New Year's Tavern 2022

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 07:21 AM

Ha! Post number 100!!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 09:48 AM

The African accidentally swings the bat into the post! Oh, no!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 12:10 PM

Oh pauvre petit chauve-souris! Quel dommage! La vieille frotte sa tete et danse Le Mapouka pour lever le morale.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 12:24 PM

The Mudcat Xmas Tavern may be a destination for enthusiasts of locked room mysteries, but a large game of Clue comes to mind for the venue. Ms Scarlett in the kitchen with the scale-model trebuchet. Flinging baby bats out the back door to their unending glee.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 04:28 PM

I wonder if the Three Wise Men will swing by whilst
returning and avoiding King Herod,
and stop in to tie up their camels for a moment.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 22 - 08:48 PM

They usually do. And what do you mean, "scale model trebuchet"?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 12:05 AM

The bald mouse, being well-padded, is fine, but will not say no to a large decaf Irish whiskey, no Baileys, no mint, yes whipped cream!

The glass is about the same size as the bat, and *piping* hot. Really. The steam sounds like bagpipes. Impressed, and having been to both Draco's Tavern *and* the Long Spoon, la chauve-souris, avec courage, entame sa boisson. Irish coffee has to be drunk while still hot all the way down. The bat *has* to be drunk after that, and in fact will be drunkenly alert for hours.

Now, it's the bat that sounds like bagpipes, on every exhale, but, too drunk to figure out why the bloody piper never seems to finish a song, is trying to shout requests over the sound of the pipes. This does not go well for the bat, but since all the shouting and, in fact, all the piping, has been in too high a register for the Squid, or most of the adult humans, to register, not many notice anything much.

A bat head down in a nice warm freshly-enptied hot whiskey glass is no unusual sight on *this* bar, after all.

Eventually, the glass cools, and the bat extricates themself and lands upright, wearing a dashing melty whipped-cream beret. The pipes stopped when the steam ran out, so the bat whirls back off above the dance floor, scattering off-white blobs immediately mistaken for guano.

That doesn't go so well for the bat, either...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 10:54 AM

The Gnome opens one eye at the mention of Sheep Dip. Locking his lips he raises the barrel to his lips, takes a large swallow and tosses the barrel over his shoulder in disgust.

"That's not proper Sheep Dip!" he cries before going back to sleep.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 11:11 AM

The three wisemen did drop by yesterday on the day of Epiphaney and had an epiphaney. It was that The Christmas Tavern is a very strange place.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 11:49 AM

"Scale model" in that it fits indoors. Inside the kitchen, near the back door.

A beaver family waddles into the tavern, wrenches the tree from it's stand, and proceeds to start eating it.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 04:23 PM

Could you deliver the dishonoring note to Lord Krawl?
General Corvo says "I can't deliver it because he knows I know you, perhaps that bat could do it"
(Giving the note to Lord Krawl will trigger the penultimte task in the "Pendleton's Note" side objective knowing if Corvo fails to deliver the letter, Pendleton will disclose his mistress and reveal that he likened the face of Lord Krawl's wife to that of a plague rat.)-
"you're right, the batitis" he says
The problem is he's not a homing bat.
That leaves the Wombat.
Do you have any tape to hold the note to its forehead.
It won't stick to fur
Furget it, Pendleton is an ass anyway. Crumpet?
OK...maybe we could mail it...
Let sleeping squids float.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 22 - 09:09 PM

One of the beavers develops diarrhea and Our Hero quickly feeds the poor critter some wood glue, which solves THAT problem!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 03:29 AM

"Beaver Butt"- that's a new one for me, but if it works, Rap, it's worth the cost. Prices go up. They never come down.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 02:53 PM

[the new animated movie Transylvania Hotel has stolen our 'blobby' lime green jello that transforms into a monster]

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 08:33 PM

Somebody, or several bodies, has/have festooned the bar with a broad banner saying "New Year's Tavern 2022" in many languages, including ASL.

---

As Jean Luc Picard said "Make it so!" ---tipsy mudelf

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 22 - 08:36 PM

Interesting, especially as the ASL is "live".

