BS: Never do X with Y

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 05:50 PM

Never flush in the dark.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:04 PM

Never decide you're going to turn your tool shed into a winterized backyard cottage, suitable for pickin' and hidin' when you don't know what the hell you're doin'!

I did....and oh boy, am I payin' for my lack of construction skills. Pink insulation, vapour barriers, drywall (ugh), studs, patching compound (mud!) ceiling panels, and on and on! This is bloody hard work, and there's not one right angle in the shed! I'd have been better to spend the last two weeks on Mudcat discussing earwigs. Oh well, it's almost finished.

Rick (male-skill impaired)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:03 PM

Peter, I'd like to add something to your 'Star Trek' don't: If you are a junior officer on a Star Trek series, or any sci-fi series, don't be Asian, and don't smile and talk about how good it's going to be when you get home from this long voyage.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:08 PM

Peter, I'd like to add something to your 'Star Trek' don't: If you are a junior officer on a Star Trek series, or any sci-fi series, don't be Asian, and don't smile and talk about how good it's going to be when you get home from this long voyage.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Krause
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:12 PM

If you're a woman, never go out with a guy named Willie, especially if he has a knife collection, or is a wine conneseur.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:16 PM

Soddy, what if it's spelled 'Willy?'

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Krause
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:30 PM

And never go roller skating in a buffalo herd

Never grow peaches in a watermelon patch

Or petunias in an onion patch

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Naemanson
Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:03 PM

Rick,

I am not male skill impaired (at least I don't think I am) but Satan will be skating to work before I'll do dry wall again!

When I built my house I insisted on paying someone to do that part of the job for me! I learned my lesson when I remodeled my kitchen in Georgia.

So the long and short is that you get a round of applause for doing it and having it come out OK. (It did, didn't it?)

Brett

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: sledge
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 02:40 AM

Satan just shot past on a pair of roller blades.

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 03:37 AM

Never bring a bottle of Chianti, if invited for dinner by someone named Lecter.

Never shout "I don't believe in the God of Thunder" while standing on a hilltop, in a summer storm, wearing a suit of armour.

NEVER, EVER, take a pee in the countryside, without carefully checking for electric fences.

Never let a cord-wangler futtock your moolies with a woggling iron. (with apologies to the Kenneth Williams thread)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Naemanson
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:16 AM

OOOH Crazy Eddoe, I've done that third one. Trust me, it ruins you whole week!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 09:49 AM

Don't expect empathy from people who don't even use their real names.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Peter T.
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:48 AM

Yeah but Rick think (1) how great you look in a work belt; and
(2) Now you can go into those bars in the North as a real construction worker type guy, and leave your guitar at home.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Den at work
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 12:38 PM

Never let your mother brush your hair after shes had an argument with your Dad.
Never trust a dog to mind your dinner.
Never strap a dozen cats to yourself and take a cold shower.
Never go looking for a gas leak in a darkened basement with a candle. Den

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 12:49 PM

Never curse a bodhran player in a session. God loves them, and will punish you by sending you a man with a set of bongoes.

If you're playing the bones, watch out for any dogs in the place. Even if the bones are wood - dogs are optimistic about such things.

Never write a long and thoughtful post and push one of the buttons that deletes it all in a flash.

And Rick, I've been doing the same. I bought a concertina this summer, and my wife promptly came to the view that a new shed down the bottom of the garden next to the road where the traffic roars past should be an essential accessory. So I've been sound-and-temperature-proofing it, and the basic life rule is that everything is always much more complicated than it looks, with its corollory that if it was simpler than you thought, you've done it wrong. Fortunately I've never heard of studs or dry-walling and vapour barriers, so it was just tongue-and-groove panels, and screws and polystryrene.

a different Rick I take it (And for some weird and wonderful examples of shed culture and calamity try here!)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 12:54 PM

This is "the different Rick" - me blue clicky went wrong somehow:

http://www.ricks-sheds-gazebos.com/

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:05 PM

Spaw - who says Dylan doesn't walk on water? After all, he can hold a note as long as Caruso, so I don't think walking on water would be too big a challenge for Mr. Bob.

Jim - I would be perfectly happy to date Carly Simon anytime, whether or not she puts me in one of her songs!

