BS: Chimpanzee to testify!

Subject: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:21 AM

Michael Jackson's Defence wants to call Bubbles the Chimp to testify his innocence.

The more astute amongst you will have spotted the obvious problem.

So he's bringing Judy, a translator.

Judy is a gorilla.

Does anyone else feel that this is slightly beyond the pale?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: greg stephens
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:40 AM

You'll get as much sense out of the apes as they are getting from Martin "Journalistic Principles" Bashir.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:42 AM

Don't forget to bring your knitting

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Tarzan
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:07 AM

Me Tarzan, me translate for Bubbles, that Judy is one lying bitch of a gorilla, she tell lies about paleface child molester.

Ungawa, Tarzan

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:09 AM

I didn't know that GWB was a friend of Michael's!
Giok ¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Davetnova
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:12 AM

can't Chongo translate?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: robomatic
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:12 AM

I'm sure glad the press is paying adequate attention to this and not being distracted from the lesser issues of the day like the economy, Iraq, the Middle East, and narcotics.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:34 AM

Only in the Yew-Ess-Of-Ay! ROFLMAO!!
S:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 07:41 AM

I dunno, I heard that Chongo and Bubbles don't exactly get along. Could Chongo be trusted to provide a fair and unbiased translation?

And anyway, Chongo doesn't really speak English. He speaks Hammettese. That means the court would have to provide another translator to translate Chongo's translation.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Layah
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 09:26 AM

I've heard of chains of translators being used in courts. Kind of makes you wonder whether what comes out has any relation to what was said in the first place. I've especially heard this in relation to deaf people who have not learned any language. They are translated to by deaf people who know sign language, and then a voice interpreter is used to translate that. I just wonder how the deaf person manages to talk to a person who knows no language.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 09:39 AM

I say get the gorilla outa the picture. Get another chimp in the court to translate. I would go, but I ain't got time for it. Besides, I can't stand Michael Jackson. He gives me the creeps. I don't like gorillas much either. I guess I am in agreeement with Tarzan on this one, but I got my doubts that that was the real Tarzan. I met the real Tarzan, and he don't sign off by saying "Ungawa". That's just in the movies.

"Ungawa" means, "He said it!" It can also mean "They said it!". Tarzan used to get angry elephants to stomp on people by pointing at them and saying "Ungawa!" This was some time after he would give a buncha loud yells that meant, "All elephants are dimwit, dumbass, motherf*ckers!!!" That would work great for bringin' the elephants out of the forest in the first place.

I am frankly surprised that the elephants never caught on and stomped Tarzan's ass, but I guess he is just lucky.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: burntstump
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 11:37 AM

can you tell who is who?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 11:52 AM

say it isn't so...please say it isn't so

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 11:58 AM

Didn't Bubbles die in 2001? Are they going to have him testify via medium?>

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 12:08 PM

I thought Bubbles was his python or boa constrictor...some kind of snake.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 12:18 PM

I heard on Radio today that MJ's next record will be 'I'm forever blowing bubbles'. :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 12:50 PM

From today's Times.

However, the judge in the case, Rodney Melville, refused to make a decision, saying he would review the questions that Mr Bashir refused to answer and decide later whether he was in contempt. "It's a really ticklish area," the judge said.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 01:12 PM

Well considering it was Bashir's documentary that got the Public Prosecuter interested in the first place.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 01:46 PM

Give the chimp a gorilling I say. Bestiality is an offence in the UK, how about the US....A chimp "sticking up" for Michael..The mind boggles!
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 05:59 PM

I was going to post a link to "Michael and Bubbles," the Jeff Koons ceramic sculpture someone paid $5.6 million dollars for recently. (Must have been out of respect for Bubbles.)

The site won't let me link direct to the image, but it's a sidebar (3d image down) at Editorial: Miles Mathis and you can click the image there for the "larger view."

Warning – some content at this site may be almost as offensive (to some) as scandal about Mr. Michael.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chris Green
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:06 PM

An old one I know, but isn't Michael Jackson's favourite song "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles"? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 06:20 PM

The snake (an albino Burmese Python) is "Muscles".

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Tarzan
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 05:36 AM

I remember you Chongo Chimp, you right, you should translate, you got good sense of humour.

Ungawa, Tarzan

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: sue exhull
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 06:29 AM

I heard that when Micheal Jackson dies, they are going to melt him down and make him into toys, so kids can play with him for a change !

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:09 AM

So is the concensus that he is guilty of what he is accused of or innocent until proven guilty? It seems that a lot of people have found him guilty already without any sort of evidence. The police must think they have a good case but it is surely up to the court to judge the reality of it all.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:17 AM

Hey Duellingbouzoukis, I was five posts ahead of you! :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:25 AM

legally he is innocent until proven guilty. However - as you say - public opinion is that he is guilty.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 08:52 AM

Public opinion generally assumes that people are guilty when charged...it's a nasty but common characteristic. God help any innocent person who is accused of a crime, because they enter that court with 2 strikes already against them...and they will undoubtedly be damaged by the experience, even if acquitted.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 09:49 AM

Only his fan club think he is not guilty.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 10:06 AM

By the time his defence team have finished - everyone (including the court cleaners) will be found gulity.

In a case that is largely one persons word against another - there must be a danger in making the jury choose between prosecution witnesses who the defence have done their best to discredit and the word of an unreliable defendant.

I am sure that Michael Jackson is not going to placed on the stand but we and the jury would have already seen him claim that he has only had two cosmetic operations on his nose only and that sharing his bed with young boys was OK.....

