Lyr Add: The Campsite at Drumcree

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Gordy McMordy
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 09:58 AM

Alison ...

On behalf of the few remaining Kitteryites, holed up in a arch of Shillington Bridge, to confirm that Brother McKittery is no longer with us. A great loss to the world of songwriting, a greater loss to the world of moderate orangery. But thank God his words are preserved for generations to come, that they may listen and learn from this great man.

But, hark! Alas the enemy is at the door. The Bann is a-fire and the brute forces of Derryaddism which have assailed us so often in the past few days are once again confonting us.

I go now to my own death.

Farewell, and remember

"He's a gulpin and a carn, his mammy never larned him lessons about daycency and class
He's a shite-bag and a coolie, stains his trousers when he poolies, I could spend a fortnight kickin' his oul ass
"

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 09:48 AM

is that one of those Bangkok lies again? or has someone really murdered Isaac McKittery... what a terrible loss to the world of songwriting!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,NEWSFLASH!!!!
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 09:43 AM

The ugly scenes of the past few nights are behind us now. An uneasy peace has resumed in Portadown. The followers of Sam McAutry, the self-proclaimed High Priest Of Orangery have closed ranks around their now-elusive leader and the old guard who stood behind his rival, the late Isaac McKittery, now face the future with uncertainty.

But there was a veiled hint of more trouble to come in the graveside panegyric delivered over the corpse of McKittery by his great friend in life, Gordy McMordy, now in hiding – a wanted man. McMordy obviously suspects that the schism which the events of the past few days has opened up has been engineered by forces outside the Order …

"The Defenders of this Realm have worked well in secret and in the open. They think that they have pacified the orange. They think that they have purchased half of us and intimidated the other half. They think that they have foreseen everything, think that they have provided against everything; but the fools, the fools, the fools!---they have left us our orangeman dead, and while Ulster holds these graves, Ulster unfree shall never be at peace. "

We here at "the centre that cannot hold, but must" hold our breaths and pray to our Gods that commonsense will prevail.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 09:25 AM

lol............

boys, boys........ I'm not worthy of all this attention.... and I really don't want to be known as the woman who split the orange order ........ and anyway it'd need to be a very wide sash to fit all of LOONSWE 1 on it.........

maybe I should give up on yis both and run off with some nice clean catholic boy......

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,NEWSFLASH!!!!
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 09:10 AM

Portadown – 30th January 2002

From Our Special Correspondent

There's an air of anticipation here in Drumcree. The rift between supporters of Isaac McKittery and those of Samuel McAutry threatens to split the local Orange Order asunder. It is alleged that McAutry – otherwise known as Derryadd Sam – has been waging a smear campaign against his rival for the hand of "Ozzie Alison". Matters came to a head this morning when McKittery retaliated with a harsh rebuke of Sam for his lack of attention to personal hygiene and his cavalier disregard for decent manners.

Now the camp at Drumcree has split into two factions. Dapper McKittery – resplendent in full marching regalia – has returned from his feted attempt to row single-handedly from Larne to Melbourne. He has been gathering signatures for a covenant that pledges signatories to leave the old Orange Order and be initiated into his newly-formed "Loyal (To Alison) Orange Order of New South Wales via Edenderry" unless Brother McAutry is dismissed dishonourably from the Orange Order. For his part, McAutry has been attempting to win support for his motion that McKittery should be expelled from the Order.

McKittery has so far garnered some 20,000 signatures. McAutry only one, besides his own, and that from a boy from the Montiaghs who got confused by the milling crowds and thought he was signing for his dole money!

The Orange Order so far is keeping its cards close to its chest. But sources close to the Grand Master reveal that they are not treating the matter as a cause of serious concern. "A wee bit of controversy about a coortship never did any lasting harm, did it?" quipped a spokesman.

Oh aye?! Try telling that to Parnell!!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 08:58 AM

geez boys you had me worried there.... for a moment I thought poor Isaac had written his last song........

I just love the imagery of

We'll march through the outback togither
On the twelfth of July every year


although Derryadd Sam's cottage does sound charming.... which one of yous can cook the best Ulster fry???


slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 08:30 AM

Sowl down the river an by one of m` own, McKittery i`ll go round and piss all over your young Nettles, that`ll taste your Champ.Sad Sam from Derryadd.

