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where is Osama?
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Subject: where is Osama? From: GUEST,Abu Ali in Kabul Date: 30 Dec 01 - 10:50 AM According to Donald Rumsfeld, the intelligence gathering services of the entire U.S. Government and Military has narrowed Osama's whereabouts down to three possibilies: 1) in Afghanistan; 2) in some other country; 3) or he's dead. How many billions did the idiot Americans spend reaching that conclusion? My little boy, Osama bin Abu Ali, could have reached the same conclusion by just guessing. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Bill D Date: 30 Dec 01 - 12:48 PM Osama has a new career...causing chaos by writing silly *guest* posts for Mudcat. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Banjer Date: 30 Dec 01 - 12:53 PM Silly post, yes, but it does bring up a point I have been wondering about for some time. How will we know if we did get him? If he dies in one of those cave bombings, how can we be sure? How many years after all has died down will it be argued whether we actually did get him, and when they finally do produce a body, will anybody be able to positively ID it or will there always be a doubt? |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Don Firth Date: 30 Dec 01 - 12:56 PM Osama bin Laden is on Arcturus Five, whooping it up with Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, and Amelia Earhart. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:14 PM It is important to keep in mind that thousands of Osama Bin Lookalikes have been activated, and this could confuse the issue. The Osama Bin Lookalike is a highly advanced android or robot that looks exactly like Osama Bin Laden. Al Queda released several thousand of these androids worldwide, prior to Sep 11th, in order to make it difficult for American agents to locate the real Osama Bin Laden. The Osama Bin Lookalikes wander around, quoting from the Koran, and encouraging people to attack the USA by any means possible. They order 750 pizzas from Pizza Hut and have them delivered to the White House at 3 AM. They take down American flags and replace them with flags that have the 50 stars upsidedown and in reverse order. They catch bald Eagles in live traps, dye their head feathers dayglo red and release them back into the wild. They gather in coffee shops and make rude jokes about George W. Bush. They are extremely subversive, if not terribly imaginative. This is going to make it very hard to find the actual Osama himself, and may end up costing untold billions of dollars. The really weird thing though, is that none of the androids has even been found yet... On the bright side, their batteries will eventually wear down, and then it should be much easier to catch them. Expect some solid progress on this by at least June 2002. - LH |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: GUEST,Brían Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:15 PM That's a good one, Don, May I quote you? Brían |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: heric Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:23 PM It will be a Geraldo special about fifteen years from now, as he opens up the cave. Geraldo probably went there to set things up. Smart fella. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Bill D Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:27 PM Geraldo will probably grow a long beard and interview himself. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:31 PM Yeah, and then the cave will turn out to be empty!!! CNN will run endless footage of the empty cave for days, saying..."Here we are inside the cave...and it's still empty. (long pause) We now go to Wendy Whatzername for an analysis of the ongoing empty cave situation..." - LH |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Amos Date: 30 Dec 01 - 01:44 PM Definitive rumors have been received that Osama is on his way to Orellia to blow up his alma mater, the Shatner Academy of Bad Acting there. Burning your bridges is old hat to this guy!! A |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 01 - 02:07 PM Look, Anos, get it right...it's "Orillia", okay? If Osama had graduated from the WSSBA, he would not be blowing up anything except his waist dimension (which can be held in by wearing an official WSSBA corset, available for US $19.99 postpaid). WSSBA graduates do nothing more heinous than attempting to seduce every good looking woman they see, and boasting about their prowess in romance, business, horse-breeding, writing, and most other endeavours. - LH |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: DougR Date: 30 Dec 01 - 02:14 PM Hmmm. I wonder if they have checked out the Neil Young Center? DougR |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 01 - 10:18 PM Some of them have... - LH |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Sorcha Date: 30 Dec 01 - 11:25 PM mwahhaaallla!! Seriously, I don't much care where Osama is. The whole thing is such a blowed up media nonsenseical blitz anyway. If he is dead in some cave that is OK, if he is not he will show up doing something stoopid again.
