 sj |
||
|
||
BS: 'With God on our side'...
|
|
|
|||||||
|
BS: 'With God on our side'... |
Share Thread
|
||||||
|
Subject: 'With God on our side'...the way it is From: Bill D Date: 12 Apr 02 - 11:08 AM last week I posted a link to "Tom, the Dancing Bug" a cartoon that appears in the Washington Post and other papers....but they are always a week behind in the online version....so here is the strip that I wanted to note. The point has been made many times, but THIS one you can stick to your refrigerator or mail to Aunt Maudie. ...'nuff said |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: wysiwyg Date: 12 Apr 02 - 11:16 AM Oh dear, Bill. Oh, dear Bill. (hi Bill) I get a different point from this than the one I think you meant to make.... this hero isn't GOD, it's GodMAN.... another example of the stupidity to which we f***ing earth people are so prone! ~Susan |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Bill D Date: 12 Apr 02 - 11:39 AM aww...well, the point is about PEOPLE, not God...it makes little difference how the point is made, some will hear it as the cartoon suggests. If the words were to appear in the sky, I venture that many would say "it's a trick by THEIR god to get us to retreat!"
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: SharonA Date: 12 Apr 02 - 11:51 AM God-Man is under the bed. *G* |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Apr 02 - 11:55 AM A depressing form of humor.........Humor is funniest when based on reality but the reality of the world today is genuinely depressing.......Great 'toon Bill! Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: katlaughing Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:01 PM Ditto what Spaw said. Thanks, Bill. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Mrrzy Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:02 PM But if it WERE God, you'd have the exact same thing! I saw that one in our local paper, and would have laughed if it weren't so sadly true. Religion is the cruelest human invention ever. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: SharonA Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:06 PM "Religion is the cruelest human invention ever." Amen to that! Now I've got a variation of the old Ken-L-Ration commercial running through my head: "My god's better than your god, My god's better than yours..." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:31 PM GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIREGod would like to thank you for your belief and patronage.In order to better serve your needs, [S]He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions: 1. How did you find out about your deity? __ Newspaper __ Bible __ Torah __ Television __ Book of Mormon __ Divine Inspiration __ Dead Sea Scrolls __ My Mama Done Tol' Me __ Near Death Experience __ Near Life Experience __ National Public Radio __ Tabloid __ Burning Shrubbery __ Other (specify): _____________ 2. Which model deity did you acquire? __ Jehovah __ Jesus __ Krishna __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pack] __ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pack] __ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pack] __ Allah __ Satan __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature __ God 1.0a (Hairy Thunderer) __ God 1.0b (Cosmic Muffin) __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god 3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? __ Yes __ No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply: __ Not eternal __ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos __ Not omniscient __ Not omnipotent __ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations) __ Permits sex outside of marriage __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage __ Makes mistakes __ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people __ Makes or permits good things to happen to bad people __ Looks after life other than that on Earth __ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched __ Requires burnt offerings __ Requires virgin sacrifices 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply. __ Indoctrinated by parents __ Needed a reason to live __ Indoctrinated by society __ Needed focus in whom to despise __ Needed focus in whom to love __ Imaginary friend grew up __ Hate to think for myself __ Wanted to meet girls/boys in church __ Fear of death __ Wanted to piss off parents __ Wanted to please parents __ Needed a day away from school or work __ Desperate need for certainty __ Like organ music __ Need to feel morally superior __ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool __ Thought there had to be something other than Jerry Falwell __ Shit was falling out of the sky __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it 5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply. __ Baal __ The Almighty Dollar __ Left Wing Liberalism __ The Radical Right __ Amon Ra __ Beelzebub __ Bill Gates __ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur __ The Great Spirit __ The Great Pumpkin __ The Sun __ The Moon __ The Force __ Cindy Crawford __ Elvis __ A burning shrub __ Psychiatry __ Other: ________________ 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. __ Diamond Approach __ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers __ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry __ Playboy and/or Playgirl __ Osho __ Self-help books __ Sex, drugs, and rock & roll __ Biorhythms __ Krishnamurti __ Alcohol __ Marijuana __ George W Bush __ Tea Leaves __ EST __ Amway __ CompuServe __ Mantras __ John de Roiter __ Jimmy Swaggert __ Crystals __ Bill Heffernan __ Human sacrifice __ Ramtha __ Pyramids __ Wandering around a desert __ Gurdjieff __ Insurance policies __ Burning shrubbery __ Barney Fife __ Other:_____________________ __ None 7. God reputedly employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? Circle only one below: a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know. e. What's Divine Intervention? 8. God also reputedly attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate your opinion of the handling of the following (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent): a. Disasters: 1 2 3 4 5 flood 1 2 3 4 5 famine 1 2 3 4 5 earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 war & holocausts 1 2 3 4 5 pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 plague 1 2 3 4 5 Spam 1 2 3 4 5 AOL b. Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5 rescues 1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over tiny towns & previously unknown hamlets 1 2 3 4 5 crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 coincidence of any sort 1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever 9. From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses of His followers and devotees to selected reputedly divine personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions in His/Her behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings? __ Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit of my own mortal soul __ No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamouring for my money 10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Please attach an additional sheet if necessary.) ********************************************************************** Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Troll Date: 12 Apr 02 - 12:59 PM HooHa! troll |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Date: 12 Apr 02 - 01:39 PM Misprint? Spontaneous remissions should be spontaneous emissions? For the Mormons- change wine to water. For the discerning drinker- change water to Chateauneuf du Pape. For the souse- If the ocean were whiskey. Great, Spaw! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Bill D Date: 12 Apr 02 - 01:52 PM I'm sorry, but there is NO information on where to submit my questionaire!...If we are to improve the quality od service, we need an address...The post office just laughed when I tried to mail a letter addressed to "Supreme Being"..something about postal rates rising. (I have burned two copies -with incense- at sunrise.. and wafted the ashes skyward...but no sign they were received...should there be a return reciept for an important document?) I suspect 'spaw is spoofin' us, and that questionaire won't be read by ANY of the gods, but will be used by Yahoo to send more spam! I already GET plenty of mail from zealots with information on why my soul lost, anyway. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: DMcG Date: 12 Apr 02 - 01:55 PM Assuming the fault with god is not lack of omniscience, s/he already knows, so you don't bother sending it in. If the fault IS in omniscience area ... I don't know! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: DonD Date: 12 Apr 02 - 01:58 PM Aware of how vital my feedback is, I've been trying to complete the questionnaire for an hour! Is this really just another one of those political spin surveys? I get these phone calls all the time and diligently listen and answer until I realize it's just a robot. But then so many 'conversations' consist of two people talking and no one listening. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: DMcG Date: 12 Apr 02 - 02:11 PM Off thread but never mind! I heard a humourous management talk a couple of years ago (no, hang on, I haven't gone insane!) in which the speaker recommended dealing with such non-conversations by forcing the conversations in strange directions.
Instead of Salesman: Can I help you? Try
Salesman: Can I help you? Try it - it usually does get that response!
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Apr 02 - 03:15 PM Not with great salespeople it doesn't.........The very best customers were capable of playing that one out and enjoyed it as did the salesperson. I can carry on conversations for an unlimited amount of time and never make a statement......only ask questions. Unless you're very sure of yourself or the saleperson is pretty lame, you need to be prepared to go well on with your game past that first response. Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Little Hawk Date: 12 Apr 02 - 06:33 PM Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Great questionaire, Spaw! Marvelous! I am now in a much better position to explain my whole theological cosmology and synthesize the congruent and incongruent factors that led to my genuflecting daily before the graven image of a black & tan dachshund wearing a Prussian spiked helmet... Meditation is also going quite well these days. - LH |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: SharonA Date: 12 Apr 02 - 06:46 PM Love the questionnaire! But under "2. Which model deity did you acquire?", shouldn't "Krishna" be __Krishna, Rama, Vishnu [George Harrison Pack] ? ;^) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Apr 02 - 07:01 PM Great suggestion Sharon!!!! And credit where it's due.......I got the thing from Beachy, an Aussie, over at Tweed's Place. Beachhead sends out some of the best stuff e-mail that I ever got!!! Spaw |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 13 Apr 02 - 01:29 PM Here's a true story I posted on the Mudcat a couple of years back, and it seems relevant.
It was told me by a friend to whom it happened.
She was sitting in the town centre in Harlow by the fountain with her son. Now, her son is in his thirties, and he's got epilepsy, and he can't talk too well, and he is pretty unsteady on his feet, and so on.
And there were a couple of well dressed young men - visitors to the town by the look of them - and they were were sitting nearby, and after a while she noticed that they were looking at her son, and imitating some of the things he said, and giggling.
And also nearby there was a pretty rough looking local lad, a skinhead, rings in the nose and tattoos, and that kind of stuff, and big boots. And he was listening to what was going on. And then he gets up and he walks over to the jokers, and looks hard at them and tells them to "push off" - except he didn't exactly say "push off". And they pushed off quite rapidly.
And then he goes over to my friend's son, and shook his hands and said "You're all right mate!" And he marched off.
As my friend said "It makes you proud sometimes to live in Harlow!" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 13 Apr 02 - 01:31 PM Oops - wrong God thread for that last story. That's the trouble with using "find" sometimes... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: Bill D Date: 13 Apr 02 - 01:43 PM good thing YOU caught that, McGrath...I was sitting here reading the story, and thinking..."whaaaaa??...what is the point?"..and then I scrolled down...*grin* |
|
Subject: RE: BS: 'With God on our side'... From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Apr 02 - 04:49 PM LOL....I'm with Bill.....Thanks Kevin for the clarification!!! But that's still a good story no matter where you put it! Spaw |