Song Challenge! Part 44

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 12:11 PM

I must admit that I had another Halloween Challenge! all lined up; but, Dear Hubby showed me this story in this morning's paper, and I just couldn't wait to let you all have a go at it (haha). It put me in mind of those great spoofs of the 70's disaster movies . . . so, let's see what kind of theme songs you all can come up with. Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

When Pigs Fly OR Never Say Never Again (Philadelphia PA) In a bizarre episode that rattled flight attendants and embarrassed airline officials, a 300-pound pig was put in the first-class cabin of a US Airways Boeing 757 and flown with 200 other passengers on a nonstop six-hour flight across the country from Philadelphia to Seattle. All went well, for most of the flight.

Somehow, the pig's owners, described as two women, one in her 30s, the other a senior citizen, convinced the airline that it was a "therapeutic companion pet," like a guide dog for the blind.

"I guess it was supposed to be a Seeing Eye pig," a witness aboard the flight said. "Frankly, I couldn't tell what kind of therapeutic service it was providing. All I know is, it was ugly, and it pooped."

A chagrined airline spokesman provided few details. "We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again," US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said. "Let me stress that. It will never happen again."

An internal report said the owners said they had a doctor's note that required them to fly with the animal, and that they described pig as weighing only 13 pounds, so based on this info, authorization was given," the report said. Witnesses said the pig's owners exhibited no obvious impairments.

"I'd estimate 300 pounds," one source aboard the flight said. "It took four people to wheel it in, past security and to the gate. And they were struggling."

Though flight attendants objected, the pig was cleared for takeoff and seated on the floor, in the first row of first class. It was so big, much of its bulk extended into the aisle, according to the report.

"It didn't smell; it was a clean pig," a witness on the flight said. "It slept almost the whole time."

Few passengers complained. It wasn't till the aircraft taxied into Seattle that the pig wreaked havoc.

Squealing loudly, it ran loose through the aircraft and tried to enter the cockpit. It finally found refuge in the food galley, where it refused to budge.

Finally, the pig was lured from the galley with food.

Then, the owners -- struggling to control the pig -- dragged it out of the aircraft and into the Jetway.

That's where it left its mess.

"Another passenger on the flight advised pig owner that she picked up her pig's feces and she was not happy about that," the report stated.

"Once the pig was off aircraft, another passenger had to push while the two women pulled to get it in the elevator. "The whole time, the pig was squealing so loudly everyone in the terminal heard it."

Federal Aviation Administration officials in Seattle said they were unfamiliar with the incident, but said they would investigate.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 12:50 PM

I'll do that "when pigs fly"!!!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: John Hardly
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:12 PM

Well, first I noticed the dark glasses,
And I expected to see the dog,
But when I looked down at the harness,
What I saw there was a hog.

Well, I tried to act so cool,
Like this was nothing big,
But I gotta tell you now,
I'd never witnessed a seeing-eye pig.

Well they pushed and squeezed it up the aisle,
I mean, this pig had SIZE,
It rubbed the seats on either side,
like cords on a fat man's thighs.

Well, to it's credit the trip went smoothly,
It slept and it behaved,
'Til the stews came out with the food trays,
No secret what this pig craved!

It went pounding after the food trays,
I mean, this pig came alive!
And with each pounding, bounding motion he made,
The airplane took a nose-dive.

They finally calmed the pig's frenzy,
They finally calmed his fit,
And just as they settled him back in his place,
He downloaded two days worth of shit.

You can bet the smell was enormous,
It made us all wretch and gag.
It came on so quick and explosive,
I barely reached my air-sickness bag.

Y'know DOGS are made to guide us,
And pigs are made for PORK!
But lady, if you MUST travel with that swine,
NEXT TIME WON'T YOU PLEASE BRING A CORK!!!


sorry----John

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:21 PM

Excellentaymundo, John!!! Now, do you have a title and a tune to go with that (or just a side order of BBQ sauce)? A fantastic start for this Challenge!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:23 PM

I don't believe you are John. Whole new approach to This little piggy went to market".

