BS: The things kids say!

Subject: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 12:53 PM

A friend who teaches at a school in Peterlee, Co Durham told me about a young girl in her class who wrote in an essay about "What I did at the weekend" how every morning, before mummy gets up, daddy stands at the back door and pisses in the garden.
When the parents came to the schools parents-evening to discuss their childs progress they were invited to look through her work and, on reaching this particular entry, fell about with laughter.
It turns out that the family own a cat who likes to be out every evening and each morning daddy, with a bowl of food at the ready, stands at the back door and calls the cat in......."Pss, Pss, Pss"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 12:56 PM

My little nephew informed me the other day that his Daddy was mad because the "f**kin' seagulls" ripped open the garbage bags at the end of the driveway.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 01:30 PM

"Forgive us our Christmasses as we forgive those who Christmas against us..."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: brid widder
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 02:36 PM

My grandson (6) said his little brother really likes 'muscle sprouts'... because they make him strong...of course

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 02:52 PM

many years ago, my cousin, at about age 2½, loved toy vehicles...especially BIG ones that you could haul things in, and he just loved to go for a ride and see the real thing!

But his enthusiasm got to be too much one day when he spotted a giant gravel-hauling dump-truck beside the car and embarrassed his mother to no end by screaming out the window over & over...

"Frruuuck, Mommy...fruuuk!...fruuuck!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 02:56 PM

When my sister was about 8 she up and reported one day, "When I was little I thought leftovers were a kind of meat."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 04:35 PM

There was a period when I was trying to make sense of calendar time. From listening to 'big' people, I knew that there was both December first, say, and just plain December. Sometimes a grownup said something like: Tomorrow is December. Other times someone said, Tomorrow is December 1st. I assumed that December came first but I couldn't figure it out. I was actually quite disappointed when I finally became convinced that there was no just plain December.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 08:40 PM

I know I've got some of these...will just have to think.....

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:02 AM

One I heard a little girl in the park this summer yell:
"I can't run! My toe has a headache!"

One my sister said when we were kids:
"Didn't you hear me? Are you blind in the ears?"

One my other sister told me her friend's daughter told her after a day at day care:
"Every day C_________ knocks her plate on the floor and says Whoopsie daisy!. But it's not a whoopsie-daisy, Mom. It's an on-purpose daisy."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Metchosin
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:48 AM

A couple from an email sent to me recently by my daughter:

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: DMcG
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 03:16 AM

Thread drift ... what parents say.

My sister taught in a primary school in a depressed area and at a parents evening she found a puzzled mother looking at the blackboard containing animals and the names of adult and offspring (eg: Horse - mare - foal). The parent explained that, for sheep, she had never heard of an ee-whee.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 05:43 AM

Myself, on first seeing a swan "Look mammy, a giraffe duck"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Raptor
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:09 PM

My nephew knew that "Easter is when Jesus comes out of his tomb and if he sees his shadow you get two more weeks of winter"
B


A friends daughter claimed after a fart that "her bum Burped"

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:42 PM

A young friend explained when her hand had fallen asleep, "My hand sparkles."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Emma B
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 01:41 PM

A friends small boy, left watching a football match on TV, came running into his mother in the kitchen very anxious to know what "sex" was.
She dashed back to see what channel he had managed to switch onto to discover that there were only 30 secs. left to play before the final whistle

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 01:47 PM

Little Barky (4) in the front passenger seat (after going around a curve a little bit fast): "You just KNOCKED me OVER!"

Daddy, defensively: "No I didn't -- I just drove around the corner!"

Little Barky, sarcastically: "Oh, noooo, you didn't -- you just POURED me OUT!!"


We still laugh about this one, but maybe you had to've been there.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 08:27 PM

My sister-in-law was visiting her local supermarket with her young daughter and was happily browsing the aisles when her little girl pulled up sharp and began exitedly pointing at a sikh gentleman wearing a turban. Realising that her daughter may not have seen anyone wearing a turban before, and not wishing to embarrass the man, she attempted to divert her daughters attention.
Undeterred, the little one continued..."Look mummy!...A GENIE!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 08:34 PM

C-flat,
the mother's best response in a situation like this, is to look at the person, smile, and say

"I'm sorry, she's just a child!"

Most people will have a sense of humour, especially where there is a young child involved... many of them have children of their own, and even in other cultures, children are not all that different... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 11:38 PM

Besides -- maybe he really was a djinni, and not a Sikh!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 02:50 AM

You're dead right Foolestroupe, in fact I remember thinking at the time that if it had been me wearing the turban I would have taken delight in playing along.
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:54 AM

My son (now aged 20) has never seen me clean shaven. When he was about 4 we were on a caravan holiday at the Yorkshire Coast. I took him over to the gents shower block to wash his face and brush his teeth. There was a man there shaving using an electric razor. My son stopped brushing his teeth and asked me @Daddy why is that man drilling his face'. He was fascinated with tools and the sound he could liken it to was my electric drill !!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:15 PM

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a child. Here's how
some young folk completed lines to famous Christmas carols. Sing
along with these new takes on old favorites:

* "Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly ..."

* "We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar ... "

* "On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me ..."

