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BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: LR Mole Date: 18 Oct 01 - 11:52 AM No Valley girls here; nothing is ever grody to the Max. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Ferrara Date: 18 Oct 01 - 10:46 AM Sigh.... I can't believe this thread is still going. Anyhoo, I never looked at it before, having other preferred amusements.... but when I tried to bring up Mudcat this morning, both Shorty and Ragtime were not responding. As I signed on via Loki, I thought, "AHA! Another opportunity for people to badmouth Max! .... I think I'm going to give him a HUGELY complimentary and embarrassing introduction at the FSGW Getaway, to show my appreciation for Mudcat and the contribution it makes to the folk world." [Another sigh ... Wouldn't it be nice if it were a "folked-up" world instead of the other thing] Max if you're reading this, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I only regret that I'm forever so broke I can't put my money where my mouth is.... Rita Sorry -- I'm too lazy and too busy with the Getaway, etc, to think up amusing ways to say this, the heck with it. I did enjoy the poem by Dr. Moose! |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 18 Oct 01 - 06:57 AM His name rhymes with anthrax. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) Date: 25 Aug 01 - 08:20 PM I think the fact that this thread hasn't accidentally gotten deleted is a good reason not to kick him in the balls. If you came to my house, and suggested doing that to me, I might think of some excuse, to excuse you from further visiting, as quickly as possible. Next people will be spilling ashtrays or going to the bathroom and looking up and reading the "We aim to please. You aim too, please" sign when they should be looking down and aiming. Soon people will be raiding the fridge, or looking under his bed for porn, or.....somebody might even sing "The Unicorn" in his living room. How gracious of a host do you expect him to be? ;-) Rich |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 25 Aug 01 - 07:39 PM Gloredhel - "almost"???? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 25 Aug 01 - 04:35 PM Spaw, thanks for getting me up to speed on the NYCFTTS, etc. Currently inputting info to brain file #46: Almost Useless Information. It'll be right up there with my junior-high Latin. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 25 Aug 01 - 05:45 AM Spaw ? You OK ? Don't tell me you've been whipped ? My, oh my ! Was Max right - swoon the women, sway the vote ? Give my regards to Karen, if you can squeak them out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 24 Aug 01 - 06:46 AM Hey... doesn't Max live upstairs from a boozer ? or have his offices located above one ? or within spitting distance ? I mean, just for having horseshoes up the ass in everything he does, including being able to get to Miller Time in jig time, he rates the swift one. Max... when you're successful, everybody wants a piece of you... or two... or THE piece, as proposed by several Mudcatettes. Jealousy is actually a rather sincere form of flattery. Enjoy it, you lucky... |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Lin in Kansas Date: 24 Aug 01 - 03:36 AM ...and Glorhedel, who dares to say we're adults???!!!! Now, "messed-up" I'll grant you, but to quote Jimmy Buffet, "I'm growing older, but not up." Valkyries, unite! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Herf |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 24 Aug 01 - 12:31 AM Now, Spaw himself may well be the Running Joke of All Time. In a sense he embodies the ancient philosophical concept that human life is a joke played by the Gods on men. Or the famous couplet of Robert Frost's: "Dear Lord, forgive my little jokes on thee, And I'll forgive thy great big joke on me!" That's Spaw to the bone. Do not be fooled by his coarse exterior, or by his reasonable exterior, or by his apparently knowledgeable about music exterior... remember, he is ALL exterior. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 23 Aug 01 - 09:47 PM Actually Glogirl, the long running joke is a specialty here at the 'Cat. Perhaps the longest are the exploits of Paw, Cletus, Buford, and the Reg boys. They all live here in town and the Reg boys are Rick Fieldings half brothers....all named Reg. They are kinda' trying to me as they've cost me considerable money at times, what with bail and repairs to things they've messed up. One time they blew up 6 city blocks in Downtown Columbus when they were trying to go Ice Fishing.....problem was that they were in the new hockey arena and they augured through a gas main. It was then that Paw lit a fart and.........well the rest is too gruesome for words. Another long running joke is The Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed. Like Paw and Cletus and Reg Boys, it's been around for several years. Free to all Mudcatters who are in need of the services, we have also opened a new wing, The James Taylor Rehab Center for Catatonic Blandness. A few years ago when Clinton was in office, Cletus soent some time in a crazed tiple band which is therapy at the NYCFTTS. He'd been watching Hamsterdance for 3 days straight and something had to be done. Paw was reall upset and missed him though, so he and the Reg Boys went off for Montana (location of the NYCFTTS) to get him.........Read all about their travels and travails HERE (click). Then there was the time that they were having a party in my backyard and.......Well, you can read about that one right here. Also there is Cleigh O'Possum.........Cleigh is a Mascot and an Icon of the 'Cat and really is a nice little fella. He's an ass-blown ocarina and has also had many exploits and likes to meet new 'Catters who give him a few pets and a blow up the bum........ There are quite a few others around here, but I think you can see that we have a longer tolerance for absolute crap than most folks do. Little Hawks hasn't been around as long as Cleigh or Cletus or the NYCFTTS, but he too qualifies for "Long Running Joke" status.......... Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 23 Aug 01 - 08:58 PM I agree that Lebenscheiss is funnier. In fact, he's got me laughing right now! ROTFL!!! Und I chust luff the vay he iss goink on und on about nueroschiss, und ze tehrrible effekts zat it hass on zoze uff us who are vastink our time on ziss ferstunkener sread here vatt iss calt Der zwie gebest reashon to gekict der Max in der ballewskis! Ya! Better? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 23 Aug 01 - 08:09 PM LH- While I am familiar with the running joke, this takes the cake in my experience. Maybe my aquaintances have short attention spans, but we don't usually get more than 25 mentions on a subject before it stops being funny. Especially jokes related to bad actors. Now, Dr. Lieberscheiss is funny, if hard to read.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:42 PM Vell, I am PURfickly aware dot Zeus und Valkyries are von differentsch books, butt its all der shame ven you're Jung at heart!! Besides I am mutch too senshible for Frigga and sho of course I am never Thor. A leetle choke, yes? Der point to untershtant iss dot it iss all in der ARCHEtypes!! DOT is der point. Der only reason noone untershtands dot iss dey iss all too neuOTIC!! DOT's der problem!! Gott in Himmel!!! I ashkt my analysht how he shtands it all der day long lisssenink to dese neuroticsh!! Unt he hants me a bill for $300 unt sez, "Who lishens?". Ach, mein Lieber Scheiss!! Lieberscheiss |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:34 PM Gloredhel - Well, it's a concept normally referred to as "the running joke". A month ago, for instance, I was not thinking about William Shatner at any time. It's kind of like Spaw continually harping on flatulence or dissing Major Tom...that kind of thing. You have to be around here for awhile, and then you notice these patterns of behaviour. A running joke, of course, may amuse some and simply irritate others... Were I to stay entirely within the spirit of the joke, I might better have simply responded to your last post by simply saying: ...and there's something wrong with that??? Heh! Heh! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:27 PM You mention him often enough for all of us--in fact, more than often enough! I won't degrade this post by mentioning that name, but I've seen people who wear Star Trek costumes with less of a fixation! |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:20 PM Darn right nobody can stick to the point here...William Shatner hasn't been mentioned in the last 10 or so posts! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 23 Aug 01 - 07:09 PM Ok, much better mood today. Valkyries and Zeus? That's almost as bad as my history teacher this morning--he mixed up Saxons and Franks. This thread is not only lengthly, it's gotten way off the point! Though, after being here only a week, I can see that no one here can stick to the point. And while I have no reason to kick Max where it hurts, I would like to thank him for creating a place where messed-up kids like me can hang out with messed-up adults like you and occasionally mention some real good music. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Lin in Kansas Date: 23 Aug 01 - 02:40 AM Liz, I knew Dr. Leibensheiss was full of his namesake when he was raving on about Zeus...but sometimes it's just not worth an argument, you know? And besides, I've already given his address to Thor. Not to mention Frig. Oh, by the way, be careful when wearing funnels, especially when riding your Valkyrie. Insects tend to fly right down (up?) the open tips, which can be rather disconcerting, and sometimes painful. Covering the ends of the funnels with 300-mile-an-hour duct tape is a possibility. Would you like to borrow some mink straps for support of your funnels? Or I have some extra leather ones for those non-dress-up occasions. Let me know. Lin (just call me "Herf") |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Liz the Squeak Date: 23 Aug 01 - 02:10 AM Valkyries and ZEUS??? Boy are you ever in the wrong mythology! Everyone knows we look to Thor and Frig..... And those pyrex dish lids may be OK for you flatties, but us with tops to match our arses need a bit more support.... Still looking out for the other matching funnel though..... And Max, if you need help applying analgesic cream to the affected areas....... LTS - and a Valkyrie is also an extremely nice motorbike..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:30 PM Well the "very little humor" often comes from Kendall, Glogirl, so just disregard his post......Kendall too, while you're at it...... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: kendall Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:23 PM very little humor at times |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:19 PM Glad to see you!!! And your Dad is quite wise......52 is NOT old. This is often a good place to be if you're feeling down because there is always something going on and much of it has a little humor attached. