BS: Manatee in the News

Subject: BS: Manatee in the News
From: khandu
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 06:14 PM

Well, well, well, nearly a year after I ran my "Invasion of the Manatees" thread, the pesky devils are back in the news. O.J. Simpson, well-known football star and hunter of real murderers, has run afoul of the law, due to manatee. Clicky

Things are going downhill fast!

Consider this:
Facts known by Few;

U.S. President James A Garfield was a visionary. Back in the 1870's, he "saw" the future problems caused by Manatee. After being elected President, he had a "secret agenda". Number one on this list was to deal with the Manatee, before those things which he had foreseen would manifest.
In his private diary, he wrote, in code (ala Nostradamus) this telling piece.-- "On the water, men are not safe. Danger, blood, death, the great cow from the depths laughs."
Incidentally (and slightly off-subject) he also wrote; "One bush grows tall, then is cut down for money, the second bush grows tall, his shadow covers the whole earth." (Clearly about George and his son, George W.)
Garfield was shot in the back by Charles Guiteau (Click for song), a man of low moral fiber and A Lover of Manatee!. Thus, Garfield's plans were never implemented.

Just look at what has happened since Garfield's death...2 World Wars, Vietnam, Rap music and women's right to vote! (To name a few!)

And now, we have "Manatee zones"! Where "Manatee rights" supercede human rights!

I thought the original Manatee thread would enlighten many and help implement the old Garfield Manatee Plan. But, vanity of vanities, it did not.

Please, fellow Catter's, heed the words of Bob Dylan, "Sometimes Satan comes as a manatee" Stop this madness!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 06:48 PM

If a manatee wasn't hit, you must acquit!

Seriously, when is somebody going to punch this guy's ticket?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: khandu
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 06:50 PM

Whose ticket? Mine or OJ's?

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:00 PM

Maybe both of you.............HIS you dumbass.......

How about a "new fashioned" Klan lynching for this piece of shit motherfucker? See, we just keep the rope taut while I castrate him then in say 15 or 20 minutes, we set off cherry bombs between his toes. Another 5 minutes and we stick firecrackers in his ears and nose. After they go off, we shove a stick of dynamite up his ass........THEN we kick the ladder out from underneath him!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:07 PM

Jaysus, Spaw! Yer gonna need a backhoe to clean up all that litter!

Go, Manatees, Go!

Manatees are my friends. I love manatees....

katcow

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:19 PM

Not so kat! Litter has substance and there ain't a single iota of anything substantive in that prick's body.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:21 PM

I have swum with and talked with manatees -- it was how I met my wife. No, really!!

I walked up to her in the lunch room at work, quite brazenly, and asked if she wanted to go diving with manatees with me next weekend. She said yes.

Now, that was almost 25 years ago, and it was the start of something really good in both our lives. We drove up to Crystal River, where a hot spring comes up from the limestones depths of the land, and snorkeled among the manatee for an hour. I went down and swam along side one, and we had a little conversation. He let me put my arm around him, and towed me along as long as I could hold my breath, no trouble. He told me he was just an average Joe (the translation is difficult -- perhaps schmoo is a better word), an ordinary manatee guy with no special qualities. I told him I knew just how he felt.

About then my lungs started complaining and I patted him goodbye. He flippered gently on into the green murky water near the bottom of the river, sniffing for weeds and grooving on the universe, and I broke for the surface.

Neither BBW nor I have ever forgotten that close encounter of the best kind.

I can tell you this. He was a LOT more civil than Mister Simpson seems to be, and certainly much nicer than those who write the news about Mister Simpson.

Amos

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:25 PM

Makes my blood boil.

I used to go to Biscayne National Park fairly often and couldn't believe the number of assholes in speedboats who would blatantly ignore the speeding signs in the bay.

Only once did I see a manatee face to face (so to speak) but I shall always treasure the memory. They are wonderful creatures.

Murray

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:27 PM

Arrogant bastard. OJ, that is, not the manatee.........

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 07:33 PM

Well, danged! Get Johnny Cochran on the phone! I mean, did O.J. slash any Manatee's throat? Heck no he didn't. What's the big deal.

And in the words of the late and later Spiro Garfield, "Seen one manatee, ya' seen em all!"

Geeze.....

Bobert

p.s. You stickin to that story, Amos?

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: khandu
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:02 PM

Well, well, well, Old Spaw is finally comin' round to the Mississippi way of thinking! The King is all smiles, old buddyroo!

Bobert, you making some sense there! I knew there was sumpin I liked about you!

Amos, there is something fishy about your yarn. :-)

k

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 11:07 PM

Hey, I didn't make no sense at all or I would have knowed it! I think?

Okay, I gotta to confess that I don't even know if there is such a thing as a manatee. Heck, we ain't got none of 'em back here in this Wes Ginny holler.

Yeah, I'z sniffin' a *snipe conspiracy" here, khandu, and I just want you to know that if you have got all these folks lined up to fool this ol' hillbilly, that I know where you live...

(No you don't, Bobert...)

Okay, I may not know where you live BUT I know where you work!

(No, Bobert, you don't know that either...)

Well, danged! Do I know anything?

(No comment...)

Danged!

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 11:51 PM

Hey -- that story was the stone cold truth, except it took us too trips up to Crystal River to actually dfind a pod of the rubbery guys. We were gonna scuba among them but the local wisemen let us know they would flee from the sound of the regulators, so we went in with snorkels only. Well, and wetsuits.
We were swimming from a rented aluminum bass boat with a 7 1/2 horse Evinrude on the back, and I still had my pre-neoprene rubber wetsuit back then, I remember it well. Had to charm the guy into renting me an air bottle because I'd enver bothered getting a cert card back when I was diving in the Med. I swear it's all true. Now I know the point you guys balk at is the part about talking to the manatee. And of course, they don't talk. But I have a sensitivity to the kind of compassionate but silent exchange of thoughts that most anyone has with a well-beloved dog, or cat, or what have you, or even a close companion of the H. sap variety, where a high degree of certainty of communication occurs with no noise. Empathy, is what. Don't you guys got no empathy? Sheesh. That's how Joe Manatee and I had our little exchange and he was every bit as good at it as I was.

'Course since then, having been tossed around by life and had rough times, I am probably more scarred and less sensitive than I was those many years ago. But back then, it happened just like I tole you-all.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: Mudlark
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 01:46 AM

Well, not surprising that you communed, Amos. After all, manatees are supposedly the sireeens of the deep. A leetle hard to make the jump on looks, so it has to be their personalities. I do wonder, sometimes, if Joe Manatee gets a little tired of the Mermaid Thing, altho his wife counts it as a feather in her flipper.

Subject: RE: BS: Manatee in the News
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 02:22 PM

Spaw, sirenia have no external sexual equipment. You can't castrate them.