Folklore: Similes for Today

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Jeri
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 05:31 PM

The hammered dogshit one is more visual, and I know what dogshit smells like. Makes it even more potent. Other than that - same general idea.

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 05:25 PM

"I feel like I been eat by a bear and shit over a cliff"....kinda' like that Jeri?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Jeri
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 05:14 PM

One tends to retain bugs up one's but when one has a rubber asshole. There must be some stretch, but for the most part, rubber assholes would be as water-tight as a frog's.

I had a boss who was very sick and discribed himself as feeling "like hammered dogshit." (Looked like it, too.) A friend occasionally says he feels like a sack of doorknobs. I'm not sure exactly what it means.

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 04:20 PM

I think we've had a few threads on this before and I keep asking for an explanation of one I heard a friend's Dad say many years ago..........

He acts like a man with a rubber asshole."

What does that mean anyway?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 03:52 PM

Snuffy I heard it as "a whores draws on Christmas Eve"
Morticia those two small boys sure get around, I heard they were under the "big girls blouse" - probably a witch put them there in lieu of!

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Pseudolus
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 03:51 PM

Once, when my sister in law was asking ME directions to a bar where MY surprise birthday party was to be that night because she needed to help decorate, my buddy suggested that she was "dumber than a box of hammers....." I've proudly used that since....twice!!

Frank

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: jimlad
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 03:03 PM

Up and down like a brides nightie

Off and on like a lad on a new bike

Up and down like a fart in a bottle

A face like a bag of spanners

As popular as a t**d in a swimming pool

Tits like Coconuts,they also like Peanuts too

Tits like Mudgee mailbags (Mudgee is a godforsaken small Town in NSW Oz where they only get one mail delivery a month,hence they are large)

"His face would stand cloggin'" (He is hardfaced)

As funny as a fart in a spacesuit

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Snuffy
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 08:15 AM

Up and down like a whore's drawers

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: khandu
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:57 PM

"Going at it like he was killing snakes" (Enthusiastic, frenetic)

khandu

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:52 PM

A Scottish woman I used to know (& she'll be in her mid-to-late 70's now) used to use the expression "dressed up like a Shillimg dinner". It does make more sense than "dressed up like a DOG'S dinner" which is a more common expression I think, here in the UK.

"Mutton dressed up as Lamb" is another common one of course, but I think I invented the more extreme form of that - "Not so much Mutton dressed up as Lamb, as offal ground up for mince..."

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Morticia
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:12 PM

flat as a witch's tit
self-explanatory if somewhat untrue
cold as charity
ditto
like two small boys wrestling under a blanket
of large and mobile buttocks
mad as an actress
also self-explanatory

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM

have we had "like a fart in a colander" ?
no? it must be the boiled cabbage then!

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: CapriUni
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 05:24 PM

Something someone said in a chatroom today, regarding his need for clear driving directions:

"I get lost falling down"... maybe not a simile, but a simile's cousin.

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 05:18 PM

Face like a slapped arse....

Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle....

A two bagger.... (a bag over her head because he's so ugly, and one over yours in case his falls off....)

Fugly... contraction of f**king ugly

Arse like two Volkswagen Beetles parking in the same spot...

Tits like a bag full of puppies (large unfettered ones....)

LTS

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: Midchuck
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 04:56 PM

From a friend of many years ago, with a rural upbringing:

Upon observing a female hitchiker: "Don't stop! She's uglier than Death taking a shit!"

Of his wife, when he disagreed with her on some point or other: "She's crazier than a shithouse rat!"

One of my favorites from a list the late H. Allen Smith put out in one of his jokebooks:

"That woman was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Chevy pickup." (You have to be old enough to remember outside radiator caps on cars and light trucks, for that to make sense.)

Peter.

Subject: RE: Similes for Today
From: khandu
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 04:35 PM

"Grinning like a mule eating briars" (Happy)

"Shaking like a dog shi**ing persimmon seeds" (Scared, nervous)

khandu

Subject: A Simile for Today
From: jimlad
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 04:28 PM

How are the similies in your part of the world?. Here are some of ours:-

"She's a face like a robbers Dog" (she is not such a pretty lass)

"She's a face like a pig with piles" (She is not a goodlooker)

"He's nowt a pound and s**t* tuppence" (He is a worthless chap)

"He's running about like a Bulldog with a Bee up it's a*s* (He is in a hurry)

"He's got a face like a freshly slapped a*s* (He does not look too pleased)

"Her nipples stood out like a Greyhounds knackers" (It was cold that day)