BS: Chimpanzee to testify!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:16 AM

I agree. Most TV and radio talk shows should also be hosted by apes or monkeys.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Flash Company
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:18 AM

Little Hawk--- A whole lot of what is going on in my country (UK) as well as the US reminds me of what the Romans did. Give the people circuses, it will take their attention away from the mess we are making of governing the country!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:19 AM

Yeah, just look at Big Brother...

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 01:42 PM

Many of those who are involved in the protection of children from abuse would view this case differently from the way most of us do.   

Those who abuse children and destroy the trust that many children still have in the good intentions that most adults have towards them - do not just abuse children on the few occasions that appear in court cases. They tend to abuse children over a long period but where there is usually little evidence that is strong enough to go to ever risk going to court with.

If you think that some members of the prosecution act as if the case against Michael Jackson was proven - it is probably because they are aware of information aand evidence about other abuses of children - that will never find its way to court. I suspect that they wish that some of the curent witnesses were not so easy for a deterimined defence to place doubt upon - and that the testimony of others could be produced - but that is just the process we have.......

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 09:32 PM

Shambles,

They said the same thing about G.W. prior to invading Iraq. Turns out most of what he knew wasn't real. MJ isn't guilty until proven innocent. There's a principal involved here. It's OK for the defense to go around saying he's innocent. That's their job. The prosecution should not be "acting" like he's guilty. That's for a jury to decide. That's the way the American justice system is supposed to work.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not defending MJ. He creeps me out. We ought to start a class action suit against everyone that puts his picture on the news for emotional damage for looking at him.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 03:18 AM

You still don't get the point... Regardless of whether MJ is innocent, guilty or mad as a bag of herring....

IT'S A FUCKING CHIMPANZEE AND THEY WANT IT TO TESTIFY IN A COURT OF LAW!!!

Shouldn't there be a rule about calling pets to the stand? Has the US Justice system become so dumb that they could CONSIDER calling a pet to the stand?

Pros: Tell me Tiddles, where were you on the night of the 15th June?

Tiddles: Meow.

Pros: And what did you see there?

Tiddles: Puurrrrrrowl rowwwl meow prrrp.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 08:20 AM

It won't be the first time that an attempt has been made to turn a court of law into a circus.........

A number of people think the whole case is a distraction and a waste of time and energy. I was making the point that behind the circus element - remains a serious issue of the abuse of children and the protection of children (and animals) from that abuse. Agencies involved in this - do take it seriously.

I am not sure if Michael Jackson is guilty of these particular charges - or if this procedure will ever be able to establish this either way. But that is the procedure.

Whether Michael Jackson is mentally fit to be facing criminal charges is debatable, I think - but if he is fit enough to make money for record companies etc and be in sole charge of three (of his own) children - perhaps he is? This perhaps needs to be established - but this is not the defence being offered.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Davetnova
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 08:42 AM

Just a little note LTS.
The American justice system is not the only one to call pets. A case here UK recently called a woman's dog as a witness to prove that the woman was incapable of ordering the dog to attack a policeman.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 02:09 PM

But the catalyst was still the woman.. it was her inablility to order the dog that was on trial, not the dog getting up on the stand and saying 'she told me to bite the cop but I didn't'....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 02:12 PM

Good dog!! Good dog!!

ROTFLMA


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Flash Company
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 07:44 AM

Kenneth Grahame, the author of 'Wind in the Willows' said something along the lines that Monkeys have never shown any inclination to speak, they know that if they did they would be expected to work!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 09:45 AM

Of course, this is what a monkey might be capable of, according to The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite

"This memo describes a protocol suite which supports an infinite number of monkeys that sit at an infinite number of typewriters in order to determine when they have either produced the entire works of William Shakespeare or a good television show"

In the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Infinite Improbability Drive caused just that.

Arthur Dent: "Ford! There's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out."

Ya never know ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Balin son of Fundin son of Swarlin son of
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 12:48 PM

Primate: (noun) - achbishop, member of the highest order of mammals including man and apes.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 12:56 PM

There's a hidden truth inherent in the very concept of an infinite number of monkeys. The truth is revealed by the collision and cognitive dissonance between "infinity" and "monkeys" who usually get lost above three when counting.

But I do not know what the truth is.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 02:52 PM

Ahh! Let the chimp testify, he'll probably make more sense than Jacko anyway.

DT

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 08:23 PM

Wasn't it the Brits that allowed testimony from animals? I thought I read about it in "Dr. Doolittle".

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 05:14 AM

In another UK book of fiction - Peter Pan - little boys could live forever and fly in to children's bedrooms. Perhaps some US folks can't tell that these works are fantasy?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: robomatic
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 05:30 AM

I'm wondering if there is a cultural difference here.

In England you can be pretty weird but as long as you don't hurt anybody, they not only leave you alone, they give you some credit.

