BS: Just how do they collect it........???

Subject: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 07:44 PM

Just how do you collect bee semen? Carefully I guess......Must give them copies of Playbee to get them started.


US approves NZ bee exports
   

Nov 9, 2004

Trade negotiators have gained approval for New Zealand bee exports to United States, resolving a 26-year old trade dispute.

Trade Negotiations Minister Jim Sutton has welcomed public notification in the US Federal Register that New Zealand honey bees and honey bee semen may be exported to the United States from November 22.

"The decision by the United States to allow New Zealand access for both honey bees and honey bee semen is good news. It allows our exporters access into a niche market," Sutton said.

Shipments will also be able to transit more easily through the United States to Canada, New Zealand's biggest live bee market.

Sutton said the United States Department of Agriculture has heavily scrutinised the biosecurity implications of importing New Zealand bees and was satisfied they pose no threat.

New Zealand first requested honey bee access to the US in 1978.

"Efforts by the Foreign Affairs and Trade Minister, our Embassy in Washington and the Agriculture and Forestry Ministry have been vital to reach this successful outcome," Sutton said.

Some steps still need to be finalised before trade can commence, he said.

MAF is drafting export certificates for the export of bees to continental US and transit through Hawaii and will then negotiate with the United States conditions for the export of honeybees.

Exports of New Zealand honey bees and honey bee semen to the United States are expected to be valued at initially $NZ140,000 a year.

Queen bee exports to Canada in 2003 were valued at $NZ1.09 million.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 08:14 PM

"Where's Sam, honey?"
"Out back, jerking the bees."

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Joe Offer
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 08:15 PM

Some people around here could come up with a really kinky answer...

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 08:54 PM

I don't know how they collect it, but where are they going to find the supertankers to transport it in? And what'll happen if one of the tankers should rupture? A massive sploodge spill the likes of which has not been seen since John Holmes died, that's what. I just don't think it's worth the risk.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:00 PM

M Y   G A W D!

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:34 PM

Consider the environmental and genetic consequences of such an accident!    The stuff washes ashore, lingering in lagoons where mosquito eggs are waiting. The mosquitoes become even worse than they are now, the honey is worthless. They eventually interbreed with seagulls....

Frog eggs fertilized with bee semen...frogs with stingers...no more frog legs...french restaurants worldwide go belly-up....

Oh, the horror! The horror!

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Beespunk is now officialy my new favourite word.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 09:59 PM

Note:

If semen is collected and stored we need to have some measure of the way it degrades with time or contamination.

Drones do not become properly sexually mature until they are at least 14 days old and have had five good flying days. It is thus recommended that drones not be used until they are 15 days old or more if the weather has been uncertain.

There is a limit to the age that a drone is useful (more here later)

Varroa treatment using Formic Acid renders the drones dry and impotent. And many other chemicals that are used for varroa treatment are under suspicion of causing drone infertility. There is also the possibility that drones exposed to residual doses of these chemicals may have defective or short lived sperm, even if they produce semen.

It is therefore recommended that colonies intended to provide drones for insemination should be treated the previous year so that the reared drones are not affected by fluvalinate or other residues.

Semen stored in the spermatheca of a queen appears to remain valid and fertile for the life of the queen, certainly semen taken from one year-old queens is no different in viability to semen taken from 3-week old queens.

Semen can be stored for six to eight weeks at room temperature, with a gradual reduction in viability. After 9 months this viability is reduced to 50%. (half life? is 18 months 25%?)

Propidium iodide will bind to DNA in dead sperm and will glow red when illuminated with light in the visible spectrum from an argon-ion laser. This avoids the harmful effects of UV exposure.

The SYBR-14 stain glows green when attached to live sperm.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Peace
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 10:07 PM

Amos,

It took me ten years to learn to spell aperary, apiaery, apeeairy, aypeary, yeah aypeary. How did you DO that?

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 10:16 PM

The bee is such a busy soul,
It has no time for birth control.
And that is why, in times like these,
There are so many sons-of-bees.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 12:56 AM

'until the drones have had 5 good flying days'

Do they have log books to record their activities? Seems very bureaucratic to me. And who checks their log books?

And if a tanker full of bee semen did get shipwrecked would the headlines be(e)'Semen slick comes ashore in.....'

Last question how do they use the sperm to artificially inseminate the queen, dont think one of those big thingies that the cow breeders use would do anything but squash the poor old queen.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Peace
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 01:00 AM

That's true, Shanghaiceltic. It is also why the cow jumped over the moon.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 01:17 AM

I somehow think this thread should be connected to the End of the World thread.......

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: MBSLynne
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 06:18 AM

Ok...as a professional artificial inseminator.....

When collecting semen from bulls, a cow or steer known as the "teaser" is tied up and the bull walked backwards and forwards behind it to get him excited and so get the optimum quantity and quality of semen. (I hope your imaginations are working on bees here!) When the person leading the bull decides he's ready (the bull, not the person) the bull is allowed to mount the teaser. Standing ready to one side is someone holding a rubber tube (Yes, you all know about this!) with warm water between the outer and inner walls and a test tube attached to the end. He rushes in and wacks the tube on the bull's penis, catching the semen, which goes into the test tube. Ok, now picture it done with bees!!

As far as inseminating the queens goes.....I can really see me, dressed in my wellies and neck-to-knee parturition gown and long plastic glove, sticking my arm (It had better be my finger I think, and even that's ambitious) up the bee's bum. (God! How do I avoid the sting??) then inserting the insemination gun, already containing a plastic straw of bee semen. I have to locate the cervix (Do they have one?) and gently work the rod through to the other side where I release the semen to go evenly up both horns of the uterus. The big question, however..... a cow is served when it is in season, known, in the trade, as 'bulling'. You can tell when a cow is bulling because, among other things, it will stand still and allow other cows to mount it. How do you tell when a bee is in season? And would it be known as droning? What does this say about bagpipe players? I think I'd better leave this here.......