Hesperis - Okay, you've gone too far this time, by golly. I demand satisfaction! I will be at the corner of West Street and Mississaga (in front of the Opera House) at dawn on Saturday, with my seconds in attendance. I give you the choice of 1. rubber swords, 2. hamster slinghots, 3. platefulls of Rombo's spaghetti, or 4. peeled avocados (ripe) at 4 paces. Bring your weapons of choice and be there...or face a total and complete loss of honour, plus immediate expulsion for life from the NYCFTTS.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:11 PM

But when Caruso holds a note for as long as he can, it makes you think how wonderful the human voice is. When Dylan holds a note for as long as he can, it makes you think that suicide might not be so wrong after all.

ducking and grinning,
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:30 PM

Actually Ratso, I was thinking that the word "note" and "Bob" appearing together is a somwhat bizarre concept to begin with. But Hawk thinks differently, although I don't know why since Bob never recordrd "Space Oddity."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:50 PM

Never wear a red shirt on the original Star Trek. Except for Scotty, they all die!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:52 PM

And never insult seven men when all you're packing is a six shooter!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:01 PM

Ladies - never sit without lookin'

Never whistle while you're pissin'(or you may iminentize the escutcheon)

Never get caught in a mine cave in if you're name is Timothy

Never throw seven against a man named Stagger Lee (or Stack O Lee)

Never come in through the bathroom window

Never go swimmin' with bowl-legged women (that one was left for me in the tip jar while I was yodeling in tongues on my 50th birthday)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:07 PM

Don't bend down in the garden, Granny, cause you knooooooooow thos 'taters got eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:50 PM

Little Hawk - I'll take the option of "platefuls of Rhombos' spaghetti" at four paces. As long as you're paying, that is. Orange juice must be included. The last person to finish eating will win.
(As you can see, I'm confident that I'm a slower eater than you are...)
But not at DAWN! I have to work on saturday, sheesh!
Make it monday before song circle, and you're on. Fight to the last drop of tomato sauce!

(Besides, I'm not a member of the NYCFTTS quite yet, despite your efforts to remedy the situation...)

As for Bob Dylan, just because someone writes strange lyrics does not mean that they have the other inexplicable skills mentioned previously.

Leaping behind the hedge, and making a mad dash towards the far field, shapeshifting into Raven as she goes. Flying far away... no mere little hawk could possibly catch her...

Have fun in Newmarket tomorrow.
~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Melani
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 01:02 AM

Never lean your back against and oak and expect it to be a trusty tree.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:05 PM

Never go to the well, riverside, lakeside, etc. with someone who has a pen-knife and whose love you have denied, turned down, abrogated, etc.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: kendall
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM

Speaking of Dylan, has anyone else noticed how much his Dont think twice song resembles a much older song titled Who's gonna buy you ribbons?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:02 PM

Don't write anything on the Mudcat that you don't want carved in imperishable stone...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 11:23 PM

Correction. Don't post anything on Mudcat that you don't want people to know about...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:45 AM

Yeah. I certainly don't want people to know about that inflatable doll of Margaret Thatcher that I....OH, SHITTT....!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:47 AM

By the way, Spaw, it hadn't occured to me that Dylan never recorded "Space Oddity" until you mentioned it. Nor has he performed it live in concert either, as far as I know...

Strange, isn't it? I wonder why?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM

"Clothes Line Saga" aside, I think even Bob has certain standards of taste and I think he has a low tolerance for stupidity.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 01:04 AM

You're right about that. How's the cockatiel?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 01:19 AM

Hmmm. Somebody's being very affable lately. Is one duel enough for you, Little Hawk? You don't want to provoke more of them, or something?

Or are you just too busy plotting something awful for the "spag match"...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:19 AM

Never take a pee in the dark...the lid is sure to be down

Never be the new guy on the squad on Combat!

Never try to out-drink Hank Williams

" " " " " Jr

Never blowdry your hair in the shower to save time

Never walk into a Biker Bar and shout "The Brandy Alexanders are on me!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 12:24 PM

Never say to a girl you haven't seen in some time, "Hey, really packin' on the old pounds, eh?" Or..."Christ! What did you DO to your hair?!!"

Never try to break up a fight between 2 cats. Or 2 females, either, for that matter. God help us.

Never try to assist a cat into getting out of a tree, unless wearing heavy gloves. He won't thank you for it, he'll try to kill you.

Never try to milk a cow from behind. A friend of mine did (at age 10) and the cow shit on his head!

Never try to remove a large football-shaped hornet's nest off your front porch by going out at dusk, slipping a plastic garbage bag over it, and snapping it off the ceiling with the notion of carrying it away. Our neighbour did that. The results were quite spectacular, to say the least. Hornets can sting through a garbage bag quite easily. He was jumping around yelling for his wife or daughter to bring a twist tie. The wife and daughter fled instantly, and he had to find another solution. I leave it to your imagination.

