Song Challenge! - Part 60

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jul 01 - 09:21 AM

well - they do occassionaly say "you folk" but it isn't a compliment!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 01:55 PM

Thank you kindly, Aine. As the young folk say, you rock! (...How come they never say "You folk" or "You blues" or...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:16 PM

I think fishnets would look really

GOOD ON YA, AINE!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 09:23 PM

Ah shucks, MMario ;-) Consider me wearing a big brown hand print proudly on my back -- But really, the only 'award' I want from this is the smiles of you wunnerful 'Catters (like Jack the Sailor up there) and to know you all are keeping on with the playing, singing and writing of your wonderful music! (and maybe a 'good on ya' once and awhile, of course -- hahaha).

Are your pencils raised with anticipation, Challenge!rs? 'Cuz the next Challenge! is coming up here real fast -- and I hope you all saved your tin foil from your summer picnics . . . you're gonna need it . . . '-)

Hugs and snogs, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 08:28 PM

you fergot someone there GG! No faire not awarding yourself something - even if it be a selfcongratularoty cowpat on the back.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:51 PM

Thanks to you all. I'm still smiling!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:39 PM

Well, the B.L.O.B.s have been delivered; but, I'm gonna have a heck of a time shining them up for all these fantastic lines of bull that you all are sending down the pike lately!! ;-) So, here are the 'real deal' GGCs and miscellanea to keep you happy for a day or two:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
Aspiration by SharonA
Donna & Guido Get Lucky by Codgers and Hammerhead (aka RobDale)
Johnny! I Hardly Knew Ya! by Hawker
The Stuff That Once Filled Edward's Balls by Philibuster
With a Little Sniff by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
An Old Gigolo by RobDale
The Ballad of Jed's Limp Pet by mousethief
Hard Hard Times by RobDale
Inhalation Once Again by derrymacash
Medicine Man by Bradypus
When You Sniff by Mmario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
The Mystery Decongestant by Scabby Doug
The Wreck of the Flaccid John Harold by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):
Little Pill Blue by SharonA

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):
The Aisle Where Sildenafil Stands> by Amos
New Viagra by Micca
Nine Minutes Will Please a Lady by mousethief
My Husband's Got Viagra in Him by mousethief
Puff the Magic Nose-spray by mousethief

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):
Mary Ellen Carter by Trapper


Well done, everyone!! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 04:04 PM

LOL! Great story, Hawker!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Hawker
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 04:01 PM

Welldone Rob! Keep taking the medicine!
Mousetheif! Running out of blobs made me laugh out loud! -when we had our old dog castrated, he was lying on his back by the fire and my then very young daughter very matter of factly said......" Look Nanny, Boddington's had his blobs cut off!"
Thanks for the memory of this much missed friend
Cheers
Lucy

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 02:15 PM

Hard Hard Times (Nfld. Trad. music)

Come all ye good people I'll sing you a song
Of husbands and wives and how they get along
To keep them from wanering that is our main goal
So we make 'em happy before they get cold
so it's hard hard times

A we start to age as we get on in years
rely more on foreplay and niblin ears
Just an old sea dog no longer a pup
It takes a bit longer but we still get it up
and its hard hard times

The doctor the doctor is tryin to please
To lift up the mainmast with uncommon ease
he writes a prescription for little blue pills
We have a coniption when we see the bill
and its hard hard times

But it takes cloes to and hour and something ain't right
We're missing the hockey on Saturday night
On Saturday night but try as we might
We gotta stay with the missus or they'll be a fight
and its hard hard times

Go back to the doctor, "what else have you got?"
This stuff is real potent but rapid its not"
Take home some of this stuff sniff it right up your nose
You'll be ready for action before you can get off your clothes
and its hard hard times

Now things are happy things are as they should
The wife says she's happy, she's knocking on wood
She's knockin on wood, and we are like kids
We're doin' our business between periods
And she likes hard times.