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 01:44 AM

Various compliments are scrawled on the outhouse's inside walls... One says, in ASL, Stokoe was a genius.

Another reads, in English: Houston, be advised: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man.

One in German was written in the old calligraphy but the ink has run, over the years, and over the knotholes, making it hard to decipher. There might be a reference to a Biergarten...

Something appears to have been painted by a drunken squid using multiple tentacles.

The Klingon one is too profane to list here. And that is saying a lot.

There are cartoons of famous people lining up around the bar. A voice from outside says Hey, it's Mohamed, can I join the party? and the bartender hollers No! And put some clothes on!

A thief runs, pantless and panting, into the night...

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 03:46 AM

"A thief runs, pantless and panting, into the night."
In which direction? What does he or she have in his or her pockets?

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 04:22 AM

Goodness me! Running around 'pantless' eh? 'Pants' in UK means underpants, or undercrackers. I hope you actually mean 'trousers'? Pantless would result in some very chilly ...er... body parts! Not to mention arrest by the Plod for indecent exposure!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jan 22 - 11:34 AM

Oh that thief is suffering major shrinkage!

North. He ran north.

No trousers for his one-eyed snake...
No pants, underpants, jeans, leggings, or thesaurus.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 11 Jan 22 - 11:42 AM

Why can't I think of another word for thesaurus?

Robin

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Jan 22 - 05:30 PM

Roget, um, roger that!

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 22 - 07:44 PM

ASL, he knows, will finger you to the cops.

Subject: RE: Christmas Tavern 2021
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 08:32 AM

Nobody fingers me. At least, not without my consent.

And a pinkie, at most.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: GUEST,Ghost of Christmas passed
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 11:44 AM

With a swish of their under-powered wand, the squib transforms the thread from Christmas Tavern 2021 to New Year's Tavern 2022. They walk quietly away with a dribble of green jelly plopping from the wand's end. At the edge of the property, the wand is deployed one more time to fill the horse trough outside the Tavern with a green jello starter kit.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jan 22 - 10:56 PM

Actually I can think of a word that sort of rhymes with thesaurus
but you have to mispronounce it to make that happen.
And it's kind of raunchy. Never mind.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Jan 22 - 06:21 PM

Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice! comes from the kitchen as the bat adds yet more hotroot to the yak soup. Turns out to be talking to Loris from Cul de Sac, who is zooming out of her hair ties as usual rustling up some meadowcream to cool les gueules de ceux qui craignent le pilipili.

Nothing like twice-hot (temp and spice) soup on a cold evening, eh?

The snow outside is turning to sleet, d'après the sounds against the windows. Hope the twigs on the branches on the boughs on the trees in the holes (and the holes in the ground) are ok for the gnats on the feathers on the wings of the birds in the nests thereupon!

One of Loris' hairtie rubber bands sproings towards the soup, but out of nowhere, a rapier flashes and deftly wings it back to Loris.

-Thanks! I am forever running -
-Yeah, we noticed, from the bat
- out of those, from Loris, with a sideeye upwards at the bat.

Faint applause is heard from the local contortionist.

The bat is now filling a row of bowls with fresh spinach, and setting out pistachios, almonds, and, with a grinning thankyou aside to Loris, the meadowcream, for the pilipili pityparty people. A couple of ladles of the soup just wilts the spinach and cools the soup from lava to still-hot-enough-at-the-end-if-you-eat-fast-enough-to-risk-innercineration.

An old woman grabs buttered crumpets and starts dipping.

An Ivorian, slightly ashamed of his Afcon keeper [allez, les zéléphants, du zèle !] and with one sock noticeably stretched out grabs some extra hotroot and doesn't even sneer at those running for extra meadowcream, eyes bleeding,

A tentacle snakes in, encircles a bowl, and slowly drags it out, without spillling anything. A rapier from somewhere flicks pistachios into the passing bowl, and another tentacle makes an elegant and grateful leg.

