BS: Cheating on your Band

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: guinnesschik
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 08:57 AM

Hi! You've got a platefull, here. Make it a blessing. Let your first band know what you're doing. Tell 'em why it feels right, and continue to play with both, as time allows. If you really feel you must cut one band loose (which won't necessarily happen) make it the one that's not meeting your needs as a musician and performer.

Whatever the outcome, have fun. Good luck!

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 08:44 AM

Hi LEJ,

Yeah, I'm always pressing for more contemporary, more challenging instrumentation (an interesting fact in that the other guitarist is a superior guitarist--I kinda want that highlighted). The other day I watched him perform solo to a crowd of hundreds and, doing his cowboy and campfire songs, I could just tell he was on cloud nine!

John

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: tgreenie
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 01:01 AM

To thine own self be true. It's not one or the other. If they want you to play with them, and you want to play with them, they will always find time to play with you. Play on Play on.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 10:20 PM

Very interesting John,I never thought of that,but Jack certainly has an interest in Jazz that I don't share,and I believe Earl the bass player may too.

I'm curious...what did you mean when you said your bandmates might find a better direction without you? You think you're taking them in a direction they don't want to go?

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 09:51 PM

LEJ,

Any chance that your staying with the originals is holding them back from what's better for them? Just a thought. I have found your posts throughout the mudcat to be ANYTHING BUT egocentric so I doubt that your assesment of the situation is inaccurate but the guys I play with might find a better direction for themselves sans me.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 09:25 PM

It occurs to me that folk and acoustic groups may be less formal than amplified bands.This may be due to the fact that many acoustic performers are solo acts who hook up with other players for mutual benefit.Players in electric bands,like mine,are more like individual gears fitting together to form a unified machine.This fact may also suggest that acoustic groups are more democratic,and nobody needs to be the boss to assure that the "machine" functions in synchronicity.Is this in fact true?

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Jimmy C
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM

You gotta be honest and explain the situation to the old band, there appears to be a lot of history and memories there. Far off fields are green and if you move you may regret it, but sometimes you gotta go with your heart. I think the old band members will respect your decision. It's a tough call. Remember be honest, everything on the table.

Good luck

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: GUEST,The Invisible Blazoona
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 08:05 PM

I too thought, that I didn't have the time or energy to be in more than one band, but once I got around to juggling schedules it worked out (to my surprise) extremely well, and now I'm enjoying music with two different groups, and enjoying gettng in all of the playing that I am.

Why not give it a try EJ and see how it goes? If it really does prove to be too much, then I suppose you've got some hard choices to make. But if it works out, like it did for me, then you'll be playing in two rewarding situations.

Best of luck.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 07:22 PM

All great suggestions.The possibility of getting everyone together is intriguing,but one thing bothers me - the lead guitar in my "main" group has been the rehearsal host,and the un-elected leader throughout the life of the group,and several years before I arrived on scene. One opportunity with the new group seems to be more input from all members,and especially from me.I shouldn't be shy about it,I suppose.I think I have a talent for music dynamics and structure,and I am thinking I'd be more free to apply it with the new bunch.But,like Bart so aptly put it,everyone at this stage of a new group is apt to be on their best behavior.I've never been in a group where there wasn't either a definite leader,or a power struggle going on.I'm sure this would be no different.

Anyway,I don't know how Jack would respond to being "just one of the boys" in a new format,or even whether he and I could work together in a group where he didn't have final say.

Yep,a band isn't a marriage. But it ain't terribly far from it.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Bert
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 10:41 AM

Get 'em all together and see what happens.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 10:31 AM

EJ! SNAP OUT OF IT!! A band is not a marriage. There are no bonds of fidelity to be broken here. You're working with some new people who have re-lit your pilot light. That's a good thing - not only for you but for your band, too. The only way to keep from stagnating in a band is to keep new stuff flowing through it. You say that you don't have time for two bands; my thought is that you don't have time to pass up growth experiences that are put in your path.

If your long term band is working out, don't think that about jumping ship just yet. You are in the "striking sparks" stage with your new playmates. This is a very cool place to be, but it doesn't last forever. Eventually the newness wears off and people stop being so polite and deferential. The masks get dropped. Maybe the real faces and the masks are both OK - but don't count on that now. If you've been playing with a crew that has an established method for working, rehearsing, sharing ideas, de-fusing problems, supporting each other and all the other things that develop over time between band members remember how all that came about. Eventually you'll need to build that level of trust with your new friends. There are many, many shared experiences that bond band members together - these cannot be replaced and should be set aside only when needed to spur further growth and development.

A lot of times "a fling" like you're having is the best thing that can happen for your current band (try to avoid thinking of it as "the old band"). Let everybody know what you're doing - there is nothing to be gained by keeping your activities secret and a lot of years of trust that may be lost. There is also much to be gained by sharing. If you weren't entertaining thoughts of leaving before you met these new players you have nothing to hide. If you were - well that's another story altogether...

Birds got to fly, players got to play. Enjoy this new opportunity; they don't come around often enough, if you ask me.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: JedMarum
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 08:49 AM

friendship is far more important then music ... but I suspect you can make both work somehow (ie., playing with the new guys and keeping your old friends) ... maybe do a larger jam with both groups ... best of luck!

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 05:56 AM

Are there any personality problems involved btween the members of the two bands?

I agree with the comments about being in a rut. Why not combine the two efforts on a short term basis and see what results. Perhaps the growth will surprise you.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Catrin
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 05:45 AM

This is a relationship, like any other. As such, I would recommend honesty. It will be far far easier and less painful for everybody in the long run - especially for you.

Remember, we only get one shot at this life. If you're in 'a rut' is it not possible that they are too? You may be doing them a favour.

Good luck with your music.

Catrin Who knows that advice is easier to give than recieve.

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 05:34 AM

I'd suggest you are straight with your old band. Moving on is quite reasonable and they should understand your reasons.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Cheating on your Band
From: Bugsy
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 03:53 AM

Sounds like you could be in a fur lined rut with the old band and are experiencing a new lease of life and creativity with the new one.

Maybe it's time to move on.

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: Cheating on your Band
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 03:14 AM

I've been playing music with the same group of people for almost 14 years.At least the core of Lead Guitar,Bass Guitar,and me (vocals,harmonica,percussion) has been the same.Other drummers,horn players,guitarists have come and gone.Recently,the drummer told me he had been playing once a week with some friends,and asked if I'd like to come along and jam.Now I felt a bit weird about going by our practice place and picking up my equipment from Jack (the guitarist),and had a momentary feeling of guilt when he asked where I was playing,but I figured "Hell it's just a jam." But here's the problem- the stuff we were playing with these new people was GREAT.We even wrote a knock-out song on the spot.One of the guys recorded the whole session,and the tape was really good.As I left,the other players say to me "next week we'll work out the changes for Voodoo Chile,and maybe re-record Willin',OK?"

Now here's the problem. I don't have the time or energy to participate in two bands.I have years of friendship and loyalty to one bunch,but exciting potential in the other.It occurs to me that this is what comes of cheating on your band.Any suggestions?Anyone else been through this?