Subject: Lyr Add: DERRYADD SAMMY
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 06:30 AM

Alison …

There's somethin' not right goin' on here. At first I thought it might have been the boys on the Falls spreadin' a smear. But I've figured it! It's thon dorty back-stabber Sam o' Derryadd.

Every time I get within a whiff of a coort, he's in leck a badger to drive them away.

Now take my advice, Alison and stay well clear of him. He's a nice-lookin' wee cottage right enough. But th'oul' hovel's fallin' to bits. You can see daylight through the thatch and the place is fair leppin' wi' wildlife o' every sort … mice, rats, flays, bed-bugs, clocks, eary-wigs and hairy eels. You wouldn't know if you were in a house or a David Attenborough programme.

As for Sam hisself; this wee song that follows'll gi'e you an idea of the class of character you're dealin' wi'. It goes to the air of "Donegal Danny".

DERRYADD SAMMY

I remember the night he first came in to our loyal Drumcree camp
A smelly oul' bugger, with shite on his boots, and a faint odour off him of the damp
He scratched his flabby arse and let out a great big fart and then he rifted long and loud – near made me boke
"How's it goin', lads? I'm big Sam o' Derryadd, come to join you loyal campin' folk"

CHORUS

So here's to those that are dead and gone
I wish that oul' Sam was in that crew
For he's fryin' my oul' head
From I wake till I hit bed
If I'd a hammer I would bate him black and blue

He picks his oul' nose and he fiddles with his toes (the smell is like a gorgonzola cheese)
His flies are always open (I reckon that he's hopin' it's a way to attract an oul' main squeeze!)
His teeth have never tasted paste and the dorty ignor'nt baste would like to give all weemin a quick grope
His head is full o' nits and his dingly-dangly bits have never been acquainted with the soap

Chorus

The size of his oul' butt and the girth of his oul' gut indicate that he's a glutton and a groo
He'd ate from dawn till eve, and anything you'd leave, he'd stuff it in his bake – I'm tellin' you
He's a gulpin and a carn, his mammy never larned him lessons about daycency and class
He's a shite-bag and a coolie, stains his trousers when he poolies, I could spend a fortnight kickin' his oul ass

Chorus

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 05:47 AM

Houl on there Allison, that oul dosser McKittery is alive and well. He had one of them Bangcock good time wimmin send thon message, he has tied up many a Thai in his time. He heads aff regular to see thon wee Thai bits, the Lord knows what dis-ais he gets aff them. For your own good take a trip to Lough Neagh. Derryadd Sam.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,NEWSFLASH!!!!
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 04:39 AM

News has just reached us that Isaac McKittery's bid to be the first Orangeman to row single-handedly from Larne to Sydney has failed.

After 66 days at sea, authorities lost radio contact with the love-stricken billy-boy. Last night, the body of the middle-aged marching man was found washed up on a beach in Thailand. He was naked except for his beloved LOL 666 sash. This, and the new tattoo - a heart bearing the legend "Alison" - helped identify the body.

Police have confirmed that the sash was used to strangle Mr McKittery. They do not suspect a sectarian motive. However, they have confirmed that they have arrested an alleged "love rival" who goes by the name of Derryadd Sam.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Issac McKittery
Date: 30 Jan 02 - 04:20 AM

Derryadd Sam … you back off, now, big fella. I'm coortin' herself now. All thon nice words and songs and stuff. Can you not see sure that the wee girl's in me pocket.

Alison, honey. The boat's just pulled outy Larne no more'n five minutes ago. We'll land in the England in a coupla hours time and then I'm gonny motor like blazes down to th'oul' Dover and catch some sort of a boat till Australyee.

Oul' Issac is sailin' the briny
The ship is just leavin' the quay
My hair is all oiled-up and shiny
I'm headin' for Botany Bay

Chorus … you know it!

I've been summoned abroad by a huzzy
Isaac, dear, won't you come forth
She pretends that's she's one of them Ozzies
But it's clear that she's from the Wee North

Chorus

Such times we will have when I'm with her
I'll dress her in billy girl gear
We'll march through the outback togither
On the twelfth of July every year

Chorus

I'm closin' the distance between us
To our sour-faced oul' God ye should pray
That you'll soon meet your romantic genius
When he lands in sweet Botany Bay

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 06:51 PM

well here I am after a good nights sleep.....