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:26 PM

I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 04:36 PM

FLYING
(sung to Crying by Roy Orbison)

I booked a flight
The other night
From Philly to the great northwest
But when I got on board
My jaw dropped to the floor
I saw a three hundred pound pig
And though I stared for a while
It just layed there in the isle
And it was fly y y y ing over you
Fly y y y ing over you
It was a pig from snout to ass
And it was seated in first class
And it was flying
Flying
Flying
Flyyyyyyyyyying
And I can't believe my eyes
Pigs are flying the friendly skies
Now pigs are flying.

It was alright
For a while
I sat there with a wary smile
But when the flight got rough
This piggy had enough
It was spearibs on the hoof
The worst I'd ever seen
A big pissed off porcine
And it was squea ea ea ea ling from here to there
Squea ea ea ea ling for everyone to hear
If only someone knew just how
We could calm this irate sow
Cause now it's squealing
Squealing
Squealing
Squeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaallllllling
And I'm never going back
Cause there's pig poop on the tarmack
Cause pigs are flying.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: John Hardly
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 04:54 PM

Orbison got nothin' on you!

John

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: zonahobo
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 04:50 AM

US Airways.. "We can take you places" but we may not let you come back!
(we can guess the parody this parodies)

The Pig that never returned

They stood in line, at the Philadelphia airport, a grandma with a real cute lass
Coach tickets to Seatlle, was all booked solid, so they had to fly first class
But Grandma couldn't fly, without her traveling companion, but it only took a little twist
Of the rules of flight, for US Airways, and boy was that old airline pissed

(chorus)

Did it ever return, no it never returned, and its fate is still unlearned
Its round-trip ticket, was replaced by one-way, it's the pig that never returned

The aircrew learned, Grandma's therapy companion, weighed a little past her poundage fib
Instead of 13 pounds, of canine comfort, it was three hundred pounds of pig
Since the papers said approved, and the lass seemed friendly, the air crew let the porker aboard
Then the 757, rumbled on down the runway, and into the sky pig soared

All through the flight, the pig slept soundly, but he missed the in-flight meal
Then the plane landed hot, as it's tires touched the runway, you should of heard those firestones squeal
The porker leapt up, nearly three full inches, his grunting both loud and shrill
Mistaking the tires, for Grandma's Hog calling, old porky went to get his fill

He bolted to the front, then he spun at the cockpit, building up a little more steam
Running straight for the galley, where those meal leftovers, were piled up like a piggy's dream
Well they pushed and shoved, then they offered in-flight peanuts, and tricked ol porky out the door
But he stopped in the gangway, cutting loose with afterburners, just to even up the score

Dave

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 10:03 AM

Brilliant, both of you, zonahobo and Dharmabum!!! Here are the first round of Silver B.L.O.B.s for these brave first entries:

To John Hardly for:

Well they pushed and squeezed it up the aisle,
I mean, this pig had SIZE,
It rubbed the seats on either side,
like cords on a fat man's thighs.

To Dharmabum for:

It was alright
For a while
I sat there with a wary smile
But when the flight got rough
This piggy had enough
It was spareribs on the hoof
The worst I'd ever seen
A big pissed off porcine

To zonahobo for:

He bolted to the front, then he spun at the cockpit, building up a little more steam
Running straight for the galley, where those meal leftovers, were piled up like a piggy's dream
Well they pushed and shoved, then they offered in-flight peanuts, and tricked ol porky out the door
But he stopped in the gangway, cutting loose with afterburners, just to even up the score

Way to go, Challenge!rs!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: GUEST,The-Siren-Poet
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 12:36 PM

When Pigs Fly

Man has always dreamed of flight
But I never thought to see the day
When pigs began to fly

Someone told a lie you see
So the airline said "it's okay"
And now your pig can fly

300 pounds called 13
So that the pig could get on the flight
First class space became his

This pig most remarkable
A "therapeutic companion pet"
Something I've not heard of

Now I don't understand it
But Grandma said that she needs the pig
Her daughter backed her up

So the pig was on the plane
Sleeping most of the way to Seattle
From Philadelphia

It wasn't until the landing
That the havoc began to ensue
The pig begun squealing

He ran about the aircraft
Tried to enter the cockpit, ending
In the food gallery

300 hundred pounds of pig, squealing
Sitting with no mind to budge at all
Food induced him to rise

Being dragged from the aircraft
By his owners into the Jetway
It's then he left his mess

