BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law

Subject: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 03:30 PM

The world is now one curmudgeon short.

My paw in law Stanley died early this AM after 12 years or so of strokes, heart attacks, decreasing mobility, and nearly a year of lonely long-term care since breaking a hip and not being able to rehab well due to the strokes.

We all said goodbye to him many, many times, and are pleased he was spared another round of medical bullshit-- within days he was scheduled for amputation of a foot (and maybe more). He was in ICU, since about a week ago when they tried to save the foot with vascular surgery.

He'd been aspirating food on and off for years, only able to eat liquid diet of late, and he had developed a lung infection/ congestion. He was NOT pleased to learn that they would henceforth have to feed him via stomach-tube.

When one is already on a DNR it is hard to decide what to allow and what to decline, especially when one is wide awake and somewhat alert. But apparently his internal DNR kicked in, and he snuck off this earth in the early morning hours.

I'm impressed the old coot was able to manage it-- that his innate sumbitch-strength actually gave way fairly graciously to his desire to just SLEEP-- one of his greatest joys after the first stroke caused him an early and never-anticipated retirement!

They say he just quit breathing. In my heart I think it might not have been quite so.... calm-- he WAS a tough old bird from Kentucky ridgerunner stock. But he's managed it!

I'm grateful to have known him, and glad I spent several stints filling in for my maw in law while Stan was being cared for at home, getting to know him better. In his later years he loved to tell stories about his boyhood and the characters who raised him.... to watch the birds outside the screened porch... to hear an Arboretum- full of suburban coyotes howl at night... to grin like a dirty old man, watching people make complete idiots of themselves on junky game shows like "Supermarket Sweep." And he could enjoy a Maidenform commercial like no one else I've ever seen! :~)

It falls to me now to subvert his widow's stated desire to suppress his most-wanted funeral hymn-- Ivory Palaces-- in favor of classy Anglican stuff. I promised him....

The last time I subverted something for him, it was the Fart Machine that Hardi and I snuck into the nursing home. I pushed the button once, after holding up the unit so he could see it, then handed the remote control to him. He loked confused for just one short moment, then with vicious glee pushed the button. It was classic-- Stan sat there huddled in a wheelchair, blanket in lap, masquerading as a sick old man barely aware of the surroundings, peering out from under a snazzy black driving cap-- pushing the button over and over while my maw in law cringed. (She finally got up and went for a walk.) I seldom saw the old man so gleeful as he was that day, sitting in that very swank reception lobby while people going by tried to pretend they were not hearing it! I think they must have thought he was actually farting, cuz he had his back to them all!

Sleep well, Stan.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Peace
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 03:40 PM

Dear Susan,

Please accept my condolences. However, likely the universe is enriched with a sense of humour new to Heaven. It takes class to fart and keep a straight face and even more class NOT to fart and let people think you did.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 03:40 PM

My condolences but also congratulations to him on a death well died as well as a life well lived! One small comment - since your mawinlaw is alive at the funeral, and he isn't, I'd go with whatever comforted her, promises or no. You can always sing it yourself to him, no?

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 03:42 PM

oh, my...what a guy! It sounds like he streched out his time to the limit, just to be onery!....But then he decided he wasn't gonna like the next round of hassles and just said "ok, be seein' ya'"....

It was a bit like that with my Dad years ago....we knew we would miss him and his 'special' nature, but he was hurtin' a lot, and we were relieved to to see the end.

so...sounds like you all have just a bit more to do to get him safely on his way...and I'll bet the music suits him just fine...

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 04:33 PM

Hey Susan,

   ((((((((((((((Big hugs for you and Hardi))))))))))

Lots of love and prayers,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 05:10 PM

My wife's Aunt Mary snuck off much the same way. She wasn't going to get new glasses and her hearing tested, and by God! she didn't!

Consider that slipping off that way was just another of his jokes.... And I kinda suspect that him and God will get along just fine, because they both have a great sense of humor.

I don't know "Ivory Palaces" but if he wanted it, it should be played. I'd be HIGHLY PISSED OFF if the music I want at my funeral wasn't played. Some of that "traditional funeral stuff" is crap to start with and then played way too slow in the belief that that makes it "solemn".

He sounds like the kind of guy I'm glad lived.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 05:44 PM

Ivory Palaces is at Cyberhymnal. If nothing else I can tape the MIDI playback and tuck it in my purse to leak out weirdly! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 05:55 PM

Sorry for your trouble, Susan.

Ivory Palaces - I've never heard it but it looks a good un.