When it comes to establishing the truth - this must make it very hard for any jury to accept the defences view. For example - that MJ's fingerprints were on his porno magazines because the children had found them and he had seized them back.......

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 10:40 AM

Defence lawyer Tom Mesereau (who concluded his statement on Tuesday):

"Mr Jackson will freely admit that he does read girlie magazines from time to time. He absolutely does not show them to children."

Is it OK to show them to chimps?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 05:18 PM

I'll ask Chongo about that. My guess is he will reply with a resounding "YES!"

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 05:58 PM

The other half of "Sic Transit", keyboard player and parodist extraordinaire, Clive Lever, came up with this one (soong in Geordie, why Aye!).

Chorus:- War Jacko's lost his marbles,
          War Jacko's lost his marbles,
          War Jacko's lost his marbles,
          He's one brick short of a load.

First he gave us thrillin',
With that he made a killin',
But he wasn't the full shillin',
So next he gave us Bad.

Chorus:-

Bad, it was pathetic,
A musical emetic,
But he couldn't spell pathetic,
Why else would he call it bad.

Chorus:-

Next he had a nose job,
It would have made a saint sob,
Cos half an inch above his gob,
They stuck his private parts.

Chorus:-

Then he had a skin graft,
It made him look so bloody daft,
That even Stevie Wonder laughed,
When he turned from black to white.

Chorus:-

So if you spent your money,
On his latest CD,
Ten to one you must be,
One brick short of a load.

Chorus:-


Works for me!
Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 06:01 PM

Sorry folks, missed out penultimate verse.

I heard on panorama,
He'd bought himself a Llama,
The bloody stupid nana,
Couldn't tell it from a dog.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 05:51 PM

Since it has now been alleged that Jacko did some jacking for the chimp as well, will the defence now decide not to call the chimp, and claim matrimonial privilege if the prosecution call it?

My inclination is that the family's claims are a stickup (but then they would be, wouldn't they)?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 05:57 PM

very good Don (Clive), in the tradition as well!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: semi-submersible
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:27 AM

Does he show the smutty pictures to chimps? Well, a chimp's tastes may differ, but male rhesus macaques will give up some of their favourite fruit juice to see certain pictures of their own species: backsides (females only) and faces (high-rank only). (segment of CBC Radio's Ideas series; I also recommend the previous week's show)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 12:47 PM

Oh for f&%$s sake

IT'S A CHIMPANZEE!!! with a GORILLA acting as translator... imagine the things it could come out with...

Prosec.: 'Did your owner have illicit relationships with young boys?'

Bubbles: 'Bubble want a banana?'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:24 PM

So? I think they should definitely do it. After the incredible farce of the O.J. trial, the glove, and all that...after the ludicrous 2000 election...after the pre-emptive war on the country that didn't have WMD's or cause 911...why not stretch the ludicrous drama of "justice in the USA" that one little step further?

It reminds me of the Roman emperors who did crazy stuff like declaring themselves gods...or marrying their female relatives to horses...or whatever.

The time for this has definitely come! Bring on the chimp and the gorilla, I say!

I think Madonna should also be brought in as a "material witness". And Liz Taylor. Let's milk this sucker for all it's worth, so as to take people's minds off stuff that really matters, like Medicare or the war. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:34 PM

I am sure that Jonathan King will testify to confim Michael Jackson's good name.....If they let him out of prison and they let him into the USA.

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 08:24 PM

From what I heard the prosecution is bringing in Koko as an expert to testify that Bubbles has been subverted by his relationship with Jack-o.

On the serious side, as a law enforcement type, I'm not sure that this trial is going to do anything but cause more problems. You've already got a prosecutor who is almost admittedly "out to get" MJ. Add a woman who did claim, apparently without merit, that she'd been sexually assaulted by some store gumshoes, and the testimony of two minors (alot of the cases from the last couple decades have been overturned after the minors got older and admitted they were doing what their parents and doctors wanted them to do). He's already got three points for appeal right there. and that's not counting the police going into his attorneys files.

Can this very eccentric person get a fair trial in the first place?

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: GUEST,Nerd
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 09:31 PM

Chongo just proved that Tarzan's theory of life is afrocentric--not surprising, when you think of it. See, the strategy of insulting an elephant and claiming that your enemy said it, so that the elephant stomps your enemy for you, is the exact premise behind the "Signifyin' Monkey," Which Henry Louis Gates identifies as the central trope of African-American literature and criticism. Go, Tarzan!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 10:10 PM

That is really fascinating...

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 03:20 AM

Did he testify? Will he testify? What was/will be his testimony? I'm a little behind on the MJ thang, too busy having a life and doing important stuff like making music! :-)
S:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 03:25 AM

Chief Chaos - and if all that doesn't work, he can get off by claiming insanity... who else but a mad person would suggest getting a fecking Chimpanzee to testify?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 10:39 AM

Hmmm. Perhaps George Bush will also be able to get off with that plea one day...

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: RichM
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 10:55 AM

If the chimp does testify....
I hope that the final outcome (to MJ) doesn't reflect badly on chimps...

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:00 AM

There will always be that niggling feeling that the chimp and the gorilla were in cohoots....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:10 AM

Heh! Heh!

Subject: RE: BS: Chimpanzee to testify!
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 06 Mar 05 - 11:15 AM

I think it's a fantastic idea. I think the judge, jury and all court officials should be composed of baboons and howler monkeys. I just think so.