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: CarolC Date: 22 Aug 01 - 10:16 PM I'm sorry you're feeling down, Gloredhel. I hope you feel better soon. Carol |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 22 Aug 01 - 08:28 PM Well, you haven't run me off quite yet. Just took a day off. Sorry if I can't be clever (or at least humorous) right now, but I'm a little down. Reading this stuff is good for cheering up, though! I was nearly on the floor laughing. A word to 'Spaw--I'm not allowed to consider 52 as all that old--my dad passed that a while ago! :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Kim C Date: 22 Aug 01 - 05:21 PM If I get bland a little whiskey does wonders. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 22 Aug 01 - 03:11 PM It looks as though Tramp Steamers would be a more economical cure, in the long run. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 22 Aug 01 - 01:26 PM That's why they are so popular in the Sahara, I suppose... - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Aug 01 - 01:22 PM BTW, do y'all know how to sink a Liberian tanker?.................Put it in the water. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Bill D Date: 22 Aug 01 - 01:18 PM Tramp steamers? Yup...Liberian registry....haul almost anything. You'd be surprised how hard it is to get good workers to man the bilge pumps AND carry rice with curried albatross to the illegal Chinese immegrants locked in the hold...(you, of course, get curried goat with your rice)....nice summer job, and you see the world..(well, 'some' parts of the world) |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 22 Aug 01 - 11:36 AM That was a more comprehensive answer than I expected. Of course, I was expecting it from Spaw, not Amos... The tramp steamer cure sounds like a good one. Are there still tramp steamers? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 22 Aug 01 - 09:53 AM Catatonic Blandness is cured in small children by teaching them four-letter words they already know and placing them in charge of someone trying to get something important done. In adults, who don't take kindly to being placed in charge of others, religous epiphanies, unfortunately, are the only known solution, and the cure is sometimes more troublesome than the illness. Biochemical solutions including lysergic di-ethylmide, psilocybin derivative, and hemp byproducts have been known to produce occasional cures but are not predictable. The most reliable cure known is a series of close brushes with physical harm, which stimulates adrenalin and acts as a precursor to having somethign interesting to say. Unfortunately FDA approval processes which were in full swing back during the Johnson administration have since been brought to a halt by politically-correct fanatacism. So we aren't likely to see this one prescribed by family doctors soon. Hiring out on tramp steamers is recommended as a reasonable alternative. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 21 Aug 01 - 10:47 PM That's too bad about the Amish family, Spaw. Geez. All I can suggest is they could maybe rent some old Star Trek videos...no, wait...the Amish don't watch videos. Hmmm....this is a tough one. I'll have to sleep on it. Anyway, we appreciate the efforts of the NYCFTTS in handling the overflow from the WSSBA, cos we are just starting up here, and the response has been tremendous. Astounding in fact. These yahoos want to dance the macarena like Shatner. NOBODY can dance the macarena like Shatner, but that doesn't stop them. Nooooo.... I'm interested in that James Taylor Rehab Clinic for Catatonic Blandness (JTRCFCB, I presume?). I didn't frankly think there was any cure for catatonic blandness. What is the technique? There is a plague of catatonic blandness in Canada. Our political system is rife with it on almost every level since Pierre Trudeau passed away. Please forward research material to the WSSBA right away! Canada needs your help! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 21 Aug 01 - 10:12 PM Lissen man. If you want that frigger kict in the balls I am ore than willin to do it. I have kicked a few sets in my time, eh? My dork brother tried to kick mine last week by he wasnot fast enuff, and he kicted the stove insted, eh? Ha! You shooda heard him yell! You want this Max turkey kicked I will do it. Any time. Just send him to Blind River. I would go where he lives but I aint fgot the funds right now. I f you can spot me a bus ticket and a few beers tho I will go as far as you likeand I will kick his ass too. I wood do it for lajghugs, eh? And beer. Make that a whole lotta beer instead of a few and I will dkick him extra hard. Blind River is in ONtario, eh? It's west of Sudbury some ways, and it's got more skanks per skware mile than most places. I have tried to date most of them, even tho they are sknadks because I don['t believe in prejudice, eh? Well, not excpet against some poeple that dont think, look or talk like me, anyway. There are some people like that... You know. But I aaint prejudiced accept against them flipheads and that does not count. Trust me. BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 21 Aug 01 - 09:28 PM Uhoh. I done a real bad thing. I done hooked my own sister on the Cat!!! Lawdy forgive me!!! LOL!!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Kim C Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM you are SO bad.............. :-D |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:20 PM Well hell Kim, I ain't real strange.............I admit my mind may live out where the busses don't run, but maybe I'm good for just a quick peek or somethin', huh? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Kim C Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:15 PM Sorry Spaw, Mister doesn't allow me to take my clothes off for strange men. ;-) Except himself, of course. