BS: The Dark Side of Hull

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:18 AM

Oh Peter, you are an old silly aren't you.I suspect all that electric banjo playing nonsense you are currently engaged in has brought about an early menopause.
   Send me a PM and I will delicately explain to you how best to relieve the symptoms.
                         Love
                         Bev xxx

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sweetfia
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:24 AM

Oh my!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Ozzy
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:27 AM

Bloody nearly cracked a rib laughing at that one Mrs B.Oh! I have! Sorry I missed Cerutti@s last night love but I could not find Hull. Was it shut or summat? 50cent is right tho love, The Deep is one hell of a restaurant! They even let me bite the heads off my own fish!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:45 AM

ozzy, you are a silly billy too! Are you feeling a little menopausal as well? Hull was open, but 50cent and the hood shot out most of the streetlights so you probarbly drove straight passed us.
       You had a lucky escape petal, the Sea Bass was cold! Can you believe it?
         Love to all at your end.
                bev
ps: could you send us £100,000 to bail out Mr 50cent?

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Ozzy
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:51 AM

No way Mrs B! I ain't bailing out any folkie! Hull Prison is too good for him!
       oh, by the way, I have put my luggage in the red room in the west wing of your gaff, just off to do a bit of shopping in thr prospect centre. Walter is dozing so no need for you to rush back. What fish do you want for tea?

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:01 AM

You have the place to yourself this weekend darling. I have been invited over to the south bank by Cottingham WI. They want me to judge their fruitcake contest.
       Please do not eat the Guinea pigs, they are not ready yet.
                  Love and kisses,
                     Bev.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:22 AM

May I recommend the Whelks au natural avec sod-all? A perfect accompaniment is a chilled bottle of Tizer.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sweetfia
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:24 AM

Bloody hell, anybody reading this threda who doesn't kno us is gonna think every one from hull is a nutter....well, i suppose that is close to the truth!!! *grin*

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:07 AM

You might try David's and my winkles. They're filling, satisfyingly salty, and easily swallowed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:09 AM

ooohhhh Matron!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,50cent
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:46 AM

whoa mothers! the cops let me go, they say i am the least dangerous dude in the whole town so i go free.
Beverley i found some long haired stammering burglar type dude in your red room, but chill honey, i blew him away with my uzi!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:51 AM

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman and rested. Ten God created WHELKS - since then - neither God nor Man nor Woman has rested.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:53 AM

Oh no! That was my house guest, a Mr Osbourne who is over from America.Stay in dear, I will be home shortly and we can sort out the mess together.
       I have cancelled my south bank excursion, the cakes all contained some sort of fish, and the locals make Hullensians look positively human!
       Please tell me the Guinea Pigs are alright! That uzi of yours is awfully loud and may have frightened them!
               Love and kisses on the bottom
                      Bev xxx

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Les from Hull
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:55 AM

Mrs Barton

I was not doing spelling, I was doing dialect - perhaps not refined enough for your cultured Cottingham ears. And I ought to point out that I am no longer employed by Hull City Council (being the retiring sort that I am), so I can say what I like about Hull.

It's a great place.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:57 AM

Darling Les. NOBODY WORKS for the council, you all just turn up and take the money.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: ossonflags
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 12:47 PM

This thread is putting f*uc*k*in' years on me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 04:08 AM

Mick dear, the years have been kind to you as you well know. If it wasn't for the current Mr Barton I would sweep you off your feet and spirit you away to my lovely home in Cottingham, and you would never have to sing for pennies on street corners again!
       I have had a naughty thought MIck, the red room is free. Mr Osbourne is currently in hospital so you could move in as my "butler". Walter would never know! What say you to that darling.
       The police incidentally have been most kind in the unfortunate incident of Mr Osbounes shooting. After several sherries in my drawing room, I convinced sergaent Dean that Ozzy had simply crashed his motorcycle into a tree, so 50cent is still at large on his folkie hunt.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Ozzy
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 04:15 AM

Shooting? motorbike? Butler? I thought it was just a bad hangover.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Colin Inglis
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 04:20 AM

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Colin Inglis
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 04:28 AM

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Pat Doyle Party President
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 06:27 AM

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Colin Inglis, having failed in his duty, has been deported along all the inmates of Hull to a purpose built shanty town to be knowm as MOLESCROFT.
       jOhn from Hull is believed to be living in an underground cellar somewhere. But it is only a matter of time before our bloodhounds track him down, his strong curry odour will give him away!
      
    therefore I see no doubt in any more Hull based threads, and so I respectfully suggest to our brothers in arms at mudcat that they DELETE THEM ALL!
                      Yours,
          Acting leader of Molescroft Communist Party
                      Brother Pat Doyle.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 06:33 AM

Thank you Councillor Doyle for your sterling work in closing Hull down. Pray tell though, is The Deep restaurant to remain open?

