Song Challenge! - Part 91

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 Apr 03 - 12:42 AM

To the tune of the Beatles-You've got to hide your love away.

Here I stand, broom in my hand
Turnin' the lights down low.
I can feel electricity
and I start to glow.
Everyday, I start this way,
wondering where to sweep.
If my batteries all run low
You will hear me weep.

Chorus; Hey, you got to hide your love away.
Hey, it's in the broomcloset, every day.

Satisfied myself today,
Nimbus, you the man.
Broom you are so good for me
I know you understand.
How can my son say to me
mom, I want it back.
Please my son,I'll trade anything,
I'll even buy you a race track.

Hey, you got to hide your love away
Hey, it's in the broomcloset everyday.

Peace. Rustic

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Deda
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 11:59 PM

Hey, Bravo Sigurd! LOL!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Bo Vandenberg
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 10:05 PM

Combining two active threads Streets of Laredo and this challenge.

With apologies to any and all.






As I was a walking the streets of old London
A walking in London one cold Winter Day
I spied poor lady astried a small broostick
Her exhausted lips moaned and these words she did say...

Twas once in this saddle I used to sit daily
Mount my great Nimbus, let it carry me away
There was no greater stick either broom or Shillelagh
Till its power was spent it would faithfully play


chrs:   It would vibrate most lowly both faster and slowly
       It suited my pleasure, it suited me fine
       A bored woman's Godsend my Nimbus Two-thousand.
       But the folk of Mattel, discontinued the line.

When I had that rare itch, my own special Quiditch
I played the seeker, my broom was my friend
With deft hands I'd guide it, pretend that I fly it
Till I found the Snitch and I won in the end.

But parts made of plastic though oh so fantastic
No longer transport me, what glories we've seen
Now I'm left to burn it, I won't dare return it
Mattel wouldn't take it, they know where its been.

chrs: (slowly)


Bo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 27 Mar 03 - 08:58 PM

Well, Chips, at least you don't walk around with them on your shoulder! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 27 Mar 03 - 12:14 PM

Here ya are (just call me 'Chips To Go'):

To Deda, for this kinky lil' bit o' bull:

Glow little Nimbus, broom of fire.
Turn up the power, higher, higher.
Glow for the female of the species.
Turn on the AC and the DC

And to Bradypus (hi there, darlin'!) for this bit worthy of your favourite bodice ripper:

That every girl should have such a broom
To give what she desires
On it to press, to relieve all the stress
And light the inner fires!


Chips will be flung later this afternoon, promise. ;-)

Well done all, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 03 - 06:16 PM

Refresh!! Cowchips!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Genie
Date: 23 Mar 03 - 09:40 PM

Wunnerful, Deda!   Ya still got that touch!

Genie     ;=D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 03 - 02:10 PM

Deda:

I am chortling at your song. I love it!


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 08:25 PM

Wow, Brady and Deda -- what a pair!! Way to go!! Deda I can hear Dinah Shore singing your song!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Bradypus
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 08:06 PM

Tune: The Broom o' the Cowdenknowes

The Bonny Hogwarts Broom

How blithe was I, that morning to see
While still in Muggle dress
There on the platform at King's Cross –
The Hogwarts Express!

chorus

Ah, my broom, my bonnie Hogwarts broom
For pleasure or for pain
Fain would I be back at Hogwarts school
Astride my broom again

The ecstasy it gives to me
Fly high, or swooping low
The sheer delight, both at morn and at night
Mere Muggles will never know

chorus

That every girl should have such a broom
To give what she desires
On it to press, to relieve all the stress
And light the inner fires!

chorus

No need for battery to vibrate
There's magic in this place
It never dies; for where'er the broom flies
It lights up every face!

line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: MMario
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 03:10 PM

well done Deda!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Deda
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 03:10 PM

Oh, and PS Welcome Back, dear Aine! We miss these things! And no one else has your magic touch.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Deda
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 03:06 PM

Shake, Little Nimbus

to the tune of Shine Little Glow Worm

Shake little Nimbus, shiver, shiver.
Make me quake and quiver, quiver.
Come on, Nimbus, let's go wander.
Love's sweet voice is calling yonder.
Shine little Nimbus, glimmer, glimmer.
Hey, there don't get dimmer, dimmer.
I'll climb aboard, you fly above.
And lead us on to love!

