BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens

Subject: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 18 May 00 - 05:19 AM

Sorry, but I couldn't resist sharing this with you all:

Canadian health authorities are stationing chickens along 1,550 miles of the border with the United States to detect the deadly West Nile virus, New Scientist reported. The virus mainly infects birds and is transmitted to human beings by mosquitoes. (Reuters)

Are they going to wear Mountie uniforms? Do they have a motto ("We always get our virus")? Is this the ultimate deterrent? Is it really a ploy to catch Waylon Heron?
Could it lead to another Mudcat song challenge?
I'm sure PeterT has the inside scoop on this.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 18 May 00 - 06:11 AM

Headlines

State Border Chicken Chain Gangs

A little bit of verse (© Ella 2000)

Crack commando unit chickens have flown the coop and are stationed from east to west How did the Candaian authorities know to stoop To recruit the plucky chickens for tests

Those plucky chickens all primed for the job Were marched out of camp and set free to roam Unwilful deportees and downtrod heroes Who were far away from home

(and so on - you could go down the line of the many Irish deportee songs or the downtrodden hero songs?)

What do you reckon. I think I shouldn't give up my day job.

Made me laugh though

Ella

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Hollowfox
Date: 18 May 00 - 11:07 AM

Oh, great. Now the mosquitoes can stop at the convenient border station, pick up their load of virus and head toward the human population centers. I wonder...at Niagara Falls, will the chicken be stationed on the middle of the Peace Bridge, or on the Canadian end?

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 May 00 - 11:14 AM

Why did I know this was a "Skiff Thread" before I opened it?

Just great........Sgt. Clucker of the Mounties

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 18 May 00 - 11:18 AM

what if a local person sees Mrs Chicken out for her sunday stroll. There she is, peck peck peck peck. (at the mosquitoes)

unsuspecting local person thinks

hhhmmmmmmm DINNER!

Grabs chicken (I know it's not easy) and Mrs Chicken becomes, kentucky fried, grilled, baked - whatever.

Does that mean because, Mrs Chicken ate the nasty virus mosquito scumbags (I don't like the little fellas) that unsuspecting local person gets the virus?

If I lived over there I would be very worried.

Attention Chicken look lively.

Atten hup!

Do they send the chickens out in formation, with lead chicken at the front of the V formation?

So many questions, so littel time

are you sure it's not April fools?

Ella

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 00 - 11:44 AM

looking for articles on this virus, I discovered that parts of the land down under already have "sentinal chickens" which guard against (actually serve as indicators of) the spread of Murray Valley Encephalitis...

So it looks like Canada is just being a copy cat with poultry.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:02 PM

Remember too that birds were used for years in the mines as a sign of toxic gases and CO. What the hell do we have against birds anyway? (before anyone explains all the diferences between bird lives and human lives....that was a joke).

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:10 PM

Gosh, gee whillickers, first I heard of this. Thank you intrepid Mudcatters for being on the pulse of the longest undefended smugglers paradise in the world. Makes no sense to me. Why aren't we sending these chickens to Egypt? What is West Nile virus doing in the United States? We are already infested with Jerry Springer and Britney Spears -- can't you people keep your disgusting germs to yourselves? I shall have to check up on this. Though chickens in little red Mountie suits does have a certain appeal. (To the tune of "Rose Marie": BLuuuuuuccckkbluccckkkbluccckkcluccckclucvk
I'm always thinkingcluckcluckblauuuckkkk!!! and so on)....
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:13 PM

Yeah Peter....I knew this would get you. You're really into dressing up birds aren't you?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:28 PM

I'm thinking chorus of chickens in little red suits, Heron in black, Anne Murray in Snowbird costume complete with feathers, Sarah McLachlan in angel garb, and Natalie McMaster naked. Now how did that last one get in there?....
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:30 PM

I dunno' Peter.....But it work sure keep me from looking at the stupid chickens.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:31 PM

But 'Spaw, so many birds go better with dressing...turkeys with herb dressing, duck with orange dressing, goose with oyster dressing, squab with onion dressing, larks with olive dressing...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Bert
Date: 18 May 00 - 12:36 PM

Nah MMario. Duck goes with Apple Cider dressing and Goose needs Sage and Onion.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 May 00 - 01:28 PM

Only 1,550 miles of border is to be garrisoned by chickens against infiltrating Yankee viruses? Not good enough. What about the ones sneaking in from Alaska? Chickens in snowshoes with fur coats over their feathers standing shoulder to shoulder. Free range chickens heading North from Kentucky to safety in Canada...

Now if Benjamin Franklin had succeeded in his proposal to make the Turkey the national emblem of the States there could have been some very interesting confrontations.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 00 - 01:35 PM

There are some song possibilities here.....*shudder* I was afraid of that

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 May 00 - 01:52 PM

I have a stuffing poem on tap - hey, MMario, do you recognize this fragment? "...If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well, but How to get that stuffin' it is difficult to tell!..."

