BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!

Subject: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 12:10 AM

Well, it should be plain to all that the Martians are very ticked off about the MOABS screwing up their invasion plans, which appear to have been delayed for an indefinite period. In a fit of pique they struck back at Mudcat Cafe over the weekend, knocking the most vital source of information on the entire Internet off the air for about 2 days! Stories are continuing to pour in of the panic and chaos that ensued as desperate Mudcatters all over the World reacted to being incommunicado and bereft of purpose! Some thought that the World as we know it had ended for all time. Soft and hardbound copies of "Learn to Speak Martian in 185,000 Easy Lessons" sold out at stores in Schenectady (New York), Willett's Gap (Wyoming) and Hull (U.K.).

This thread has been launched to assure the faithful that emergency measures have got Mudcat up and running again, and the Martians have NOT taken over yet. Do NOT believe the rumours of disaster and the doomsayers! We are in control. The BS will not be stopped.

Please post to this thread and share your personal stories of the Martian attack to give comfort and reassurance to others who share your hopes and fears. We are all in this together.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 12:14 AM

I have two high-density aluminum-foil hats in my dining room ready in case of resurgence; we bareky got through the night of closest proximity with our minds intact. Arguments that this was a Bacchanalian rather than a Martian side-effect hold no water; fortunately we were wearing the tinfoil hats, and no, you can't see the pictutres!! :>))


A

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:24 AM

Ach!!! As usual, it's far worse than originally expected. Not only did the Martians shut down the Mudcat, they actually managed to totally infiltrate the server and mate with the Mudcat Catfish! Here, see for yourself! It also appears that as a side effect of their infiltration they absorbed huge amounts of knowledge from the million-plus posts that are stored on the server's hard-drive. They are now qualified to teach anything from Finnish folklore to quantum physics. They also now know twelve different ways to finger a D7 chord, but it doesn't do them much good as they now have fins instead of fingers.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: jacqui c
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:53 AM

Well, I'm pretty sure that John from Hull didn't buy one of those books - he's got enough trouble with English!

Those Martians surely know the best way to spread doom and despondency - knocking out Mudcat, causing widespread panic among the general population. I haven't heard of any signs of lasting damage though, although I think that there are a number of 'catters who resorted to the bottle to get through the critical period.

For myself I had the worst ordeal possible, having to attend a birthday party with a dozen three year olds. At least it was a safe place to be - no one in their right minds, including Martians, would want to be within five miles of the place, believe me. I think I'd rather cope with the Martians!

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST,Geoff the Duck (unlogged)
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 04:15 AM

jacqui c - I think if you read the small print (in Venusian)at the end of the errors and omissions slip tucked inside "Learn to Speak Martian in 185,000 Easy Lessons", you will find that JoHn was one of the consultants for the book.
MrsDuck and myself were at the Hull (Sea Fever) shanty festival over the weekend, and so missed most of the Mudcat absence and the Martian attacks. Whilst we were at 'Ull we did not see John at any time. My suspicion is that he was too busy to attend. I believe (but keep my suspicions just between you and me!) that instead of being a mild drinking Curry Driver, he had pulled his underpant on over his trousers, tied a tablecloth around his neck and was out saving the World.
If you search through the anals of the World Press (Sunday Sport, the Mystic Seaport Bugle and the Scunthorpe Chronicle) you will find references to a mysterious figure named Captain Chaos carrying a load of concentrated bullshit (known as Crap'tonite) flying out through the doors of pubs at closing time. They say he complained that nobody believed him when he said that the green bug-eyed monsters were clever, because they were hiding behind the pink elephants...
I am not saying that this mysterious figure was JooHN, because I don't know! I just think it is strange that when you see this Captain Cahos you never see John at the same pub! (mingle mangle music)...
Live long and Prosper!
Quack!
Geoff the Duck.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 04:29 AM

Well if he searched through the anals of the world, it's no wonder he ended up with all that shit!! Was that a Freudian slip Geoff?
Anus Horribilus as Liz nearly said.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST,QUACK
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 04:31 AM

I choose my worms carefully, Giok!

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 05:17 AM

heloo Geff, I dident go to the shanty thing, as i had the shits all weekend.john

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 07:44 AM

So pleased to hear it John???
Quack!!!!!!
Geoff (with cookie, biscuit and cup of tea)

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 08:31 AM

Brown Crap'tonite?

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 08:55 AM

I arrived back from a visit in the Washington, DC area to find that the 'Cat had no threads. Puzzled, I punched up threads with a three day dateline and found a bunch. Then cllr posted, I posted, Jerry Rasmussen posted, and we all went to Chat.