Glow little Nimbus, broom of fire.
Turn up the power, higher, higher.
Glow for the female of the species.
Turn on the AC and the DC.
This night could use a little action.
So power up and let's get traction
I know that you can make me glow,
So go, little Nimbus, go.

Glow little Nimbus, turn the key on.
Your little motor sure turns me on.
You got an action, Nimbus tootsie
Sweeps me right off my little footsies.
Kids, stay away, all age and sexes,
This toy is rated triple Xes!
I got a broom that I love so.
Glow little Nimbus, glow.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 10:20 AM

"O'Cedar Smile", indeed, Clifton -- You got me rolling on the floor with that one! I'll never walk past the brooms in the grocery store with a straight face again!! And here's your well-deserved B.L.O.B. for these lines that will be well-remembered by posterity:

She said for me to pack my bags and leave, no joke,
No longer was there any need for me, to poke,
As I turned to go, movin' real slow,
She screamed " Remember the Alamo"

Excellent songs, everyone!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Clifton53
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 10:20 PM

O'Cedar Smile
   (Illegal Smile, John Prine)

When I woke up this mornin'
I was full of gloom,
My wife was up and raving, about her brand new broom,
She said for me to pack my bags and leave, no joke,
No longer was there any need for me, to poke,
As I turned to go, movin' real slow,
She screamed " Remember the Alamo"

And you may see her tonight with an O'Cedar Smile
With a hickory shaft it will last a long while
" Oh I don't need no man to get my housework done,
And sweepin' the floors is sure fun"

Son of a gun
I ain't no nun
Pardon the pun
Look at him run
Out in the sun


Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 10:48 AM

Well, TGG, I heard the bishop say to the actress, "You bring the bit of straw, duck, I'll bring along the stick....".

But you're right, let's don't go there! LO)L!!

Great Challenge, m'dear -- you still have that TGG touch!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 09:09 AM

You all really know how to brush away the blues, don't ya!?! Here are the latest tossers - uh, I mean B.L.O.B.s to be tossed out for the best lyrical lines:

To Clifton53 for the prophetic punch of:

Well I sat there lookin' stupid,
And I cursed my rotten fate
And the wife and her broom flew around the room,
She said " it's twenty years too late"

To mousethief for smiley semi-sonnet:

Cousin wants to use that broom awhile
Cousin wants to use that broom awhile
Cousin wants to use that broom awhile
broom broom broom

and for finding the right spot with:

I'm gon' call up Chiney, I know the store manager over there
I'm gon' call up Chiney, I know the store manager over there
If I can't find a Nimbus on Philippine's Island, I'll buy one in Ethiopia somewhere

To Tinker for the silly (and shameless):

He's a regular rocket that fits in my closet
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
When I get an itch it's a flick of the switch,
A simple turn of the knob

To Jack the Sailor (who's obviously been hanging out with Tinker!) for:

You'd think that would be enough
But she found some other stuff
But she took my vasiline
and my model submarine
And her eyes just open wide
When the Nautilus starts to dive

To MMario, for creative gear-shifting with:

Well the girls can't stand her
'Cause she walks looks and drives in a fog now
(You walk in a dream, now you walk in a dream)
She makes the porno stars look like they're all nuns now
(You walk in a dream, now you walk in a dream)
A lotta guys try to catch her
But she leads them on a wild goose chase now
(You walk in a dream, now you walk in a dream)
And she'll have fun fun fun
'Til her daddy takes the Batt'ry away
(Fun fun fun 'til her daddy takes the Batt'ry away)

And to Aidan, although his song doesn't have anything to do with brooms, made me guffaw - as a woman who lives with four males in the house - with these oh-so-true lines:

When spring it has spring, the lads, amply-hung
Get stirrings that set them on edge
They'd damn nearly mate with a crack in a plate
Or a hole in a holly-bush hedge

Phew! You guys are fantastic -- what you can do with just a bit of straw and a stick . . . on second thought, let's don't go there ;-)

Well done, everyone!!

--Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 08:43 AM

A few more lines in similar vein to my posting above, and nothing now whatsoever to do with Áine's original challenge. Still if it raises a smile, eh? By the way ... this is not family material ... so if youi're easily offended, look away!


My auntie Susie's a bit of a floozy
And not very choosy it's said
There's so many nicks in her bedpost
She sleeps on the sofa instead
And oul Andy Murray was in a great hurry
To cure his great need for release
For lubri-mi-cation he used embrocation
And dollops of old axle grease
When spring it has spring, the lads, amply-hung
Get stirrings that set them on edge
They'd damn nearly mate with a crack in a plate
Or a hole in a holly-bush hedge
Barney McCann was a terrible man
For chasing the girls of the town
Till he caught one one day and now people say
That he's ruing the day she was found
I saw your oul' da with Mrs McGrath
She has tickling his wattly chin
And my cousin Sally has got very pally
With the husband of Sarah McGinn
Oul' Lady H was feelin' the itch
And it made her all sombre and solemn
But the view made her gasp when she nestled her ass
On top of the boul' Nelson's column
Salome was veiled from napper to tail
Her charms were discreetly hidden
But when all was revealed and no longer concealed
Her audience was mightily smitten
Danny Moloney's scrawny and boney
Not manly nor beefy nor hunky
But the girls flock around when he's out on the town
For Moloney is hung like a donkey
The Fiddler Fagan's forever reneging
On his lifetime fidelity vows
For he's known to cavort at seaside resorts
With a lady called Bernadette Howes
The Reverend Mother set out to discover
What made the novitiate smile
She said "Where's the soap?" and yer one answered "Nope
I use shower gel most of the time."
Oul Mr Sweeney's a quare in-betweenie
He likes the gasúr and the bean
But he'll only sit down to black pudding
If it's fried with an egg in the pan
The trees are in leaf in the summer
The grass it grows high and grows green
And lusty young fellows are out in the meadows
Along with their threshing machines
As I was walking down Broadway
I met with the black velvet band
A watch she slipped out of her pocket
And placed it all into my hand
Says I "What's the point of this giving?
Why make this chronomoter mine?"
Says she "I fancy a dalliance
And now you've got plenty of time"
You've heard of my strapping young cousin
By the name of Arthur McBride
How one Christmas morning we wandered
Along to the bonny seaside
In search of a little adventure
And the chance of a bit of a court
But first we must deal with some soldiers
Who got in the way of our sport
And having prevailed and presided
And stolen their store of bright coin
Boul' Arthur he then decided
To spend all the shillings in town
We went to the stews and the sin-joints
And spent the King's shilling free
Then off to the pubs and the gin-joints
And had us a hell of a spree

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: MMario
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 08:22 AM

'Till Her Daddy Takes the Batt'ry Away

Well she got a Nimbus broom
And she cruised through the bedroom alone now
Seems she forgot all about her boyfriends
Like she told her old man now
And with the sound effects blasting
Vibrating as just as fast as she can now

And she'll have fun fun fun
'Til her daddy takes the Batt'ry away
(Fun fun fun 'til her daddy takes the Batt'ry away)

Well the girls can't stand her
'Cause she walks looks and drives in a fog now
(You walk in a dream, now you walk in a dream)
She makes the porno stars look like their all nuns now
(You walk in a dream, now you walk in a dream)
A lotta guys try to catch her
But she leads them on a wild goose chase now
(You walk in a dream, now you walk in a dream)

And she'll have fun fun fun
'Til her daddy takes the Batt'ry away
(Fun fun fun 'til her daddy takes the Batt'ry away)