Never try to destroy a yellowjacket nest in your roof soffets with a blowtorch. Another neighbour tried that, and he was on a ladder at the time. Go figure.

Never try to attach a "kick me" sign to a mule's rear end.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 01:42 PM

Never try to teach a pig to sing. You won't be successful and it only annoys the pig.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,rabbitrunning
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:19 PM

Never keep your brand new keen "Icy Hot" push-up dispenser thingie right next to your standard been buying it for years "Right Guard AntiPerspirant" push-up dispenser thingie.

YYYYYOOOOOOWWWWWCCCCCHHHHH!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:27 PM

I suppose that would also apply to keeping your Desenex and Preparation H on the same shelf as your Pepsodent or storinf the Listerine next to the Massengill.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 11:56 PM

Okay, the results of the Infamous Spaghetti Match:

<<drumroll please!>>

I won.

No surprise there.
I am, like, the world's slowest eater.

We decided to go for Chinese food instead of Spaghetti.
I ate ONE plate of food from the buffet, IN THE TIME IT TOOK L.H. TO EAT TWO PLATES!!!!!

Of course Little Hawk tried to say that I cheated.

As if!
He mentioned seconds - I didn't say anything about seconds! And considering how long it took me to go through that ONE plate, I could have won twice over if he'd been stupid and insisted on the point. We were getting late for song circle though. (That's the only reason he stopped trying to argue with me. (Men!))

Anyway, I won.

So I now have the inalienable right to say ANYTHING at all about Bob Dylan to Little Hawk, without him taking it the wrong way.
SO THERE!

~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:01 AM

Sounds familiar, hesp. I've been known to stretch a sandwhich out for 45 minutes, and I can make a 20oz. bottle of Coke last three hours.

BTW Spaw, that reminds me a bit of a columnist we have in the newspaper here. He tells funny stories about his childhood here in Eastern North Carolina. One of them was about a friend of his, who went going on a date, thought he was putting mousse in his hair when it was really Preparation H.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:25 AM

And the ultimate - and I don't remember where I heard this, but it was probably on the Mudcat in the first place, so I apologize to whomever I'm stealing it from:

NEVER ask a drunken highland piper if he can play "Melancholy Baby," not even as a joke.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:38 AM

Don't try to out-pun Art
Don't try to answer queries on the mudcat from memory without looking at the record sleeve, checking in the reference book or listening to the song again!
Don't mention the '50s or Lonnie Donegan more than once a week
(Hey, they could be my new year resolutions)
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: bob schwarer
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:57 AM

Never eat the yellow snow.

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Bert
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:14 PM

The fifties, Lonnie Donnegan, Jack Jackson's Record Roundabout, Tommy Steele, aaaah you've got me started Skiff me ol china. Well I never felt more like singing the blues.......

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:17 PM

Don't mess around with Slim.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 04:13 PM

Never count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
Don't ever play with guns.
Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.
Don't take your love to town.
Don't let your deal go down.
Don't mess with Mister In-between.
Don't take your guns to town, son.
Don't think twice, it's all right.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 10:22 PM

Or to quote Don Bray...

Don't.

Period.

(It's a song he wrote...)

The great Spaghetti duel: What a battle! I have never seen anyone eat that slowly before! It's a wonder that girl is still alive, considering how slowly she eats. She eats as slowly as Spaw thinks! I had to concede or we would have been in the damn restaurant till closing time, and missed song circle. She may be slow, but she ain't stupid...

Accordingly, I went down to an ignominious defeat, but it was fun trying, anyway. I'm looking for a rematch, maybe at an East Indian restaurant with REALLY HOT food, or a Middle Eastern one with hummus and all that good stuff.

Hesperis now has the right to say anything she wants to about Bob Dylan. It's a right unique to Hesperis, however, so the rest of you just better watch it.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 10:43 PM

LOL!!!!!

Middle Eastern sounds good.
HOT, SPICY food would probably result in getting us kicked out of the restaurant, as I would still be there at closing time, waving my hand in front of my mouth to cool it down enough to take another bite... I like to win.

BTW - I eat slower than Spaw thinks, and that's pretty slow!

(Ducking and running away very fast...)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:13 PM

Well hesp, if you do then its amazing that you're still with us because I..........uh...........well, I.......er,uh...........what was I talking about because sometimes it just gets........something or another........maybe I ........hmmmmm............what was I saying at first? Who's hesp and why am I .........damn..............

Spaw