The original words of this is on the DT but the music doesn't sound right.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 02:14 PM

Hard Hard Times (Nfld. Trad. music)

Come all ye good people I'll sing you a song
Of husbands and wives and how they get along
To keep them from wanering that is our main goal
So we make 'em happy before they get cold
so it's hard hard times

A we start to age as we get on in years rely more on foreplay and niblin ears Just an old sea dog no longer a pup It takes a bit longer but we still get it up and its hard hard times

The doctor the doctor is tryin to please To lift up the mainmast with uncommon ease he writes a prescription for little blue pills We have a coniption when we see the bill and its hard hard times

But it takes cloes to and hour and something ain't right We're missing the hockey on Saturday night On Saturday night but try as we might We gotta stay with the missus or they'll be a fight and its hard hard times

Go back to the doctor, "what else have you got?" This stuff is real potent but rapid its not" Take home some of this stuff sniff it right up your nose You'll be ready for action before you can get off your clothes and its hard hard times

Now things are happy things are as they should The wife says she's happy, she's knocking on wood She's knockin on wood, and we are like kids We're doin' our business between periods And she likes hard times.

The original words of this is on the DT but the music doesn't sound right.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 01:22 PM

So where's the cow chips, Aine? Time to move on to another challenge! if you've run out of BLOBs for this one.

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 11:04 PM

Snort Snort

Very refreshing!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 02:35 AM

Sniff Sniff

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Hawker
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM

Couldn't resist adding this final verse!

No more your king sized todger's found, harroo harroo
No more your king sized todger's found, harroo harroo
No more your king sized todger's found,
For now it's six foot underground.....
But the undertaker it did astound!
'Cos Johnny! viagra slew ya!

BUYER BEWARE! especially if you are 94! LOL

Cheers I'm off to a Cornish Evening in Harveys in Launceston, join us if you are in the area!
Lucy

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 09:48 AM

well done Lucy!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 06:15 AM

Applause!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Hawker
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 02:50 AM

With sincerest apologies!

JOHNNY! I HARDLY KNEW YA!

For 70 years I've laid with you harroo, harroo.
For 70 years I've laid with you harroo, harroo.
For 70 years I've laid with you
- and that's been all for a year or two Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS
Now he comes and comes and comes and comes Hurrah! Hurrah!
Now he comes and comes and comes and comes Hurrah! Hurrah!
Now he comes and comes and comes and comes
Of bold rigidity, he's got tons
Oh! Darling dear! Come over here!
Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

When to the doctors you did go harroo harroo
When to the doctors you did go harroo harroo
When to the doctors you did go
To tell of your flagging libido
The purple pill he gave worked slow.....
Then Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS

To speed things up you saw the doc harroo harroo
To speed things up you saw the doc harroo harroo
To speed things up you saw the doc
And a nasal spray now stiffens you cock
At Ninety four it's quite a shock -
Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS

You've got a glass eye and a wooden leg harroo harroo
You've got a glass eye and a wooden leg harroo harroo
You've got a glass eye and a wooden leg
And a hard on instead if a teeny peg
For this Sildenafil I would go out to beg
/Cos Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS


Wonderful contributions so far, hope you enjoy mine! What a subject! But somehow the words seemed to just flow! You night be right about Freud Mousetheif!
Cheers!
Lucy

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:52 PM

My God!! The Gaelic Goddess has entered an Impressionist Period!!! Ain't no Viagra gonna resolve this -- it energy from a different plane altogether!!

Wildy and wonderfully done, Oh Lime One. Reminds me of a Dali composition....

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 10:56 PM

BRAVA!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:59 PM

Well, mousethief, you've finally done it -- you and SharonA have taken all the flippin' Silver B.L.O.B.s that TGG had in her closet. So, all my darlin' Challenge!rs will have to wait for the ship to come in for your well-earned mantle decorations . . .

So, while we wait at the dock, the summer sun warming our backs and our feet dangling in the cold water, let us enjoy a song by Herself, one that She considers to be a master-piece -- and even though Dear Hubby swears that She has been dipping into his leftover codeine pills, the only lubrication applied in the creation of Her ditty was supplied by the Iffy Liffey . . .

