BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Peace
Date: 01 Nov 03 - 04:11 PM

Whisper in its ear, and it will follow you anywhere. Tell him he's been elected. Play irritating music, real LOUD. Put pepper under your porch. Send in a cat with a white stripe down its back.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 05:32 PM

Jeez! Are you still a D&D nerd?    ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 03:05 PM

You mean Zelda Rubinstein? She could probably use the work...

Besdies... I made my saving throw vs the Undead, so the spirit has no effect on me...

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 02:55 PM

Poisoning a skunk this close to Hallowe'en, Clint? A dangerous activity. You might have to get a specialist over to banish the vengeful spirit. And they don't come any more vengeful than a murdered member of the weasel family.

I'd recommend that psychic dwarf lady from Poltergeist. Have some Timbits and coffee ready.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 01:52 PM

Gareth:

Nah. That was what Dubya was wearing for his brave carrier
landing to declare "mission accomplished".

Cheers,

                            -- Arne Langsetmo

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Gareth
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:46 PM

Lutefisk ? - I thought it was the peice of Cod whixh passes all understanding !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:40 PM

BLLLUEU-UIYUGHTH-RRGHEH-AUGGRHTHPTT!!! (sound of me barfing on the back stairs...)

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:28 PM

EBarnacle:

Ummmm, that's before we dump it into a vat of caustic
lye for a half year to bring out the piquancy. After
this, it's a jelly-like mush which had to be exempted
by statute specifically in Wisconsin law from the
hazardous substances regulations. Before this coup
de grace, it is hard as a rock and flat as a pancake
(resembling pretty much the dead fish your see dried to
a yellow crisp on a beach), but at that point it's
just dried cod, and not actually lutefisk.

HTH.

Cheers,

                         -- Arne Langsetmo

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: EBarnacle
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 11:23 AM

Gee, I thought lutefisk was a hardware item. It is hard enough to be turned into tools.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Oct 03 - 12:48 AM

CH, I am sorry for the last part of my remark. I still feel sorry for the critter, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:34 PM

Pretty good! I had a cousin, who died about a year ago, who was famous for his lutefisk jokes. The local paper used to run a few every so often, catering to the Norwegian community.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Yeah, but...
Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:25 PM

Aha-ha! ha! ha! ha! Great jokes, Arne!

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo
Date: 30 Oct 03 - 09:48 PM

A man went to the store one day, and asked the proprietor
about the best way to get rid of the skunks under his
porch. The proprietor said: "Buy some lutefisk, and
put it under the porch. The smell will drive them away."

The man came back in a week later, and the proprietor asked him
if the skunks were gone. The man replied, "Sure, sure, but now
how do I get rid of dose darn Norwegians?"

* * * *

A man went to the store and asked to buy some lutefisk.
The clerk said, "Oh, you're Norwegian!" The man got indignant
and said, "Why do you assume I'm Norwegian? If I bought some
Polish sausage, would you assume I must be Polish? If I
asked for French bread, would you insist I'm French? Why
do you say I'm Norwegian just because I ask for lutefisk?"
The clerk answered, "Because this is a hardware store. . . ."

;-)

Cheers,

                            -- Arne Langsetmo

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:52 AM

CH, I really thought, deeep down, under all of that bluster, there lurked a fairly compassionate heart. I hope your next reincarnation is as a skunk. It'd be an improvement, in some ways.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 03 - 11:00 AM

There are more skunks where that one came from. The struggle is not over. We shall overcome! Sammy's martyrdom will serve to inspire others to harass Clinton Hammond until justice is done.

As for there being "no God"...Ha! I laugh in your general direction. You are like a fish who fails to recognize the existence of the ocean all around him, and swears that it's a myth when he hears mention of it.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Bobert
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 01:21 PM

Well, danged, Slide Rule, what's ya got to say fir yer self now... Just got a entire town bombed back to the Stone Ages!

