BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS

Subject: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Noreen
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:38 PM

Continuation of BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS (102 posts)

Lin, are the mink straps what you use to take your pet mink for a walk?

Noreen
allinnocent

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:48 PM

Well, if we're going to continue with this, it's worth mentioning that William Shatner goes for mink in a big way, so I think mink straps are a good idea!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Noreen
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:55 PM

:0)

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: khandu
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:17 PM

William Shatner is a great actor and an excellent role model! Fine horses, too, I hear!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:21 PM

poor minks!

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Benjamin
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:27 PM

I still don't see why you'd kick somebody where it counts for being young. No wonder young catters are disapearing like flys.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:45 PM

How exactly DO flies disappear, Ben? This is something I have often wondered about....

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:54 PM


Bad Spaw

by Dr Moose

I have no grudge against young Max
I would not kick him in the sacks,
And only calloused jaded fools
Would want to boot him in the jewels!
I will not, shall not kick him there!
No matter if you rant and swear,
That spot below his pubic hair!
Oh no! I would not kick him there!
And make him live life in a chair!
And make his poor brain reel and ring!
I would not do that nasty thing!
I would not prick him in the phallus
I would not kick him from his palace!
Not just to make the Mudcat laugh,
I would not kick him in the shaft!
I think he is a decent man,
And will not boot him in the glans!
For Max is trying to do good!
I will not step upon his "'hood".
You should not kick him in the gland!
Instead, the Cats across the land
Should urge that  member to expand!
Or else, it will get out of hand!
 

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:15 AM

Aghhhhhhhhhhhh! So THAT's what Shatner was doing with all those Tribbles!!!!

Hawk, I am truly appalled. Please don't tell me any more.

Noreen, I haven't got a mink for a pet, but Honey does occasionally say something about "petting the mink"...

Dr. Moose, are you acquainted with a rather strange colleague of yours by the name of Liebenscheiss??? I need to inform him that Valkyrie costumes are a long-standing tradition in his homeland, found by many Norsemen to be wildly erotic, even when pan lids are substituted for armor (or perhaps especially, since the pan lids are a hell of a lot easier to get off). Click here.

Lin (a/k/a Herfjötur "just call me Herf")

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:33 AM

Oh, ya, ya, ve haff studied succhh in der Jungian section; but it isss not der shame ting as der cast-iron potlids. You see, der cast iron pot lids represent der enshlavement of der Muterschoen in der kitchen und her ressentment, ya, from her Vater puttink her dere by giffink her away!! Dish is not at all der shame tink as Valkyruie, nein, nein!! Der Valkyries are der handmaidens of Zeus!! You see, iss very different. Fer vun tink, you don't screw aroundt mit Zeuss, ya???

I am scho glatt ve hadt di little talk und gott all dat shtrraightened out, ya??

Liebenscheiss

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:58 AM


Dere semens ter be somuchlicht confabulismus hieren.

A review of preceding posts will show that Lin does not use cast iron pot-lids. She uses the lids FROM the cast iron skillet(s).

These lids happen to be of the very finest ™Pyrex®, and if not for the greasy residue from the last time they were actually used for cooking, they would be perfectly transparent.

Fortunately, the lids are not formed to optical perfection, so there is just sufficient refractive obfuscation to permit her chaste and decent appearance thus attired. Our only real concern is "slippage" which could be revealing. After all, they're only ten inch skillets.

John

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 01:23 AM

I got a PM asking if my French was REALLY that bad in my "Jaques Le Rubberboot" post. Sad to say that even without the jokes.....yes. I DID grow up in Montreal, but I only remember 50 French words. On the other hand, a lot of "Franglais" was spoken in St Anne de Bellevieue.

"Tabernack"!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Benjamin
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:39 AM

I'm not sure Amos. I imagine spiders have a part in it. Put seems like too many for just the spiders to take care of. Anyways, they don't dissapear fast enough.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 11:00 AM

Rick:

Your statement that you grew up is suspect!!