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Giac
Date: 18 May 00 - 02:33 PM

The State of Tennessee has little enclaves of
chicken guards as well. They are encamped
along the Mississippi. When I first heard of it
a week or so ago, I envisioned the little cluckers
in tiny straw hats, plucking tiny banjos and
bravely awaiting hordes of infected mosquito
armies ...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 00 - 02:44 PM

Mrrzy - recognized the fragment from the dim dark depths of pre-history when my mother used to read stories to me, but couldn't have told you what it was from....but I looked it up on the web and found it....

cute!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Mooh
Date: 18 May 00 - 03:01 PM

How come all the animal activists aren't out there complaining about us objectifying chickens? Think I'll go for a McPoulet now... Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 May 00 - 05:48 PM

Here is a Blue Clucky Thing

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 19 May 00 - 03:36 PM

*groan!*

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 00 - 05:04 PM

On Chicken's Wings (To the tune of "On Eagles Wings")

You who dwell on the borders of the land
Who abide in fear of West Nile
Give thanks to the birds who guard you Those Roosters in whom we trust

Chorus:
They will take us all beneath their wings
Those Mounties of the Feather'd Squad
Protect us from In - flu-en-za!
And still go w-ell in a frying pan

spoken Few people realize the long tradition behind troops of milatary chickens in North America. But they go back to the chickens that arrived on the Mayflower with Myles Standish, known as the Plymouth Rocks who were under the command of Corperal Capon Chantecleer. During the various fracases with native tribes and their poutlry, who better to guard against the Wyandottes and Delaware then the the loyal soldiers of the Rooster Corps? After all, the tradition has its roots in British history when squads of chicken soldiers fought off the Black Spanish of the Armada. Certainly every schoolchild grows up knowing of the exploits of such famous roosters of the past as Leghorn, Bantam and of course, Sgt. Dorking of the Mounties.

During the Cold War, it was patriotic chickens who protected democracy against those New Hampshire Reds and the Rhode Island Reds - when both states were hotbeds of communist chickens. And it is nearly certain that if the Donnor Party had had a squad of feathered warriors with them they would never have perished! Now along the border between Canada and the United states, our loyal feathered troops once again take up their duties of protecting humanity…

To all the chickens we've given a command
To guard us from virus and plague
Upon their combs lies their duty
To keep the diseases from us

Chorus:

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 00 - 05:09 PM

And Frank Purdue in a chicken suit at the head of the chorus line with a shepherd's crook baton. It's inspiring.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 00 - 05:13 PM

Don't be silly. BIG BIRD in RCMP full dress uniform. Frank Purdue would be the colour commentator during the live coverage of our brave chickens marching off to battle.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Peter T.
Date: 19 May 00 - 05:36 PM

Typical. Yankees dressed up in precious Canadian symbols. No wonder we have chickens on our border. Be glad the timber wolves aren't unionized! Another Arctic cold spell is coming your way, Doodles!! Don't mess with us, or we sic de maple syrup bombarders on you, dat for shure!!CLUCK FOR JOHNNY CANUCK!!!!!!!

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 00 - 05:47 PM

aw gosh dang it Peter! I tried to slant it to a more inclusive North American view, but what do you want from an ignorant and "Ugly American". Beside which, you got chickens poised on the border to invade, and I'm not that far south of the border. Those southern birds down in Tennessee would never make it up here in time, and you have allies in the southern hemisphere as well. now you gonna threaten me with maple syrup bombs? AND arctic air?

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Peter T.
Date: 19 May 00 - 05:55 PM

Just de beginning, Yankee. Come and take our precious women away from us with your Hollywood wiles and your hoochy-coochy dancing, will you!! We soften you up with the maple syrup, and then, when the ground is soft -- toboggans at dawn!! CLUCK FOR JOHNNY CANUCK!!!
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 May 00 - 06:01 PM

As Chicken Little said "The Skyy is Falling!"

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 19 May 00 - 06:39 PM

And in "Cows with Guns" the chickens even had choppers !

JG / FME

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 May 00 - 12:30 AM

MMario that was clucking BrillianT!!

Here dear little chickie
See me fly
Go ahead...try!

Gnat of the West Nile
OfVirus Now
Repelled by a mile
Of redcoated fowl.

Oh, I think I'd better quit..it's getting worse!LOL!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Racer
Date: 20 May 00 - 01:39 AM

What are these chickens looking for? Are they looking for executable files from unknown origins?

I hated to add another pun to this thread, but I couldn't resist.

-Racer

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 May 00 - 12:49 PM

Reminds me of a bad poem, author forgotten, provenance maybe Mad Magazine? The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers?
I was born down south on a chicken farm near Mashville, Tennessee / Tweren't nobody there but a sky full of air, 17 billion chickens, and me / And so one day I said Hey, hey, hey / Gonna set my chickens FREE! / There was chickens in the pasture, chickens in the barn / chickens in teh cauliflower, chickens in the corn / There was chickens driving Cadillacs to Washington, DC / When I set my chickens FREE?
And you have to picture the illos. Anyone recognizing this, let me know where I found it...

And the "nobody here but us chickens" line reminds me of the bullet in the furnace.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: Hollowfox
Date: 22 May 00 - 12:23 PM

It's from the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, inside front cover of one of the early comic books, but not the first one. BTW, Rip Off Press has a website where you can get all those issues you missed when you were young and broke. If you're young and broke now, but a student of "the classics", you'll just have to save your pennies, like me.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 22 May 00 - 12:30 PM

ooh, hollowfox, url? Didn't find it under Rip Off Press...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't nobody here but us chickens
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 May 00 - 02:14 PM