BS: Why can't pickles fly?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:06 PM

probably a green weiner dog on its way to Heaven...

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:46 PM

Today I saw a gigantic pickle fly right over my property in Happy Jack, Arizona!!! It was awesome! I would say that it was almost as long as a football field, and it looked like a Polish Kosher pickle to me. It was magnificent. I am awed and humbled. I have been vindicated. My life is now complete.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 08:23 PM

Awesome! What can't you find on the internet?

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:32 PM

Well, by golly...I found the "Flying Pickle Monster"!

Go to this site to see it:

http://www.supah.com/misc/picklefest/picklefest-Pages/Image10.html

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:21 PM

actually, if snakes fly by flattening their bodies, perhaps pickles CAN fly even after losing their Icarus cells...ot at least glide!
Pickles for gliding

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 04:54 PM

I took too many drugs in the 1960s. This stuff is starting to make sense to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 01:41 PM

http://www.flyingsnake.org/

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 01:30 PM

Little Hawk-

The same bizarre thought occured to me but I decided to post something more directly appropriate to the current hamster great escape story line.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 12:15 PM

Jeri...Love the song!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 11:00 AM

Unfortunately to obtain a pilots licence is far to expensive for the majority of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 10:56 AM

No it isn't! I just noticed on the "hamster goes slowly mad" thread that MMario says there are snakes that can fly!!! If this is true then it lends support to the notion pickles can fly too. After all, a pickle is a good deal more aerodynamic than a snake, because it doesn't flop all over the place, but maintains its normal shape and position at all times. If snakes can fly, pickles MUST be able to!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 09:11 AM

Well, I guess it's time to put a lid on this thread.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 02:09 PM

ahh...Dave Goulder! who can doubt the subtle nuances of "The Field of the Willows"

yep..Jeri is right up there with the like of ol' Mr. Dodgson, too, I'd venture! A lass of many facets! Why, in verse 5, she even includes a sanity clause!

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:34 AM

Bill D-

I'm thinking Dave Goulder. Jeri should try her hand at composing "Alice in Mudcatland."

And the proofreader also is pondering verse 6:

"You're pickle's perched upon your house!"

And here's my new question: "You can can a pickle but can a pickle can can?"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 10:42 PM

What typo?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 10:39 PM

I've been meditating on Jeri's verses and there is either a typo in verse 2 or she was on something stronger than birch beer:

"And it have him hope"

Is probably:

"And it GAVE him hope"

Someone is gonna have to learn this thing and sing it, release it to the world and see where it wafts.

Down, dilly, down,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 10:38 PM

Charley, I HAVE noticed I can kill threads with a song. I don't know why. I suppose people just stare at the screen, muttering "What the f...?!" and then go on to another thread to chat with the Witchfinder-finder General, or talk about Politics or other things that make more sense.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM

we were just stunned, Charley....absorbing all that poetry, like a mixture of Zen, Emily Dickenson, and William McGonagall

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 04:55 PM

Looks like folks have bailed out on this thread. I do hope someone else caught Jeri's song.

Refreshing,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 08:22 PM

Jeri-

Weird but good! I think you really nailed this thread.

Now I just may have to learn this song, but there's only so much space left in my brain. I guess several sea shanties will have to be deleted to make room. I have so few songs that really have something to say to the next generation.

What a thread!

Thanks,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Jeri
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 08:11 PM

Here ya go, Charley:

In the woods of Maine lives a crazy man
He says "I can't fly, but my pickles can
And one day you'll see
I'll set them free
And your pigeons all will hang their heads in shame

Well, Charley had a pickle patch in his back yard
In the pines, where growing pickles was quite hard
But Charley did some dope
And it gave him hope
He'd grow a pickle that could make his dreams come true

There was a champions' race from Isle au Haut
Which wasn't far, as pigeon races go
"Charley, it's a dead veggie"
Charley gave the jar to me
And said "please put this in the mail and send it off today"

On the day of the big race, a storm blew in
It was too windy for it to begin
"Charley, we told you so
Surely by now you'd know
When you do that much dope, not many dreams are true"

"Yeah, I know. But I had to try
A man can count his toes
Or he can let his pickles fly
And if you live out here
Sanity is awful dear
Sometimes you need a lift from silliness"

I snuck back out and from my car
I grabbed that pickle in its little jar
And set it on the roof
"Hey, Charlie, here's your proof
You're pickle's perched upon your house!"