Well you knew all along
That your dad was gettin' wise to you now
(You shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)
And since he took your die-hards
You've been thinking that your fun is all through now
(You shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)
But you can come along with me
'Cause we gotta a lot of things to do now
(You shouldn't have lied now you shouldn't have lied)

And there'll be no fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away
(Fun fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
And there'll be no fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away
(Fun fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
(fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
(fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
(fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
(fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
(fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)
(fun fun now that daddy took the Batt'ry away)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 03:41 AM

WOW!, a B.L.O.B.? For little (?) me?
Well, I'd like to thank my parents, my agent, Amos for encouragement, Amazon,Camsco, Folklegacy, Redlick Records, CD Baby, Ray's Records Shop.......(rest drowned out by orchestra, recipient dragged offstage by Billy Crystal and Steve Martin)

RtS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 01:31 AM

Wow -- three homers in a row. I gotta say, that TGG sure has a flair for bringing out the best in bards, doesn't she? Wonder if she uses triple-As, too? :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 11:54 PM

Dust My Broom
(with apologies to Robert Johnson)

I'm gonna get up in the mornin', I believe I'll dust my broom (2x)
I don't need the man I been lovin', girlfriend, with the Nimbus in my room

I'm gon' write a letter, telephone every Toys 'R' Us I know (2x)
If I can't buy a Nimbus in West Helena, I'll find one in East Monroe, I know

I don't want no downtown man, no man to make me moan and weep (2x)
I don't need no downtown man, when I got a Nimbus for to sweep

I believe, I believe I'll sweep on back home (2x)
Oh that Nimbus 2000, baby, I can't leave it alone

I'm gonna get up in the mornin', I believe I'll dust my broom (2x)
I don't need the man I been lovin', girlfriend, with the Nimbus in my room

I'm gon' call up Chiney, I know the store manager over there (2x)
If I can't find a Nimbus on Philippine's Island, I'll buy one in Ethiopia somewhere

Copyright © 2003 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 11:37 PM

Mommy Quit playing with my toys

Oh Mommy Quit playing with my toys
I'm being laughed and laughed at
by all the other boys
And mommy please stop smiling
smiling so much at that noise
mama quit your playing
playing with my toys

I got all the books and the dvd movies
My! Harry Potter is oh so groovy
But when I got the flying broom
She took it from my room
She rides it every day
So much I gotta say

Oh Mommy Quit playing with my toys
I'm being laughed and laughed at
by all the other boys
And mommy please stop smiling
smiling so much at that noise
mama quit your playing
playing with my toys

You'd think that would be enough
But she found some other stuff
But she took my vasiline
and my model submarine
And her eyes just open wide
When the Nautilus starts to dive

Oh Mommy Quit playing with my toys
I'm being laughed and laughed at
by all the other boys
And mommy please stop smiling
smiling so much at that noise
mama quit your playing
playing with my toys

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Tinker
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 11:24 PM

I can't resist posting this one, it's too perfect, but since I only changed 3 words I bow to the original wordsmith...


NOBODY BEATS MY BROOM
(Nobody Beats my BOB-- Camille West)


My girl friends all claimed to have 'em
Six or seven times a night.
I never felt a spasm;
Maybe I wasn't doing it right.

Kama Sutra was fruitless with Brian and Bill
It gave me no thrill, no throb.
I tried yoga and vodka, Gina and Jill;
I remained unfulfilled
'til I found BOB.

He's my Battery Operated Broom
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
He's my randy racin' Romeo, my favorite toy friend
Oy friend, he does the job.

He's a lovin' machine, my right hand man,
An Alkaline Adonis, climax in a can
Talk about safe sex
My lover is latex!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB

He's gentle and affectionate and easy to conceal
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
How many other lovers earn
The Good Housekeeping Seal?
Keep your beer guzzling slob.

Does BOB cure insomnia?
Does BOB relieve stress?
I'd have to say y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes!
You should hear him hum on maximum!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB

I sing the body electric
As my limbs begin to flail
I shake like an epileptic
Breaking the Richter scale!

