BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....

Subject: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Bobert
Date: 11 May 04 - 10:42 PM

Well, after finding that the current administration is employin' hundreds of folks with dgrees from diploma mills, I figgured that I'd check it out fir myself and it seems that fer a few hunner bucks I can get a PhD from Lexington University, 'er Hamilton U, 'er Columbus U of New Orleans...

I kinda like the sound of Colubis U of New Orleans. Has a nice ring to it... Wonder if I can become the next Secrtary of Defense wid it?

Doctor Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 May 04 - 11:11 PM

Tch, tch, tch, er... What's Up, Doc?

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: SueB
Date: 12 May 04 - 12:01 AM

Send your $5000 here to me, Bobert, and tell me what you want on your diploma! Would you care for a Doctorate in Uncommon Orthography?
(Mudcat discount available! Does not include shipping and handling)

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: DougR
Date: 12 May 04 - 01:27 AM

Bobert: you off your medication again? What the hell are you talking about?

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 May 04 - 02:17 AM

All of the offers to sell Master's and Ph.D. degree diplomas from bogus universities, DougR. And those idiot spammers even send them to those of us with .edu addresses, who earned our degrees the honest way.

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 12 May 04 - 03:43 AM

...if you specialise in proctology you can look up all your old friends...

RtS
(no joke too old...)

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 May 04 - 04:05 AM

Get another two and you can be a great Motown girl band beloved by Prince Charles!

Ah, there is life after joke death.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 12 May 04 - 04:30 AM

Ahhh, but it's the Mudcat Diploma that far surpasses the value of the paper it's written on!

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 May 04 - 04:37 AM

Depends on whether it's the soft paper with bears on, or the shiny stuff with 'Now wash your hands please' stamped on it.


Do they still print that on paper these days? I remember it from school and my sisters' army base had it marked 'Government Property'...

Gad, I'm bored today! I must go and count my nose!
LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 04 - 09:43 AM

Yup, Bobert, you kin go and do that. Only, there's a bunch of them places which are gonna jist take yer money. An' them schools have names that'll fool folks that don't know. Like "St.Regis University." "Regis University" is right proper school back East, in Denver (well, hell, it's East of here!). Only I saw in the news jist the other day that somebody with a "degree" from St. Regis U. was discovered and got themself fired.

Knew a guy once who had the following degrees:

DD, Manitou Springs Theological Seminary, 1959.
MS in Library Science, Carnegie Mellon U., (not later than 1962, when they closed the program there).
AB, University of the South, 1965.

So...he got his Doctorate first, then his Master's, and then his Bachelor's degrees. In that order.

Now, the Colorado attorney general was looking for that Theological Seminary.... And he'd somehow gotten into the PhD program in Library Science at Case Western Reserve, where he was asked to leave (he did, owing them money). Got hisself fired from the job he had and got another one, where he had three professional librarians quit within 10 minutes when he insisted on being called "Doctor." THAT got it into the newspapers, where the story of his degrees and such came out. He wasn't a nice man.

So go ahead on, Bobert, and git yer degree. Git a PhD, 'cause you and I both know it's jist Piled Higher and Deeper.

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Bobert
Date: 12 May 04 - 10:06 AM

Well, gol danged, Rapster, I been lookin' thru the list of fine institutions from which I'm gonna get my PhD and, well, it's a tough decision. I was leaning toward Piled Higher Central U but then discovered that Condi Rice got hers there so that definately out. I reckon since I am kinda a peaceful type person that I'll just go with Carnagie Eastern U and get my PhD in Peace Studies...

Heck, Peace Studies folks are gonna be in high demand purdy soon when the Americans look up, wonder why they are broke and Georgie Porge has about 35 hot wars going on around the world...

Ahhhh, BTW....

...peace.

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: GUEST,HRH C-flat, Duke of Bullminster
Date: 12 May 04 - 10:41 AM

Why stop there Doctor Bob? A "title" could open all kinds of doors!
Here's the thing for you!
Lord Bobert? Baron Bobert?
The world is your lobster.
HRH C-flat, Duke of Bullminster.