* "Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire ..."

* "He's makin a list, chicken and rice ..."

* "Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say ..."

* "Sleep in heavenly peas ..."

* "In the meadow we can build a snowman ... Then pretend that he is
sparse and brown ..."

* "Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay ..."

* "Good tidings we bring to you and your kid ..."

* "Noel, noel ... noel, noel ... Barney's the king of Israel ..."

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Michael
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:25 PM

A friend of mine's grandson was obsessed with bicycles, he also couldn't say 'B', he substituted 'D'.
Walking through the village one day they passed a lady with short hair and dungarees leaning on her cycle talking. 'Look at that big dyke Grandma!' he shouted.
Friend hurried on with head down.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 07:12 PM

good thing that Dyke wasn't in a frrruck....

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:44 PM

Finally remembered one. It isn't really funny, but touching.
When my father died, the town was about 2 hrs from us. We grabbed up the babies and headed there. Son was 9, daughter was 3. Both kids INSISTED on going to the mortuary where the body was; it had not even been embalmbed yet.....still yellow from jaundice, etc. We lifted Kate, age 3 up (she worshipped her grand-da) and she said...."Oh, there is noody home. Ok." She and Luke were both fine after that....

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: NicoleC
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 11:14 PM

Bill, my nephew did the exact same thing (except he really didn't pronounce an 'r'), and it had almost lost it's humor until one day he saw a "Dum Fruck!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:01 AM

Two expressions contributed by my son and daughter have become part of the family dialect:

My son, on being told that we couldn't buy him a certain toy for lack of money (white lying), responded: "But we can buy money from the bank, Daddy".

My daughter, just as she was learning to speak, one day drove my wife spare while she was out shopping, demanding "two mummies". Both were getting so frustrated and close to tears when they returned, that I offered my daughter some strawberries, which I knew she liked, just to quieten her down. At which, she smiled happily, showed the strawberries and said "two mummies!". We still call strawberries that 18 years on.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:19 AM

When Om was a tiny little thing in a pushchair we set off for a walk on Nov 5th. She was very excited by all the "missed-its" up in the sky.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:32 PM

KB.
she wasn't referring to the pigeons? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 10:09 AM

I will come back and read these I promice but I had to throw this in right away. My daughter Elizabeth and I were talking yesterday on how the two of us are always after the Easter Bunny with a net runing around all night but for some reason we like to give Santa Claus some slack and she said " Well Daddy you know Santa Claus is human and the Easter Bunny is game " Elizabeth is 12 going on 13 .She also told me not to worry after 3 hours of hunting around for pop corn balls becaue "Santa would bring them dont worry " . Her faverite present this year was the Pride and Predgidus (sp?) board game . I wonder what Jane Austen would think.. Merry Christmas to all !!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 12:31 PM

Once, when my son Will was about four, we were out in the car together, and I almost ran a red light. I caught myself at the last second though, and said, "Oh, shit!" as I hit the brakes. I immediately regretted swearing in front of my son. I decided I had better not let the incident go without comment, because I didn't want my son to pick up any bad habits.

I said, "You know, I said a bad word back there."

"You did? What was it?"

"You mean you didn't hear it? Oh, well, then, never mind."

"No, I want to know what you said."

"I'd rather not repeat it."

"No, tell me. I want to know.... Did you say, 'stupid'?"

(I should explain—in day care, my son had been taught that it's not nice to call other kids stupid—a rule I endorse.)

I had to smile. "No, I didn't say 'stupid'."

"Did you say, 'fucker'?"

I nearly choked. "Will! I didn't know you knew that word!"

"I know tons of 'em. I hear 'em in day care."

I can't remember the rest of the conversation, but after I got over the shock, I was generally pleased. My son knew what the bad words were, but he didn't use them—the ideal situation. He's 16 now, and still a well-mannered kid. We're proud of him.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 08:36 AM

Safety warning from a four year old.
As we were delivering presents yesterday mornign Molly announced that she knew all about safe things " when you are in the road and a car is going to squish you you must be with a big person" - presumably to cushion the blow!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: beadie
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 05:41 PM

When my now-adult son was four, I treated him and some friends to an afternoon at Chuck E. Cheeze's (a kid-oriented pizza parlor and game arcade).

As time approached for us to leave, he pitched a monumental fit, squalling and screaming as I literally dragged him away from the games.

When we arrived home, his Mom asked how he enjoyed the afternoon. Rather shamefacedly, he mumbled, "I don't think that Dad is going to take me there again."

Fastforward to his 21st birthday. As a surprise, I again treated him to a trip to Chuck E.'s (this time with a "giftcard" from the establishment - - accompanied by his girlfriend) and a card telling him that all was forgiven for the hassle some 17 years previous.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 11:21 PM

My buddy was telling me today how he'd told his young sons to "get in there and make your beds and clean up that room!"

As he was walking away, the younger son yelled out,"Dad! William just put the fuck at you!"

"What?"

Turns out that Will, the older son gave his Dad the finger behind his back and Jack, his younger brother ratted him out. Dad had a tough time keeping a straight face as he laid down the law...

"Will! Never make that sign at me or anyone else around here again. And Jack, don't use that word again!"