Not only that, but the poor skunk is now nuthin' more than collaterial damage...

Any other bright ideas?

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Gareth
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 01:07 PM

Now there is a thought ! Tell GWB jnr that Osman bib Ladin is hiding uder Clinton's porch (Ignor the Hammond bit !!) and I reckon that skunk will be dead within seconds, along with anthing else within a 10 mile radius, and the religious right will appear on the idiots lantern to say that it was justified by "Gawd" !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 12:26 PM

There is no god...

"You're so full of compassion and general goodwill toward living creatures, and so ready to seek mutually beneficial solutions to problems"

Who said I ever wanted to be... at least in this specific situation... whatever... It's moot... it's over... it's dead...

Go hug a rainbow...

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 12:21 PM

That's a great idea, Bobert! We could all inform Dubya that that is exactly where Osama is...under Clinton's porch, and I could then advise Sammy to get out of the area immediately. I betcha in no time flat a tactical air strike would come in and reduce Clinton's residence and the block around it to a heap of burning rubble, quite regardless of Canadian sovereignty. This would cause Sammy to have to move to new quarters, but it might also get a useful point across to people who ponder murdering skunks for no good reason.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Bobert
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 11:32 AM

Well, danged, Raptor. I was just gonna suggest that Clinton call GWBush up and tell him that Osoma is hidin' under Clinton's porch. Guess that won't work now....

Me and Wes Ginny slide rule gonna get back to the drawing board on this one...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Raptor
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 10:14 AM

So I guess you thought god was just fucking around when he made that " THO SHALL NOT KILL COMANDMENT " eh?
clinton? Or should I say GEORGE BUSH????

Thats right I found out your true identity!

You are really GEORGE BUSH ! posing as a canadian male musician!

What tipped me off you ask? You allways talk about killing as the answer., You don't care about anyone but yourself., You seem illinformed about everything.

Need I go on ?

If you were who you clamed to be (canadian Male Musician ) You'd be out drinking good beer triing to get laid and have a live and let live attitude that kept us out of the Wepons of Mass destruction Wild goose chase!

Nice try Georgie go back to texASS and listen to a dixie chicks album! And try to remember the last time you yanks triied to invade us (1812) we sent you packing!!!!

Raptor

P.S. To be taken as a joke Anyone who wishes to take offence to my post can call 1 800 eat-me!

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 01:09 AM

You remind me of the character "Otto", in "A Fish Called Wanda", Clinton. You're so full of compassion and general goodwill toward living creatures, and so ready to seek mutually beneficial solutions to problems.

We had a guy kind of like you as a neighbour once. He was obsessed with ridding the neighborhood of a groundhog that he felt was undermining his garden (it was not, in my opinion). He put out poison on the wooded bank between the properties to kill the groundhog, but didn't bother telling anyone about it. The poison killed not only the groundhog, but also our dog, our other neighbour's dog, and several chipmunks. There may have been other fatalities as well, I'm not sure, perhaps a few birds too and a cat or two.

All in all, I'm thinking the poison ended up everywhere except the one place where it might have done the most good. The groundhog was a far more agreeable neighbour to all of us than the idiot who decided to kill him.

Knew about another guy who regularly poisoned squirrels because they were eating his birdseed. A friend who lived next door to the guy threatened to report him for so doing, and he was enraged. "I've lived here all my life!" he fumed, as if that gives him some special dispensation to murder small animals. "Mushrooms live in the same place all their lives too," replied my friend, "It's nothing to be proud of."

Your professionals could just as well use a drug that puts the skunk to sleep, couldn't they? But that would take some imagination...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: LadyJean
Date: 29 Oct 03 - 12:31 AM

If the skunk sprays before he dies, you'll have a souvenir that could last until Christmas, and make for a very interesting holiday. If it dies under your porch, and you don't get it out, you will have an even more interesting holiday.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 28 Oct 03 - 04:09 PM

Death is a natural part of invasion...

