BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!

Subject: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST,sorefingers
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 02:34 PM

Reading resonses to my thread on Academic (bs) I see several ad hominem attacks - angry outbursts - by Academics.

Since these slurs are so weak can you think of a really nasty insult that would make a person really angry?

For example ' X is a dirty windbag who can't spell, who can't drink, who sounds like a castrated banana, and should be sent to Singsing for singing lessons'

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 03:23 PM

Sorefingers...seems to me you've given as well as you've gotten in that regard, and missed the point. The point is that categorical condemnations are bound to fall short and be inaccurate.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 04:19 PM

Yes, but I see no reason to do so. Isnt' there enough anger and insult around already?

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 04:38 PM

How about "You write and spell as good as I do!"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST,sorefingers
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 05:36 PM

Sorry since I opened and read the 'Fightin words' thread I can see some competition here.

The insult I used love to hear was ' dipstick ', don't see it much any more which is a pity.

My buddy now 100% pure organic fertiliser used run in elections; anyway one of his favorite books was titled 'Insults'. He used spend hours studying it and could say the most disturbing things I ever heard. I think insulting people should be an artform, it should be a topic at University as well where I now see they are so ignorant.

A stiff walk in the early hours followed by an ice-cold shower and then the rest of the day insulting each other in the Lecture Hall!, that would add an entire new dimension to letters like Ph D...

Phish Diner

;0)

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 06:27 PM

Here's a lovely one from Oakley (now called Oaklet):

"You rotten, self-obsessed, finch-rearing pillock!"

So, what does a castrated banana sound like, anyway?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST,sorefingers
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 07:14 PM

A banana with no goolees would sound like -- 'nah gnah nah gnaw'

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 09:33 AM

"Insults are the last resort of one who has lost an argument"

And if you can't make up your own....

To misquote "BatFink"

"Your insults do me no harm,
My intellect is like a shield of steel!"

:-)
Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 11:20 AM

Wassock is always a good one. Will probably get the academics going as to the original meaning as well;-)

Knock-kneed knackered old nose-bag? (Eli Pledge - Nearest and Dearest)

That's the kind of blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance I have come to expect from you non-creative garbage? (Monty Pythons Flying Circus)

Winston Churchill was quite a master apparantly. Famous for his rebuttals of Lady Astor.

"You, sir, are drunk!" Quoth she.

"You, madam, are ugly. I will be sober in the morning..."

Take no notice of the nay-sayers. You cannot get enough good insults in this world;-)

Cheers

Dave the Gnome

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Gern
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 11:31 AM

M'Lady was also quoted as telling Sir Winston, "If you were my husband, I would serve you poison in your tea." To which the wit replied, "If I were your husband, I would drink it."

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Pied Piper
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 12:01 PM

Yes Dave, usually in the form "You girt big spawny eyed wasock"
I find "you knuckle dragging semi-literate Moron" quit satisfying.
For a less direct approach you might try "If ignorance is bliss, you must be well happy" or more surealy "Bacon Bollox".
PP

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Nerd
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 04:24 PM

You know, of course, that

BS= Bullshit
MS= More Shit
PhD= Piled Higher and Deeper

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 03:17 AM

Piratical Style:

Yer doom be at hand ye yellow-bellied matey...'Tis the Black Spot for ye!

I'll dance the hornpipe over yer grave ye yellow-bellied landlubber...Blast ye!

Go walk the PLONK ye scurvy landlubber...Shiver me timbers!

or

Shakspearean Style:

Thou art a frothy tardy-gaited puttock.

Thou art a gorbellied tickle-brained horn-beast

Thou art a pribbling hasty-witted harpy


Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 02:23 PM

"Sorry - I didn't hear what you said. But please don't bother to repeat it."

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:45 AM

"You don't frighten us, pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you! I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: JennyO
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:47 AM

Oops, hit the submit button too soon - that of course was from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 02:36 PM

JennyO,

Truth is stranger than fiction!

Did you know that the MP routine you mention is based on historical fact?

I posted it on my Fooles List quite a while ago.

In France there is a village. The local story is that the castle withstood a siege by the English, because they diet they were forced into consisted of not much more than garlic. Allegedly, the English gave up the siege because the defenders farts smelled so bad! The thing came up in a documentary made by French TV, shown on SBS, I believe which was about French cooking!

