgery to remove a couple of pesky moles on my back. A much larger portion was removed than I had expected and with over 20 stitches, I am restricted in my movements in order to promote healing. Gonna step into the recovery ward to lick my wounds...and have some tea and crumpets! Is there any   marmite on site? Put another log on the fire! Let's have a song~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 04:23 PM

open mike is warmly welcomed by Squiddy, the Siamese cats, the Old Lady, Smiling African Man and all the recuperating guests.
Tea, crumpets, cake and a huge jar of Marmite are set before him, and a soft cushion is gently placed at his sore back.

But Old Lady has her eye on the Marmite - she adores the stuff and will probably nick some later.

Singing (a bit difficult while scoffing all the food!) will start any minute now.
Suggestions for the first song?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 04:43 PM

open mike, Big Top Time, Cirque d'Prevail
I've heard of go big or go home but when your house burns down where do you go? When your body betrays, you've gone over the top big time.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Jos
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 04:52 PM

"surgery to remove a couple of pesky moles on my back... Gonna step into the recovery ward to lick my wounds..."

I know a cat can lick its back, but ... this might be interesting to watch (once you have eaten enough crumpets, of course).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 07:58 PM

Sorry to hear about your melanomas, Openmike, and your house burning down: was that in the recent California wildfires? Hoping for all of the best for you.
As for a song, since Marmite has been mentioned, you could do no better than one of our fellow Mudcatters, Kevin McGrath (McGrath of Harlow) with his "Marmite Song" on how to find this delicacy in a supermarket: chorus "The Bovril's with the gravy, and the Marmite's with the jam."
So here it is, sung by the late Frank Harte: Marmite Song

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Feb 19 - 09:56 PM

That's her SECOND house that has gone up in a California wildfire. But who's counting?

I made a big batch of chicken teriyaki and rice on the side. The orderly will roll a cart down the aisle with plates, plastic utensils, and a pot of each. Help yourselves.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 19 - 04:21 AM

Gah! I seem to have given openmike a sex-change! Sorry about that, I didn't realise you're a lady not a bloke!
May I please have some of that delicious chicken teriyaki SRS?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: JennieG
Date: 06 Feb 19 - 05:15 AM

Well......bugger, Laurel! That's not good.

How about singing "Skin cancer blues"? It's in my repertoire.....Solar melanoma blues Sung to the tune of "Nobody knows you when you're down and out".

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 19 - 09:07 AM

(Plaintively wailing [get that reference?])... Do we haaafta wear attire in the hot tub?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 19 - 10:00 AM

One can wear what one likes in the hot tub Mrrzy. Or nothing if one prefers. The Old Lady would probably be a terrifying sight without clothes on though, and cause all the convalescents to suffer a relapse, so she will wear her large, baggy swimsuit.

I've just listened to the Marmite Song - excellent and very funny.
It seems to sum up how life is organised doesn't it? "The Bovril with the gravy and the Marmite with the jam."

Husband always finds it odd searching for his pate d'arachide* in Tesco and finding it with the jam.

(*There should be a circumflex over the 'a' but despite lots of kind folk on here explaining how to do it, I haven't mastered my laptop yet in 'foreign'.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Feb 19 - 05:59 PM

sandra hobbles in with a strapped left knee & permanently sore right foot - it's not easy, you know, limping on 2 limbs ...

gets out broken old fiddle to play a sad tune(less) & sings tunelessly - I was born badly put together according to my first physio all those decades ago ... & a slight twist to left knee when getting up just before Christmas meant ouch!! & lots of physio exercises.

poor me ... pour me some butter on a few crumpets, or better still provide a dipping bowl of hot butter so I can dip them

yum! I instantly feel better, & will feel even better when the excellent Mudcat musicians & singers get going ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Severn
Date: 07 Feb 19 - 04:17 PM

Financial Director Kent A. Fordham has assured me in a letter that my insurance is still paying for all this, so I'll be sticking around for a while longer. That's good, because I don't want to have a MRI lapse, as I have one coming up. MRIs are made of this.

I looked out the window to the parking lot the other day and saw Dr. Aiken from Pain Management get into a fancy sports car whose custom tags read "OP8", which I found a little disconcerting......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: open mike
Date: 07 Feb 19 - 10:52 PM

OH, APPARENTLY THAT MELANOMA SONG has disappeared..well, that is what melanoma should do ---just go away!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Senoufou
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 03:24 AM

Poor you indeed Sandra. I'm so sorry you're hobbling around like this.
Have some of the Old Lady's nut-and-chocolate cake to go with the crumpets.
Severn you'll be the death of me. I just love your puns! :)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 11:54 AM

I need someone assigned to butter my crumpets...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 04:38 PM

Darn, Laurel! It was there when I checked......it is funny.

The Dreaded Lurgy now has me well and truly in its grippe, couldn't even make it to the end of choir on Thursday night. I left early. Was able to hum but as for singing - forget it. My voice is shot at present. Lots of sore muscles and ribs from coughing.

But never mind. This, too, shall pass.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2019
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Feb 19 - 05:23 PM

lyrics found!

Subject: RE: LYR ADD - Skin Cancer Blues - John Dengate
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 Sep 15 - 02:45 AM

just before The Big Crash I posted this song & it disappeared into the Great Big Hole & was never seen again.

I just found the words (white paper in a plastic sheet protector - how many of those do I have???) so here it is again & the words below have been pasted from my very own copy.

The Skin Cancer Blues (1994) by John Dengate (aka. Solar Melanoma Blues)

Once I had the skin of a newborn child,
Pure and smooth and undefiled.
My blue eyes sparkled like the morning dew
And on my back, just a freckle or two.
Out in the sun with never a care;
Back and belly and head all bare;
No sunscreen, no shirt, no shoes
And now I'm singing the skin cancer blues.

chorus

Oh, it's no mismomer,
Singing the solar melanoma blues.
Fifty-five summers of Australian heat
And now I'm walking down Macquarie Street;
Clutching my referral ...
Must defer to the medical code.
I'm telling you, without a doubt;
They burn and freeze and scrape and cut them out!


I hope they're not malignant ...
I get indignant if I hear that word.
The doctor says; "Son, you'll be fine,
Those beggars on your back - they're all benign".
Be a sensible chap, though:
Buy yourself un petit chapeau (That's a little hat ...)
If I kick the bucket, don't blame the booze;
Sing me to salvation with the skin cancer blues.

chorus

Oh, it's no mismomer,
Singing the Solar melanoma blues.
Fifty-five summers of Australian heat
And now I'm walking down Macquarie Street:
Clutching my referral ...
Must defer to the medical code.
I'm telling you, without a doubt;
They burn and freeze and scrape and cut them out!