We invaded thier natural habitat... and a lot of them died... now they invade ours... and a lot of them die...

See this? This is the worlds smallest violin playing just for them....

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Jeri
Date: 28 Oct 03 - 04:02 PM

Let us know how (or IF) it comes out.
I like critters, but I'm fairly sensitized to them invading my territory, and I figure I'm part of nature's pecking order too. Luckily, squirrels have been evicted from the attic and main part of the house without bloodshed. I yelled at the chipmunks in the basement and they haven't been back. (Or they've at least not had any loud family squabbles.) The mice aren't faring so well.

I've never been squeamish about dead animals - I once discovered a dead rat on the sidewalk outside of my school and handed over the corpse to a teacher who chased another teacher with it. No matter that HE did the chasing, I'm probably STILL on the woman's shit list. I don't like actually killing them, but I'm sure starting to become de-sensitized to mouse murdering.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 28 Oct 03 - 02:45 PM

Leaving it in the hands of the pros... who will come, make sure there's only one path out for it, and corral it into a trap baited with poison!

They'll come set it, and they screw off fer a bit... they'll come back just after dusk when the thing gets moving and collect the body....

Easy peasy lemon squeezey

So, Guest Sammy The Skunk... you lose... Care to play again?

Oops... I'm sorry... you can't... cause yer DEAD!

Fawk you....

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Oct 03 - 11:30 AM

I dunno, Gareth...he may not want that polecat to be squeeeezed too much!

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Gareth
Date: 28 Oct 03 - 11:23 AM

Hey Clinton - try this indonesian cure ! Click 'Ere

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Oct 03 - 12:23 AM

Drugs'll do that to you. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Chip2447
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 11:32 PM

"Crossing the highway late last night, he should've looked left and he should've looked right. He didnt see the station wagon car, the skunk got squashed and there you are..."

Izzat close enought Mr. Red?

Chip2447 (amazed at how his mind rememebers this trivial shit, and cant remember family birthdays)

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: HuwG
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 05:46 PM

Would some suitable decoy work ? Click here

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk)
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 05:03 PM

Yes, cats usually get along fine with us skunks, and we sometimes play together. Cats are okay with me. Dogs, on the other hand, are total assholes! That picture you put the link to looks very much like the grizzly I have hired to dispose of Clinton, Stilly River Sage. I'd give it to the unfriendly bugger myself, with both barrels, but I'm afraid that like a really stupid dog he would just keep coming back for more.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Metchosin
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 04:29 PM

Skunks has lived for a number of years under my daughter's house. The previous tenants used the house as a Grow-Op for BC bud and apparently it was common to use the wee beasties to mask the smell of the illicit home industy.

In the two years that my daughter has been in the house, the skunks have caused no problem for her, other than a few neighbourhood cats going home smelling really awful. My daughter is not particularly a cat fan, so she is in no hurry to remedy the situation, as it tends to keep the cats from fouling the garden.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 04:16 PM

Sinsull, that's a cute image. We've seen a lot of skunks over the years in campgrounds, and usually just a foot stamp or a handful of pebbles will chase them off. They are beautiful little animals, as long as they're not rabid and a health threat.

Sammy, is this the guy you called?

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk)
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 01:47 PM

"The thought of a dead pest bothers me not at all..."

So happens I feel the same way about you, Clinton. You are digging yourself a very deep hole, buster. You'll sneer out of the other side of your unpleasant face when the grizzly gets here.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 11:34 AM

I had a skunk living under my porch at my last apartment. I used to put out food for the local stray cats in winter. One night, there were four cats and the skunk all socializing around the food dish on my porch. I rather liked the little guy.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 10:01 AM

I assume from all this that you have successfully deployed the elephant repellant all along - right Clinton? What a relief.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 09:56 AM

"All of these toxic suggestions are depressing."

Then don't read the thread...   The thought of a dead pest bothers me not at all...