A passenger he suggested
That the owner should clean up the mess
A thought she didn't like

The pig kept squealing loudly
All the while he was being pushed and pulled
On the elevator

The entire terminal heard--
Ending his flight by squealing-- that pig
Who had gotten to fly

Man has always dreamed of flight
But I never thought to see the day
When pigs began to fly

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: The-Siren-Poet
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 12:47 PM

Not a guest. Just registered don't know why it showed up as guest... should be all set now.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 06:37 PM

Welcome to the Challenge!, Siren Poet. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Man has always dreamed of flight
But I never thought to see the day
When pigs began to fly

Congrats!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 12:25 PM

Sometimes a challenge just wants to go in some other direction...I'm not sure what direction this one took, but here it is...

A COLD DAY IN HELL

The weather report in Hades;
is bleak and gettin' colder
Though there's no frost as cold, they say
as the frost upon her shoulder

But when she sings
My heart takes wing
and she makes me more then I am
There is so much more to life, my friend
Then that which meets the eye
They said 'twould never happen
But indeed, this "pig" can fly!

When I was young, what met the eye
was most important to me
Unless, of course, the "rep" perforce
was "easy, cheap and free"

But when she sings
My heart takes wing
and she makes me more then I am
There is so much more to life, my friend
Then that which meets the eye
They said 'twould never happen
But indeed, this "pig" can fly!

And it doesn't even matter
that her notes are flat and flatter
because the beauty overcomes
what would make a chalkboard shatter

And when she sings
My heart takes wing
and she makes me more then I am
There is so much more to life, my friend
Then that which meets the eye
They said 'twould never happen
But indeed, this "pig" can fly!

I haven't even met her, she doesn't know my name
But she sings my heart to flyin' all the same
And I'll pass along the beauty, if I can
For her song has turned this boy into a man

But when she sings
My heart takes wing
and she makes me more then I am
There is so much more to life, my friend
Then that which meets the eye
They said 'twould never happen
But indeed, this "pig" can fly!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 12:46 PM

That's a wonderful twist on the proverbial pig's tail, MMario! Well done, sir. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, so I guess I'll do both. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

But when she sings
My heart takes wing
and she makes me more then I am
There is so much more to life, my friend
Then that which meets the eye
They said 'twould never happen
But indeed, this "pig" can fly!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: mousethief
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 12:58 PM

Oh, my what good songs! Way to go, everybody! I especially liked the "afterburners" reference, that was a winner! And the cork, and the flyyyyyyyying. But all of them were great!

I see I have my work cut out for me! But I'll be back!

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 09:00 AM

refresh

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Bradypus
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 06:54 PM

I suspect this was no ordinary pig - I think he was a sanglochon, as featured here

Sanglochon Aerial

The patron and I, we got talking
'Do your family all cook ?' I enquired.
'Mais non, I've a brother in America
Where his skills are so often required

My brother's a therapeutic companion
With two ladies rich he does dwell
He accompanies them off on their journeys
They don't seem to mind the odd smell

Some people have guide dogs to lead them
Some dogs for the deaf act as ears
My brother's employed as a taster
He's been with those ladies for years

And why, you may ask, a sanglochon
To taste for these ladies their food?
Everyone knows the sanglochon
Always tastes so very good!

One day on an air flight they took him
First class, the best food, the best wine
But champagne at twenty thousand metres
Doesn't agree well with swine

And so to the cockpit he staggered
The cabin crew wrestled him down
And merde! At twenty thousand metres
Made all the passengers frown

But why did he go to the cockpit?
He told me, with wink in his eye
He wanted to pilot the airplane
For everyone knows pigs might fly!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 09:44 PM

weeehhooo! yea, BradyPus! a two-fer!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Dharmabum
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 10:18 PM

GOOD ONE BRADY!!!!!!

THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO SEATTLE
(sung to My baby wrote me a letter)

Bought me a ticket for an aeroplane
U S Airways has gone insane
I'm feelin all perplexed
Afraid to see what's next
This little piggy went to Seattle.

Said goodbye to Philly & I feel like a schmuck
I'm flyin to Seattle in a livestock truck
I should be sleepin like a log
Instead I'm sloppin hog
This little piggy went to Seattle.