Of course, we used the expression "put the fuck at you" all day. It's now entered our regular lexicon.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,WaBan Zhou
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 12:43 PM

When my grandaughter was three, the large mountain just south of Seattle was "Mount Reindeer"!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 12:56 PM

I was at a friend's house yesterday, playing a computer game with their 4-year-old daughter. She was getting ahead of herself and I said, Caileigh, you have to find the other things first before you can click on that.

"Ah shit," she said.

I stifled laughter, as did her mother, who said, "Caileigh, what did you say?"

"I said Ah Shit."

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM

when my yougest was small, she was sitting on the toilet when looked up at the skylight in the bathroom and asked in a worried voice, "Mummy, can God see me pee?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM

For years my mother regailed us from the front seat pointing out the differnt kinds of livestock we happened to be passing. Not just horse or cow buit the actual name of the species one of which was of course Herefords. Fast forward a couple of years to my sister now 19 taking mom on a Mother Daughter trip. Trying to show my mom that she loved her and had also beenpaying attention all those years, my sister pointed out the driver side window and said "Look Mom! Perverts!" Mom told me that after her double take to look out the window she just couldn't stop laughing. Some times I feel sorry for my sister...not often...but sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 03:48 PM

LOL!!! "Look Mom!!!" LOL!! I love it, CC!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Nancy King at work
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 04:33 PM

Cottage cheese has been "Gosh Jeez" in my family for several generations now, thanks to one then-young cousin.

My brother once very seriously told our folks that he wanted "Venetian blondes" for his bedroom.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: PoppaGator
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 04:37 PM

When our then-preschool-aged daughter asked where babies come from, my wife figured the best policy would be to more-or-less tell the truth (while omitting complete details, of course). Young Maggie's response:

"Go get Daddy and show me!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Andy Sables
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 05:11 PM

When my son Matthew was 4, his other grandad (not Bill) was playing with him, telling him that he was going to kiss his belly, then he was going to kiss his legs, then going to kiss his face.

Matthew stood back and with a straight face replied "You can kiss my arse"

Grandad was most put out and informed us in a very straight face that Matthew ad just sworn. When we related the events to grandad no. 2 (Bill Sables) he nearly wet himself laughing. How different grandparents can be.

Andy

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Alba
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 07:09 PM

My Son, at age 4, came in shouting "Mum, Mum I have a broo!
Looking at the Elbow he was clutching I replied "no Luke you have a Bruise"....."No Mum" says Luke "there is only one of them"!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 10:46 PM

A favourite story in our house concerns my youngest son, who one morning walked into the kitchen and spied my old teapot sitting under a brand new, quite posh green velvet tea cosy I'd received as a Xmas gift. I heard him give a muffled giggle, and when I asked him what was funny, he pulled me aside and replied, sotto voce of course, "Mama, your teapot is wearing a *hat*!" He clearly thought my teapot fancied itself the life of the party, and felt it polite to whisper about how silly it looked!

They ARE cute, aren't they?

D.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 05:19 AM

When our daughter was learning to read, I spent a lot of time reading with her, encouraging her to follow the print and turn the pages as we went, until she was proficient enough to tell me the story. One evening, half way through a story, she turned to me and said "Are you OK to finish this on your own if I go and watch TV?"
So can any of you tell me what happened to Big Billy Goat Gruff?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 10:03 AM

My adult cousin was talking with a 5 year old who has the deepest voice any little girl could have. The child had heard he'd had a pacemaker, then a defribulator put in & also laser eye surgery. She wants to feel the slight protrusion in his chest, as she's touching it, she says, "So what's next?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 04 Jan 04 - 12:43 AM

My neice Erin (about 5 at the time) was visiting the Grandparents. Towards the end of dinner, Erin asked what was for dessert. Grandma asked if she would like some fruit.
"I don't want healthy food... I want dessert!"

Cheers,

YY

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 04 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

I was just reminded of the day I accidently locked my car keys in the boot(trunk) and, in a fit of pique, kicked the car while cursing it and the world generally.
"What's the matter with daddy?" asked my 3-year-old.
"Oh, I think your daddy's losing his marbles!" my partner replied.
Some time later, after breaking into the car with a large screwdriver, I was attempting to recover said screwdriver from underneath the car, where it had rolled when I threw it to the ground.
My young daughter cautiously approached......"Are you still looking for your marbles?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: muppett
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 04:58 AM

I remember this quote from my daughter when she was about 3 years old;

'Daddy why can't you turn off the dark like you can with a light?'

I also remember having a conversation with my step son when he was about 6 years old about his day at school, he'd been learning about Lent. The gist of the conversation went thus,

'Muppett do you think that Mum would let me stop at home for the next few weeks?'
I asked why are you ill?
he said 'no, but teacher said we'd to try and give up something we like during lent and I like going to School'.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 06:23 AM

Omlit's latest... (12 yr old daughter)

Watching TV the other night - she turned to me seriously and said "My God mum! There's so much sex in TV advertising these days!"
I nodded in a sage and what-a-terrible-world sort of way. At which she grinned delightedly and said "Great, innit!"

Kris