And I am sure that half the French words ytou remember aren't printable, anyway.

A.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Kim C
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:26 PM

Heeheehee! :-D

See Max, nobody can find one really good reason to do what Uncle Pat is suggesting. Which, I think, was the whole point of this exercise anyhow.

Peace, bro.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:30 PM

Well this is just great...................geeziz..............

I spend a day and a half out "school shopping" and going to a ballgame (Rick, you'd have loved it...AAA Club in Columbus....I love minor league ball!!!) and I come back to find assorted reams of psychobabble of the first order including some schlock from Doc Liebshits or whatever, who also accuses me of having my accounts "in arrears!" Look Lipshitz, I never solicited your dubious services and I ain't payin' jack squat! I'm already paying through my "arrears" to a bunch of other Docs and my insurance doesn't cover quacks, but you're more than free to sit on a duck.

I also find the girls still in hot pursuit of belly dancing costumes and I TOLD you all before I left that I don't need you in ANY costumes.......Just give me a Belly Dancer, plain.....hold the pickles lettuce, mayo....maybe just a little Wesson oil..................

Then there's this crap with Shatner............Fer chrissakes Hawk, ever since you started that damn school the NYCFTTS has been swamped with your rejects! Skiff is beside himself, we're out of tiples and noseflutes, and the new wing, the James Taylor Rehab Clinic for Catatonic Blandness is at standing room only with a bunch of Shatner wannabees wearing bad rugs and screaming, Bones! Mr. Scott! Spock!" and a hundred other trite phrases as they stare vacantly into space. What's worse, the other day Skiff tells me that about 37 of them descended on a passing Amish family and had their way with the horse!!!! The Amish folks are now completely traumatized and the damn horse can't even walk, let alone trot........and it was a gelding for gawdsakes!!!!!!!!!

Then of course the Lord and Master, that little pissant Max has to rub it in that this thread is going nowhere and of course he's right! With the exception of gnu, there ain't a single scrotum swat in the bunch of you!!!! Completely pathetic! Gnu has proven himself though to be a stand up guy and done the job.........Well done Gnu!!! ...........and I think he is, completely fried.

...............what's worse? Ol' Spaw seems to have run off our 16 year old member with suggestions about his 52 year old member.............

Aw, the Hell with it...............

Spaw - (Amos, I loved the Seuss Moose poem...one of your finest!)

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:35 PM

Tache t'a gelle, mon'zee Anglais. Deux oeufs side by heach! La bout de Canadiens conte par Maurice "Rocket" Richard!

Or the one that REALLY got the Anglais' shorts in a knot...."Vivre La Quebec Libre"!

Actually Amos, on my first visit to Paris (when I actually WAS pretty bilingual) I asked directions en Francais to the Arc du triomphe, and got a blank stare from the waiter in a restaurant. Then he smiled and in English said "Oh you must be an Anglais, from Quebec"! Oh well, I tried.

Rick

P.S. "growing up is all relative"...and since my relatives did, there was no need for me to follow suit.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:36 PM

and I repeat that, for emphasis!

Oops! Sorry, Rick. I thought it was just a dupe,
so I deleted your emphatic posting.
joeclone

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: GUEST,Deda
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:41 PM

I happen to know that any claims by Amos to have grown up must be disregarded; he's had a huge vocabulary since he was a very small sprat. I was an even smaller sprat, and his first fan.

I would never kick him thus And make him go from bad to wuss. Oh do not land him in a truss! For he will surely shout and cuss.

(I'm new here so forgive me if add-ons are verboten.)

Deda

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:50 PM

No, add-ons are pretty much a way of life here!!!!

Now perhaps you'd like to start off right and give Max a kick in the nuts? Welcome to the 'Cat!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Benjamin
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 01:14 PM

Your not supose to need a reason here. Somethings you just do! And some you just don't.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:13 PM

UhOH!!! There goes my damn rep!! Hiya Sis!! :>))

A

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:18 PM

BTW, Rick, it's (I think) "ta gueule!", meaning muzzle. And I am sur ein any cas ethat your French is far superior to my Cherman!!