(chorus)
Well I wrote em a letter
Said I wouldn't fly
On their airplane no more,
Listen mister can't you see
He's snortin & squealin & poopin on the floor
E V E R Y W H E R E

The guy that sold the ticket said it was all right
To put a 300 pound porker on a 6 hour flight
Can't you see the fuss he's makin
Cause they're bringin home the bacon
This little piggy went to Seattle

Next time I'll be flyin with cattle

This little piggy went to Seattle.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 01:17 AM

This is a bountiful banquet of porcine poetry! You people feed me! For sharesies, here's my ham sandwich. Parishioners of the church of Stan Rodgers, please believe that no malicious intent was, uh, intended. Sung to the tune of Northwest Passage.

First Class Passage

(Chorus)
Ah for just one time I would fly up there in comfort
Postpone for six short hours my future as a roast
Transcend this hopeless life amid the muck and mire and pig dirt
And take a First Class passage to the coast

Westbound from Philadelphia with attendants both in tow
Pig with ticket, front of line, three seats in the first row
Squeal for attendant, warm towel please, just put it on my snout
Single malt as well, I think, if any is about.

As I sleep upon the floor the aircraft lowly hums
Dream of transport trucks below crammed full with all my chums
To market, fated for breakfast plates, wallets, or gloves
I'm temporarily blissful, just six miles up above

Yet through the flight I battle guilt, conscience will not rest
Better to fly or to fry I ask, only partially in jest.
Then through coastal fog a light glows strong and shows a path for me
Seattle- my soul sings, you are my destiny

Now, I'm not so different from the pigs back in the sty
Except I left a certain death, to Seattle I did fly
A humble pig, a First Class passage airborne epiphany
A new life in Seattle, as a Starbucks franchisee


Peace, Bardford

Copyright 2000 the author. You know, I was trying to come up with some kind of Oedipal/dirt/cleanliness/pig/father/ thing that ends with "It's a long way from Pa. to Wash.", but I was not up to the task. Sanglochon blue,everybody knows one...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: zonahobo
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 03:14 AM

Pigspirational masterpieces all!! Great fun. When I jump in these things I feel I'm bringing a sligshot to the OK corral. Treasures of the mudcat for sure.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Dharmabum
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 06:33 AM

Exelent Bardford, Stan would've been proud.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: mousethief
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 11:22 AM

What a lot of great songs! What a talented crew we have!

Here's my attempt:

A Great Big Hog is Flying to Town
(to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")

You better watch out
The next time you fly
There's livestock on board
But I don't know why
A great big hog is flying to town

She's running amok
Up there in first class
And leaving us gifts
From out of her ... bum
A great big hog is flying to town

She was okay when she was sleeping
But then she came awake
The attendants are having coronaries
How much more can those gals take?

She's taking a shit
And checking the food
Saying "hi" to the pilot
(She hates to be rude)
A great big hog is flying to town

The folks in Philadelphia
Must've had a lobotomy
They boarded a big barnyard pig
But not in Economy!

So you better watch out
When we touch down
Watch where you step
Or your shoes will turn brown
A great big hog is flying to town!

©2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 11:28 AM

*ahem* as a graduate of the Cornell University School of Agriculture, might I say this thread is fantastic! But just to quibble (I've got a sugar hangover you wouldn't believe) I'd probably subsitute "sow" for the above "hog"

*grin* (ow! that hurt....)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 12:22 PM

Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful!! Here are your well-earned Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To Bradypus for:

And why, you may ask, a sanglochon
To taste for these ladies their food?
Everyone knows the sanglochon
Always tastes so very good!

To Dharmabum for:

Said goodbye to Philly & I feel like a schmuck
I'm flyin to Seattle in a livestock truck
I should be sleepin like a log
Instead I'm sloppin hog
This little piggy went to Seattle.

To Bardford for:

Now, I'm not so different from the pigs back in the sty
Except I left a certain death, to Seattle I did fly
A humble pig, a First Class passage airborne epiphany
A new life in Seattle, as a Starbucks franchisee

To mousethief for:

The folks in Philadelphia
Must've had a lobotomy
They boarded a big barnyard pig
But not in Economy!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: mousethief
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 12:48 PM

Oh, MMario, since when has folk music been precise?

