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Folklore: Similes for Today
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Joe_F Date: 24 Jul 12 - 02:19 PM _Texas Crude_, by Ken Weaver, contains many of these. The first is "I was so scared my ass pulled five pounds of cotton out of the front seat of the truck". |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,IrishBoris Date: 24 Jul 12 - 11:13 AM Got this one from a fellow from Port Arthur TX: Hungry enough to eat the ass out of a rag doll. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,BrunoTheManc Date: 17 Jun 12 - 06:18 AM As tight as / Fits like a nun's knicker leg Fits' like a Burton's shirt As steady as an MFI wardrobe About as useful as Anne Franck's drumkit As useful as a frozen fireguard As useless as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking party |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,999 Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:32 AM "From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30." Found that somewhere. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,peter j w Date: 01 Feb 12 - 09:21 AM here's a few that don't seem to be above A face like a bad cobbler's thumb up & down like a fan dancers drawers smells like a whore house parlour as useless a spare prick at a wedding as rough as a badgers arse You can see the barge pole marks |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,Braggadocio Date: 03 Sep 11 - 08:01 PM In and out like a dog at a fair |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Cluin Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:37 PM One of my Dad's: bouncin' around like a bubble in a pisspot |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: C-flat Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:35 PM Up and down like a bog seat (busy) Bent as a nine-bob note (crooked) As subtle as a flying brick (not) Eloquent as f**k (not) More front than Blackpool (confident/cocky) |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Celtaddict Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:03 AM An obstetrician I knew in a former lifetime used to describe an easy delivery as "slicker'n a snotty doorknob." A song by Mustard's Retreat describes "a night like the Devil's riding boots." And possibly my favorite brief description of a person, Dorothy Dunnett's "He looked like an oak tree with dimples." |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: akenaton Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:27 PM Up and Doon,like a whores' drawers! In and oot, like a fiddlers elbow! As much good as,a hip pocket in a shirt! |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Michael Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:14 PM Years ago (when we were lads) a friend of mine by the name of Ray,used to say he was 'as dry as a docker's armpit' or 'as dry as a ferret's armpit' which eventually became 'as dry as a docker's ferret' |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: jeffp Date: 14 Jan 04 - 03:55 PM You're as welcome as a cold beer, YY. jeffp |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Lady Nancy Date: 14 Jan 04 - 03:40 PM Crabbit as a bag o' weasels. (U need a slight Scottish accent for that one!) All good fun, though LN |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: YorkshireYankee Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:14 PM jeffp, That does make more sense. Thanks! YY |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST Date: 13 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM Dull as ditch water. Poor as a church mouse. Dead as a dodo. Stiff as a board. High as a kite. Deaf as a post. Drunk as a skunk. Blind as a bat. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,Guest Date: 13 Jan 04 - 07:24 PM In and out like a horse's ass. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,si Date: 13 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM 'ow abaht........camp as a row of tents. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Joe_F Date: 13 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM Drifting around like a fart in the marketplace. A rationalization of "...like a fart in a pickle barrel", possibly by someone who did not fancy the image of a fermentation bubble working its way up thru the pickles. A translation of Yiddish "vi a farts im roisl". Originally a play on "vi a frantsoiz in Rusland" = like a Frenchman in Russia. Goes back to 1812. A simile for yesterday! This information is due to Maurice Samuel of blessed memory. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,JTT Date: 13 Jan 04 - 06:25 PM Shy but willing, like an ass to a thistle (if you've ever watched a donkey approaching a thistle, ears laid back, eyes scrunched closed, lips carefully drawn back from teeth, but with somehow an expression of expectant ecstasy...) As crooked as a ram's horn Crooked? If he et a nail he'd shite a screw! Telling lies as fast as a horse could trot As thick as a kish of brogues (=basket of shoes) Not as green as she's cabbage-looking Tuppence-ha'penny looking down on tuppence (this surely needs amending into euro) Some of these are metaphors, but hell, it's all in the family, isn't it? |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Date: 13 Jan 04 - 06:18 PM "A sandwich short of a picnic" `At's no simile... `at's a me'-a-fo', `at is! |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,si Date: 13 Jan 04 - 06:11 PM A sandwich short of a picnic ( not too smart). Smells like a whore's handbag ( cheap perfume). A face like a bag of spanners ( self explanatory). As much use as a chocolate fireguard. Cheap as chips. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Date: 13 Jan 04 - 05:52 PM Hi David, I've seen the same e-mail several times, each time variously credited to American, Canadian, and English high school students. Wherever they come from originally, they're still pretty funny. Thanks. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,DavidfromSydney Date: 13 Jan 04 - 05:42 PM Hope this isn't too long - my brother (a journalist) passed this onto me... these are supposed to be metaphors/similes culled from Australian year 12 English essays. I'm not sure that I believe that, but some of them are hilarious ********************************************* Metaphors Found in NSW Year 12 English essays ********************************************* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. Hope you enjoyed them...obviously the English language is in safe hands, here in Oz David |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Date: 13 Jan 04 - 05:17 PM Tight as a bull's ass in fly season. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jeffp Date: 13 Jan 04 - 04:15 PM Yorkshire Yankee: The long version of Happy as a clam that I learned was "Happy as a clam at high tide." That may make more sense. jeffp |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: fogie Date: 13 Jan 04 - 04:12 PM Barry Humphrey's must have the world record of these sort of sayings- does anyone have access to a website with all his old "private eye" retorts- the most R.P. being -as dry as an abbo's armpit, or technicolour yawn. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: YorkshireYankee Date: 13 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs Happy as a clam (what are the origins of that one, anyway?) Flat as a pancake Dumber than dirt Holy as a sock Mind like a steel trap (then there's my adaptation of that one to apply to my failing memory: Mind like a steel sieve) Cheers, YY |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: akenaton Date: 13 Jan 04 - 03:43 PM As tight(mean)as a bulls arse going up a brae. As deep as a parsons depravity.. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:04 AM Slicker than a butcher's prick. Faster than spit through a harelip. Loose as a bucket of water. Useless as tits on a nun (or bull). |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Midchuck Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:37 PM "Sweating like a dog shitting a log-chain and dreading the hook...." P. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: kendall Date: 20 Mar 02 - 01:39 PM Peter, you are funny! best laugh I've had all day.