One Squirt Over the Line
(Tune: One Toke Over the Line – Brewer and Shipley)

Refrain:
One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Sittin' downtown in a poh-leez station, one squirt over the line.
Waitin' for my wife to take my home, sweet Mary,
Hopin' that she'll pay my fine,
Sittin' downtown in a poh-leez station,
One squirt over the line.

I took a walk, to the store in town,
For the past few days, I'd been a little down.
Feelin' like a wanker, ready to check out,
Then I saw the sign –
With just a squirt, a sniff and a smile,
It promised I'd feel fine, and now I'm

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Sildenafil in hand, I rushed up to the counter, one squirt over the line.
The Chemist, he was rushin', to get out of there early,
Duck huntin' on his mind,
I heard him mumble 'one per hour',
Now I'm one squirt over line.

I ran home to Mary, with my little prize,
One squirt and BINGO, it grew before my eyes.
Well, feeling a mite sweaty, I opened up the window,
Above our marriage bed,
Then I went and pumped one squirt too many,
It went right to my head, and now I'm

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Came a gust of wind and blew me ten miles high, one squirt over line.
Right into a flock of Trumpeter Swans
That was migrating by,
With my face turning blue, and my white arms flappin',
I was one squirt over the line.

I sailed away, more than a country mile,
Then one of them swans, attracted by my 'smile',
Flapped a little closer, reached out with a feather,
And to my surprise,
It touched a place you could never imagine,
And I began to rise, and now I'm

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Bein' molested by a feathered white pen, one squirt over the line.
Flyin' cross the lake in duck hunting season,
Hopin' that I don't see a blind,
Wishin' that I hadn't a squeezed so hard,
'Cuz now I'm one squirt over the line.

I knew I had trouble, when he came into view,
The Chemist in his orange hat, his gun a shinin' with dew,
Flappin' and a squawkin', I advised him of my presence,
Then I remembered too late,
As well as deaf, he was very nearsighted,
So I resigned to fate that I was

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Saw the muzzle flash, and then I was fallin', one squirt over the line.
Thought as I saw my death quickly approachin',
I'd had the ride of all time,
Though I felt I'd cheated on my sweet Mary,
With one squirt over the line.

Then, as I tumbled, thinkin' that I was dead,
The beak of my pen pal, it grabbed my shrinking head,
Well, we fell onto the Chemist, his muzzle up my hinder,
The swan still hangin' tight,
That's how they found us, covered in hoarfrost,
A 'dada' sculpture in white, and I was

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Waitin' downtown in a poh-leez station, one squirt over the line.
Yeah, I'm walkin' strange, but I'm alive, Sweet Mary,
And I learned my lesson this time,
Squeezin' too hard for instant gratification,
Sends you one squirt over the line.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:19 PM

Yes, I think the verses you have are probably sufficient! LOL!

(Actually suppositories really do go where they ought to!)

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Bradypus
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:16 PM

Alex - I was going to do a verse abour suppositories, but I thought enough was enough.

There's a drink waiting for you in the tavern.

Bradypus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:11 PM

Very nice, Bradypus! I like the whole conceit. Very clever.

alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:08 PM

Snort
Tune: Shout (Tears for Fears)

Chorus (sing 2x):
Snort! Snort! My pecker's too short!
Now get it up so we can disport!
Come on! I'm talking to you! Come on!

In former times, I used to have to wait an hour
My wife would get so mad, she'd have to take a lukewarm shower!
She'd have to take a lukewarm shower!

(repeat chorus)

Then I found out, it's faster with the nasal version!
It grows before your eyes, and soon it's ready for insertion!
And soon it's ready for insertion!

(Repeat chorus; instrumental bridge; repeat chorus ad nauseam and fade)

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Bradypus
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:03 PM

So many good songs already - here's a slightly different angle.

The tune is 'Cod Liver Ile', in the DT, but it's essentially a slight variation on Sweet Betsy from Pike,

Medicine Man

Patient 1
O Doctor, O Doctor, the pain in my ear
Since last time I saw you it's got worse, I fear.
The tablets you gave me just don't do the trick
And I think I'm in danger of going deaf quick.