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Seaking
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 06:27 AM

There are days my own job doesn't seem so bad after all..

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 06:34 AM

Anyone know any bee wanking shanties? Or pulling shanties in general? I think the only way to do this is to place the bees and the semen in a washing machine and give them 10 minutes on a warm cycle (or possibly a tandem).

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Micca
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 07:09 AM

Maybe with all this droning, beetossing could become a new game for adding to Highland games? with prizes for distance and points added for style, grace, and technical merit? maybe they would ban the use of artificial aids (such as Viagra)? and the thought of a bee with a hard-on Oh My!!!!!,
As a chemist what would the mterials Hazard Data sheet look like?

Substance:-bee Sperm,    Hazards:- irritant, Biohazard, inflamatory(if your a bee)

other Hazards:- risk of pregnancy(only if you are a Queen)
Can cause increased attractiveness to Queen bees and therefore risk from swarms.
possible Biohazard, Risk of environmental damage

Avoid contact with skin unless you have a taste for wolly black and yellow stripey clothing

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Dead Horse
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 08:36 PM

When I was a little bee, so my mother told me.
Way, haul away. We'll haul away, Drone.
That if I didna serve the Queen, my stinger would go mouldy.
Way, haul away. We'll haul away, Drone.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: GUEST,Queen Buzzela
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:28 PM

Leave me alone! I know how it's done

And I'd rather let Sir Studley Bee take care of my needs than allow some ex-cow stuffer to meddle in delicate places!

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Peace
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 09:39 PM

Does this then explain the origin of the expletive, "Go take a flying f###!"?

(That was for you Tarheel, jus' in case your missus is passin' by the screen.)

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:17 PM

Yeah, it might explain it, but how do you account for the rolling doughnut?

Hey, MBSLynne -- how do you suppose you preg check a bee? I mean, I've done it on a cow (sans glove, no less -- messy fingernails clear up to the shoulder), but what you you feel for in a bee? And with what?

If I remember rightly, queen bees don't have stingers.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:26 PM

For inquiring minds, here you go Ohio Queen Breeders

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:30 PM

more than even the most extreme voyeur ever wanted to know about the subject.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:41 PM

Lemme git this straight. You grab the drone and squash it, and the semen comes out and you collect it in a tiny wee pipette. Then you stick the queen in a tube, pull her stinger one way and her "opening" another. You find a V-shaped thing and stick the end of that tiny wee pipette in it and, so to speak, fill 'er up. During this the queen is knocked out with cee-oh-two.

So we got a queen who wakes up preggers by some guy she doesn't know and who is, in fact, dead. No romance, no candlelight dinner, no romantic music, no emerald necklace, no etchings. Just a wham-bam-thank-you- ma'am and you're knocked up by some dead guy your never heard of or met.

This is ethical? This is legal? By God, George W. Bush will hear of this!

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Nov 04 - 11:43 PM

What a way to loose you head.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: open mike
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 02:46 AM

by the way Varroa are mites that inhabit
a bee's trachea and inhibit their ability
to breathe...very destructive to California
bee keeping industry. Trachael mites make it
difficult to transport bees too because they
are neary invisible and could easily spread.
some bees are able to be kept over winter if
they are given a new queen the next year. CA
used to ship a lot of queens to Canada before
mites did so much damage to the hives here. I
studied beekeeping at a local community college
and we toured a queen hatchery with our class.
there are 3-5 hives just a few yards from my place
the neighbors have honey, mead and wax a-plenty!

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 02:48 AM

Very small hands.

Or else a small funnel and good reflexes to catch all that bee bukkake from all those fapping bachelor bees.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Gurney
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 04:31 AM

"It mustn't be thought that I'm jealous,
there are things a cow shouldn't say,
but those Land-Army tarts
who handle our parts,
still get it the old-fashioned way!"

Reaching into my grab-bag memory of useless knowledge: the tubing used to inseminate bees is one of the smallest made by man, the hole is barely visible to the human eye, and then only when the tube is cut at an angle.
Sum total of my information on that subject, as I was only reading about it in, I think, The Guinness Book, technology section.

Rapaire, don't worry about bees, some WOMEN get inpregnated by useless drones. It's Natures way of continuing the species.

We have Varroa Mite in NZ too. Caused distress to many honey producers last year.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Metchosin
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 04:42 AM

I used to make such tubing. Two people hold a hollow glass rod over a bunsen burner and then when it starts to melt, one runs with an end, as fast as one can to the other end of the lab. Speed and timing were of the essence.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Dead Horse
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 04:44 AM

OM,Did I hear you to say that California is exporting surplus queens to Canada? Is this a backlash against Gay Pride?????

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 04:52 AM

bugger the how.. the question should be(e) WHY?

Why not let the poor bees have their fun... they only have a few weeks, let them live a little.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 07:18 AM

What sort of contraption do you have for calving bees? (What IS the larva of a bee called?)

I now have pictures in my head of tiny herringbone parlours where people 'honey' the bees!

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 10:57 AM

MBS, they use an apparatus like the one in the picture, only a bit smaller.

Subject: RE: BS: Just how do they collect it........???
From: GUEST,Queen Buzella
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 11:10 AM

So that's what happened!! I was sedated and prodded without permission. Now look! All those eggs, and no Daddy! And it wasn't even fun.

Watch your fingers next time, buddy.