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 01:06 PM

*grump,grump* dagnabit, I *said* I was quibbling! donknow what this place is comin' to; canna even moan and groan and complain no more...you'd think they'd let a guy use somma that book-learnin' he's still paying for twenty-mumble years later....

Subject: ADD: PIGS CAN SEE THE WIND
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 04:30 PM

I just got around to opening a CD I got at old songs - only 4 months...and one of the songs needs to be posted here...A Folk Legacy CD - I ran out of money before I got the 10 feet further to CAMSCO

PIGS CAN SEE THE WIND
(Dave Goulder)

Well the summer may come
And the summer may go
And the pigs can see the wind
The autumn goos brings down the snow
and the pigs can see the wind

My father used tosay to me
as he locked 'em in the sty
They say that pigs can see the wind
and I'm going to tell you why

chorus

there's some will chase the crafty fox
o'er valley hill and dale
There are 30 hounds and 30 clowns
for one old fox's tail

chorus

There's some will sit and fish the stream
in the howling wind and rain
They sling 'em back to come next day
and catch 'em all again

chorus

There's somw will fight in foreign wars
and meet a bloody end
and if you can see the sense in that
then pigs can see the wind

chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 04:46 PM

autumn GOOSE....when will I learn to prufred? (tho the image of autumn goos flowing slowly down the hills...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Bradypus
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 06:22 PM

Alex, Bardford, I really enjoyed these. Good strong words to good strong tunes

Bradypus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 06:57 PM

I don't know, Leo, The autumn goos brings down the snow evoked some interesting pictures in my mind . . . ;-)

Thanks for the song anyway (goos or no goos), Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Amergin
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 04:49 AM

Now I'm Hidin (tune: Now I'm Easy)

For nearly six whole hours I've been sleepin,
In the front row of first class fare, feeling the jet go leapin
Thoughts of food and a bath of mud just boil my old blood,
It's nearly over now, but now I'm hidin

They say I'm a pig, they say I'm therapeutic,
If she can't hear me snortin, she gets airsick;
My fat blocks the aisle, as we travel the miles
It's nearly over now, but now I'm hidin.

It took four struggling men to wheel me on board,
All three hundred pounds of fresh live pork;
The attendants they all complain, they ain't seen such a thang
It's nearly over now, but now I'm hiding.

From Philly onto Seattle we all flew,
Ignorin all the glares from the airline crew;
Well, the plane took to landin, my belly was demandin
It's nearly over now, but now I'm hidin.

I woke from my dreams and I was hungry.
I ran to the galley for something to eat.
The captain was stewed that I was lookin for food
It's nearly over now, but now I'm hidin.
Yes, it's nearly over now, but now I'm hidin.

Amergintheinsomiac

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 08:11 AM

Excellent entry, Amergin! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

They say I'm a pig, they say I'm therapeutic,
If she can't hear me snortin, she gets airsick;
My fat blocks the aisle, as we travel the miles
It's nearly over now, but now I'm hidin.

Well done! And I loved The captain was stewed that I was lookin for food, too.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:10 AM

What do you all think -- have we explored the flying habits of the porcine population fully? Is anyone working on an entry still? Shall we move on to the next Challenge! (I've got a great suggestion from MMario ready to go)?

Let me know if we're coming or going . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:41 AM

I can't speak for anyone else, but personally, I don't think I have the chops to continue.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Dharmabum
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:43 AM

I vote for the next one.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:52 AM

I'd say we've been on this loin enough.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Amergin
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 12:06 PM

Yeah this topic has hogged Old Aine's time long enough....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 04 Nov 00 - 11:45 AM

Here are the Golden Chip Awards for this Challenge! -- and may I say that you all keep impressing the Keeper of the Book with your collective talent! Cudos, Congrats and many, many Thanks for each and every entry. Keep your eyes peeled for the next Challenge! coming soon . . .

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
A Great Big Hog Is Flying To Town by mousethief
Flying by Dharmabum
Now I'm Hidin by Amergin
Pigs Are Made For Pork by John Hardly
When Pigs Fly by The-Siren-Poet

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
A Cold Day In Hell by MMario
The Pig That Never Returned by zonahobo
This Little Piggy Went To Seattle by Dharmabum

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
First Class Passage by Bardford

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon:
Sanglochon Aerial by Bradypus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Nov 00 - 03:46 PM

I somehow missed this one. Better late than never. (With apologies to Julie Gold - and this great song has already been parodied to pieces.)