And of course the MP boys were well educated at one of the finest English Universities.... :-)

Since nobody will believe me, I will have to try to look up the info...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 02:48 PM

If an insult is supposed to get under the skin, most of the up-and-at'em ones given here just wouldn't work. They'd just make you feel amused.

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 03:02 PM

Ah, McGrath, yer mudder wears army boots!

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Desdemona
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 04:28 PM

Another from Churchill, who once described someone (can't recall whom, alas) as, "A very modest man, and he has much to be modest about"!

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 04:35 PM

I have never, in my life, ever come across anyone who could insult like this:

"Let Sporus tremble — "What? that thing of silk,
Sporus, that mere white curd of ass's milk?
Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel?
Who breaks a Butterfly upon a Wheel?"
Yet let me flap this Bug with gilded wings,
This painted Child of Dirt that stinks and stings;
Whose Buzz the Witty and the Fair annoys,
Yet Wit ne'er tastes, and Beauty ne'er enjoys,
So well-bred Spaniels civilly delight
In mumbling of the Game they dare not bite.
Eternal Smiles his Emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.
Whether in florid Impotence he speaks,
And, as the Prompter breathes, the Puppet squeaks;
Or at the Ear of Eve, familiar Toad,
Half Froth, half Venom, spits himself abroad,
In Puns, or Politicks, or Tales, or Lyes,
Or Spite, or Smut, or Rymes, or Blasphemies.
His Wit all see-saw between that and this,
Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss,
And he himself one vile Antithesis.
Amphibious Thing! that acting either Part,
The trifling Head, or the corrupted Heart!
Fop at the Toilet, Flatt'rer at the Board,
Now trips a Lady, and now struts a Lord.
Eve's Tempter thus the Rabbins 83 have exprest,
A Cherub's face, a Reptile all the rest;
Beauty that shocks you, Parts that none will trust,
Wit that can creep, and Pride that licks the dust."

Yup, got ol' Al Pope sued, that did. Got the suer laughed at. But it's really, really first class invective. They don't make it like that any more....

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 06:35 PM

You illustrate my point very well, Rapaire.

The kind of thing that really hurts are put downs like that by Beau Brummell at a social gathering, when, in reference to the Prince Regent, he asked "Who's your fat friend?"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Benjamin
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:13 PM

Ghandi, when asked about western civilization, had two very good quotes. One was "If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?" and the other "I think it's a good idea."
The best insults I've heard were from Sir Thomas Beecham. To a woman in his orchestra who was appearently a less than brilliant cellist, he is quoted as saying "Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 08:27 PM

Let's see--
It's been years since I called someone a "slack-jawed pig fucker"

On t'other hand, I still use "You're the kind that gives dumb assholes a bad name"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Noreen
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 06:47 AM

The very worst (seriously- worse than making suggestions about the night-time activities of their mothers) insult used by pupils at the primary school in Salford where I used to teach was

Your mam shops at Netto!

(Netto being the local downmarket cheap supermarket- whereas it was acceptable to shop at Kwiksave, also downmarket and cheap...)

If their mum put their PE kit in a Netto bag to bring it to school they'd lose the bag in the bushes rather than be seen carrying it :0)

And when we took a party of kids to the seaside at Prestatyn, my colleague inspired them by saying
"Last one in the sea shops at Netto!"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST,sorefingers
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 07:55 AM

Of bullies.
Compliment / Insults

"If brains were brawn, you'd be Einstein"

"Built like a horse with brains to match!"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST,leprechaun
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 08:23 AM

Is this better Robin?

"In a french village a local story tells of a castle which withstood siege, because the occupants reduced to eating nothing but garlic exhuasted torrents of horrid flatulence so disgusting that the English withdrew"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: GUEST,ooopz
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 08:28 AM

"In a french village a local story tells of a castle which withstood siege, because the occupants reduced to eating nothing but
garlic, exhuasted such torrents of horrid disgusting flatulence the English withdrew"

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Nerd
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 01:05 PM

Benjamin, I believe Gandhi said "I think it would be a good idea" in reference to Western Civilization, a subtle but significant difference.

I had a friend who used to call people "needledick the bugfucker."

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 01:43 PM

"Built like a horse with brains to match!"

Isn't that a compliment?

Subject: RE: BS: Academics are bad writers Insults!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 03:55 PM

Well, in the case of Britney Spears, maybe...