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Colin Inglis
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 06:53 AM

Just wait till bloody John Prescott hears about this! How am I supposed to keep sixteen thousand lazy council clerks occupied in a little hole like Molescroft. You could at least have budgeted for sixteen thousand colouring books for us Doyle!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:47 AM

Hmmmmm, I wonder if we are about to see a new rash of threads appear, hosted by jOhn of Molescroft.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:22 AM

It should be jOhn from Molescroft, not jOhn of Molescroft. I bet he does not spell Molescroft correctly either.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:25 AM

OMG....not Molescroft, PLEEEEEEEEASE........? Now Cherry Burton, that's the place for them.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:31 AM

Hello Peter dear, how is your tummy? Did Aunty Beverley's flatulence remedy work for you? Has your new youth project/pop combo got a name yet?

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:39 AM

ps: if you are following my remedy correctly, you can remove the raw ginger from your rectum this evening.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,50 cent
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:59 AM

found him!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 12:15 PM

Always look on the bright side of life.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 03:17 AM

Don't forget darlings you can see my goodself and 50cent in person, at the Adelphi on thursday evening of this week, where we will be entertained by The Harri Watts Band.
      The dress code is "casual but poggy" apparently.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 04:04 AM

All better now, thanks Bev.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sweetfia
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 05:18 AM

Dear Bev, have you never been to the Adelphi club before? It's rather swanky! As for dress sence, i'm sure that is what you have been told but the dress code is actually evening wear, that little black number would be perfect...

*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 05:24 AM

"Swanky" and "Hull" are two words that simply do not go together my dear! I was rather hoping that councillor Doyle would have levelled Hull by now, but I understand T'brothers are on strike and will not demolish another building until they receive danger money because everywhere is simply plastered in old curry!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 07:00 AM

The Adelphi....??? SWANKY.....????????? What sort of places have you been hanging about in, S'fire? Skanky would be a more accurate description.

I do worry about the youth of today.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sweetfia
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 07:16 AM

Hehehe, you should know my humour by now Pete...

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Pat Doyle : fuhrer
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:13 AM

IMPORTANT NOTICE
   The brothers (after huge amounts of overtime) have finally established The People's republic of Molescroft.All ex-Hullensians therein must obey the following rules when mingling with the locals in Beverley:-
      a)Always wear a silly hat,must be tweed!
      b)trousers WILL be brown corduroy
      c) DO NOT stick your finger in your ear when singing!!! The locals use this as a mating call!
      d)do not walk four abreast on the pavement.
      e) PAY for things in shops.Robbery is frowned upon in these parts.
      f) NO LADA'S TO BE PARKED IN THE SATURDAY MARKET.
      G) HARP LESSONS ARE COMPULSORY. the harp teacher will be a mr jOhn shuttlecock. I will furnish you with his home address shortly.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sweetfia
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 10:47 AM

I think i'm missin something....(please, no sugestions as to what tho!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,Ozzy
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 11:38 AM

Where did all these bloody holes in me chest come from? Have I missed something?

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST,50cent
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:04 PM

Walter did it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Sweetfia
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 08:39 AM

I think you've taken too much medication Ozzy...

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 10:00 AM

Ozzy is as clean as a whistle love. He is not used to the gorgeous clean fresh air that we have here in Cottingham, which simply makes the darling's head spin.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 02:41 AM

colin inglish-you are a big load of shit, you waste our tax money on stupif things, lkie that stupid modern art thing in town, i heard it cost quater of a miilon quid!
big load of shit.

pat doyle-why cant i park my Lada in Beberley then?, [you are stupid as well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 03:47 AM

Take heart jOhn darling. I have secured you a Beverley passport, you need never trouble yourself with what's left of Hull anymore. Once we have jet washed you until you are curry free, I will take you on a guided tour of this cosmopolitan little jewel of a town.
      You will be temporarily billeted with an old ex-guitarist (he needs your rent money) in Molescroft until your new Nissen hut is erected.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 04:37 AM

He will never get one, he would not pass the speellling test.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 04:47 AM

Hey, who saw our illustrious Chief of Police make a complete tit of himself on national television last night...?

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 04:50 AM

Dave Westwood is some relative of mine, not sure exactly waht, i think hes my mams cousin or something.

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 04:52 AM

Peter dear, I am preparing the red room for him as we speak. He was well and truly Paxo,d! But we will need semi - competent police for the new state of Molescroft so we are hiding him until we need him for traffic control.Have you seen the handcart jams in grovehill nowadays? Shocking!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 04:56 AM

Ay, Paxoed!

Subject: RE: BS: The Dark Side of Hull
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 05:10 AM

Gentlemen, how kind of you to let a lady take post no 100.