Doctor
Let me look at the problem. Ah yes; now I see.
The cause of your deafness is quite clear to me
I'll remove the remnants, and then you will hear
And then swallow the tablets; they don't go in your ear.

Patient 2
O Doctor, O Doctor, I'm pregnant again.
How it happened I don't know, the why, where or when
The pills that you gave me I took without doubt -
The problem might be that they kept falling out!

Doctor
Yes, pregnant again – may it still bring you joy
In eight months or more, a fine girl or a boy
Let me give you a lesson in sound birth control –
What you do with those pills is you swallow them whole!

Patient 3
O Doctor, O Doctor, I can't please my wife
It's getting the cause of more trouble and strife
The spray that you gave me, I didn't forget
Nor did I get stiff – I just got a bit wet

Doctor
They say that Viagra's a wonderful cure
If you use it correctly it'll help you, I'm sure
That spray doesn't spray on where you think it goes –
What to do with the spray? Stick it right up your nose!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 06:57 PM

This probably shows something about me, that I have found it so easy to relate to this thread... Sigmund Freud, eat your heart out!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 06:19 PM

Give 'im a compliment and he turns on a whole Niagara, so to speak!! Wayyyy to Go, 'Thief. You da Man!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: GUEST,RobDale
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 05:59 PM

Good ones Mouse!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 05:04 PM

The Wreck of the flaccid John Harold
tune: Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

The legend lives on in the whole of God's world
Of the blue pill they know as Viagra
Viagra, it's said, helps your dick when it's dead
And the blood rushes in like Niagra
With a load of cheap beer and a dirty old man's leer
I brought my young bride to the bedroom
She took off her socks then she looked at my cock,
Said, "that little thing won't take much headroom!"

Now my insides just died when my lovely young bride
Made fun of my too-flaccid Johnson
As the big weiners go, it is smaller than most
Like the small ones they grow in Wisconsin
But haven't we all learned that the smallest of worms
Can still get the job done in fashion?
But later that night when I turned out the light
My ego, it down came a-crashin'

When the vital time came, she looked at my pecker
And said, "fella, I can't hardly see ya!"
That wasn't the thing to excite my young schwing
Nor was, "fella, I'd sure hate to be ya!"
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When you wait for your manhood to flower?
And I would still say we'd have made love that day
If she'd waited another half hour

But she huffed on out with a snarl and a pout
And the next day she served divorce papers
And me I was stuck with a dick that can't f*ck
And the bill from the wedding day caterers
In a musty old room in Detroit I prayed
For a way to pump up my libido
Then I heard the good news of the near-instant screws
Provided by a nose-spray so speedo!

Now my new wife sings with a low moaning sound
As we roll in the arms of one another
Just one little snort and my pecker so short
Stands up and salutes my new lover!

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 04:42 PM

Surely, Mmario, you will eventually learn not to have anything in your mouth while reading Song Challenge! threads!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 04:28 PM

d*mn alex! Twice in one day!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 04:25 PM

Puff the magic nose-spray
Tune: Puff the Magic Dragon

Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Little manhood tapers love that nasal puff
It thickens dicks so doggone quick your girl gives you less duff!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!

Together we would wrangle on a bed with billowed sheets
Until the day my Robert J. refused my vain entreats
Noble thing it was once, but now it's very soft
Gyrating hips would leave it flaccid, till puff! hoists it aloft, O!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!

Some men are hard forever, but some don't share those joys
My wife no longer wants to play by the time I'm primed and poised
One gray night it happened, and twice more and then a fourth
And then my mighty manhood, it needed something more
Its head was bent in sorrow. It looked like it was sprained.
It's tough to get your wife to play when your weiner is drained
Somehow I had to make my Robert J. behave
And then I found that nasal spray, and slid it in her cave!

O! Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Barbara
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:38 PM

If'n I remember correctly what they look like, Derrymacash, I think that Aine's award has to do with whaar ye blow on not where ye'd finger a Shiela-Na-gig. Mouth to mouth so to speak.
Is that it, Aine?
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:21 PM

Please! Please, gentlemen! You'll turn my pretty head!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:07 PM

GOD, Thief, you are a bottomless basket of genius!! Way ta go, goode Sirrh!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:03 PM

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms (circle one) MouseThief:

We would like to thank you for your contributions to the health and well-being of our corporate efforts. It has come to our attention that you are the direct cause of 35% of our domestic trade and 72 % of our overseas market. A fruit basket has been ordered.

