BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 10:54 PM

Nor blame on conspiracy that which can be explained by simple ineptitude...

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: bflat
Date: 12 Apr 04 - 12:39 AM

This life is not a dress rehearsal. Try to get it right.

Ellen

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 12 Apr 04 - 02:06 PM

Shlio/Ashlie,

I can relate; my first name is spelled in an unusual way (Vikki) and *no one* ever gets it right on the first try. Not only that, I have friends who have known me for many years, but somehow have never *quite* noticed that they are not spelling my name correctly (even though I *know* they've had many e-mails from me signed with the correct spelling).

Anyway... got the following the other day & thought I'd share it:

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential,
          that word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
          unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
          deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
40. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Cheers,

YY

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Gurney
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:11 AM

I've often regretted having spoken, never regretted keeping my big mouth shut.

Humour is the only thing that will get you through life.

You won't get off planet Earth alive. (A few will, but they won't get back alive.)

Rome wasn't built in a day. No employer believes this.

Usually, running away is not a viable solution.

Misery loves company. Male company doesn't love misery. (They insist on trying to help.)

It's ALWAYS later than you think. Especially for homework.

Work expands so as to fill the time available for it's completion. (Parkinson said it first.)

Saving a little money ensures that a bill will arrive.

Yawning is contagious.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:50 AM

If you live in a climate where cockroaches roam, throw away your toxic chemical sprays.

I keep my home cockroach free by rubbing lavendar oil inside the kitchen cupboards, behind the fridge, under the sinks. I do this only every 5 years and it works.

Is this a life lesson? well, its pretty helpful, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 08:39 AM

Having one spouse/significant other, and sticking with him/her indefinitely; and having a bunch of musical instruments and continuously getting rid of them and getting new ones, is a hell of a lot better than the other way around.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 06:24 AM

(passing along from a friend, to a friend to a..xx..e)

WORDS TO LIVE BY...

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.(Read twice).

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their
maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
don't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Allan C.
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 06:42 AM

Yorkshire Yankee's "If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before." sums up my feelings about national elections.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 07:22 AM

Not really, it's Liz the Squeak here....

Never confuse toothpaste with muscle rub.....

Marry a friend and you're likely to stay friends.

Best friends aren't always close, and close friends aren't always best.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 11:53 AM

...or muscle rub with KY Jelly.


A

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Midchuck
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 01:18 PM

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in his shoes.

Then, if he gets really mad, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

P.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Gurney
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 07:34 AM

LTS, don't mistake toothpaste for ANYTHING prepared for delicate membranes. I've witnessed that.

If you drive the same vehicle as someone who handles caustic chemicals, wash your hands BEFORE using the toilet.
       Don't ask.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,GUEST, Bob Lilley
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 07:36 AM

There is no substitute for cheating

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 08:07 AM

everything you do has consequences. those consequences come back, inevitably.



good actions lead to good outcomes.


determination achieves, its worth plugging on.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: JulieF
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 09:28 AM

As I said to my daughter before she chose which university to go to

This decision will alter you life but so will the next one and the next one and its almost imposible to tell which one will alter it most.

The decision that alters you life most can be as simple as

yes I will go out tonight

Daughter bore this out when a few months later she decided to come home and will go to the local uni in September.

Julie

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 12:47 PM

I've only got 2 for now... When you're wrong admit it, and when you're right, keep quiet!

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 04:41 PM

"Fighting for peace is like f*cking for virginity"

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:11 PM

Be willing to experience whatever comes your way.

Try to understand what others are willing to experience, and limit yourself to creating those things.

A

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:42 PM

Ah Freda - if only that were true..... Good intentions are worth nothing if they are not observed as such. Someone will always see them as malicious intent or use them as such.


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:43 PM

And here's an obscure piece from my granfer....

A bull is useless without a field of cows, but the whole field of cows can't do much without one bull.

