BS: Doctor Phil Blues

Subject: Doctor Phil Blues
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:38 PM

Danged! My wife thinks that Doctor Phil is the Second Coming. So, I watched him tonight and found him to be simplistic and trailer parkish but that may be because I'm not in touch with my inner feelings. Any comments? No, not about my inner feelings, but the Doc...

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: khandu
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:53 PM

Never heard of him. But he sounds interesting. What is he on? (media, I mean, not drugs!"

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 11:00 PM

I don't think Dr. Phil is about inner feelings so much as he is about being practical and doing what works. I was using quite a few of his ideas long before I ever heard of him, and they worked for me. So I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss him on cultural (trailer parkish), or touchy feely grounds.

One of the ideas of his that I particularly like is the idea of approaching personal relationships with some of the same methods that work in business relationships. Like being in agreement about what both people want before making a committment. And renegotiating the deal if something changes after the committment is made. Good stuff, in my opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 11:12 PM

Danged, CarolC, that's exactly what the P-Vine, my wife, said.... Hmmmmmmm?

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 11:16 PM

I have to agree with CarolC - I'm just like him in my practice in a lot of ways. I'm just not as nice as he is - *BG*

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 11:45 PM

Is P-Vine looking to renegotiate the deal, Bobert? Is that what's got you all bothered?

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:33 AM

CarolC: I see you been talkin' to the ol' gal. Hmmmmm? Maybe the ol' bobert might have to get on Oprah and spill his guts in front of 50 million folks. Iz so sorry, P-Vine!!! Now can ya' get the bald guy off me? Pleeeeeze...

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:09 AM

khandu: Dr. Phil McGraw is a counselor, specializing in relationships, whom Oprah Winfrey swears by (by whom she swears?). He's on her TV program every Tuesday afternoon; in addition, he's written several self-help books and workbooks. Here's a link to his home-page on the Oprah website: Oprah.com – Relationships / Dr. Phil

I've been impressed with some of the things he's said on the show, but his "Get Real Challenge" repulsed me when it was promoted by the network by showing him grabbing a woman by the shoulders and practically shouting in her face. Advice is all well and good, but I don't think anyone should be manhandled like that by a "counselor".

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: CarolC
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:28 AM

Here are two of my favorite Dr. Philisms. I got them off the site, but I've heard them many times, and I've used them more than a few times myself...

"Is it working for you?"

"And if it's not working for you, what are you going to do about it?"

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:33 AM

Doctor Phil is not quite a one-trick pony, but he has a limited bag of tricks (approaches) that work well for people for whom those are the best approach at the point in their lives where they encounter him. But they tend not to work well for everyone at all times and in all situations.

He calls himself a "life strategist" now, and freely acknwoledges that he was a terrible therapist, working with people individually or in couples' therapy, because he would get impatient and tell people to get real. For some people, that approach is so invalidating as to shut them down, and these sorts of people tend to respond better to other approaches (like play therapy would be a totally different approach).

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:41 PM

Well, WYSTWYG, that was kind of what I meant in the first place. I've been thru couseling, and DougR et al probably think it didn't take, but it is a slow process at best. Now, Ol' Doc Phil just comes riding into Dodge with his guns a blazin' and fixes everyone on the spot. Okay, I'll admit that I've only seen him twice and left in the the middle of both shows. But my wife tapes 'em every week and watchs them religiously. Now I'm pretty good with impersinations and when I do Doc Phil the P-Vine tells me to behave or go play with my guitar. Hmmmm? Tough choice there. Well, last night they had some poor ol' preacherman who had been caught by his wife with Suzie Creamcheeze and he was lookin' real repentant and all but I could tell by the way he didn't quite make eye contact with Doc Phil that the good reverand was proably still foolin' around. I pointed that out to the P-Vine and got sent to the guitar room. And just how far can a theapist get with "get real" and "does it work for you". I'm sorry, but I think guys like Doc Phil can in some cases hurt people more than he can help them. I know, I know.... I'll go play my guitar now.

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:06 PM

I just have this nagging unease that lingers from seeing him repeat almost word for word, eyebrow lift for eyebrow lift, various things in interviews as he's out and about now promoting his new TV show. (He's ridden the Oprah wave enough to get out on his own.) He's very, very good at motivation and promotion. But he acts like he's saying stuff in these interviews like it's all fresh, made up on the spot.... and not all of it is.

I prefer "flexible" to "canned." And I always worry when people are so het up about an individual, and not so much about their own lives. If what he is doing really works, even just as a starting point for long term personal change, then I would expect to hear people talking about how their lives have changed, not about how wonderful Phil is. If he has lasting value, what will happen is that people will spring off from whatever starting point they gained with his help, and they will do some excellent and sparkling thinking of their own.