S. Pewhem
President
S. Pewhem & B. Reakham ~ Keyboard cleaning Specialists

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:41 PM

Nine Minutes Will Please a Lady
tune: Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

Come rede me dame, come tell me dame,
My dame come tell me truly,
What length o' time tae get it oop
Will sair a woman duly?"
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready,
"l learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine minutes will please a lady."

But for a koontrie preck like mine,
In sooth requires full sixtae;
Until I fand thaes nysal spree,
That holpen mae pintle prixtae.
Now never mair my lady waits,
Nae mair than nine wee minute,
Then roarin' and groanin' wi' lusty voice
I nidge 'im rarely in it.

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM

Alex, Alex, Alex . . . don't you know by now that I think all my darlin' Challenge!rs are mighty!?!? Silly boy ;-) Here's a Silver B.L.O.B. for you, and I hope your feelings have now been assuaged:

With a little push, we could get it off.
I can send it rocketing thighwards.
With a little shove, we could shake it up.
Don't you feel like coming? It's loading!

(...rocketing thighwards...I love it!)

And here are more Silver B.L.O.B.s for verse virtuosity:

To SharonA for:

It was aspiration, I know;
Something must have wended its way up his nose.
Just a gasping sniff, then his briefs were stiff
And I might have gone but for how long his hose was

To RobDale for:

I have found a way, when youth has passed away,
I can be up in short while.
I put it in my nose, my portfolio grows,
Its raising up my profile.

To SharonA again for:

No good", "old hat",
You may work in an hour
Meanwhile she'll pout and glower
He needs some staying power
Now or
Never, so clear out, little pill blue.

And to RobDale again, and by inference this B.L.O.B. should include his stage directions!:

Hon....ey...!, why is your nose so runny?
Have you been sniffing again?
You know you can't afford that cocaine
Its burnin your brain, eatin the membraine of your nose away.
Come on Guido, it destroys you libido, and makes your speedo, floppy and loose.

Keep it going, Challenge!rs,

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 10:45 AM

Of couse I have to contribute my consumer comentary. This is from the soon to be written off-Broadway (very off and slightly Broadway) musical. Working title... "Baby-Boomer Faith" or "Who Needs Religion When We Got Science?"

Stage direction: Middle aged man and woman singing to one another in a large Ikea bed.

Donna & Guido get Lucky, by Codgers and Hammerhead

Hon....ey...!, why is your nose so runny?
Have you been sniffing again?
You know you can't afford that cocaine
Its burnin your brain, eatin the membraine of your nose away.
Come on Guido, it destroys you libido, and makes your speedo, floppy and loose.

You're Read...dy......!, you just seem so heady!
What's that stuff in your nose?
When you snort one of those
You take off your clothes, strike up a pose and say
Come on sweety! I got you a treaty! big bold and meaty! just like a moose

Don...na..... you may think its fiction
But I've got a new adiction
Its curing my afliction
Helping with my diction
Don...na.......The source of all our friction
You don't get your kicks - on
You try to keep your knicks - on
The problem has been licked - Don.....na

Hub....by...! I'm happy with your chubby.
I can't wait for bedtime
Just do another fine line
Every lovin time, is the right lovin time to play
I gotta report it, when you snort it, you don't abort it. Now..... I... Don't...... Need....... Bruce...

Anymore
Except when you're out of town.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:55 AM

Aine ...

It's not to do with where the player would finger said ocarina in order to produce a note?

Otherwise I'm at a loss ...