"Come on down, you gherkin king
I knew someone would know, the joke's the thing
Come on down, dilly, down
You made my dream come true"

In the woods of Maine lives a crazy man
But not so crazy, now we understand
For a silly dream
Can make it seem
You're lifted up on laughter's wings

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM

Thank you Charley, I have never had a real friend before. Not many people see the merits in talking to a pickled egg, but you are different and I like you.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:56 PM

Disgusted-

Well, you probably didn't drop far from her nest.

My favorite mother hen was the one we placed duck eggs under. When they hatched, the ducklings made a beeline to the frog pond and jumped in. Mother hen was not too pleased about this but she was outvoted 12 to 1 and eventually learned to wade around the edges of the pond catching pollywogs for her weird children. Thought you'd like to know!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:14 PM

My mother was a hen, don't start on her or you are in big trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 10:24 AM

Disgusted-

No, but I've seen them make some wise cracks now and then.

And, come to think of it, I've even seen some hens brood over their eggs.

Back on the farm we used to preserve eggs in waterglass in a huge crock downcellar. When you fished them out months later they were amazingly slimy. Thought you might what to know.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 05:58 PM

No actually I can't. Ever seen an egg laugh eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 05:13 PM

Well, verse one is a snap:

In the West End of Derby lives a working man;
He says "I can't fly but me pickles can
And when I set them free
It's just like part of me
Gets lifted up on shining wings."

Anyone want to try another?

Poor little pickled egg. Life's just not what it's cracked up to be. Sure hope he can take a yoke.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM

Hey, Rangeroger. I bet I know what you were doing when you first listened to it. I was doing the same thing. I believe I still have the vinyl copy, but maybe it's come out on CD. God, it was hilarious at the time. But for years after that, we couldn't use the shower curtain rod, huh? Later. BM

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:36 PM

brucie, I was thinking of that quote as I read the first of your post. I still have my copy of "A Child's Garden of Grass".

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 10:59 PM

Flippin A, Hawk! This thread is Boss. But hey...I think i heard someone toss a insulut or two in my direction, eh?

Eddie, you flippin' Pyle...you must be the most totally major loser I ever heard of yet! You mean ta tell me that it is REAL pickles wea are taliking about here? The kind in jars??? Gimme a flippin break, Eddie!

You are worse off than I thought. You need a catspan or somethin like that, eh?

What kind of idiot am I? I'll TELL ya what kind of idiot I am...the kind that gets to be a floudnering member of CNUI, that's what! Canadian Nashunal Union of Idiots, to you, dork! That's right! Don't think you will ever qualify for a membership, you flippin dipwad! I bet when you walk down the street people point and laugh. I read your little story about yourself and you know what? You aint got one thing goin' for yourself except this...you got a daughter who is a varsiyt Cheerleader. That rates in my book. S3end her to Blind River, Eddie, and I will put some light in her life which I hardly flippin well think she will get from hangin out with you, LOSER! Put that in your pickle jar!

As for the thing about innuendows...I aint got any of those. I wash when I use pulbic labatorys.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 10:32 PM

LOL! Omigod! This thread is surpassing normal expectations altogether. Thank you, Eddie Pyle, thank you!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:59 PM

Eggsactly. So sod the onions, they don't know when they've got it good.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:36 PM

I think we just did.

But I really can't blame you eggs for complaining...