He's a regular rocket that fits in my closet
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
When I get an itch it's a flick of the switch,
A simple turn of the knob

Who'd have thought a small appliance could be noble in it's use?
It increases self reliance,
Self-esteem through self-abuse

If you need a quick fix,
BOB's at your cervix.
He's the one for the job
OH MY GOD!

No one competes
No one defeats
NOBODY BEATS MY BROO--OO--OOM
NOBODY BEATS MY BROOOOOOOOOOOM!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 11:19 PM

Anybody remember Hee-Haw?

Where oh where are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over and I thought I'd found true love
You bought a Nimbus, and pbbbth! you was gone.

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 11:07 PM

Two bright ones! LOL!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 10:57 PM

Tom Paxton is eminently squinchable on this topic.

The Broom-Broom Song
(tune: the car-car song)

Go for a ride on the Nimbus
Go for a ride on the Nimbus
Go for a ride on the Nimbus
Broom broom broom

(Chorus)
Broom br- broom,
Broom br- broom,
Broom br- broom,
Broom broom broom.

Mama gonna sweep the hallway (3x)
broom broom broom

Sister wants to sweep her room again (3x)
broom broom broom

Cousin wants to use that broom awhile (3x)
broom broom broom

Copyright © 2003 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Clifton53
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 10:35 PM

The Fuller Brush Man
   ( "The Fryin' Pan",, John Prine}


   I come home from work this evening,
   Ate cold beans from a can,
   And I asked the wife 'whatcha do today',
   She said 'I spoke with The Fuller Brush Man'.

   Chorus

   And he sold me a broom
   I mean azoom zoom zoom,
   Best whisk of my life,
   Sit back babe and watch me ride, you got a happy smilin' wife.

   Well I sat there lookin' stupid,
   And I cursed my rotten fate
   And the wife and her broom flew around the room,
   She said " it's twenty years too late"

   Chorus
   
   And he sold her a broom,
   I mean avoom voom voom,
   Best whisk of my life,
   Sit back babe and watch me ride, you got a happy smilin' wife,

   Well I was feelin' useless
   And I know you would be too,
   As she said to me, " that salesman dear,
   He's got a fuller brush than you".

   Chorus

   And he sold me a broom,
   I mean aboom boom boom,
   Best whisk of my life,
   Sit back babe and watch me ride, you got a happy smilin' wife


   Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 12:40 PM

Way to go, Tinker!! Love it! Here's your B.L.O.B. for this sweeping finish:

I'm gonna tell all you women --You might take my man
But don't let me find-- my broom in your hands
"Cause if you do -- I'll shoot first and shout
Sweep you aside and then cast you out.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Tinker
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 12:25 PM

Momma Hollers
(Tune: Shave 'em Dry)

I want all you rouges and ramblers to gather round
While I gives you all - the fresh low down
About momma's maid – I won't call her name
But I found her whoop-de-doopin' with the broom again

Chorus:
Now, Mother hollers
Gonna watch her jump 'n jive

She gets up every mornin'– starts a pushin' that broom
Get up and goes – moves from room to room
Now what she's a doin' I can't understand
All the neighbors say it's magic with that broom in her hand

Now she's the kind that don't clean –Housekeepin' just ain't her style
But if you dumb enough - to fall for her jive
She'll play with her broom, it's got good housekeeping seals
If you supply the batteries she'll work for a steal

Interlude

Now if you want something good and want it cheap
You can go down – and still keep it neat
Just step right in -with batteries in your hand
There's a floor show at home come and strike up the band

I'm gonna tell all you women --You might take my man
But don't let me find-- my broom in your hands
"Cause if you do -- I'll shoot first and shout
Sweep you aside and then cast you out.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 10:59 AM

I knew this one would get ya'll goin'! ;-) I do believe that there are some B.L.O.B.'s that need to be tossed out now:

To Amos for whisking the cobwebs away with:

I can stay at home
Ride while on the phone
It's a kind of Tantric Zen!