I don't know about Anglicans, but I think it'd fit well enough in a Catholic Requiem Mass. (We aren't as High Church as some Anglicans these days...)

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 06:01 PM

We took a gag photo of Stan holding Greg's banjo and pretending to play it. He looks like a real backwoods oldtimey dude. If I can find it I'll post it somewhere.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 06:33 PM

Celebrate a life well-lived. Good for Stan!
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 07:46 PM

Hugs, my love,

Allison

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Janie
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 09:33 PM

Hugs for all of you, Susan. Prayers of peace and mercy.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 10:54 PM

Commiserations Susan. He sounded like a really fine person.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 11:09 PM

Kick some butt up there, will ya Stanley?!?!.......

The joint will be a lot richer with ya'. May not know it fir a while but sounds like you can get things whipped into shape so the rest of us won't have to work quite as hard when it's our turn......

Meanwhile, (((((((hugs and prayers)))))))))) to those loved ones you've left here to fight with these eartrhy hassels...

Wish I'd met you in this life but since I didn't, catch you on the flip side...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 11:58 PM

Way to go, Stan!!
My sympathy to you and Hardi and the rest of the family, Susan.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 12:28 AM

Our condolences to you and your family, Susan.

Carol and Rob

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: fat B****rd
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 02:40 AM

My condolences and best regards.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Jeanie
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 03:54 AM

Sending good thoughts to all of you.
- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 05:14 AM

Condolences and thank you for sharing a little of Stanley's story with us. The world is a better place for having such people pass through it.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 05:47 AM

Susan you know all the words and the feelings and that they are my best and they are with you and Hardi.........Stanley was obviously my kind of guy.   Are you sending him off with fart machine in hand? He might be able to get some laughs wherever it is he winds up!!!

Spaw(:<))

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 07:56 AM

Stan was clearly on of the Grand Ones who meet life head on and walk their own path. All my best to you and Hardi -- don't froget to make some Sabboth time for yourselfs in the mist of meeting everyone elses needs. Raise a glass to Stan ....I will

Blessings

Tinker

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: GUEST, Briarhopper
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 08:26 AM

Sorry for your loss...

That being said, here's a correction to your statement "he WAS a tough old bird from Kentucky ridgerunner stock."

Kentuckians are Briarhoppers...Tennesseeans are Ridgerunners.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: Big Mick
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 08:54 AM

Living and dying are the way of it and there is something to be said for those who do both well. Won't be hard finding this voice in others. God be good to you Stan, and if you see Fielding, remember one thing. He has a fart machine too.

Condolences to the family,

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Obit: My Tough Ole Paw-in-Law
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 08:01 PM

Last time we visited Hardi's folks, Hardi had offered the nursing home a free Sunday-hymn-sing. Of course they accepted! Logistically it was the nursing home gig from hell, and we had a brand-new sound system to try for the first time, too. Blistering heat for lugging stuff.... I'll spare you ALL the details.

Because I insisted on going VERY early-- having read ALL the Mudcat nursing home gig threads, thanks all!!!-- it all turned out fine.

Stan was usually quite recalcitrant about participating in family social events for more than about 15 minutes, and usually pretty crabby even DURING the requisite 15 minutes-- "Take me home now." Or, "I'm going to bed." But when we played, he actually played tambourine for awhile, grinning from ear to ear, showing off for his geezer buddies! "Go Stan!" one of them actually shouted. They had never seen him animated at all, much less THAT animated.

This remanins one of Hardi's hapiest memories of his dad, and it's what we prefer as a last memory of Stan's form, to the open-casket visitation his mom offered.

I mention all of this by way of potential explanation for Hardi's mom's amazing and entirely unexpected decision to ask the church organist to play "Ivory Palaces" ...instead of asking us to do it??? She's heard us play, after all. :~)

And no, we cannot put the fart machine in the coffin. Stan's going to be cremated, and why waste a perfectly good fart machine after all. And no I will not be playing it during the funeral, tho it will probably be heard back at the house afterwards. You have not had the pleasure of meeting Hardi's younger brother Phil. Think of Catspaw and a martial arts master somehow oddly mixed together. Well the FM actually belongs to Phil.

BTW, we WILL be back from Chicagoland in time to host much-wanted houseguests on their way to the Getaway and back home again after G'way, and this will be a joy, not a burden. And we'd be damn happy to have more. I finally finished the Mudcat dorm yesterday. A few decor touches remain to do over the winter, but beds for 5 are waiting and it's so cute and comfy-looking up there!!!!

~Susan