1.You only get laid once.
2.You only get eaten once.
3.It takes you 7 minutes to get hard (in boiling water).
4.You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.
5.The only one that sits on your face is your mother.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:35 PM

I used to likke pickled bologna. Can't hardly find it anymore.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM

Typical, I'm sick of it, onions, onions, onions, that's all I've heard all my life. Do you think they are the only ones to suffer?
They don't have a monopoly on pain you know.
How about me,I'm an egg and we get pickled too. Ever heard an egg complain? I rest my case.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:32 PM

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Joybell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM

I wish I was a little pickle
And I had wings and I could fly
I'd fly away to my false true-lover
And try to pass my troubles by.

and again

Oh had I the wings of a pickle
Far on my pinions I'd fly
Slap bang to the arms of my Polly-love
And on her sweet bosum I'd die.

So you see they used to.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

You know, my knowledge of the pickle world is really limited. I have led a sheltered life. Do any of y'all know some good jokes about pickles? The only one I ever heard was on a record entitled "A Child's Garden of Grass." It went thus: "You may not like dill pickles, but it is after all the only thing you can do with cucumbers." Now, I know that many of you who have not led a sheltered life will challenge that remark (although I would beg to be spared the details (well, if you're brave enough to share, I'm brave enough to read what you write)). Either way, pickle jokes are rare. So are pickle protest songs. Like, why DO sweet pickled onions cause some unfortunate souls to have gas? Why do pickled beets taste so good? Why does Kim Chee taste so good? Why does sauerkraut go so well on hotdogs--especially Montreal steamies? Why am I getting hungry? Stuff like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM

brucie...experimental pickles are not allowed to marry! "Groom Lake" is merely where they are taught to LOOK good before a flight! (either that, or it is where depressed Japanese pickle spys go to drown themselves)

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:30 PM

So right, B.Ranston. Why, recently, in the aisle of a supermarket, I heard some bread and butter pickles saying, "Would you like a flick of my Bick, sir?" The onions were marinating in their own tears. Where are the protest songs for the lowly pickle? We have bee-dubya-ell's "Ode to the Pickle and Sundry Methods of Propulsion", true, but where are the songs that do for the pickle what Clinton did for the cigar? I ask you! No, I challenge you. Come forth and defend our vinegared friend. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pickle.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,si
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:22 PM

I have a cat called Pickles. I will eject her from a fourteenth floor window later and report back.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,B.Ranston
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM

Then we should march on every chippy in the land, and liberate them from their glass prisons. You may think they sit their on the counter quite happily, but listen next time, really carefully and you will hear the weeping.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 02:00 PM

rangeroger has made a cogent and informed observation. It leads to a question of importance: Is there a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pickles? If not, then BDiBR and I are gonna start one. he doesn't know yet, so let it be a surprise to him, OK?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

It's my understanding that they have to cut the wings off to fit them in the jars.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM

Good one, Bill D. Mr Heinz would be proud. And do the newly-married boy pickles take off from Groom Lake?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:24 PM

"Well, we've solved part of the UFO controversy."

oh, then cucumbers fly out of Area 57?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..got it yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM

Well, another fine song!

But I don't want a pickle,
Just want to ride on my motorsickle...

Next will be the inevitable parody of "The King of Rome."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM

Well, we've solved part of the UFO controversy.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Beware the Intercontinental Ballistic Cucumber !

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:24 PM

I've never seen a pickle fly.
Sometimes I sit and wonder why.
Is it simply for lack of wings?
No. There are lots of other things
that hurtle through the air with ease,
like rockets, baseballs and bee-bees,
that have no wings to them affixed.
How do they do it? What's their trick?

Simple. They're through the air propelled
by forces that come from elsewhere.
A gun, a bat, a rocket engine
supply the energies that send 'em
on their journeys through the air.
Well, dang, that gives me an idear!

Just take a pickle from a jar,
remove your pants and underwar.
Then shove that pickle up your ass
and leave it while sufficient gas
pressure builds up to send it flyin'
across the room! There's no denyin'
that fart-powered pickles can fly!
Just drop yer drawers... Give it a try!