Grinning like a dog eating bumble bees.
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:00 PM As alike as two whales in a pod. Seamus |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:50 AM As awkward as a pig goin' to hoke. Seamus |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jimlad Date: 20 Mar 02 - 05:17 AM He had a face that would stop a clock He were belchin' an' fartin'like a thirty-bob Donkey He wouldn't give you the skin off a t**d He could peel an Orange in his pocket He has short arms and deep pockets He never buys sweets that are Wrapped |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 20 Mar 02 - 03:19 AM Another Belfast one I missed, Alison - As ignorant as a cartload of Millfield arse holes. As carnaptious as a badger wi' a sore gub. (Co. Antrim) As thick as two short planks. Seamus |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,MC Fat Date: 19 Mar 02 - 11:49 AM The great Kinky Friedman had a great line (I know moat of his lines are great) which said 'Her nipples were harder than Japanese arithmetic' |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Mrrzy Date: 19 Mar 02 - 11:36 AM I was actually thinking this as they were changing my dressing where I had foot surgery - Wow, my skin's as tie-dyed as a Hugo shirt! But I think you had to be there... I am personally fond of the form S/he's a few Xs short of a Y - as in, a few beers short of a sixpack, a few croutons short of a salad, etc. Metaphors, not similes, oops, different thread. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jimlad Date: 19 Mar 02 - 11:31 AM I'm so hungry I could eat a bear between two bred vans He can eat one spud more than a pig I could eat a scabby dog "Well they will no spoil twa hooses" (Said about two obnoxious people who marry each other) |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Nigel Parsons Date: 19 Mar 02 - 07:13 AM Yes, I know the "Fruit flies" line is not a simile. It just points out the difficulties with this English language. |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Nigel Parsons Date: 19 Mar 02 - 07:03 AM Nipples like chapel hat pegs Nipples like organ stops Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana!
Tits like coconuts |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Fibula Mattock Date: 19 Mar 02 - 06:59 AM ach, I was gonna do the Lurgan spade one - you beat me to it alison! Sweatin' like a hoor in church;
nipples like JCB starter-buttons;
subtle as a brick to the forehead; and happy as a pig in shit.
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: alison Date: 19 Mar 02 - 04:08 AM and some tasteful Ozzie ones.... dry as a dead dingo's donger!! (thirsty) flat out like a lizard drinking!! (thirsty.. is anyone else seeing a pattern here?... *grin*) and a Belfast one Seamus missed.... face like a Lurgan spade (sad - a Lurgan spade being very long to dig peat) slainte alison slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,Boab Date: 19 Mar 02 - 02:28 AM Tight as fishes' arseholes--and they're watertight Eyes like pissholes in the snow [me on some Sunday a.m.s] Quiet as Aberdeen on a flag [tag] day... Black as Auld Nick's waistcoat--- Crabbit as a cat wi' its arse held tae the sun--- pissed as a newt [or nissed as a pewt if it's used self-descriptively, and how the cat came to be named "Cukin-fat"] Happy as a wee pig in shit... and---daft as a bliddy brush, Boab |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 19 Mar 02 - 01:51 AM A face like a wet weekend in Belfast. (miserable) A face like a bulldog chewing a bumblebee. (grouchy) A face like a well-skelped arse. (red) As soft as a sneaker full of shit. (somewhat dumb) As tight as a crab's ass in a sandstorm. (tight!) As cold as a stepmother's kiss. As useless as an arseful of roasted snow. Seamus |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Knitpick Date: 19 Mar 02 - 01:31 AM All o' them similes is slicker'n deer-guts on a door-knob. Songbob Clayton |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: CapriUni Date: 18 Mar 02 - 11:09 PM Don't remember where I heard it, but I like it: "As happy as a butcher's dog." |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: khandu Date: 18 Mar 02 - 09:39 PM Bobert, Tell your friend to come to Pelahatchie, MS in July. (That's pronounced PEE-la-HATCH-ie) The biggest Mississippi event of the year takes place there...the world famous Pelahatchie Goat F**k!! Everyone welcomed! Tell'em khandu sent you! |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Bobert Date: 18 Mar 02 - 07:22 PM Ol' bobert used to work with a North Carolina boy by the name of Mike Smith. Well, he hated Fords and being a Ford man we'd get into it to pass the time. Now one day we were going at it purdy good and I could see that he was purdy close to the boiling point when he yelled loud enough for folks to hear all the way down the hall, "I wouldn't drive a Ford to a goat f**king." Now I ain't saying nothing about the pastimes of all the folks from N.C., but I's stay out of Mike's holler, fir sure... |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: khandu Date: 18 Mar 02 - 07:21 PM Not a simile but: He's anybody's dog that will hunt with him. (Needs no explanation) khandu |
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Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Gareth Date: 18 Mar 02 - 06:59 PM " As much use as a chocolate teapot." "Not the sharpest tool in the box" "Likes his sex manually" " As popular as a Tory in Ebbw Vale." "The only Rat to join a sinking ship" "He/She thinks that Ethics is a county east of London." And me late fathers favourite - " I wonder what keeps his ears apart" Gareth |
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