Derryadd Sam....... your wee cottage sounds lovely but doesn't the noise of speed boats from Lough Neagh keep you up at night?

but how can I resist a man like Isaac?...... he sure has the gift of the gab..... the way he can string all thon fancy words together just turns my legs to champ.......... and then there's the white gloves........... mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

maybe we can make a start on some Ozzie songs now

Farewell to oul' Drumcree forever
Farewell to my brethren as well
Farewell to the hill of Garvaghy
I'm off to get out of the smell

singing toor-a-ly-oor-a-ly-addity
singing toor-a-ly-oor-a-ly-ay
singing toor-a-ly-oor-a-ly-addity
Isaac's bound for Botany Bay

slainte
alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 02:18 PM

Hi, listen Allison thon oul kittery McKittery has a face like billy goats ass, sure I have a lovely wee cottage on the shores of sweet Lough Neagh, come over and i`ll show you the sites. When my loyal brethern release me from this Hell of Drumcree,to welcome you home, I will give the oul place a bit of a dung-out. love Derryadd Sam.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 09:11 AM

Alison …

Houl' on to yer drawers girl! I'm on me way over! You might have a "Proud To Be Baby Prod" bib in your accoutrements, but I'm clutchin' my pack of "Proud To Prod A Prod" rubber johnnies in me fist as I write and I know who I'd like to use them on!!

So this'll be the last song you hear from me till I light on your doorstep.

There was a wild colonial boy
McKiittery was his name
He was born and r'ared in Ulster
In a place called Killicomaine
He was his father's only son
His mother's pride and joy
And dearly did his parents love
Their wild colonial boy

He went one day in proud display
To walk Garvaghy Road
But the b'ys who lived up thon oul' street
Near threatened to explode
"With yer whistlin' and your drummin'
We taigs will have no truck
So whisht your noise, ye billy boys
And go away to …. Hell"

And so for many lonely years
He camped out at Drumcree
A vigil for the Orange
Till Ulster would be free
Of the oul' Parades Commission
Who piss from a great height
On a rake of Orange marches
Which we claim as our birthright

Till a letter from Australia
From a blade who turned him on
Set oul' Ike a-thinkin
Of a new home in the sun
He thought long and hard upon it
Till up! without delay
He moved his Drumcree campsite
To the shore of Botany Bay

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Geordie McMordy
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:53 AM

This Ali's not all that she seems. She doesn't know that RBP is Royal Black Preceptory ... it had her foxed. And I said to my da, Gordon, this talk of her accordion, it's just some other wordin' for an oul' squeeze box. She's bein' euphemistic, perhaps a bit artistic, and you're so narcissistic that you didn't see the trap. The flute, of course, is phallic ... you dozy-minded ballick ... she's led you up an alley of dorty-minded crap! So beware, Ike McKittery that your heart is not soon flittery. Eeverything that's glittery is not all gold. I'd give this blade a miss, sir for if you tried to kiss her you'll be sucked in the abyss, sir. You have been told!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:36 AM

well it was lovely of you to offer Isaac.... but its the middle of winter over there...... and I'm lovely and warm here in Australia.... could you maybe arrange for someone to deliver a SuperSer to your tent... then I might consider it......

if its proof you need I could bring the "proud to be a baby prod" bib I was sent for one of my kids (I wish I was joking about that one.. but there you go)......... or can I just do a spelling test of some words with "h" in them?

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Brother Gordy McMordy, LOL 666
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:33 AM

Isaac ... I've been taught a lesson. Your union has my blessin'. Thank God that you're not messin' with a chuckie through and through. If she's got purple in her veins, no barrier indeed remains. Sate your lusts! Your turnips, drain! And the best of luck to you!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:29 AM

It's Bother Ike McKittery and my heart is all a-twittery (my bowels a wee bit skittery ... the nervousness you see). If it's true that you've got Orange blood then come and join me in the mud, the music we'd make would indeed be good in me tent in sweet Drumcree.

Neither Geordie, no nor Gordy, or any oul' McMordie would think that it was dorty for we two to do the deed. Since we share a drop of "sang réal", into my tent why don't you crawl? I'm sure we two could have a ball out here in the Drumcree field.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 08:05 AM

well you know.. we could have made some beautiful music together.. you on your flute and me on my accordion......

but maybe you shouldn't have given such a good description of your tent... it makes it so much easier for my orange grandmother to come after the man who called her wee alison a fenian!!!!!.....lol

no idea about rbp BTW.......lol

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Geordie McMordy
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:58 AM

This flirtin' business has got to stop. Isaac ... remember ... No Surrender.