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,Deda Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:12 PM Loony? Amos?? What speak'st thou? Wherefore? Whatchimacallit? Are you besmirching our family, sirrah? Which is to say, I can see a church by daylight and I can do a weak imitation of Amos if I have to. My own inherent lunacy quotient is a lot weaker than his, howsomever. We never talked this way at home, or not much. I'm here partly because this is the only way I can actually get a regular "glimpse" of Amos, metaphysically speaking. Deda |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Aug 01 - 03:07 PM Well that sounds good Deda but just how incredibly weird are you anyway? We all know about Amos and I was just wondering if you might rate yourself alongside him on a scale of 1 to 10, with Amos being a 17. Do you also reside in the land of fruits and nuts or are you in another state? You're still welcome here, it's just that I hate surprises and if you are a complete loony (like Amos) I'd like to know now. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,Deda Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:58 PM Yikes I've been outed. But I am no match for Amos, never was -- just liked to go down to the coffee house and hum along. Deda |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:22 PM Ohmygawd.........Not Amos' sister...............oy.................. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:18 PM BTW, Rick, it's (I think) "ta gueule!", meaning muzzle. And I am sur ein any cas ethat your French is far superior to my Cherman!! A. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 21 Aug 01 - 02:13 PM UhOH!!! There goes my damn rep!! Hiya Sis!! :>)) A |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Benjamin Date: 21 Aug 01 - 01:14 PM Your not supose to need a reason here. Somethings you just do! And some you just don't. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:50 PM No, add-ons are pretty much a way of life here!!!! Now perhaps you'd like to start off right and give Max a kick in the nuts? Welcome to the 'Cat! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,Deda Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:41 PM I happen to know that any claims by Amos to have grown up must be disregarded; he's had a huge vocabulary since he was a very small sprat. I was an even smaller sprat, and his first fan. I would never kick him thus And make him go from bad to wuss. Oh do not land him in a truss! For he will surely shout and cuss. (I'm new here so forgive me if add-ons are verboten.) Deda |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Rick Fielding Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:36 PM and I repeat that, for emphasis!
Oops! Sorry, Rick. I thought it was just a dupe, |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Rick Fielding Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:35 PM Tache t'a gelle, mon'zee Anglais. Deux oeufs side by heach! La bout de Canadiens conte par Maurice "Rocket" Richard! Or the one that REALLY got the Anglais' shorts in a knot...."Vivre La Quebec Libre"! Actually Amos, on my first visit to Paris (when I actually WAS pretty bilingual) I asked directions en Francais to the Arc du triomphe, and got a blank stare from the waiter in a restaurant. Then he smiled and in English said "Oh you must be an Anglais, from Quebec"! Oh well, I tried. Rick P.S. "growing up is all relative"...and since my relatives did, there was no need for me to follow suit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Aug 01 - 12:30 PM Well this is just great...................geeziz.............. I spend a day and a half out "school shopping" and going to a ballgame (Rick, you'd have loved it...AAA Club in Columbus....I love minor league ball!!!) and I come back to find assorted reams of psychobabble of the first order including some schlock from Doc Liebshits or whatever, who also accuses me of having my accounts "in arrears!" Look Lipshitz, I never solicited your dubious services and I ain't payin' jack squat! I'm already paying through my "arrears" to a bunch of other Docs and my insurance doesn't cover quacks, but you're more than free to sit on a duck. I also find the girls still in hot pursuit of belly dancing costumes and I TOLD you all before I left that I don't need you in ANY costumes.......Just give me a Belly Dancer, plain.....hold the pickles lettuce, mayo....maybe just a little Wesson oil.................. Then there's this crap with Shatner............Fer chrissakes Hawk, ever since you started that damn school the NYCFTTS has been swamped with your rejects! Skiff is beside himself, we're out of tiples and noseflutes, and the new wing, the James Taylor Rehab Clinic for Catatonic Blandness is at standing room only with a bunch of Shatner wannabees wearing bad rugs and screaming, Bones! Mr. Scott! Spock!" and a hundred other trite phrases as they stare vacantly into space. What's worse, the other day Skiff tells me that about 37 of them descended on a passing Amish family and had their way with the horse!!!! The Amish folks are now completely traumatized and the damn horse can't even walk, let alone trot........and it was a gelding for gawdsakes!!!!!!!!! Then of course the Lord and Master, that little pissant Max has to rub it in that this thread is going nowhere and of course he's right! With the exception of gnu, there ain't a single scrotum swat in the bunch of you!!!! Completely pathetic! Gnu has proven himself though to be a stand up guy and done the job.........Well done Gnu!!! ...........and I think he is, completely fried. ...............what's worse? Ol' Spaw seems to have run off our 16 year old member with suggestions about his 52 year old member.............
Aw, the Hell with it...............Spaw - (Amos, I loved the Seuss Moose poem...one of your finest!) |