But Bobert, it sounds like Phil is not the best subject for peaceful converse with your lady. If you just listen to her about Phil, though, you may hear some things emerge from that, and they might help you see what's important to her that maybe is hard for her to verbalize otherwise. And if you think she is overly dependent on him for wisdom, try just asking her what she thinks about those same topics.... it's a way to encourage her to think for herself, without attacking someone she sees as helpful to her. The right approach is genuine interest and curiosity, to draw her out. And then just listen as she thinks out loud.

It is amazing how far people will go in their thinking if we do just that, and don't step on it while it's still flowing with helpful criticism or our own SO-IMPORTANT thoughts!

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:13 PM

I saw him on O a couple of times. First time I thought he was quite a guy, a real straight shooter, no mumbo-jumbo, down to earth. The second time, I saw him bully a guy, who, in my opinion, had gotten the short end of the stick. The unbearable part was that, when the guy wouldn't fight back, for whatever reason, Phil got more abusive.

I was wishing I was that guy because Phil, who is a big man, ain't big enough to intimidate me with words or stature. Bullies are the worst kind of cowards. I know this sounds stupid, but if I had been that guy and Phil didn't apologize for the things he said, and the way he said them, it woulda been Jerry Springer time (a show I have never seen except on the news). I don't think any judge would have convicted me after the tirade Phil layed on.

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:32 PM

Doc Susan,

Yes, 'ame. I got me feet up on the couch and I'm going to be better this time. I promise. You won't have to have this talk with me no more. You'll see.

Actually, me the the P-Vine have the world's greatest relationship. We talk all the time about anything and everything. We're the best of friends and she'd be the first to tell ya that she watches Doctor Phile for the entertainment value. And I do my Doctor Phil impersonation just to be playful. Really. Okay, ya don't believe me? Ask the P-Vine. Yo P-Vine... Honey... You think you could break away from Doc Phil to talk with Doc Susan fir a minute... Honey?

I'm jus' funnin. When last month I found out what a 'troll" was I was all torn up, paced the floor, couldn't eat or sleep and all that... So I asked Spawz about it and he told me that I was a good troll... Well , that was a relief. Guess I was in that "good trollin' mood" last night after seeing Doc Phil for only my second time and just thought I'd stick to poor guy on a hook and cast him into the Cat pond...

Sorry, if anyone took the ol' bobert too seriously. Iz going to check into the "New and Improved Bobert Clinic" right away.....again.

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:53 PM

Geeziz, what an ass.......Once again we are expected to worship at the shrine of "All Things Oprah" and no matter whether we want to cook, fuck, lose weight, or be a kinder, gentler, human being, Oprah has the answer for all of us........and you can of course see how well some of them have worked on her.........................yeah..........right...................Please save me from all of those mortarforkers who have found a personal solution or method that works for them, and then try to sell it to the masses as "The Way."................gimmee peace...............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:59 PM

gnu: *whew* I'm glad to see that it ain't just my imagination; other people see him as a bully, too. As Susan said, "For some people, that approach is so invalidating as to shut them down." I would go so far as to call it violating, not just invalidating, and it absolutely would shut me down.

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 05:16 PM

I didn't actually say he IS a bully. It's just that I saw one segment of a show on which he really was giving this guy a hard time that he didn't deserve. And, even if he had deserved it, Phil was grandstanding. I found it disgusting. However, I suppose one could say that he was doing his job... providing ratings for the show.

Spaw... right on. I have never seen anyone more abusive than O. I don't care how much money someone has. If you ask someone a question, the least you can do is let them answer it... the woman has no manners and she is God's gift on every topic. Then again, I'd like to be able to put in the bank in a year what she does in a day.

Did you hear the latest ? She has announced that she is leaving her TV show.... in 2006. Gee, what will I do ?

Subject: RE: BS: Doctor Phil Blues
From: CarolC
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:33 PM

I hate to see the baby getting thrown out with the bathwater here. I can understand that some people might find Dr. Phil's personal approach with people not to their liking. But it would be a shame if people dismissed all of his methods because they don't like his personality.

There is a lot of good sense in many of the methods he uses. He certainly doesn't use every psychotheraputic approach that is available. Most people don't. But the methods he uses can be very effective when used in the appropriate contexts. Perhaps a better way to get the benefit of his ideas and methods would be to get them from his books rather than from Oprah.

And if you find you don't need them, or they aren't appropriate for you, no harm, no foul.