Better a same-sex relationship between two right-thinking men than a mixed-sex relationship between a stalwart and a hunker-slider.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Issac McKittery
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:54 AM

Holy Book!

You've got me that flustered I didn't sign in again!

Thon was me up above, there, hon!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:53 AM

Good lord, above, Alison … but I'm getting the hots for you big time, so I am. I'm only after making up this wee song for ye. Would it tempt ye to come visit me in me lonely vigil on Drumcree hill. Mine's the big frame tent on top o' the hill, orange (naturally), with a pair of Union Jack boxer shorts flyin' from the top o' it.

The wee verse is to the tune of a Donegal march called "Kitty O'Connor", which Altan play as part of a set with that fine oul' Scottish tune "Cam' Ye By Atholl". (There ye go, nigh! Ye didn't think I had any knowledge of thon sort of music, did ye? Well let's keep it a wee secret between ourselves …)

By the way ... that lol thing ... I'll go one better. Here goes. lol rbp. D'ye get me?

Once a fenian filly
Took a shine to this oul' Billy
Who lived out on a hilly
Overlooking Portydown
He spurned all her advances
Didn't like oul' mixed romances
Till at last the circumstances
Fairly brought him roun'

She dressed up like a billy girl
It fairly made his baton whirl
And his oul banner did unfurl
And his arch fair straightened out
And on his fife she played a tune
"The Rising of the Fenian Moon"
It nearly made oul' Isaac swoon
And his eyeballs to pop out

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:48 AM

never really went for baton twirlers myself... but you know thon boys that twirl the long string things on the banners..... now thon really gets the juices goin'......lol

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:30 AM

Ach, sorry there now, people. Forgot to sign myself in thon last time. Wouldn't want thon Alison to think she was bein' chatted up by one of the awr brethren.

Heaven above ... but the thought of it. I might need to crawl into my tent and twirl me baton ...

Subject: Lyr Add: STONES IN ME KIDNEYS
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:28 AM

Ach, Sam, me boul' stalwart. Glad that the Craigavon mob got your kidney sorted out. Sure if it had give you any more bawr I'd've wheeked it out myself with my Swiss Army Knife. If you'd been one o' the awr sort, they'd've pickled thon oul' kidney and preserved it as a relic. The oul' Shinners would've been ben'in' the knee to it and mutterin' into their oul' beads for the salvation of their sowls.

But sure when you were away, didn't we write you a wee song about your kidney stones … it's to the tune of thon oul' "Waltzing Matilda".

STONES IN ME KIDNEYS

Once a jolly Orangeman
Put up his oul' tent upon
A hill in the spot
That is known as Drumcree
He went for a slash
And he poolied pebble-dash
On the ground he did thrash
From his oul kid-a-nees

Stones in me kidneys
Stones in me kidneys
Cause me to howl
Aye, they cause me to moan
It's ruined my vacation
In my canvas habitation
I must get an operation
On me oul' kidney stone

And as for you, Alison, you dorty-minded huzzie. I'd say you'd have a sheugh or two on you that a man'd be inclined to crawl around in right enough. Thon outfit you describe ... it would torn a b'y on, so it would!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:21 AM

takes one to know one wee doll... and don't come over all high and mighty wi' me ...... I know what you Ards peninsula girls are like.... sneaking around collecting sashes...... *grin*

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 07:02 AM

alison! Ye dorty wee hoor!!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 06:58 AM

I'm sorry to hear that Isaac, (although I did love the verse... )... I thought we'd have made a lovely couple... you in your orange and purple, and me in my tartan mini skirt, sexy white knee socks and DMs..... *grin*

mind you I suppose my knee socks wouldn't have stayed white with all that crawling around in sheughs!!

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 06:55 AM

Fair play to you Issac, Yer right there, it`s all for a good cause. I have just come out of Ward 3 North in Craigavon Hospital after a Kidney transplant and it was all due to the gutters and damp on thon hill in Drumcree. I tell you now Brother Issac I will be back on thon hill again and the good Lord help the crater that`s lying next to me, for he`ll be like a Mexican wet-back. Derryadd Sam.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Issac McKittery
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 04:49 AM

Alison … would you away outa thon, chil' dear. Sure I couldn't be doin' wi' thon frippery. A black suit and a black tie, white shirt, white gloves, an umbrella and a bowler hat, topped off with me oul' da's sash … that's more my style. Though, min' you, daughter dear, there's damn the bit of cleanness I can keep about myself at all livin' like a wild baste with nothing over my head but an oul' bit of waxed cloth propped up on a few oul' sticks. Like a bedouin … an' me that has lan' an' men under me an' all! Oh Lord, damn the sowl of whoever got us into this tight spot.