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 May 04 - 10:51 AM

Here y'are Doug. I put "diplomas" in Google News, and it came up with this page of links to news stories.

I very much doubt if it's only in Republican administrations that the cheats sneak in, and the bureaucrats in charge fall down on seeing they don't, so perhaps it's not an issue where political hackles need to be raised, or partisan lines drawn.

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: CarolC
Date: 12 May 04 - 11:30 AM

Here's a little excerpt from one of the news stories:

"WASHINGTON -- At least 463 federal employees, including 28 senior-level government officials, have fake degrees from diploma mills, and some of the degrees were purchased with taxpayer dollars, congressional investigators said Tuesday.
   
The General Accounting Office, the investigative arm of Congress, also found that some federal officials with sham degrees have top security clearances and access to sensitive government data."

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Bill D
Date: 12 May 04 - 11:33 AM

why am I not surprised?

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 04 - 11:52 AM

There is an implication that security clearances are related to academic qualifications. As far as I know there is no such connection -- so the fact that the shams had high-level security clearance means nothing except that they could be liars, and easily breibed, I guess.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: CarolC
Date: 12 May 04 - 01:08 PM

That's the point, Amos. If they used their fake degrees in any way that was misleading to the people who gave them their jobs, and, by extension, their security clearances, they are not trustworthy and therefore not good candidates for a high-level security clearance, in my opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 04 - 01:41 PM

I hear ya, Carol. Seems to me a major campaign based on competency and effectiveness and results would be a good idea. Obviously depending on symbols as tokens of trustworthiness doesn't work real well...:>)


A

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: GUEST,skeptic
Date: 12 May 04 - 09:09 PM

Bobert, why don't you spend the big bucks and buy one from Yale? Worked fer yer president.

Oh wait ... bet you ain't got all that oil money.

Never mind

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Bobert
Date: 12 May 04 - 09:38 PM

Well, gol danged... It's way too late fir that... The velcro has worn thin and the stuff just don't stick 'round long nuff to pass them tests... Heck, when I was in college it weren't all that good either...

Plus, heck, I don't wanta be president. Lousy job. Right now I can honestly say that nobody hates me but if I was president then half the country would...

So, I'll just play out the hand Iz been dealt... And happily so...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 04 - 09:43 PM

Aw, darn, I wanted to go visit the hospital there and here the page
"Doctor Bobert. Paging Doctor Bobert. Doctor Bobert to surgery, STAT!"

or sit in a theater in DC and hear
"Is Doctor Bobert in the house? We have a musical emergency!"

An' jis' think of all them stories that could come along, 'bout Ol' Doc Bobert makin' house calls.

"Chester, you better run git Doc Bobert."
"Right, Marshal Dillon!"

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Bobert
Date: 12 May 04 - 09:49 PM

Well, shoot, Rap.... Hey, I din't say that I wasn't up to healin' dome folks and maybe doing a little recreational brain surgery on the weekends. I just don't wanta be president, if it's okay wid you all...

Hey, blues doctor sound purdy good, too. Blues 'ill hesal lots of stuff, includin', ahhhh.... the blues...

Doc

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 04 - 10:09 PM

Bobert, I've thought 'bout runnin' fer Prez on the platform that I promise to quit jist as soon as I git eligible fer them retirement benefits. Heck, I'll even write out and pre-date my resignation letter. An' in the meantime I'll try not to git us inta war or do somethin' stupid.

"Vote Rapaire! He'll quit as soon as he can, and he'll try not to mess things up too bad in the meantime."

Subject: RE: BS: Jus' call me Doctor Bobert.....
From: Bobert
Date: 12 May 04 - 10:25 PM

Got my vote...

Need a campaign manager?

I can just see the bumper sticker now. "If elected, I'll quit"... Hey, got a nice ring to it... I think yer on to somethin', Rap...

Bobert