A.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:22 PM

Ohmygawd.........Not Amos' sister...............oy..................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: GUEST,Deda
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:58 PM

Yikes I've been outed. But I am no match for Amos, never was -- just liked to go down to the coffee house and hum along.

Deda

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:07 PM

Well that sounds good Deda but just how incredibly weird are you anyway? We all know about Amos and I was just wondering if you might rate yourself alongside him on a scale of 1 to 10, with Amos being a 17. Do you also reside in the land of fruits and nuts or are you in another state?

You're still welcome here, it's just that I hate surprises and if you are a complete loony (like Amos) I'd like to know now.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: GUEST,Deda
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:12 PM

Loony? Amos?? What speak'st thou? Wherefore? Whatchimacallit? Are you besmirching our family, sirrah?

Which is to say, I can see a church by daylight and I can do a weak imitation of Amos if I have to.

My own inherent lunacy quotient is a lot weaker than his, howsomever.

We never talked this way at home, or not much. I'm here partly because this is the only way I can actually get a regular "glimpse" of Amos, metaphysically speaking.

Deda

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Kim C
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:15 PM

Sorry Spaw, Mister doesn't allow me to take my clothes off for strange men. ;-) Except himself, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:20 PM

Well hell Kim, I ain't real strange.............I admit my mind may live out where the busses don't run, but maybe I'm good for just a quick peek or somethin', huh?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Kim C
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM

you are SO bad.............. :-D

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 09:28 PM

Uhoh. I done a real bad thing. I done hooked my own sister on the Cat!!! Lawdy forgive me!!! LOL!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 10:12 PM

Lissen man. If you want that frigger kict in the balls I am ore than willin to do it. I have kicked a few sets in my time, eh? My dork brother tried to kick mine last week by he wasnot fast enuff, and he kicted the stove insted, eh? Ha! You shooda heard him yell!

You want this Max turkey kicked I will do it. Any time. Just send him to Blind River. I would go where he lives but I aint fgot the funds right now. I f you can spot me a bus ticket and a few beers tho I will go as far as you likeand I will kick his ass too. I wood do it for lajghugs, eh? And beer. Make that a whole lotta beer instead of a few and I will dkick him extra hard.

Blind River is in ONtario, eh? It's west of Sudbury some ways, and it's got more skanks per skware mile than most places. I have tried to date most of them, even tho they are sknadks because I don['t believe in prejudice, eh?

Well, not excpet against some poeple that dont think, look or talk like me, anyway. There are some people like that...

You know. But I aaint prejudiced accept against them flipheads and that does not count.

Trust me.

BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 01 - 10:47 PM

That's too bad about the Amish family, Spaw. Geez. All I can suggest is they could maybe rent some old Star Trek videos...no, wait...the Amish don't watch videos.

Hmmm....this is a tough one. I'll have to sleep on it.

Anyway, we appreciate the efforts of the NYCFTTS in handling the overflow from the WSSBA, cos we are just starting up here, and the response has been tremendous. Astounding in fact. These yahoos want to dance the macarena like Shatner. NOBODY can dance the macarena like Shatner, but that doesn't stop them. Nooooo....

I'm interested in that James Taylor Rehab Clinic for Catatonic Blandness (JTRCFCB, I presume?).

I didn't frankly think there was any cure for catatonic blandness. What is the technique? There is a plague of catatonic blandness in Canada. Our political system is rife with it on almost every level since Pierre Trudeau passed away.

Please forward research material to the WSSBA right away! Canada needs your help!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 09:53 AM

Catatonic Blandness is cured in small children by teaching them four-letter words they already know and placing them in charge of someone trying to get something important done.

In adults, who don't take kindly to being placed in charge of others, religous epiphanies, unfortunately, are the only known solution, and the cure is sometimes more troublesome than the illness.

Biochemical solutions including lysergic di-ethylmide, psilocybin derivative, and hemp byproducts have been known to produce occasional cures but are not predictable.