Now, the Reverend William Marshall, "The Bard of Tyrone", wrote a wee poem one time called "Me An' Me Da" – which you might know otherwise as "Livin' In Drumlister". Myself and a clatter of the oul' diehards were sittin' roun' the fire night before last, tryin' to gain a bit of heat before lyin' down in our tents and between us we made a new poem out of his oul' one.

See what you think.

Oh, and by the way, Raparee, you're a guttery-gubbed glipe and an ingnorant big gulpen. I'll hear no more of your runnin' down the good people of Magheralin!

I'm camped in Drumcree churchyard
Though I'm getting' very oul'
I love to wear my fawr's sash
But it doesn't bar much coul'
There's de'il a man in this townlan'
Was claner r'ared nor me
But I'm in clabber since I listed
To camp out at Drumcree

I lie down in the gutters
To have my nightly rest
A stripe o' cloth above me
And me wi' a bawd chest!
But till the struggle's over
And dear oul' Ulster's free
I'll pad through Drumcree churchyard
In clabber to the knee

You'll never fin' me wav'rin'
I'll be loyal to the en'
Our freedom and religion
I'm committed to defen'
Though I'm a tiny bit arthritic
In my elbow and my knee
I'll defy the worl' by campin'
In the churchyard at Drumcree

Oh me name is Brother Isaac
And I'll never ben' me knee
To London or to Dublin
Or the Roman Holy See
I'll live an' die in clabber
If that it is what's required
For Ulster, like a hippo
I will wallow in the mire

So come all ye sons of William
And the boul' Ahoghill Doc
Ye fifers and drum-baters
Of good oul' Orange stock
Come gather up your sleeping bags
Your tents and pegs and ropes
And camp in Drumcree churchyard
This bastion of hope!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Hillheader
Date: 29 Jan 02 - 01:14 AM

Alison

You have to get out more!!!

Stop this now or you're in danger of dragging your knuckles as you walk.

Davebhoy

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 10:21 PM

Isaac...... I have been wondering..... what sort of trousers do you have?

you don't have any of those gorgeous purple ones with the orange piping down the seams, do you?....

you know the ones they team up with the subtle orange jackets with the fringed epaulettes?.........

time for a cold shower I think.........

slainte

alison

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DICKS OF MAGHERALIN
From: GUEST,Raparee
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 11:23 AM

Various people were commenting on the Ducks of Magheralin a few weeks ago. Here's the update!

THE DICKS OF MAGHERALIN
It was just about a year ago that I went to Magheralin
The kerbstones were red, white and blue, the flags blew in the wind
Such hallions as were on the street would grace a looneybin
Sez I "Who are these boyos?" "They're the dicks of Magheralin"

CHORUS:
Oh it is a grand oul' city in the grand oul' Irish style
But I'd give it a wide berth, me boys, of six or seven miles
Such a bunch of in-bred keowboys you'll not see their likes again
The slack-jawed snattery poghals, the Dicks of Magheralin

Well one comes up and sez, sez he "Through here you will not pass
Or me and may compadres will kick your Fenian ass"
So I went back the road to home as fast as blew the wind
For I wouldn't like to tangle with the Dicks of Magheralin

CHORUS

Of all the bitter hamlets in Ulster's bitter heart
Magheralin's the bitterest, it really is quite tart
To burst their bitter bubble would take more than a pin
The boys who breathe through open mouths, the Dicks of Magheralin

CHORUS

To finalise my story, and bring it to an end
Its tarnished reputation you must not try to defend
For you'll struggle in your quest to find a bitterer little town
Magheralin will never win the Star of the County Down

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 09:15 AM

March together down the Garvaghy Road! What a novel idea. Catholics celebrating their own oppression with the oppressors.

While we're at it, why doesn't Ariel Sharon go to a Muslim temple to pray?

Subject: Lyr Add: PAIS-A-LEE
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 09:10 AM

This wee ditty that's been doin' the roun's of lodges throughout mid-Ulster is based on thon oul' Amerikayne come-all-ye "Stack-a-lee". It's called "Pais-a-lee".

