BS: Workshop manuals

Subject: BS: Workshop manuals
From: mooman
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 07:48 AM

I'm a real fan of workshop manuals and, indeed, manuals for just about anything. Not of course for anything useful they contain. A friend gave me a list recently (regarding home car mechanic manuals from which I quote a few examples:

What the manual says.
What it actually means.

Retaining nut. That big sherical blob of rust.

Requires another person's assistance. Be prepared to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Retain tiny spring. Pinngg! "Where the hell did that go?"

Press and rotate to remove bulb. OK, that's the glass bit off, now go and fetch some decent fine-nosed pliers to dig out the bayonet (and maybe a plaster or two).

Pry off. Hammer a screwdriver into. Then go a buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).

Apply moderate heat. Unless you have a blast furnace, dn't bother.

Routine maintenance. If it isn't broken it's about to be.

Lightly... Start off lightly. Then build up until the veins on your forehead are throbbing, then clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with hammer.

Carefully... You are about to suffer deep abrasions.

Index. List of all the things in the manual except what you need to do.


Any further examples, particularly of a musical bent, much appreciated by workshop manual afficionado.

Peace,

moo

Subject: RE: BS: Workshop manuals
From: Sooz
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 10:00 AM

I particularly like the definition of "Index" - that always happens to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Workshop manuals
From: Jeanie
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 05:15 AM

Have you seen these versions of the "Haynes Owner's Workshop Manuals"?

MAN - Workshop Manual

BABY - Workshop Manual

I read last week that their next title in this series is going to be "SEX - Workshop Manual".

No jokes about dipsticks, please ! (Well..... if you must.....)

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Workshop manuals
From: Phot
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 03:35 PM

Why is fitting always, "the reverse of removal", no matter what it says in the book, you can never remember how the damm thing came apart in the first place!

And as for torque loadings, as an ex-RAF airframes fitter(Rigger), my all time favorite has to be, "Up to shear, and back half a turn"!!

Chris:)

Subject: RE: BS: Workshop manuals
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 05:30 PM

Back in the early 50's, when MG and Jaguar were making slight but noticeable appearances on US roads, someone published a British/American dictionary of automotive terms. You know, boot = trunk, choke = venturi, strangler = choke, spanner = wrench etc. My pet was "straightforward = bloody impossible".