From a distance the world looks very small and I look very big
From a distance I wonder why I'm here - pigs don't fly, and I'm a pig
From a distance would you please explain Just how I got so high?
Would you put me down back on the ground
I'm a pig and pigs don't fly.

From a distance the flight attendants cringe and wonder what I'll do
From a distance they all expect a pile of stinky piggy poo
From a distance the future looks quite bleak and a mess ahead does loom
Cause I have to sh*t and I cannot f*t
In that tiny little room

Pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us
From a distance

From a distance I can see the ground is getting closer fast
From a distance I hope we're landing soon, and my control will last
From a distance I see tarmac and the doors are open wide
Please hear, I say, and clear a way, and let me go outside

Pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us, pigs are watching us
From a distance

It's the cause of tears, it's the fear of fears,
In the hearts of everyman

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Áine
Date: 11 Nov 00 - 05:32 PM

Hey Challenge!rs -- Yes, I've been 'off-lined' again by those wonderful folks at AT&T again. But I'm back again on my low tech modem until the DSL gets hooked up. Lucky you!

Jeri -- Great song! Sorry that it's taken so long to present your award to you, but here it is. From A Distance has been awarded The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon. Thanks so much for the entry, which proves that it's never too late for good song!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 00 - 02:59 PM

update...t's Official: FAA Says Pigs Can Fly — and First Class, at That

The Associated Press P H I L A D E L P H I A, Nov. 29 — USAirways did nothing wrong when it allowed a pig to fly first class from Philadelphia to Seattle in October, the Federal Aviation Administration found. Maria Tirotta Andrews, the pig's owner, brought the 300-pound Vietnamese pot-bellied pig named Charlotte onto the Boeing 757 on Oct. 17, saying it was a therapeutic companion pet. "USAirways and its personnel acted in a reasonable and thoughtful manner, based on a legitimate request to transport a qualified individual with a disability and her service animal," said FAA spokesman Jim Peters. Andrews said she has a heart condition so severe that she needs the companionship of her pig to relieve stress. "I have said all along Charlotte was a service animal, allowed to travel with me," said Andrews, who recently moved to Everett, Wash., from New Jersey. The FAA found USAirways "acted in a reasonable manner. It was a legitimate request from a passenger with a disability. We consider the matter closed," Peters said. Under federal regulations, airlines must permit a service animal to accompany passengers to their seats.

Did Charlotte Really Go Hog Wild? The airline filed a report with the FAA that said the pig acted up when the plane landed, tried to enter the cockpit and refused to leave the galley until a passenger tossed food at her. Andrews denies that her pig behaved badly. "My pig did not run around the plane's aisles. My pig did not run around anywhere," Andrews said. Andrews told the airline ahead of time that she would have the pig on the plane, but said it only weighed 13 pounds. "When they saw it in Philadelphia, they said it was OK to load it on the airplane," Andrews said. The airline allowed the pig into first class for free.

Copyright 2000 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: GUEST,Rowana (at work shhhhh!)
Date: 29 Nov 00 - 03:30 PM

Here I sit in the office (in Philadelphia!) laughing my head off and trying to be discreet about it. Why oh why did I open this thread?! Thanks for turning my day around. Can we expect a K-Tel album - not available in stores - of greatest flying pig hits? Kisses to all you brilliant songwriters.

Rowana

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 09:04 AM

Here's my second installment of my attempt to "catch up" on the Song Challenge!s issued before I was a member.

As a lifelong resident of Pennsylvania, I feel it is my right – nay, my DUTY – to compose a tender ballad telling the plight of this poor, put-upon porcine Pennsylvanian (Charlotte the pig, that is!), set to the tune of one of the Commonwealth's most stirring anthems...