Basically it says that men are useless execpt for one thing.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 02:58 AM

I think i said good actions, Liz.

yes, the world is a psychic control game, people have their own perceptions, needs and goals, and good intentions can have their own other unconscious motives.

but good actions create good ripples, and these ripple postively ever outwards.

part of the challenge/fun is learning to respond to other people's responses - is it interference, obstruction, based on their own possibly negative views? do they have a better way?

and how do you walk away from a bad situation, without taking it with you?

yes, the cursing thread is fun, but a curse mentality binds you to the other other person, and to those events. observing, understanding, forgiveness, letting go, and making further choices to discriminate positively, and to keep creating new goals, achievements, these are the liberating choices.

freda

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 01:34 AM

You did indeed say actions. Put it down to me being semi concious, it being stupidly early in my day and off the medication. Guess that means I'm going back on it!

Good action - I helped a lady up the stairs with her trolley yesterday. Result, I got stepped on by everyone who was pushing past us to get up the stairs and now have a sore toe and a bruise on my hip.

So I think what I said was applicable to both actions and intentions!
: )

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 01:49 AM

If you have to play that evening, it's never a good idea to get drunk in the afternoon.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Nfkfiddler
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 03:28 AM

Just Remember
"A wet duck never flys at night"

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Micca
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 06:06 AM

1.        If anything can go wrong, it will
2.        If two things go wrong the worst will be screened by the less bad incident
3.        Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
4.        It always costs more than you have.
5.        It always takes longer than you expect
6.        Everything you want to do, you have to do something else first
7.        If you fool with something for long enough it will eventually break
8.        Never underestimate the power of stupidity
9.        If a slice of bread is dropped it will land butter side down if the carpet is expensive or the floor is dirty and it is the last slice.
10.        If you think there is some good in everyone, you haven't met everyone
11.        You can make things fool proof but you can't make them idiot proof.
12.        If you think you've covered all possible flaws, there is always one more you didn't think of.
13.        There is never time to do it right but there is always time to do it over
14.        Forward planning is useful for preparing you for what can go wrong but does not tell you what will go wrong
15.        An expert is not someone who is always right, they are just wrong in more sophisticated ways.

For Management
16.        When in doubt, mumble
17.        When in charge, delegate
18.        When things go wrong, blame
19.        Simple solutions only fit simple problems and appeal to those who do not understand the problem anyway.
20.        You can fool some of the people all the time and all the people some of the time and that's usually enough.
21.        If you pay peanuts you get monkeys or garbage in equals garbage out
22.        An extra pair of hands can help out but if they have knowledge they can transform and enhance
23.        Just because you are paranoid it does not mean they are not out to get you.
24. Expertise is not transferable, just because you are good at your job does not mean you are good at, or even understand, mine.

for dealing with Academics
25. Timeo Danaos et Dona Ferentes ( I mistrust these Greeks even if they bring gifts)
26 Put not your faith in Princes

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 02:49 PM

DEATH

Let me tell you a story about dying.
You live a lifetime. At the end of it you say to
those around your deathbed,

"what a long life! Why, I lived ninety whole years.
   Do you know how much I did?"
   
And then you die.

You wake up and ask,

"How long was I gone?"

The Being of Light who is with you answers,

"We hardly noticed you were gone at all.
   You just sat down and dozed off for a second
   and here you are again.
   What kind of a dream did you have this time?"

                  Emmanuel

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 09:38 AM

Amos

If you can find a book called "Initiation" by Elizabeth Haich, read it!

Freda

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 23 Apr 04 - 08:30 AM

Always use a nom de plume when posting on message boards.

always cheack yore typing and speelling before posting.

always do it in work time and not at home.

Dont let the boss catch you.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 04 - 12:25 PM

Expect nothing from others; their good acts will be more delightful, and their harmful ones less painful.

