Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 12 May 04 - 08:15 AM Yes Giok I think I know that Azores one,,,,sores and drawers as I remember and not nice at all. Be Blessed |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,Fossil Date: 12 May 04 - 07:57 AM There was a young girl from Pitlochry Made love to a man on a rockery She said: It's no fun These stones hurt my bum, This isn't a f**k, it's a mockery! (Apologies for the asterisks, but I'm not at home and it wouldn't get thru' the censoring programme otherwise) |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: 42 Date: 12 May 04 - 07:45 AM a limerick...laundered or rude with raison d'etre so crude its rhythm and rhyme travel onwards through time with no deviation a'lewd. j |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: John MacKenzie Date: 11 May 04 - 03:26 PM There was a young lady; she was Greek Who had her monthlies twice a week Said her young man from Woking, most provoking, no poking So to speak. I know one about a youg girl from the Azores, but it's too crude. John |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 May 04 - 12:08 PM If a person writes lines on a thread, without really using their head. They may seem like an ass, or appear rather crass, and others may wish they were dead. But if that person uses their brain, writing sensibly now and again. They'll capture attention, with literal invention. Thus Kudos and status they'll gain. I admit it, that I have a gap. between my neck and my cap. So I make an attempt, though it may look unkempt. It's really a load of old crap! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Midchuck Date: 11 May 04 - 12:08 PM I composed this a couple of days ago while watching a contractor trying to fit a new screen/storm door to our old, out-of-plumb, house: There was a young contractor, Jim, Whose wife had a monstrous large quim. "But," he said, "I forgive her. I'll just use raw liver As a sort of a flexible shim." Peter |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Schantieman Date: 10 May 04 - 01:29 PM John (of Cloudstreet) told me a few snorters at Miskin. Come on John - whre are you? Steve |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,harlowpoet Date: 09 May 04 - 02:52 PM Nice one Little Hawk. There once was a woman called Venus Who said to her chap,â€쳌We're obscene, usâ€쳌 Long marriage ensued Did you think this was rude? Be honest, I'll keep it between us Simon |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Little Hawk Date: 08 May 04 - 05:27 PM Ode to Fritz the Dachshund Our dachshund from Deutschland named Fritz Used to give our poor neighbours the fits He peed on their daisies And drove the cats crazy And tore all the garbage to bits He would start at first glimmer of dawn When he'd drop a big load on their lawn Then he'd strut 'round the place A smug look on his face And assault their shitzu with aplomb He would bark at the slightest excuse And go on like a psychotic goose Then he'd bellow on some more Just outside the front door Till they'd turn the old Doberman loose Then he'd yelp and flee into the house Where he'd lurk like a terrified mouse Underneath Mother's bed He would hide and play dead While destroying a sweater or blouse He would eat anything he could steal From a cooler, the fridge or your meal He'd imbibe party glasses Get drunk and make passes At the potbellied pig, how she'd squeal! He tried walking on swimming pool water Which inspired my cousin's young daughter To leap into the drink Though we yelled, "Let him sink!" He was saved, though she hadn't of oughter... He ate seventy pounds of old ribs And robbed candies from babies in cribs When his stomach was pumped They discovered a clump Of old socks and it cost 30 quid! When he finally sickened and died And went to his reward in the sky We got flowers for Mum Played a slow kettle drum Then all cheered and got bloody well high! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 08 May 04 - 12:28 PM One who added to threads on Mudcat, thought it easy and all just "old hat". He did not realise, that in others eyes, He appeared as a bit of a twat! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: 42 Date: 08 May 04 - 10:55 AM a flea-ridden dachshund, while scratching nefarious plots was a-hatching "Cat" control was his plan Little Hawk was his man. Every last thread he was snatching. tee hee j cross posted to bad poetry about little dogs but why waste good doggeral? |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,harlowpoet Date: 07 May 04 - 05:08 PM Oh go on then A virile young man from Glamorgan Was proud of his sexual organ As long as a rake It looked like a snake That belonged on the head of a gorgon |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Amos Date: 06 May 04 - 09:11 PM A whacked alcoholic named Bush Thought power one helluva rush! Tried to drag the whole nation Into sin and damnation; But he failed, and fell flat on his head. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST Date: 06 May 04 - 09:05 PM A young lady I heard of from Dorset. Wore a very incredible corset. The bones fit so tight, when she wore it at night, Her husband, poor man had to force it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Leadfingers Date: 06 May 04 - 07:41 PM I have this one for another Lynne - 'Cos she fitted in all respects There was a Law student at Exeter So pretty that men craned their necks at 'er And one was so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at 'er |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 06 May 04 - 07:20 PM There was a young man from Gosham, Who took out his goolies to wash'em, His mother said"Jack, If you don't put 'em back, I'll step on the buggers and squash'em" |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Schantieman Date: 06 May 04 - 10:42 AM There was a young lady from Spain Who liked a bit now and again. Not now-and-again, bout NOW and AGAIN And again and again and again. S |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: MBSLynne Date: 06 May 04 - 09:42 AM I found one years ago in a book (may have been "Verse and worse") and since it was my name and suited me, I adopted it as my own There was a young lady named Lynne Who was deep in original sin. When they said "Do be good!" She said "Would if I could" And straghtway went at it again. When I met my husband, Ted, I wrote this one for him to go with it: There was a young man named Ted Who was terribly good in bed. He did it again And again and again Till he wore all the hair off his head! Love Lynne |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Gurney Date: 06 May 04 - 06:20 AM Georgiansilver, the first two lines of that one for me have been "There was a young vicar from Uppingham, who stood on the bridge overlooking 'em,.... There was a young lady from Hitchen, sat scratching her(self) in the kitchen. Her mother said, "Rose, it's the Pox, I suppose." Rose said "Bollocks. Get on with your knitting." |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Joe_F Date: 05 May 04 - 06:25 PM Guest: Cf. A lady lubricious and lewd Once stood in a queue in the nude, And a man down in front Hollered out, "I smell ****." Just like that! Right out loud! ******* rude! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST Date: 05 May 04 - 06:37 AM There was a young lady from Ealing who had a peculiar feeling so she lay on her back,opened her c.... and p..... all over the ceiling |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST Date: 05 May 04 - 04:19 AM A young man and his girl from Stroud Were "having a bit" in the crowd. When a chap at the front, turned around and said "...." Just like that and not very loud. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: DougR Date: 04 May 04 - 05:42 PM Today's mail brought this one and I rushed to share it with you. There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose misstatements could fill up a bucket, oft the truth he has bent, Like his "Irish Descent." Of his record he says, "I'll just duck it." DougR |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: DougR Date: 04 May 04 - 04:57 PM An old one. The only one I know. There once was a couple named Kelly, who had to sleep belly to belly, because in their haste, they used library paste, instead of petrolium jelly. DougR |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,harlowpoet Date: 04 May 04 - 04:29 PM A scientific one from myself. A quantum physicist named Charity Observed herself falling, with clarity In love with a chap But he had the clap And she wished for a different reality |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST Date: 03 May 04 - 09:49 PM There once was a man named Clyde Who fell down a 'two-holer' and died Along came his brother and fell down the other now they're in-turd side by side two-holer - an outhouse built for two |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,Simon Date: 03 May 04 - 07:02 PM I deny that this is one of mine A nun, who wasn't a prude Went to her church, in the nude As she prayed with affection She caused an erection Of the parson there preaching, how rude? |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 03 May 04 - 04:47 PM There was a young man from Hunts, Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham. Watching the stunts of the....."people" in the punts, And the tricks of the ..."people" who were...."rowing'"em. Work it out for yourself |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,harlowpoet Date: 03 May 04 - 02:35 PM As I started the thread, I'd better continue the downward descent. One I knocked up a few years back There was a young man from Australia Whose life spiralled down into failure The cause of his crash Was a gigantic rash That developed on his genitalia |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Skipper Jack Date: 03 May 04 - 01:07 PM There was some kids from Aberystwyth, Who had some cards to play Whist with. They got tired of that and went and sat And played with the things that they pissed with! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: JennyO Date: 03 May 04 - 12:30 PM There once was a man from Japan, Whose poetry never would scan. When asked why 'twas so, He said "I don't know, But I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can." |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Charley Noble Date: 03 May 04 - 10:52 AM "Spoonerism," that's the term I was trying to come up with for the dragon fly/flagon dry verse. Here's another esoteric one for the poets: There once was a poet named McNamiter, Whose tool was of prodigious diameter; But it wasn?t the size, Gave the gals the surprise, T?was his rhythm ? iambic pentameter. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Leadfingers Date: 03 May 04 - 07:02 AM A clever commercial female Had her prices tattooed on her tail And below her behind For the sake of the blind A duplicate version in Braille |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Dave Hanson Date: 03 May 04 - 04:43 AM The limerick is furtive and mean, You must keep it in close quarantine, Or it sneeks to the slums, And promptly becomes, Disorderly, drunk and obscene the more obscene the better. eric |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Joe_F Date: 02 May 04 - 09:48 PM There was once a young man of west Cork Who always split buns with a fork. Said he, "Damn that rhyme! I'd make much better time If I came from Kilmallock or Limerick." |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 02 May 04 - 04:30 PM There was a young man from Kent. Whose er..um...well....was exceedingly bent. To save him much trouble, he bent it in double, and instead of coming he went! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Charley Noble Date: 02 May 04 - 01:18 PM Shanghaiceltic- There was a young man from Bombay Who sailed to China one day, Of the pox he did worry, So he dabbed on some curry, And for Ship Street his anchor did weigh! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: darkriver Date: 02 May 04 - 01:42 AM Say! I know a Llanfairpwyllgwyngll limerick! A young man of Llanfairpwyllgwyngll, Whilst bent over, plucking a dingle, Had the whole eisteddfod Taking turns at his pod While they sang some impossible jingle. Wish I could remember where I read it.... doug |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: 42 Date: 01 May 04 - 07:17 PM definitely doesn't scan! *-------AAAAAAUUUURGGHHHHHH!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,Noddy Date: 01 May 04 - 05:16 PM *-------AAAAAAUUUURGGHHHHHH!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Cluin Date: 01 May 04 - 02:59 PM A Nantucket gentleman of elderly persuasion Sported an appendage which facilitated self-fellation He announced, in a state of rapturous glee As he nattily groomed his gleaming goatee "Ah, but if only I also was blessed with an aural orifice which was more vaginal in nature, then I might venture forth into the heretofore unexplored territories of lateral cranial auto-fornication" |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: GUEST,Skipper Jack Date: 01 May 04 - 01:22 PM There was a young girl from Westphalia, Who went to a dance as a dahlia. In the heat of the ball, the petals did fall And the dance, as a dance, was a failure. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Flash Company Date: 01 May 04 - 11:44 AM A young man called Cholmondeley Colquhoun, Once kept, as a pet, a baboquhoun, His mother said 'Cholmondeley, Do you think it's colmondeley To feed your baboquhoun with a spoquhoun!' When the name is pronounced as Chumley Colhoon the rest will be translatable FC |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: freda underhill Date: 01 May 04 - 11:32 AM there was a young man from nantucket.. oh, better not.. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 01 May 04 - 11:18 AM There was a young lady from Llanfairpwyllgwyng..... Oh sod it!!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Georgiansilver Date: 01 May 04 - 11:05 AM This Limerick may not make sense until you have read the explanation at the end:-....... There was a young vicar from salisbury, Whose manner was quite halisbury-scalisbury. He would walk around Hampshire, without any pampshire, Till the Bishop insisted he walisbury. Please read on........ what is the shortened version of the two places mentioned in the limerick???? Answer = Sarum and Hants...now please re-read the limerick and substitute the shorteners. Be Blessed. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: 42 Date: 01 May 04 - 09:54 AM Some wits on the Cat wax poetic 'through limericks fine or pathetic to the point or mundane sacred or profane they act as a useful emetic. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Midchuck Date: 30 Apr 04 - 06:25 PM I use this for either Kendall or Sandy (bigchuck): There was an old fellow named Morse Who was caught making love to his horse. His wife said, "You rapscallion! That horse is a stallion! This constitutes grounds for divorce!" P. |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Shanghaiceltic Date: 30 Apr 04 - 05:58 PM There was a young man from Bombay Who sailed to China one day, He was taken at the tiller By a sex mad gorilla And China's a bloody long way! |
Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone From: Schantieman Date: 30 Apr 04 - 10:47 AM If we really want to get rude (so far they've been quite literary!) I could dig out those I learned from 'More Rugby Songs' about thirty years ago. In the meantime: A lady who lived on the Humber Had a wond'rous collection of lumber: Old boots and tin whistles, A brush without bristles, Three harps and a fossilized plumber. Steve |
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