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 09:12 AM

I don't know if this is starting to sound more like Wile E. Coyote (get a crane, suspend a safe from it, and...) or Bill Murray in Caddyshack (try dynamite).

In any case, if you kill it under the porch, you've got stink, which is annoying, but is also bait for other critters. If you kill it outside the porch, you have to get it there, acquire the means to snuff it, then dispose of it.

It just seems like the least labor-intensive solution is to get it out and board up the hole. If you just get rid of the skunk without sealing up its entrance/exit, something else will likely move in.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 06:40 AM

cue song ---- Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Porch --- OK, who has got the first line?

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Oct 03 - 01:05 AM

And dead anything else that lives around there. All of these toxic suggestions are depressing. All you need to do is repel the skunk, not nuke it.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Louie Roy
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 11:16 PM

Make a mixture of 4 parts corn starch plus plus 4 parts plaster of parris ad 4 part powdered Boric Acid and set it under the porch and in a few days you will have a dead skunk easy to remove and no smell Louie Roy

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 10:15 PM

Lyle, that is positively diabolical! It will get the skunk out all right, but what's to prevent him coming back after the ammonia disperses?

Or do you figure to seal the last opening after the skunk leaves?

This sounds like a great method for getting a bunch of shiftless rock musicians who won't pay their rent out of a building to me (the time to do it would be early in the morning). I will advise my friends in Orillia who are landlords.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Lyle
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 09:46 PM

Been there done that. Moth balls won't work unless the temp under the porch is VERY high, and even then it seldom works, so forget that idea.

Here is what worked for me. Seal around the porch excepr for one (and only one) outlet big enough for the skunk to use as an exit. That doesn't have to be very big. Take a tank vacuum - a shop vac works best - and put the hose on so that it blows outward. Stick the hose through the seal in a spot as far from the opening you left as possible. Heat a gallon or two (how much depends on the space under the porch) of ammonia. It doesn't have to be hot, but if vaporizes better if it is. I heated mine on an outdoor gas grill. Pour the heated ammonia in the vacuum, turn it on and get the hell outa there! If possible, watch from inside to see when it runs out the opening.

Lyle

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: GUEST,Sammy (the skunk)
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 07:51 PM

You're the one who ought to be labelled "GUEST", Clinton. My ancestors inhabited this spot long before you were an unholy gleam in your father's eye. You are a Johnny-come-lately. Your nefarious plans to evict me and end my life will come to naught.

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Gareth
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 07:46 PM

MMm ! Chip2447 - And if the skunk manages to get its front paws in the brace position ? - Do we have to disconect our MicroSoft "advanced olefactory reproduction" cards and "skunkware" ??? to log into a CH post ???


Gareth ***BG***

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Chip2447
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 02:22 PM

Clinton, get a long forked stick, or a piece of barbed wire. Run that into the hole until you make contact with something warm a squishy, like a critter body. Now, start to twist the stick or barbed wire, twist him up in his own hide and drag him out, grab it by the tail, making quite sure that it CANNOT brace it's front feet on anything. Now that you have a handful of skunk the rest of its easy.

PM me if you want to know how to make a scumbag stink bomb out of it..

Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 02:13 PM

Having spent many festivals with skunks in the near neighborhood, I say leave them alone and they will leave you along.

If you would like a nice, graphic description of what happens when you disturb a perfectly peaceful skunk, even with "approved methods," read Farley Mowat's book, "The Dog who wouldn't be."

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:55 PM

Guest...

Chew me....

Subject: RE: BS: Getting a skunk out from under the porch
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 25 Oct 03 - 01:49 PM

I have friends who have a skunk that nests under their porch-deck every year (may be second or third generation by now). When the kits are able to move easily, they leave. As someone above said, their cats accept them. Never a defensive gas attack.

To remove the odor from a dog, use a good liquid soap and water. The tomato juice fakelore just replaces the skunk perfume with rotten tomato odor.