PAIS-A-LEE
In a pub in Portydown on a dark and drizzly night
Gerry Adams and Pais-a-lee had one terrible fight
All about that Orange bowler hat

Pais-a-lee walked to the bar-room and he called for a glass of beer
Turned around to Gerry Adams, said "What are you doin' here?"
"Waitin' for a train, please bring my woman home"

"Pais-a-lee, oh Pais-a-lee, please don't take my life
Got three little children and a weepin' lovin' wife
You're a bad man, bad man Pais-a-lee"

"God bless your children and I'll take care of your wife
You stole my Orange bowler, now I'm bound to take your life"
All about that Orange bowler hat

Pais-a-lee turned to Gerry Adams and he shot him right through the head
Only taking one shot to kill Gerry Adams dead
All about that Orange bowler hat

Sent for the doctor, well the doctor he did come
Just pointed out Pais-a-lee, said "Now what have you done?
You're a bad man, bad man Pais-a-lee"

Six big horses and a rubber-tired hack
Hauled him off to Milltown, but they failed to bring him back
All about that Orange bowler hat

Back home in oul' Portydown I heard the bulldogs bark
It must have been oul' Pais-a-lee stumblin in the dark
He's a bad man, gonna land him right back in jail

Police walked on to Pais-a-lee, he was lying fast asleep
Police catched oul' Pais-a-lee, and he jumped forty feet
He's a bad man, gonna land him back in jail

Well they got oul' Pais-a-lee and they laid him right back in jail
Couldn't get a man around to go Pais-a-lee's bail
All about that Orange bowler hat

Pais-a-lee turned to the jailer and said "Jailer, I can't sleep
'Round my bedside Gerry Adams began to creep"
All about that Orange bowler hat

Subject: Lyr Add: SAMMY I HARDLY KNEW YE
From: GUEST,Issac McKittery
Date: 28 Jan 02 - 07:19 AM

This wee one's to the air of "Johnny, I Hardly Knew Ye" – a song which, I am told, is popular with the booze- and priest-ridden unfortunates of the Unfree State.

SAMMY I HARDLY KNEW YE
While walking the road from Sweet Drumcree ha-roo ha-roo
While walking the road from Sweet Drumcree ha-roo ha-roo
While walking the road from Sweet Drumcree
I met with Doctor Pais-a-lee
"In the name of God, what's up with thee?!
Sammy, I hardly knew ye"

"Where are your gloves that once were white, ha-roo, ha-roo
Where are your gloves that once were white, ha-roo, ha-roo
Where are your gloves that once were white
And now are plastered with dort and shite
An offence they are unto my sight
Sammy I hardly knew ye"

"And your sash was once was so fine and old, ha-roo, ha-roo
Your sash was once so fine and old, ha-roo, ha-roo
Your sash was once so fine and old
Its edges trimmed with thread of gold
Now it's splattered with gutters and spotted with mould
Sammy, I hardly knew ye"

"Your shoes that once shone like the sun, ha-roo, ha-roo
Your shoes that once shone like the sun, ha-roo, ha-roo
Your shoes that once shone like the sun
Are muddy and squelchy and covered in dung
You're altogether a disgrace to us Huns
Sammy I hardly knew ye"

"Oh Reverend Doctor if I might speak, ha-roo, ha-roo
Oh Reverend Doctor if I might speak, ha-roo, ha-roo
Oh Reverend Doctor if I might speak
Your forgiveness I most gravely seek
I know I look like a bit of freak"
Sammy I hardly knew ye

"But I'm living rough these days, you see, ha-roo, ha-roo
I'm living rough these days, you see, ha-roo, ha-roo
I'm living rough these days you see
In a tent in a campsite in Sweet Drumcree
I live like a tramp for the Orangery"
Sammy I hardly knew ye

"Here's forgiveness Brother Sam ha-roo ha-roo
Here's forgiveness Brother Sam ha-roo ha-roo
Here's forgiveness Brother Sam
And all who camp and caravan
In that spot not far from the River Bann
Sammy I hardly knew ye"

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From:
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 06:15 PM

Do they ever march together in Ireland? I saw a parade of sorts in Newfoundland and there marchers in both Orange and Green and they all went to church after as I recall. mg

Subject: Lyr Add: ME OUL DRUMCREE TENT
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 26 Jan 02 - 05:54 PM

Aye Davebhoy, yer a bunnel o' laughs ... proof positive that scotchmen should keep their nebs out of our business.