To alinact for this set of seemly lines:

It curls your hair, it gives you a scare,
it's better than a man because it cares.

To Genie for this nether-numbing chorus:

I went "purrrrrrr" when it moved and "bzzzzzzzz" when it stopped
And "Sha-zaam!" when I sat still!
I still didn't know just what it was, but it gave me quite a thrill!

To Bullfrog Jones for this ditty of dy-no-mite:

Come-a little baby let's hump the broomstick
Come on let's hit the spot

To Roger the Skiffler for collecting this out in his field:

Woke up this mornin' guess I'll dust my broom
Woke up this mornin' guess I'll dust my broom
Gonna put in some new batteries, let it take me to the moon

And to my darlin' Aidan, for shifting us all with this little bit:

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle
The dish ran away with the spoon
My da done a bunk with the hoover
And me ma fell in love with the broom

My, my, my -- This Challenge! has the potential to be as good as the infamous Great Easter Bonnet(?) Special Challenge of 2000!!

Keep 'em comin' (oh, behave!) Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 08:43 AM

LOL!! Derry, ya still got those magic fingers!! Wish you could bottle that stuff.


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 08:13 AM

Hopefully this will come across as McNiecean ... otherwise it will read as a load of oul' bollocks ... whatever!

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle
The dish ran away with the spoon
My da done a bunk with the hoover
And me ma fell in love with the broom
Me granda's an avid musician
Forever he's fingerin' his flute
Me granny's freewheelin' down cobbles
She thinks it's a jolly oul' hoot
Me sister's been selling her favours
A job that she really enjoys
She's known to put smiles on the faces
Of all of the neighbourhood boys
My brother's been waving his magic wand
'Cadabra and alakazam
He's changed his Porsche Carrera
Into a new baby's pram
My uncle's a drunk ceili cowboy
At dances the lassies he'll lift
He'll stumble and fumble and mumble
"Are ye up for a bit of a shift?"
The priest shines his pillar of virtue
He polishes morning and night
The bishop is fond of his crozier
And won't let it out of his sight
The peeler is wielding his baton
His bite is much worse than his bark
It's many's the one that's been bitten
When wandering back home in the dark
But me I'm a saint and a scholar
Unblemished by spot or by stain
I'll earn my reward in the sweet-bye-and-bye
Up in the Elysian domain

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 04:32 AM

Woke up this mornin' guess I'll dust my broom (x2)
Gonna put in some new batteries, let it take me to the moon.

(C) Robert Johnson/Mattel/EverReady

Broom Broom Broom Broom
Gonna turn you right on
Broom Broom Broom Broom
Whoa, it turns me right on
Broom Broom Broom Broom
Housework's never been such fun.

(C)Hooker/Mattel/EverReady

RtS
(fragments collected in the field)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Bullfrog Jones
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 04:25 AM

With apologies to (the original) Little Miss Dynamite:

Well, come-a little baby let's hump the broomstick
Come on it's got me hot
Come-a little baby let's hump the broomstick
Come on it's got the lot
Father don't like it, my brother don't like it
My sister don't like it, my mother don't like it
Come-a little baby let's hump the broomstick
Come on let's hit the spot

BJ

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Genie
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 03:10 AM

Sorry about that double spacing. I forgot to un-check the auto line breaks.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Genie
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 03:08 AM

Well, please excuse my premature submission, but I'm not at all sure I'll
finish this song (with Singtime Frolics starting Friday), so here's 
part of a parody:



The REALLY Marvelous Toy

(by Genie, with apologies to Tom Paxton ... oh, never mind, I don't think
Tom would mind, do you?)



When I was just a tired housewife assailed by girls and boys,

My husband homeward came one day and gave my son a toy

How wonderful it seemed to me, with whistles, bells and lights--

And the moment I laid eyes on it it I had a great insight.



It went "purrrrrrr" when it moved and "bzzzzzzzz" when it stopped

And "Ka-blaam!" when it sat still!

I wasn't sure just what it was, but it could be quite a thrill!