Sorry my brain's possibly too weary from scrapping in the Shane MacGowan thread.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:32 AM

Sharon, if that weren't so outrageously funny it would sound almost mystical!! It opens all kinds of possibilities, too: "where is the boy who looks after the sheep?" -- oh NO!! -- and any number of other "blue" themes. "Pill Hung Blue, everybody knows one...". Dang you got me started...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 08:25 AM

Here's some blues for that poor, blue Viagra tablet:


LITTLE PILL BLUE
(Tune: "Little Girl Blue")

When you were very young,
The man, though hung, would rely
On you to make his member swell

Now all he needs is lung
Capacity to apply
An instant fix whene'er it fell.

Now your technology's old
Gone are the times when you sold

Sit there and count your twin pills
Bottled with you
He won't renew
Sit there and count your little twin pills
Unswallowed little pill blue.

Sit there and count each time he
Said you take too
Much time pre-screw
Aw, now he'll mount her in the time he
Would wait for little pill blue.

"No good", "old hat",
You may work in an hour
Meanwhile she'll pout and glower
He needs some staying power
Now or
Never, so clear out, little pill blue.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 08:12 AM

WOW!

A

Subject: Job Security
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:26 AM

I don't find this topic as uplifting as some of the others. But I stiffened my reslove through non-prescription means and am firm in the belief that i have risen to the Challenge.

An Old Gigolo or "If I put this on Medicaid can I still write it off?"

By Giggy Withit

I 'm an old gigolo, and everywhere I go,
People start to think I'm agin'.
Pay for every time, I'm not in my prime,
Miiiinimum Wagin''.

There has come a day, youth has passed away,
How will the women rate me?
When the time comes I know, I get ready slow
When they medicate me.

I'm just a gigolo, all the women know,
No problem with the equipment'.
But when it starts to wane, then they will complain ,
I need another shipment

I have found a way, when youth has passed away,
I can be up in short while.
I put it in my nose, my portfolio grows,
Its raising up my profile.

Cause I got spray viagra, viagra, is for me,
viagra, viagra, is for me,
I can stay so horny , stay so horny, stay so horny
Won't some sweet doctor come and prescribe a gross me?
Come write on your pad.

Sniff, snort Sniffly snort Sniffy bop, zee bop.
I need spray viagra, viagra, is for me
viagra, viagra,

(SOLO)

Mumbaly bibbaly zeebaly boobaly hummaly baybaly zeebaly bop.
Cause I got spray viagra, viagra, is for me,
viagra, viagra,
I need to stay horny, Stay horny, stay horny
Won't some sweet doctor come and prescribe for me?
Come write on your pad.

Viagra is for me

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:15 AM

refresh...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 12:49 AM

Ah. So I'm not one of your mighty ones. I'm hurt, Aine. Hurt.

With a Little Sniff
Tune: With a Little Luck (P. McCartney)

With a little sniff, I can get it up
I can make this tired old thing make love
With a little sniff, we can go lay down
Can't you see my tool exploding?

There is no end to what we can do together.
There is no end, there is no end.
Just count to ten and then we can do it together
We can do it, we can do it, just me and you

Just a little sniff, I can get it up.
I can bring it in for a landing,
With a little sniff, I can turn it on.
I swear it will be quickly expanding.

With a little push, we could get it off.
I can send it rocketing thighwards.
With a little shove, we could shake it up.
Don't you feel like coming? It's loading!

With a little sniff.
With a little sniff.
With a little sniff, a little sniff, a little sniff.
With a little sniff.
With a little sniff.
With a little sniff, a little sniff, a little sniff.

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

(What's so scary is how little I actually had to change...)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 10:32 PM

Now don't tell me that this Challenge! has you all 'stumped' -- Where are my mighty ones? Did you get lost on your way to the chemist's? '-)

-- Áine (who's working diligently on a 'master-piece' to knock your collective socks off -- albeit rather 'psychedelic' -- after taking a day off to get the Moon on the Hill ready for its first inspection by Mother-in-law and Sister-in-law . . .)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 02:00 AM

Your Joke???

I don't get it either. But then again I don't get the award names either Sheila na Gig?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM

Dearest Amos,

I'm so embarrassed at my own joke, that I think I'll let derrymacash explain it -- Oh Aidan, Where Art Thou? '-)

-- Áine (giggling behind her hand...)