The bat sees that it is time to grab a bowl themself before it's all gone! Foregoing the meadowcream and scooping mostly broth, they grab the bowl with their feet and wing off to the table where the old lady had extra crumpets.

Just as well you didn't need the meadowcream, comments the Ivorian, it would have looked like-
-So! How about this storm? interrupts a squeamish Loris from the next table over.

-Whatcha guano doo? asks the rapier wit, foiling the attempt to keep the dinner conversation from dégringoler-ing into the gutter...

This *is* the Tavern, after all.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 22 - 09:08 PM

The gentleman with the rapier gracefully salutes Loris, whom along with the Otterloops, Beni, Miss Bliss, Mr. Danders, Dill (and his brothers), Ernesto Lacuna, and the rest he has known for years.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jan 22 - 11:34 PM

There was a lull in activity when a few of the partiers discretely checked their cell phones, then pulling up a browser, visited http://www.covidtests.gov/ and ordered four free COVID test kits, to be delivered by the post office in 2 weeks. This is for latecomers to the home test party in the US; the rest of the the group has been testing all year.

These are the times that try men's tests.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 10:08 AM

Yes, and men are so *sensitive* about their tests...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 11:56 AM

Ernesto Lacuna, that's a good one.
Me, I'm used to Ernesto Lecuona (Granada, Malagueña ... )

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 05:14 PM

I believe we got through another full moon in one piece.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 08:27 PM

And, he says, I had a friend in college who took a couple of small examinations and blew both his testes.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 08:52 PM

aarrrgh

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 22 - 10:17 PM

Some kink or other sang It's just another full moooooooon...

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 12:00 PM

I thought that Igor was brewing up his own version in one of the back rooms.

Robin

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 02:51 PM

Who is brewing up whose virgins?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Jan 22 - 11:27 PM

Ok, it got cold. Witches' tits and well-diggers' asses are frozen. Brass monkeys' balls have all fallen off, as have Americans' asses. Hungarian asses are shut. French tits are curdling, and francophones are complaining that it is quailing. The sign language folks are mute or incoherent, depending on whether their hands are in their pockets or mittens.

Who is going to stoke up the fire?

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 04:39 AM

don't need a fire in my Little Bit of Paradise in the Tavern!

But I suppose i could wander thru to your Little Bit of Paradise as I like looking at crackling fires (from a distance!)

I'm no good at stoking fires, as we don't need them in my Little Bit of Paradise, tho I used to visit friend in colder climates in mid winter & watch my host drop wood into the stove. Gloves & tongs!

The wombat will probably know how as he lives in colder climates, but I dunno if he is still around.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 09:11 PM

Now, it appears, there's a world-wide shortage of tea. The British Commonwealth is in deep, deep trouble. This could be the final straw for the fall of the Empire!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Feb 22 - 09:19 AM

A tiger strolls in and devours the ox.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Feb 22 - 08:22 PM

The wombat is hibernating because the weather has been hot. Wombats do not like temperatures much over 25 deg C (you'll have to work out for yourselves what that is in old thinking).

The forecast indicates that cooler weather is on the way. This pleases the wombat a great deal.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 12:29 AM

It's about -23° Kelvin, I think, but the math was kinda tricky. Nevertheless, it's cool, man!

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 07:16 AM

Wombat, you are estivating, drones a pedant from a safe distance.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 07:40 AM

It's about -23° Kelvin, I think, but the math was kinda tricky. Nevertheless, it's cool, man!

At 23 below absolute zero, it would be!

Jeannie's 25C btw is 298.15K, 77F

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 08:01 AM

A cold groundhog came in just to warm by the fire.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 09:00 AM

25C = approx 80F

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 10:56 AM

Room temp, I recall from chemistry classes. Made the math easy.

The tiger has devoured the groundhog. The estivating wombat is safe, though, the tiger likes all bats, even ones with wombs.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 04:16 PM

Estivationg suits a wombat nicely.

Subject: RE: New Year's Tavern 2022
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 22 - 05:22 PM

Services for the groundhog will be this Thurs. noon. He is survived by his wife Philipia and Phil Jr. Tigers are not invited.