Nigh ... to work!

This one goes to the tune of a song once sang by Richard Hayward - with a name like thon, surely one of ours - called "The Bright Silvery Light Of The Moon".

It's based on an ecumenical nightmare I once had.

It's called "Me Oul' Drumcree Tent".

ME OUL DRUMCREE TENT
Down the oul Garvaghy Road
On the Twelfth the Orange strolled
With our banners and regalia on display
And the taigs on either side
Opened up their windows wide
To list upon the tunes that we did play

We played "The Proddy Boys"
(And it was a glorious noise)
"The Sash" of course and "Croppy, Lie You Down"
As the Fenians danced a reel
And we sauntered to The Field
The Bowler-Hatted Boys of Portydown

Gerry Adams gave a speech
After Doctor Paisley preached
And Johnny Hume looked on us with a smile
And the army and police
Kindly bade us "Go in peace"
As we walked along the oul' Garvaghy mile

Then I woke up with a shock
As my oul alarum clock
Further such oul folly did prevent
I was stiff and coul and sore
And I farted and I swore
As I gret the day in my oul Drumcree tent

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Hillheader
Date: 19 Jan 02 - 02:47 AM

Sorry it took so long to come up with this but work is greatly interfering with the rest of my life!!!

Oh Paddy dear and did you hear
The news that's going abroad
The Orangement on 12th July
Will walk Garvaghy Road

An in consideration
The Unionists will deem
That pavements on the Shankhill
Will be orange white and green

On St Patrick's Day in Dublin
I swear I've heard it said
That the Reverend Ian Paisley
He will lead St Paddy's parade

The pipes will play The Soldiers Sash
And with Orange Bands in tow
Our Ian will lay a laurel wreath
Outside the GPO

As as this new enlightenment
Across the land we see
Gerry Adams and McGuinness
They will visit at Drumcree

With Martin playing the Lambeg
And Gerry on the Flute
They'll treat the boys to Boulavougue
And The Foggy Dew to boot

They boys will fly their banners high
As the campsite fills with hope
And Martin and our Gerry
Hand out pictures of the Pope.

And then they're o'er to London
At the Palace they'll be seen
As they receive their Knighthoods
And have Guinness with the Queen

As they all sit round the telly
There right before their eyes
They'll watch as Mad Dog John Adair
Get the Nobel Peace Prize

Davebhoy

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: alison
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 10:06 PM

lol... love the songs boys... and sure isn't it a pity I am courtin'.... because the picture you paint of cold nights in the campsite is so appealing... how could a girl resist????? ...*grin*

if you really are the editor of the Portadown News... thanks for a job well done..........

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 11:22 AM

Indeedy. The sort of irony that belts you round the head like a breeze block. I suppose it explains why they don't find your esteemed organ amusing, since they have about the same concept of irony as Alanis Morrisette.

Aah, but still, they'll never suffer from splinters in their arses. Mind you, there's that entire dinner table in their own eye...

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Portadown News Editor
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 11:11 AM

The irony was lost on no-one (except Robin Livingstone, Editor of that mighty organ.)

I thought an accusation of sectarianism from the Angrytown News was pretty ironic as well.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 10:55 AM

Andytown News calling the police! Sweet Mother of God, the reforms have worked!!

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Portadown News Editor
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 10:34 AM

Hell I'm not even allowed to keep my own job. The Andersonstown News got my fired three days before Xmas after printing my name and where I worked, then calling my company and threatening to call the police and their solicitors over my 'sectarianism'.

Besides, they don't give grants to websites with tits in them. I checked.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 10:30 AM

Editor of the Portadown News, if indeed it is you, sure you're evidently an equal-opportunity satirist and as such are probably entitled to a whole host of cross-community grants to bring our divided communities togther in peace, love and harmony. You might even get enough lottery funding to take Freeserve to court.

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Portadown News Editor
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 10:13 AM

Hi there folk music types

I'm the Editor of the Portadown News, and I thought I'd fry your heads a little by revealing that I have always considered myself a Unionist. (Although not an Orangeman.)

Yours The Editor

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 08:58 AM

Holyland

Palestine, Jerusalem, Damascus, Cairo
Shall we gather by the river
For a crusade to Lower Ormeau?