I am much more glad that none of Mine are in on this silly venture........idiots every where you go, idiots. right......it will look good on the election slates. (I am not cynical...I was born this way) |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: khandu Date: 30 Dec 01 - 11:56 PM If he shows up at the WSSBA, I will shoot him with my laser! After all, I will be there because I won the Swap's Fox Pass Contest! Once again, allow me to take the opportunity to say, "Hey, Spaw! Nyah nee nyah nee nyah nyah!!!!!" khandu |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Willie-O Date: 31 Dec 01 - 12:12 AM Shatner did not go to the Orillia Academy Of Bad Acting, he went to the one in Montreal...so did my cousin, who wound up with a PhD in Bad Acting and teaches it in a Pennsylvania college now. Also, a couple of friends of mine have on and off worked building sets for Geraldo Rivera, I'll check into their recent and future whereabouts, look for weird stamps in their passports in the interests of research. Finally, Geraldo Rivera's ex-father-in-law is a guy named Kurt Vonnegut. Maybe you've never heard of him, but if he's still working, I bet he could go somewhere with this... ..... W-O |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Little Hawk Date: 31 Dec 01 - 08:48 AM Willie-O - Unquestionably, Shatner did not study acting in Orillia. The William Shatner School of BAAAAD Acting, proudly located in Orillia, was founded in 1999 as a tribute to William Shatner, and has been gaining international recognition ever since... A 2 year course at the WSSBA is all that anyone needs to become as good an actor as William Shatner. Well, almost anyone. A drooling idiot might require a year of post-graduate work to make the grade. The other neat thing about the WSSBA is that Spaw has been banned from the campus for life, because of his consistent bad-mouthing of this prestigious establishment. I realize this is nothing unusual...he's been banned from the Ladies' Auxiliary in Dayton, Ohio, and the Young Republicans Club in Cleveland (the famous "mooning the podium" incident), and a whole bunch of other places...but...well...it's the only place in Canada that he's been banned from, eh? :-) - LH |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Little Hawk Date: 31 Dec 01 - 09:06 AM NEWSFLASH!!! Three Osama Bin Lookalikes were spotted at a Tim Horton's doughnut shop in Orillia, Ontario, Canada this morning. They were sitting together and making rude jokes about George Bush. The locals, after the initial moments of shock, decided to ignore them, since it seemed highly unlikely that Osama himself would be in Orillia, let alone showing himself openly in public like that. Hmmmm... - LH |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Mr Red Date: 31 Dec 01 - 09:10 AM Osama is a-cummin in. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: CarolC Date: 31 Dec 01 - 09:30 AM Look, Anos, get it right...it's "Orillia", okay?
--Little Hawk Is that your Freudian slip showing there, LH? |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Amos Date: 31 Dec 01 - 11:58 AM Carol: It's intentional, although there is probably a Freudian vector to it somewhere. Little Hack is getting even with me for misspelling his balloon. I mean his handle. A |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: TeriLu Date: 31 Dec 01 - 01:52 PM Thanks for the New Year's Eve belly laughs! You guys are so much more funny than those tv "comedians", leno and Letterman! |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Cobble Date: 31 Dec 01 - 03:32 PM NEWS FLASH Osama working for London Transport as a ticket collector on the buses. :-) Cobble. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Deda Date: 31 Dec 01 - 03:45 PM He's disguised himself as Tammy Fay Bakker (fill in new last name here), waving his hands and giving thanks and rejoicing for as wide a public as he can possibly find... |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: GUEST,misophist Date: 01 Jan 02 - 03:29 PM And to think I passed up the chance to be the first post on this thread. I thought it was just another troll to ignore. Good thing I didn't abort all this deathless comedy, isn't it? |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: gnu Date: 01 Jan 02 - 03:30 PM Where has Osama Bin Lately ? Why, carving petroglyphs, with a little help, of course. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Kaleea Date: 02 Jan 02 - 01:05 AM Read my lips . . .Pappy Bush is gonna catch sadsack who'ssane?, and doubleU Bush is gonna catch binn layin' around. But, till they do, you can read all the REAL TRUTH about what is really happening in the national intrusioner yellow pages. Check out page 5: "ELVIS finds Sadsack conferring with Binn Layin' on alien spaceship." Elvis is secret triple agent for US Gov't, and in deep cover, so don't tell anyone! And no, Captain Kirk and Star Fleet cannot confirm or deny any knowledge the alleged events. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Willie-O Date: 02 Jan 02 - 02:42 AM I believe M. Bin Laden is working as a night janitor in the residents' wing of the Canadian National Institute For The Blind. Daytime, he just hangs around in Blind River, being himself, but a little quieter than before. There are some other places in Ontario he could be, but sooner or later there would be some talk down at the general store. At janitors' wages, he's going to be working a long time to pay off his plastic surgeon. Oh, reality check. Mr Saudi Billionaire Idealist probably salted away a few dozen million somewhere for a rainy day like this one. And his late plastic surgeon has undoubtedly been paid in full... |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Jon W. Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:19 PM You know, you people aren't near paranoid enough. Did it ever occur that the best possible outcome for the US Government is for bin Laden to just mysteriously and permanently disappear? No martyr, no one for the terrorists to "Free" by committing further acts of terror, and an ongoing crisis to use for whatever nefarious purposes are needed. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: DougR Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:25 PM PARANOID? Jon, surely you jest! Mudcatters paranoid? I've seen your name before, so such an inflammatory remark cannot be the result of unfamiliarity, but ... :>) DougR |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: gnu Date: 02 Jan 02 - 12:50 PM Jon.... shhhhh.... the Taliban might be listening.... maybe even Sammi himself. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: GUEST,Bare Arms Date: 02 Jan 02 - 01:35 PM If Osama dares to step foot in the USA, he should know that both Kendall and Big Mick are packing heat and will take him out. On the other hand, if he's in England, he's probably got a comfortable guest room at McGrath's house. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: GUEST,Cynic Date: 02 Jan 02 - 02:05 PM Baby Bush won't admit to catching, killing or knowing Bin Laden's whereabouts as that would deny him the opportunity to bomb Somalia, the Sudan, Iraq, etc. Once he's either attacked all his pet hate Arab Syaes or run out of bombs he may claim to have got him in the last state bombed. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: JEM-Wales Date: 02 Jan 02 - 02:09 PM Osama - last seen riding Sheergar into the sunset |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Gareth Date: 02 Jan 02 - 04:17 PM Accompanied by Lord Lucan Gareth |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:09 PM All he needed to do was have a shave after all. Noone knows what he looks like.