A

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,Augie
Date: 23 Apr 04 - 12:28 PM

A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
An optimist sees the glass half full.
An engineer sees a design flaw in the maximum allowable volume of the alumina/silicate vessle requested by the client.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Apr 04 - 10:39 AM

Keep some souvenirs of your past, or how will you ever prove it wasn't all a dream? --Ashleigh Brilliant

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Raptor
Date: 26 Apr 04 - 08:22 AM

Spouting cheezy cleche quotes someone else made up makes you look like a pompus asshole...

Now, Who was it that said that? I forget.

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Apr 04 - 10:10 AM

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.

It's useless to play the violin in front of an ox.

Never give advice; the wise don'tneed it, and the fool won't heed it.

Never argue with someone whose opinion you do nt respect.

No one died when Clinton lied.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Apr 04 - 10:13 AM

That post was mine, Kendall on Jacqui's confuser.

If God had wanted us to be naked, we would be born that way.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Apr 04 - 07:39 PM

1. Your worst experiences make the best stories.
2. Newly married men (or newly-shacking-up men) should not leave the toilet seat up. If you do, you will be awakened by screams in the middle of the night. (But the problem goes away after a few weeks.)
3. Remember, at least half the world believes in arranged marriages, and they are prospering just as much as the rest of us.
4. If you can't sleep, don't fight it. Get up and read something.
5. Nearly everyone has a fascinating story to tell, if you ask the right questions.
6. There is no dignified way to die. Whoever you are, death reduces you to a pile of meat.
7. Jobs don't create stress. People create stress. (Corollary: Any job can be stressful if the people around you are assholes.)
8. Every excellent thing became excellent by gradual evolution.
9. People can tolerate your eccentricities more easily if you don't try to explain them.
10. Helping people is admirable, but never try harder to help someone than they are trying to help themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Apr 04 - 04:23 AM

Never appeal to a man's better nature, he may not have one.

Always be prepared to shoot your own dog. Farming it out will only make it worse. (Robert Heinlein)

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 27 Apr 04 - 05:12 AM

dispite inflation the wages of sin remain the same

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,Lilyfestre
Date: 27 Apr 04 - 01:59 PM

It all comes out in the wash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Joe_F
Date: 27 Apr 04 - 04:39 PM

11. The starting point of conversation is contradiction.
12. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
13. Those who will not do arithmetic are condemned to talk nonsense.
14. Be sweet. amd you'll be eaten.
15. The higher the monkey climbs, the more he shows his rear.
16. First you go to hell, then your body rots, and then you die.
17. Feeling better? Watch out!
18. Anger is ice for the toothache of shame.
19. The prince of virtues is courage, and the crown of courage is contempt for public opinion.
20. Truth is too small a fish to be caught in the law's coarse meshes.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Dharmabum
Date: 27 Apr 04 - 11:26 PM

Life is not about how fast you run,or how high you climb,but how well you bounce.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

ALWAYS remember to remove your fingerpicks before you go to the bathroom!


DB.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 10:45 AM

if you havent got anything good to say, dont say anything.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 10:49 AM

never try harder to help someone than they are trying to help themselves

Boy, that is an understated gem, I tell ya!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 11:05 AM

Never fry bacon in the nude
Good health is only the slowest way of dying
There are only 2 kinds of people in the world- those good at math and those who aren't

the first 90% of the job takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% of the job takes the other 90% of the time.
It can always get worse, and usually does

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 11:07 AM

in a similar vein - be very careful of people who make you feel sorry for them.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 12:17 PM

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine (354-430)

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Jun 04 - 06:35 AM

Never say 'never'.

Subject: RE: BS: 10 Lessons I learned In Life
From: Moses
Date: 10 Jun 04 - 07:53 AM

Experience is what you have left over after you have made a mistake

When in doubt say "no" because "no" is more easily changed to "yes" than "yes" is to "no". (I've taught my daughters this!)   

Remember, after a while the dust doesn't get any thicker. (useful if you've had a hard week, it's club night but there is housework still to be done)

Babies don't "keep". (take lots of photos, play lots of games, give lots of hugs)