The most reliable cure known is a series of close brushes with physical harm, which stimulates adrenalin and acts as a precursor to having somethign interesting to say. Unfortunately FDA approval processes which were in full swing back during the Johnson administration have since been brought to a halt by politically-correct fanatacism. So we aren't likely to see this one prescribed by family doctors soon. Hiring out on tramp steamers is recommended as a reasonable alternative.

A

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 11:36 AM

That was a more comprehensive answer than I expected.

Of course, I was expecting it from Spaw, not Amos...

The tramp steamer cure sounds like a good one. Are there still tramp steamers?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 01:18 PM

Tramp steamers? Yup...Liberian registry....haul almost anything. You'd be surprised how hard it is to get good workers to man the bilge pumps AND carry rice with curried albatross to the illegal Chinese immegrants locked in the hold...(you, of course, get curried goat with your rice)....nice summer job, and you see the world..(well, 'some' parts of the world)

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 01:22 PM

BTW, do y'all know how to sink a Liberian tanker?.................Put it in the water.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 01:26 PM

That's why they are so popular in the Sahara, I suppose...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 03:11 PM

It looks as though Tramp Steamers would be a more economical cure, in the long run.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Kim C
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 05:21 PM

If I get bland a little whiskey does wonders.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Gloredhel
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 08:28 PM

Well, you haven't run me off quite yet. Just took a day off. Sorry if I can't be clever (or at least humorous) right now, but I'm a little down. Reading this stuff is good for cheering up, though! I was nearly on the floor laughing. A word to 'Spaw--I'm not allowed to consider 52 as all that old--my dad passed that a while ago! :)

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:16 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Gloredhel. I hope you feel better soon.

Carol

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:19 PM

Glad to see you!!! And your Dad is quite wise......52 is NOT old. This is often a good place to be if you're feeling down because there is always something going on and much of it has a little humor attached.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: kendall
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:23 PM

very little humor at times

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:30 PM

Well the "very little humor" often comes from Kendall, Glogirl, so just disregard his post......Kendall too, while you're at it......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Aug 01 - 02:10 AM

Valkyries and ZEUS??? Boy are you ever in the wrong mythology! Everyone knows we look to Thor and Frig.....

And those pyrex dish lids may be OK for you flatties, but us with tops to match our arses need a bit more support.... Still looking out for the other matching funnel though.....

And Max, if you need help applying analgesic cream to the affected areas.......

LTS - and a Valkyrie is also an extremely nice motorbike.....

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 23 Aug 01 - 02:40 AM

Liz, I knew Dr. Leibensheiss was full of his namesake when he was raving on about Zeus...but sometimes it's just not worth an argument, you know? And besides, I've already given his address to Thor. Not to mention Frig.

Oh, by the way, be careful when wearing funnels, especially when riding your Valkyrie. Insects tend to fly right down (up?) the open tips, which can be rather disconcerting, and sometimes painful. Covering the ends of the funnels with 300-mile-an-hour duct tape is a possibility.

Would you like to borrow some mink straps for support of your funnels? Or I have some extra leather ones for those non-dress-up occasions. Let me know.

Lin (just call me "Herf")

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Gloredhel
Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:09 PM

Ok, much better mood today. Valkyries and Zeus? That's almost as bad as my history teacher this morning--he mixed up Saxons and Franks.

This thread is not only lengthly, it's gotten way off the point! Though, after being here only a week, I can see that no one here can stick to the point. And while I have no reason to kick Max where it hurts, I would like to thank him for creating a place where messed-up kids like me can hang out with messed-up adults like you and occasionally mention some real good music.

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:20 PM

Darn right nobody can stick to the point here...William Shatner hasn't been mentioned in the last 10 or so posts!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
From: Gloredhel
Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:27 PM

You mention him often enough for all of us--in fact, more than often enough! I won't degrade this post by mentioning that name, but I've seen people who wear Star Trek costumes with less of a fixation!