It doesn't really matter. If he's alive it doesn't make it any more likely there'll be further atrocities. If he's dead it doesn't make it any less likely. Assuming there are people out there who've been fired up by his preaching, whether he's dead isn't going to make any difference one way one way or another.
Either they are still fired up and getting ready to strike again,or they've had second thoughts. Probably mostly the former. And on top of that there's the copycat effect, which seems likely to have been significant in the case of the guy with the explosive boots.
So far as eliminating the risk of terror attacks I can't see that what's happened in Afghanistan is likely to have had much effect. They've got a government which is arguably better than the Taliban, a lot of dead people (including a non-combatant death-roll higher than September 11). Maybe on balance that's worth it for Afghanistan. Oh yes, and there's a real risk of a side-effect will be a war between India and Pakistan, both nuclear powers.
And a lot of people with Al Qaida commitment are on the loose, probably including Bin Laden. It's a bit like someone who gets so angry at wasps that he goes out and smashes up the nest with a baseball bat. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: GUEST,Bare Arms Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:14 PM Like I said, he's probably got a nice guest room at McGrath's house. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Amos Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:19 PM Well, be grateful he didn't use a scaled up insecticide bomb!! A |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: DougR Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:23 PM Well, Bare Arms, there is always the chance that you're right, but while standing in the grocery check-out line today I noted headlines on a wee newspaper that reported he has been sighted in Omaha. Osama might be in Omaha! DougR |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: gnu Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:50 PM Cynic... the opportunity to bomb Somalia, the Sudan, Iraq, etc. ??? You're catching on... or catching up ? As long as people are oppressed, murdered, tortured, and degraded, as both men and women have been, in these countries, bombs will keep dropping. Come on, for gosh sakes, the Sudan still has SLAVERY !!!!! I say bomb the crap out of the bastards and free the people from oppression. And if you agree with the kind of disgusting treatment that the Taliban wreaked on it's populace, bomb you too, so to speak. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: gnu Date: 03 Jan 02 - 07:05 AM Shite !!! That New Year's Resolution didn't last very long. Sorry, Cynic... someone slipped up and left the keyboard breathalyzer unlocked again last night. The only one bombed was me, as you can see by my illogical post. I'll slink away now and return when I am coherent and have something worthwhile to contribute. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: DougR Date: 03 Jan 02 - 01:15 PM Aw, gnu, quit kicking yourself! Cynic will probably be along directly and he'll probably do you one better! :>) If you're still suffering, you might try a large bowl of Menudo. I'm told that's good for what ails you. *BG* DougR |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: gnu Date: 03 Jan 02 - 01:49 PM Menudo ? Enlighten me please. In the meantime, I took care of the suffering the only way I know how. Copious quantities of tea, time and exercise. Got the shrubs rugged up for winter, worked on bunkbeds for my buddy's kids, took down my Mum's Xmas decorations, built some shelves for my garage, and went for a nice long walk to the grocery and the beer store. I feel so good, I think I'll have a go at the dog. |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: iRiShBaBe Date: 03 Jan 02 - 04:42 PM does it really matter where he is?he destroyed so many peoples innocent lives that i wish him 2 rot in hell and no other person the misfortune at lookin at his skanky, scum filled manky face! |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: GUEST,petr Date: 03 Jan 02 - 05:00 PM well its interesting to see if he will be found or not. considering it's the first time in history a state has declared war on one individual. The US now wishes it hadnt placed so much emphasis on Osama. the price on his head etc. Its a bit like the talk of a "Marshall" plan for Afghanistan which really is setting up high expectations. Europe had a infrastructure and an educated population to work with.
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 03 Jan 02 - 05:36 PM So long as the aid they are given isn't just another kind of invasion, like they've been up against for the last couple of centuries - and Bin Laden's shower and the Pakistan backed Taliban were just another in the series - the Afghans will make good use of it. Schools, hospitals, help in setting up the kind of manufacturing and trading that fits.
What they don't need is people going in with all the answers and trying to turn them into a clone of some other place and some other culture. The Russians tried that, and it didn't work too well.
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: Wolfgang Date: 04 Jan 02 - 03:42 PM Where is he? With his new look (German site, but you only have to look at the picture) he might even be working at the WTC (or any other building with many offices). Wolfgang |
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Subject: RE: where is Osama? From: gnu Date: 04 Jan 02 - 03:54 PM Osammi boy, the pipe bombs are calling youuuuuuu |
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