THE PENNSYLVANIA PORKER
(Tune: "The Pennsylvania Polka")

Fly up there, snoozing, your jet trip's begun
(oink, oink, oink, oink) The Pennsylvania Porker
Stick out your butt, block the aisle with your bun
(oink, oink, oink, oink) The Pennsylvania Porker
You started at 13 pounds, now you're a ton
(oink, oink, oink, oink) Nobody can restrain ya
Larger than the Lusitania, you little porker from Pennsylvania

(Porkey change)

While they're flying, ev'rybody's scared of pigly brawn,
Sheet-white, crying... This goes on and on, and still you yawn..
They're so wary, saying you might crap and you might flee
And slop their in-flight beer.
Then your owners start to jeer.
They hiss – and then –
The plane starts to descend.

(Porker time! Wheee... wheee... wheee... wheee...)

Touch-down's confusing, your good nature's done
(squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal) The Pennsylvania Porker
Kick out the cockpit door, turn tail and run
(squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal) The Pennsylvania Porker
You fart and you shoot Number Two like a gun
(squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal) Did no one potty-train ya?
These cross-country flights can drain ya, so says the porker from Pennsylvania.
Ev'ryone on earth is pray'n' ya stay grounded, porker from Pennsylvania!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Trapper
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:12 AM

Rally on Sharon! Only 53 more to go!

- Al

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: MMario
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:21 AM

D*mn, girl, you are GOOD!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:53 AM

Please excuse me Sharon whilst I "piggyback" on your quest.

To the tune of Back in the USSR

Landing in Washington

Flew from Philedelphia, US Airways
And it was a humourous flight
In the air a pot belly was on my knee
Man that was a funny sight

Landing in Washinton
and we had a lot of fun
Landing in Washington

Pig stuck in the galley, had to lure her out,
She tried to join the crew up in the pit
Folks who walk the tarmac they would scream and shout
Cause they had to clean up the S***

I'm Landing in Washinton
We had a lot of fun, man
Landing in Washington
Landing in Washing.. Landing in Washing.. Landing in Washington

Seeing eye dogs are allowed on a plane
but they don't make no fuss
Next time we'll have to take the Train
Or maybe even ride on a BBBBBBBB - Bus

Give me a three hundred pounder, in first Class
A pig right off your daddy's farm.
Make your pig behave or we will toss it out.
Companion pig to keep you warm

Landing in Washinton
we had a lot of fun man
Landing in Washington
Landing in Washing.. Landing in Washing.. Landing in Washington

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: Trapper
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 12:19 PM

Oh what the hell... I suppose I can't let Sharon and Jack have ALL the fun!

- Al

PIG THAT HELPS AIRPLANE PILOTS STEER
Tune: Man That Waters The Workers' Beer
New words by Al Boyce 8/14/2001

CHORUS:
I am the pig, the very fat pig,
That helps airplane pilots steer
I am the pig, the very fat pig,
That helps airplane pilots steer
And what do I care I shit on the stair,
If I make the other passengers fear
I've the best seat up in first class and
I help airplane pilots steer


Now when I help airlplane pilots steer
In the cockpit I puts my snout
I kick the levers with my hooves
And twist the dials about
The plane started bucking up and down
It made the passengers cheer
So I reaches my tail for the joystick
And I help airplane pilots steer

Now pretzels and peanuts are good for a pig
When he's steering planes a lot
So sometimes I go for a walk
To see what the stewardess' got
I help my self to the galley shelf
And I drink the wine and beer
Then I reach my tail for the joystick
And I help airplane pilots steer

Now when you weigh 300 pounds
You sit where e'er you will
But I gets a bit excited when
They do the landing drill
I squeal and shout and run about
And make the passengers fear
And then I go in the cockpit and
I help airplane pilots steer

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 44
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 06:02 PM

Trapper sez: "I can't let Sharon and Jack have ALL the fun!" I say, damn straight. The "catch-up club" is growing! Come on in, derrymacash (and everyone else), the water's fine!

Trapper, I'm trying to figure out your figures ("53 to go" before I posted my 3rd "catch-up" song today; now 'twould be 52). I agree that, counting my 3 "catch-up" songs, I've answered 12 out of 64 official Challenge!s so far, leaving 52 (I'm not counting my post to "part 55", since I didn't really answer the Challenge! there, so I still need to write a song for that). However, I know of at least one "unofficial Challenge!" (the peacock story) lurking about. Are there more???

SharonA