The first time that I picked it up, a welcome big surprise--

For massaging my bottom it had two buttons that vibrated my thighs.

It kneaded one and and warmed the other, and when I twisted its lid

And set it down, while I sat down, this is what I did:



I went "purrrrrrr" when it moved and "bzzzzzzzz" when it stopped

And "Sha-zaam!" when I sat still!

I still didn't know just what it was, but it gave me quite a thrill!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: GUEST,alinact
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 12:00 AM

OK, Amos, I better give you some competition.

(Just a note for the littlies, this is for Mum and Dad only).

DADDY DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT MY NIMBUS

(To the tune "Teddy Bears Picnic")

If you go into the closet today
your in for a big surprise.
If you go into the closet today
you'd better close your thighs.
For every broom that ever there was
is awfully jelous because, because
today's the day the Nimbus makes its debut.

This broom has special qualities,
it's designed to make you moan.
This broom has extra qualities,
it's better than a "bone".
It curls your hair, it gives you a scare,
it's better than a man because it cares.
Today's the day the Nimbus makes its debut.

The Nimbus broom is full of fun,
It's long and thick and round
and knows just when you "cum".
Watch it as it stays in there;
it's even got a thatch of pubic hair.
See it duly dance about
as you decide just what it is going to do.
And at six o'clock you give it a rest
to wait for another day
cos' hubby will be home real soon.

(repeat first verse.)

THE End.

Allan

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:18 PM

Roll 'em up and write 'em ouyt, songsters and bards!! The Gaelic Goddess is back in town!! Yeehaa!!

Blind Five-Minutes-Flat Persimmon III

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: GUEST,alinact
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:12 PM

By gee, they are gonna have to be good to beat Amos.

Allan

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Tinker
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 09:34 PM

Oh.... when I finally finish cleaning up behind the skunky dog I've got something fun to look forward too.... Hmmmm.... Maybe something around one of the "kitchen blues" ...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 08:33 PM

F-f-f-f-f-fantastic!!, dear Amos!!

I hope you've rev'd the rest of my darlin' Challenge!rs up ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Genie
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 08:05 PM

Good one, Amos!

Now here's a song title:
(Addressed to Mattel)

"You Light Up My Wife"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 07:58 PM

"What" s/b "Wait". Sorry.

A

spelling fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 07:57 PM

On a Nimbus

(Tune: From a Distance, as sung by Barbra Streisand)

(Chorus of saccharine violins inro)


On a Nimbus
The motion's always smooth
And the broomstick, always firm!
On a Nimbus
The special magic vibes
Make a housewife want to squirm
On a Nimbus, I can climb on any time
Wait til Bob leaves for work, and the-e-e-en
I can stay at home
Ride while on the phone
It's a kind of Tantric Zen!


On a Nimbus
I ride up to sky
And I twirl and float back down
On a Nimbus
I never do feel blue
When there's no-one else around
On a Nimbus I can be with -- Harrison Ford!
Or even Sly Stalo-o-o-one!
And escape my days
With three triple-A's
And discover heights unknown!

God is touching me
God is touching me
God is touching me, on my Nimbus!

God is touching me
God is touching me
God is touching me, on my Nimbus!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Genie
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 07:39 PM

"Good. g-good, g-g-good, g-g-g-good vibrations..."
LOL, Áine!

Gotta rev up my motor for this 'un!

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Áine
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 07:13 PM

I think you all are getting the idea (hehehe) -- Now, get writing!!

-- Áine

(PS - Kevin, I've heard that theory about the witch's broom, too. Upon deep reflection ;-), I've come to the conclusion that the theory is bogus, due the amount of splinters that must have been present in the handles of ancient brooms . . . ouch!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 06:01 PM

Am I the only one fantisizing about the Sorcerer's Apprentice? Hey Mickey Mouse! Toss that bucket of water this way!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 05:41 PM

Actually this ties up with some of the theories people have put forward about why witches were said to be associated with brooms.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 91
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 05:37 PM

Someone soon will make a clean sweep of this challenge!

Charley Noble