BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.

Subject: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 09:56 AM

I wrote some years ago about Heather's adventures with the adoption process (locating her birth mother and relatives) and another little piece of the puzzle fell into place a couple of days ago.

Her birth mother gave her quite a bit of information when we first met her a number of years ago, and various and sundry relatives have popped out of the woodwork to fill in details since then.......but Royalty? Well, it's possible.

Two nights ago we met a charming elderly couple who were taking one of those 'all-inclusive' trips across Canada. You know, the kind of trip where "if this is thursday, we must be in Banff,...or Peggy's Cove'.

Grace is Heather's birthmom's sister and her husband Don a charming little guy who talked to me about the war. Guess what? Heather KNEW she was originally named "Donna Grace" but had no idea that it was from DON and Grace! Heather's lineage goes through Gibsons, Proudfoots and even (Lord ?!) Ingles. Good visit. This is quite fun.

By the way, I had been told (jokingly) that I was named after Richard The Lionheart and Leslie Howard by my (always kidding around) Mom. Years and years later a friend of the family said "No, no, you were named after 'Dick the butcher (her late hubby) and his brother!

Meanwhile, I remain the only Fielding in several generations without a College degree.....but probably the ONLY one who can play a Db9b5!

Cheers....any more adoption adventures?

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 10:58 AM

Good story Rick.

I'm trying to help out one of our previous foster kids who had been adopted but had a bad time of it and wound up back and forth between foster care and her adoptive family. It was one of the worst matches in history. In any case, this girl is now 21 and doing badly although improving some at the moment (job, apartment, etc). She is one of those who will never be right until she locates her birthmom...even if Mom turns out to be terrible, she has to fill in that piece of herself.

In any case, we have precious little to go on and even less money to unvest in the search, but I have located a previous set of foster parents and written them explaining the situation in the hopes they can be of some help. She's from the mountains of Kentucky and I'm running up a lot of dead ends.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 11:41 AM

Hmmmmmmm..........We got a lot of info pretty quickly (on our honeymoon) Spaw, but it involved a lot of convincing lying on my part. Had I not we may have had to wait months and who knows what would have happened?

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 11:57 AM

"Convincing lying" ...hmmm - sounds like an opportunity for elaboration, oh Richard the Lionchops.

Funny. I'm not adopted, but I don't have a lot of relatives. I suspect I know everything about my family I'm ever going to know.

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 12:54 PM

Donna Grace is a beautiful name, but she'll always be Duckboots to us!:-)

My ex was so surprised after all of these years. He'd signed over all rights to my youngest (she was 1.5 years old) when we got divorced and never saw us again, until she went to visit him last summer. He figured she'd hate him and that I'd probably told her all kinds of bad stuff about him.

He was pleasantly surprised to learn that Rog and I had always been upfront and honest with all three kids about Rog adopting them after we married. We esp. made a point to let Rue know that her dad had signed her over because he didn't want her to have a disruptive life as he'd had when growing up bouncing back and forth between parents, step-parents, etc. We always made sure she knew he did it out of love for her and that we were grateful for that.

She first made contact with him via telephone, then spent 2.5 days with him, his wife, and other daughter. They spoke for hours on the phone for about 6 months before her visit. That one visit seems to have been enough for her. She hasn't had any contact with him since, although he has tried. She just doesn't feel any need.

Great thread, Rick. I've noticed some channel on cable has been running a series called "Adoption Stories," haven't watched it, though.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: Bert
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 02:09 PM

WE Mudcatters always knew she was Royal.

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Jul 03 - 08:14 PM

Every new piece of information my son turns up shows that I was lied to or deliberately misled. And each time my son asks "Why did you lie to me about that?" I never lied to him. I always shared whatever information I had. There is a special place in hell for the social worker who caused all this additional grief. I have to wonder "Why?" Although I already know the truth. Had the truth been told, someone would have been criminally liable.

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:13 AM

I'll throw this back in the mix one time...see if anyone's got any stories.

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Another adoption piece of the puzzle.
From: Deckman
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 05:41 PM

Doggone it Rick, there you go again ... starting another good thread! My first wife and I were married for 26 years. After five years of no children we adopted our now 38 year old son. He was 5 weeks old at the time of placement. After the adoption, and one surgery, we had two more children. We raised our oldest son with the knowledge that he was adopted. Our adoption experience was so good that my wife has made a full career of adoption work herself (she's damned good at it). At the age of 16, our son discovered quite a bit of information about his birth parents that none of us, especially him, were prepared for. It happened through an unfortunate accident. No one is to blame. Shit happens. This really sent him into a tailspin and he's not fully recovered yet. Though my first wife and I are divorced, our family is very intact and tight and we are all good friends. In fact, and this makes me smile a lot, all three of my now grown children live together. And they all love "Bride Judy" very much. My point is that these adoption issues, such as: who were my birth parents; and especially, why did they give me up ... are HUGE issues. I really don't think it's possible for someone to fully understand the impact unless it's YOU. I mean that. It's good to be able to help bring contact, and information and closure, but the process can be hell. Thanks again for opening this subject! Chers, Bob