BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor

Subject: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM

To all my esteemed patients,

It seems very much to these old bones that the standard of guitar construction must have risen considerably in recent times as my services have scarcely been called upon in the second half of this past year, not even from Dearest Ebbie (who I am quite sure has disobeyed my advice and has peeked at those websites that were forbidden). However, I am present daily and my surgery, as if I should need to remind you, is always open for the needy. Someone, of course, may have received an instrument for Christmas without an earthly clue as to what to do with it.

You may have no fear on this account. Unlike the sad case of the unwanted puppies (may I take this opportunity to remind all that a dog or other pet, even a hamster, is for life), unwanted guitars and other instruments may be easily recycled. Just take a look at what I have been doing for a school project during the recent "lull period"!

Musical sculpture

Best wishes to all for whatever you celebrate this season and a very Happy New Year!

Your servant always,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:45 AM

That is 'bloody awesome'.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: DMcG
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:48 AM

A school project? Were these ALL confiscated instruments, then?

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: GUEST,The Swiis Family Hornblower
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 08:03 AM

My Esteemed Doctor:

I am not sure if this is a musical or social problem, but I am confident that you will be able to assist me, whatever the issue.

I attend a session weekly at a friend's house, in which the members have clubbed together to buy me an Alphorn as a 'Secret Santa' present. Alphorns, as you know, are between 10.5 and 13.5 foot long, or thereabouts.

My concern is that the room in which we meet is itself only 10 foot square. Is the right etiquette to have the horn inside the room, and stay outside myself, or to be in the room with the mouth of the horn outside? Or is it a hint that we should both stay out?

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:14 AM

Oh, wow!

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:52 AM

Have they also bought you the motorised case for this beast? If not, it may present difficulties going home on the bus. Should you not be able move it at all you could always convert it into a ski jump ramp.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM

Or you could take it up onto a balcony and roll ping pong balls down it into the street below, to confuse people. They'd think it was really big snow. That bounces.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:05 AM

Fortunately you live in a three-dimensional world. Use the diagonal of the room, placing the far end in the corner on the floor and stand on a stool with your head up in the opposite corner to blow. Won't do a thing for accoustics, but it will fit!

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:14 AM

the diagonal of the room would be 14.4 feet if it is 10 ft square - (even in just two dimensions) so you should have plenty of room if you use the diagonal. you shouldn't need more then 12.5 maximum.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Amergin
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:19 PM

Hmm...and I was expecting a Bah Humbug from The Master...

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: *daylia*
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:35 PM

But from whatever dimension, blow that Alphorn in a 10' sq room and you might all need alp.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:04 PM

guitar #43...17th down from the top, 3rd in from the left...bridge needs re-agignment. It will never be in tune with the others.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:07 PM

How lovely to see you again, Doctor! I'd recognize you 'most anywhere- but I'm not sure - is that you under that inverted cone?

If you hadn't given out those forbidden website addresses, I would feel less guilty- or be as well informed. (The best defense... you know.)

Guiltily,
Ebbie
Nee Alona Lott

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: C-flat
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:45 PM

Seasonal greetings Doc.!!
It's been a while since I last visited your surgery but you'll no doubt be happy to know that I've been studying hard and working my way towards my ultimate goal..........ROCK LEGEND!

I've had a few issues with audience heckling and but my latest aquisition is proving a real attention grabber and helping enormously with any crowd hostility.
Repeat gigs are slow to come through but I think I'm gaining something of a reputation.
Just a matter of time!!
Rock and Roll?....Lock and Load!!!

Regards and festive good wishes,

G.Slinger

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 09:20 AM

A Heckler for a heckler?
I love it!!

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Mudlark
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 09:17 PM

I note that the Heckler has both a silencer AND a laser thingy....very helpful in quelling a roomful of yahoos. As for my own personal problem, Dr. Guitar, I've recently purchased yet another guitar, in hopes that this one will play barre chords, but no such luck. Perhaps you could point me to the proper instrument?

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 09:32 PM

Wow and Wow!

There is never too much time for the gifted.

Thanks be to whatever Gods exist that the concertina was not sacrificed in this obviously creative process.

But is the whole more than the sum of its parts?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: open mike
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 10:18 PM

OK DOC HERE IS A QUESTION FOR YOU---
i have some major damage to the finish
and pick guard of my martin and need to part
with it for several weeks in order to get it
re-finished, says the luthier...in order
for the multiple layers of laquer (or whatever)
to dry , harden, cure or whatever. I am not
sure i can make it for that long without my
pal Martina. Is it feasible to un-string 1/2
of the strings on my 12 string and play it as
a 6 string while i am without my favorite axe?

i have trouble keeping all 12 in tune and suspect
it needs some work on teh tuners in order to function
properly, but i have not succumbed to GAS enough to
have any more than the 2 guitars at this time.
Is there a pressure difference with only 6 strings,
and will that negatively effect (affect) the 12 string?

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 04:30 AM

That is a truly awesome construction, with only one major flaw... you didn't ask for contributions! I could have sent you 5 or 6 melodeons/accordions to add to it.

What happens if someone wants their banjo back?!

And I love the sniper guitar..... is it for taking out the bass player when he gets too cocky (bass players traditionally standing to the leads' left......)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 08:03 AM

Dear Doctor,

I think you should have a cupps tea, a Bex, and a good lie down - you'll never keep all those strings in tune!

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: open mike
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 07:59 PM

the sniper guitar IS the bass player!! all other
players are in jeopardy.....by the way are there
any answers about the 6 string 12 string question?
or do i need to find a 12 string, 12 bar, 12 fret,
12 step program and just get over it??

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: DMcG
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 03:59 AM

It's about two weeks since the Doctor posted to this thread and he appears to be ignoring some clients with desparate problems, which is most out of character.

You don't think the sculpture has collapsed on top of him, do you?

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: open mike
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:04 AM

oh my! imagine the caucauphony of sound which that might create!
is there a doctor in the house??!!
beware to lock your vehicle doors when visiting the humane society
or pound or you may come back to find it full of puppies or kittens.
next?

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 05:37 AM

Re the 12 string to 6 string - just tune it an octave high and the neck tension should be unchanged.

See how simple it is?

John

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 07:00 AM

Dear Friends,

DMcG is of course right and it is unaccepteable, not to mention unethical, for me not to have attended to these poor afflicted souls immediately.

I shall study their problems with my usual assiduous eye and perform diagnosis coupled with the necessary therapy shortly.

Fortunately, the structure has not yet collapsed upon me!

My Dear Liz: Of course you are right! So obvious in hindsight! A few accordions or melodeons with their accompanying hot air would have course added buoyancy to the structure as well as pleasing other musicians in general.

Your ever faithful servant!

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: 42
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 07:32 AM

I have a friend who has, for years, played his twelve string with 6 strings. He likes the wide neck but not the 12 strings.

He actually removed the extra tuners!

I guess it can work.
Jen

Subject: RE: BS: Best Wishes from The Doctor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 09:28 AM

Dear Doctor,

As a trumpeter, I feel that I must ask this:

Do alpenhorn players blow? I mean, they can't very well suck, can they?

Thank you.