Subject: Lyr Add: PAISLEY'S FUSILIERS
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 08:51 AM

The awr one I min' is to the tune of a song the tims sing which is called "McAlpine's Fusiliers", written I believe, by one of a rake of gather-ups from thon hellhole in the Free State, Dublin.

Anyways, it's about our side's vale of tears and sea of woes. It's called "Paisley's Fusiliers".

PAISLEY'S FUSILIERS

(spoken)
It was in the year of '98 when I became a brawr
The smile on my oul' fawr's face; the pride on that of mawr
They had a do that very night at the local LOL
(Not a temperance lodge, thank God, we all got drunk to hell!)
With me sash, me gamp and bowler, I looked the very part
As out I strode out upon the twelfth, I near broke me mawr's heart
But the grantin' of that honour's nearly been the death of me
For I'm frozen to my bollocks in a churchyard in Drumcree

As down the glen came the Orangemen with their banners furled before them
With their flutes and drums down the road they come; it's hard for the Catholics to ignore them
They're headed for Garvaghy Road, but their journey will soon end in tears
When the cops say "No, back up the road you go" to Paisley's Fusiliers

These well-dressed gents sit in their tents and think of the glories of the past
Aughrim, Boyne, The General Strike, each image ever greater than the last
It sours our gall and it breaks our balls, I don't think about it else I'd near explode
That we can't process a hundred yards more or less up the Garvaghy Road

The shanty town outside Portadown shines like a beacon through the land
From this very site is being waged the fight some call the Ulster Protestants' last stand
We'll pursue our cause, and we'll challenge the laws, though the battle it may last for many years
But the day will come, when we'll overcome, say Paisley's Fusiliers

Subject: RE: SONG ADD : The Campsite At Drumcree
From: GUEST,Geordie McMordy
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 08:17 AM

Hello there …

Geordie McMordy, son and heir to the bitterest bigot ever to spend the afternoon of the 12th pissed out of his skull on warm Guinness and Mundies in the field at Scarva.

Ye alright there, da, ye big bollocks, ye?

The mention up above there by Alison (are you our sort, girl and if so are you coortin'? ) prompted me to write in.

I'm in a Pretenders cover band. We play Orange Halls, Black Preceptories, Coming-Out Parties, Weddings (not Mixed!!) … you know the type of thing. We're called "The Defenders". (If you want to book us ddrop me or me da a line!)

One of our more poignant songs is about a Drumcree veteran receiving a Paisley family picture postcard … here it goes

Back on the chain gang (with thanks to Chrissie Hynde)
I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh
You had your big burly arm around Kyle
The world doesn't know like I do, oh oh oh oh
The pain 'neath that big cheesy smile
We're back on the train
Oh, back on the chain gang

A circumstance beyond our control, oh oh oh oh
Made the front of the 'Tele that night
Said we'd die or be cast into hell, oh oh oh oh
They threw sand in our eyes and said it was lies
We're back on the train
Oh, back on the chain gang

The Powers That Be
That force us to live like we do
Bring me to my knees
When I see what they've done to you
But I'll die as I stand here today
In clabber from instep to knee
If up our traditional route
To walk we're not free

I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh
It was the happiest day of my life
Your big bulldog face seemed to say oh oh oh oh
Continue the fight
Now we're back on the train
Back on the chain gang

Subject: Lyr Add: THE NEW JERUSALEM
From: GUEST,Brother Gordy McMordy, LOL 666
Date: 18 Jan 02 - 06:48 AM

Brother Isaac … tit bared and trouser furled, y'oul' goat! Yer a cat man so y'are for givin' me away like thon!

I wonder if the owners of the Mudcat are aware that their site is situated on a traditional cyber high way route used by generations of cyber-Orangemen?

Your wee song is all very well and good. But I'm in a highbrow frame of min' right now and so I thought I'd reprint the lyrics of "Till We Build The New Jerusalem (Along The Oul' Garvaghy Road)".

Keep the faith.

THE NEW JERUSALEM

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk up the oul' Garvaghy Road?
And did the holy Lamb of God
Round Edenderry take a stroll?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon this loyal town?
And was Jerusalem builded here
In dear oul' Orange Portadown?

Bring me my bow of burning gold
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my spear! Oh, clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire
I will not cease from mental fight
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Til we have built Jerusalem
In Ulster's orange and pleasant land!