I -- me personally -- revived the Mudcat. My presence breathed life into it again, a sort of virtual CPR if you will. Me. Since it was obviously Martians that brought it down, it must have been abject Fear on their part, their knowledge of my part in the Recent Unpleasantness, that drove them off. Then, after a brief chat with cllr, Jerry, Jimmyt, Sorcha, John Hilde, Benjamin, and so forth, I revived the MOAB so that the Mudcat would continue to be protected.

I do not expect the Nobel Prize or any world-wide recognition for my rescue of the Mudcat. No, not even applause. I am a quiet, modest sort. Money, huge sums of US dollars, is expected instead. The sooner the better.

And you're all welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:04 AM

wrong thread for that post, isn't it Rapaire? Didn't you mean to post that over on MOAB?

what? he's serious? you have got to be kidding...

boy it do get deep around here

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:51 AM

Then it was only a rumour that the Martians completely destroyed Hull ?

If Lloyds had been forced to pay out the full £4.67 that Hull was insured for, it might have destabilised the worlds financial markets.

On the other hand, perhaps all the inhabitants of Hull have been replaced by martian simulacra (except for John who was probably one from the start). As anyone who has read "Learn to Speak Martian in 185,000 Easy Lessons" would know, 9 is a mortal insult in that language.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 10:28 AM

9Really?

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 10:32 AM

only when in bold. (Martian is a hue-inflected language. see lesson 9,666 in "Learn to Speak Martian in 185,000 Easy Lessons" )

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 10:37 AM

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

It's even worse than worse than we thought! While half of the Martians were infiltrating the Mudcat and mating with the Mudcat Catfish, the other half were invading our kitchens and having their way with our Waring Blenders, Osterizers and Cuisinarts! Just click here if you don't believe it. Is nothing safe from the Martian hordes?

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 10:49 AM

9

9!

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:06 AM

HALLELUJAH!!!!

It appears that the Bush Administration has learned of The Mudcat's plight and has taken serious action to help thwart the remnants of the Martian invasion. Now that the major combat operations are completed, they have issued decks of playing cards with pictures ofthe Martian Most Wanted on them. This nasty fellow is the King of Spades so he must be a real badass in the Martian hierarchy. It just warms the cockles of my heart to know that my benign compassionate government has come to the rescue.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:11 AM

OK Guest, stop showing off just because you're a Jovian Metafartic Giant, one of the few life-forms that martians are scared of.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 05:07 PM

I detect some of us here are talking out of Uranus.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 05:46 PM

It'll improve with the passage of time.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 08:45 PM

It'll take time, all right, but the important passage is another matter altogether!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:35 PM

Those martians came. They came, they saw, they left.They were not entirely happy with the results of all the intergalactic breeding that is going on around here so they thought they had better leave before their spiecies was corrupted and defiled.
This is no bullshit. I heard it straight from the sister of the neighbors uncle, who was somehow related to the principle of the high school that my brother's good friend's dad went to. (har)

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 04:03 AM

They Came!
They Saw!
They did some shopping???
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 09:21 PM

Ah. That explains why the local pharmacies are all sold out of extra-large size condoms. What a drag.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: GUEST,ŒŠ¥¤ƒÐÕ Ÿ‡ÆðØÞß
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 11:01 PM

Greetings Earthlings,

It was fun. We had a good time. Sorry that your pharmacies ran out of what you call "extra-large condoms", but don't worry about it. The residual ŽÐÏŒþÑ (sorry, there's no word for it in your language) radiation that we left behind will cause the genitalia of the males of your species to wither away in a few months anyway. Please use what time you have left on this planet to clean the place up a little so we won't have to do it when we move here for good in 300 years.

Sincerely,

ŒŠ¥¤ƒÐÕ Ÿ‡ÆðØÞß

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 04:42 AM

Christ! only a few months left - come on lads - better get busy - need to fill the sperm banks as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 11:14 AM

I can't wait till Spaw hears about this!

Subject: RE: BS: Martian attack shuts down Mudcat!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 11:48 AM

about those condoms, ŒŠ¥¤ƒÐÕ Ÿ‡ÆðØÞß... you were supposed to use them on your ðÐþ|b¥y, NOT on your ¿§‡¶¤€!!

You will soon see changes in YOUR genitalia which we euphemistically refer to as "GrapeNuts" (if you tried our breakfast cereals, you may use your imagination)