Here in America if you are weird yet harmless, you are also perceived to be vulnerable and sooner or later someone tries to take advantage of that and there is no societal sense of 'fairplay' to bar that sort of activity.

I'm not saying Jackson is necessarily that sort of weirdo, but he seems to be harming himself more than anyone else and the caliber of his accusers is to say the least, suspect.

Not to mention the sleaze-fest feeding frenzy.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: robomatic
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 05:32 AM

From Capitol Steps (by memory)

I am a David Duke supporter
He says his Nazi days are gone
Now once again he's at J C Penney's
Seems they've got a giant white sale on.

He went to see a plastic surgeon
To give his face an aryan trim
Now Michael Jackson's gone Anglo Saxon
Duke wants to be more white than him

chorus:
Stand By Your Klan...

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 09:41 PM

Guest has no sense of humor.

Although not in the same light as a chimp testifying, we present evidence all the time in the form of animal testimony when our search animals find drugs and explosives.

Let him testify. They're calling it a circus and I've had enough of my share of the clowns. Bring on the animals!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: LadyJean
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 12:51 AM

Having read Saki's Tobermory, I hope my cats are never called to testify on my behalf, and God forbid they should be called to testify against me.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 04:04 AM

They won't be able to call the chimpanzee because they would have to find a look-like actor to play the part on the daily TV re-enactment...Or a chimp to say the lines.......

This show is interesting to watch. Watching the actor playing the high-powered defence cross-examining the actor playing the brother of the boy who claims to have been abused - reminds me of a Monty Python sketch where big John Cleese has a boxing match with a sweet little girl dressed in her party frock. He knocks her all around the ring and no one seems to see or object to the fact that this is no contest and an obvious mis-match.......

When the actor playing the boy hinself (the main witness against Michael Jackson) is cross-examined - I suspect this mis-match is going to be even more pronounced.

I can't help thinking that - whether it was by Michael Jackson or by his parents exposing him to this possibility and no matter how unreliable these parents may appear and whatever their motives - that there is little doubt that this child has been abused - and this court process is only adding to this.....

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 05:27 PM

So now the chimp is a paedophile tracker now is it?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 06:57 PM

Need I comment?





Subject: RE: BS: In every thread someone has to be last!
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 08 Apr 04 - 11:27 PM

Any situation can be improved by adding a chimp to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 04:27 AM

unless you're making guacamole.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 11:51 AM

I stand by my statement of 08 Apr 04 - 11:27 PM.

Thank you, Bearded Bruce!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 05:46 PM

You LIKE guacamole with chimp? Don't you find they eat half the ingredients before you can get it into the dip bowl?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 11:20 PM

No, no, you don't mix the chimp in with the guacamole, you share interesting dinner conversation over the guacamole WITH the chimp.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John O'L
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 11:48 PM

You never know, the chimp might rat on him.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 08:54 AM

No, the rat was called Ben... remember the song?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 01:35 PM

I can't wait to hear Bubbles' testimony. I think there will be some really shocking revelations, sufficient to make the O.J. trial look dull in comparison.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 05:32 PM

Shambles,

I guess your right. The only person I can think of who might look enough like bubbles to portray him in the re-enactments is too busy mismanaging this country!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 06:31 PM

I have only one thing to say.... the remake of 'Planet of the Apes', Helena Bonham Carter.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 07:34 AM

I have only one thing to say.... the remake of 'Planet of the Apes', Helena Bonham Carter.

That was Michael Jackson...............!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 13 Mar 05 - 07:38 AM

See the Story of Oliver.

http://paranormal.about.com/library/weekly/aa022800a.htm

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 06:07 PM

Bubbles was mentioned in court today - but has not been called to testify - yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John O'L
Date: 06 Apr 05 - 08:43 PM

"Do you swear to tell the truth...(embarrassed grin)...the whole truth...(looks pleadingly to the judge for salvation - finds none)...and nothing but the truth?"
The chimp scratches his head, does one of those lopsided Sid Viscious smiles and flicks the ash from the end of his cigar.
"OK. Where were you on the night of the fourteenth?"

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 06:28 AM

The court did get to hear that Bubbles had bitten one of the prosecution witnesses - on two occasions.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM

Dangerous animal!! Any other beast would have been put down after the first bite (unless it was a Royal doggie....)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM

Perhaps we should remember that it is not the poor chimpanzee that is on trial?

Anyone predicting the outcome?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 07:27 PM

Yes. The lawyers will win.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John O'L
Date: 07 Apr 05 - 08:28 PM

Wacko Jacko will walk (moon-style no doubt)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 03:15 AM

Well let's face it, there's more than enough evidence to prove he's as loony as a lake in Ontario!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 11:40 AM

Eccentric is the word - if the individual has money. Or in the UK when the family may have one time had money.

Anyone else as eccentric as sharing their bed and showering with very young boys - would have been dealt with - a long time ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 07 - 02:25 AM

This is one of the funniest gems of a thread we ever had. It deserves to be revived.

Voila!