PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 12:55 PM

"On the wheel"? I don't get it.

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: Charley Noble
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 12:48 PM

There once was a pirate named Gates,
Who used to do battle on skates,
But he fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.

Arghhhhh!

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 11:43 AM

Not really a pirate joke but thrown into the pot fer fun Mates... An old sailor after many years of service on the North Atlantic was finally going to retire and live at the Seamans Mission. As he was paying off in Liverpool the Customs and Excise officers informed him that the Parrot he kept as a pet for many years could not be landed in england due to strict quarantine regulations. After discussing options the poor sailor finally agreed that it would be best to put the parrot down. The parrot was listening to these proceedings and was distinctly pissed off. Being a seafaring parrot he had a sailors vocabulary, and was swearing away when the Customs official tried to pick up his cage. He bit a chunk out of one finger. Out of sight of the old sailor (who was very fond of his pet)the Customs Officer said "right you little bastard see how you like this" He stuffed the parrot into a burlap sack, tied the string top and started whacking it against a steel door. He then submerged the bag in a 45 gallon drum of water and held it there for several minutes... Hauling up the bag he said "how did you like that you little bastard"? the parrot was heard to reply "who the fuck is on the wheel"?

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: MMario
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 11:33 AM

? Wasn't John Paul Jones a Navel Officer?

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 11:20 AM

John Paul Jones came ashore in England and his men scattered around the town to scare the populace... When he decided it was time to return to his ship, he couldnt find them all. Seeing an Englishman sitting by a wall chewing on a piece of straw he asked "Arrgh Matey, where's me Buccaneers"? to which the man looked up and replied "Under yer Buckin hat Capt'n"

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: jmdornan
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 11:14 AM

of course "R" is a lettler in the Irish alphabet!!!

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: marymarymary
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 11:10 AM

A fierce-looking pirate walks into a bar. He's grizzled, and muscled, and tattooed all over, with scars on his face and a wicked-looking knife clenched between his teeth. As he swaggers up to the bar, the folks sitting around drinking can't help but notice that the pirate has a full-size ship's steering wheel sticking out from the crotch of his britches. As the pirate sits himself down at the bar, the other patrons keep glancing at him, then cutting their eyes toward each other. Finally, after the pirate had been peaceably drinking for fifteen or twenty minutes, one of the locals gets up the courage to approch him.

"Pardon me," he says, "but I couldn't help wondering about the ship's steering wheel sticking out of your pants."

"Aaaargh, I know!" cried the pirate. "It's driving me nuts!"

Well, maybe if the kids are in their 20's or so...

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: MMario
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 10:53 AM

to be chanted - of course - in the 'Key of R - flat, minor, diminished with a suspended ninth'

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: guinnesschik
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 10:49 AM

Aye, an' those were rated "Arrrrrrgh!"

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 10:11 AM

Yo Ho!

So a French pirate walks into a tavern with a brightly colored parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks at it and exclaims, "Wow! Now that's something! Where'd ye get it?"

The parrot speaks up. "Awwwwck, they've got plenty of them in France!"

Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: A buck an ear!

One morning, Mrs. James woke up and her dishwasher wasn't working. She called a repairman and he said that he would be able to come out and service the dishwasher that afternoon.

Since Mrs. James worked during the day, she said, "You can come out this afternoon but I won't be at home. I'll leave a key under the back door mat, you fix the dishwasher and leave me a bill. I'll mail you a check tomorrow. I need to tell you, though, that I have a Pit Bull. He's a gentle dog so don't worry about him. I also have a parrot. He's not so nice, so whatever you do, DON'T TALK TO THE PARROT!!"

Later that day, the repairman let himself into Mrs. James house and sure enough, there was her Pit Bull. He was a gentle dog . . he just lay on the rug and watched the repairman do his work.

The parrot, however, was another story. He screamed, and squawked, and lunged at the repairman the entire time he was in the house.

Finally the repairman couldn't take the bird's screaming any longer and he yelled, "SHUT UP YOU STUPID BIRD."

At that, the parrot looked at the Pit Bull and said "Sic 'em, Brutus."

More pirate joke pages

Subject: RE: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: Naemanson
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 10:02 AM

By the way I aready have the following:

A pirate is standing at the bar and he really looks the part. He has a wooden peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. A local strolls up and asks, "How'd you lose your leg?"

"Argh, t'was a cannon ball took off me leg in a fight off the island of Santa Domingo."

"Wow, and how did you lose your hand?"

"Argh, t'was a cutlass swip in a fight off the coast of Madagascar."

"Oh, and what about your eye?"

"Seagull poop!"

"What!?! Seagull poop can do that?"

"Well, it was the first day with me hook."

My other pirate joke is not appropriate for children.

Subject: PIRATE JOKES (Needed For Concert)
From: Naemanson
Date: 26 Oct 01 - 09:58 AM

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Looking for some pirate jokes and stories I can tell to kids at a pirate party. Got any good ones?