BS: New European Language

Subject: New European Language
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 11:53 AM

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
Euro-English.

In the first year, s will replace the soft c. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard c will be dropped in favour of k.. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome ph will be replaced with f. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent e in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing th with z and w with v.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary o kan be dropd from vords kontaining ou and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 12:03 PM

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 12:15 PM

Guest, you are not giving the whole story. Read the following:

Languages

Get with it, Guest (and all of you EU citizens). You should be fluent in three languages! How about Maltese and Finnish as well as ?English.

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: Firecat
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 12:19 PM

Well, I already speak 3 to Alevel standard (and one of those fluently!), plus basics of several others. I'll be fine on that!

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 12:38 PM

I would hazard a wild guess that most Europeans speak at least two languages. Many speak more. We're an educated bunch!

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: radriano
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 12:45 PM

Another old joke recycled.

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: GUEST,Peter Laban
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 07:37 AM

'no member state lists English as their official language.'

Both English an Irish are official languages in Ireland.

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 07:57 AM

I think the EU will continue to use English. Many universities on the Continent give their teaching in English. It has become the lingua franca of Europe( to make a joke), if not the world.

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: GUEST,Psssst
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 09:50 AM

Thank you for that correction Peter, much appreciated.

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: GUEST,Jack Campin
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 11:04 AM

PLEASE can the Vatican sign up so we get Latin back as an official international language?

Subject: RE: New European Language
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 11:11 AM

ENGLISH ?
    That leaves the American President out.

Subject: RE: Bs: New European Language
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 12:42 PM

According to Bill Bryson in his book Mother Tongue, 'At least 300 million people speak English and the rest it seems try to.'
Even the Chinese are desperate to learn, and there are posts for native speakers of English to go out there and help.

Subject: RE: Bs: New European Language
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 12:51 PM

Donuel that flash mob performance of Beethoven's 9th Ode to Joy was gorgeous. I really enjoyed it - thanks for that!
(Wonder what Beethoven would have made of so many Japanese folk singing his works in German?)

Subject: RE: Bs: New European Language
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 02:16 PM

I love England and life, or visa versa.
In America we do the same things too.
We go to school and learn to que
We go to school again and get married
Or... visa versa
Then we have kids or pets
Or... visa versa

and life gets hurried
and We try a million things while we keep trying love
or inventions that just don't work just like Thomas Edison

Or... visa versa.
But in the end Life brings our special medicine
Or...

Subject: RE: Bs: New European Language
From: MudGuard
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 02:57 PM

I guess that by about March 2019, English in the European Union will be replaced by Brexitish.

Subject: RE: Bs: New European Language
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 03:02 PM

Hoe it's better than Estuary English
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 18 - 09:19 PM

I think the official language of the EU should be either Irish or Basque.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Sep 18 - 02:58 AM

My Russian Grandfather was a great advocate of Esperanto.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Sep 18 - 03:54 AM

ever heard of Globish?
a lexicon of 1500 English words that two non-native speakers can learn and be understood in it, despite not having a common native language.

Then there is the Nato lexicon
And for aircraft manuals they have their own lexicon.
Both are precise words that must be used rather than their own pet names for things.

The reason for this can be illustrated in contract law.
In English eventually means it will, in the fullness of time, happen. In the rest of Europe it mean depending on events.

One for Brexshit negotiators there!

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Charmion
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 11:03 AM

Or the difference between the British version of "presently", which means "soon", and the French-influenced (from "présentement") Canadian version, which means "now"?

Brexit might solve that one for you, Mr Red; without the French to muddle things, you Brits can have your way with your own words.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: robomatic
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 01:50 PM

English has always been a street fightin' language. Viz it's little contretemps with Norman French around 1066. And absorption of entire other languages. It's doing the same even now, which means no one who learned it over thirty years ago is gonna be super happy with what's goin' on now.

el luta continua

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Jos
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 02:32 PM

'the difference between the British version of "presently", which means "soon", and the French-influenced (from "présentement") Canadian version, which means "now"?'

I believe "presently" means "now" in Scotland as well.
And when I went to the north of Scotland I was warned that if someone asked me "where are you staying?" they meant "where do you live?", not "are you in B&B or a hotel?".

And is it part of Yorkshire where "while" means "until"? A bit dodgy if faced with a flashing light and a sign saying "Do not cross while [UNTIL?!!] lights are flashing".

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 02:56 PM

I love changes in language. English has always 'evolved', as robomatic says.
Youngsters in particular are always bringing new words into play.
A while back, something excellent was described as 'sick'!!
And an attractive young lady would be 'well fit'.
As I've said a million times on here, I love 'innit'.

Having lived in Scotland for about ten years, I'm fairly well-acquainted with Glasgow and Edinburgh expressions and slang.

I'd hate any 'standardisation' of English. A bit Orwellian...

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Jos
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 03:11 PM

If a universal language did come in, how long would it be before it diverged into half a dozen or more versions and how long before some of these were so different that speakers of one would need to learn another version as a separate language.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Jack Campin
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 04:02 PM

There are instances where English has spun off a totally unintelligible dialect in a single generation. You might find something about Boont online.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 18 - 09:33 PM

Moneo neque Ciceronis neque Vasco, sed Latina!!! Si satis esset ad medii aevi suus bonum sufficit nunc!

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Jos
Date: 24 Sep 18 - 01:13 AM

Of course, these days we have online translators, don't we, so there isn't a problem is there ... I put Raparee's Latin through a couple of online translators. Then translated the result back to English, and then back to Latin.

Google:
I warn you, neither Cicero, nor as Vasco, but the Latin !!! If the Middle Ages it was quite good enough now!

Moneo neque Ciceronis neque Vasco, Latinam !!! Si satis esset medii aevi iam satis est!

I warn you, neither Cicero, nor as Vasco, the Latin !!! It would be enough if the Middle Ages had enough!

Yandex translate:
I suggest neither He nor Vasco, but in English!!! If enough were to the middle ages, it's good enough for now!

Ego suadeant nec Ipse nec Vascum, sed in English!!! Si satis erant, medio aevo, suus ' satis enim

I would suggest neither He nor Paulo, but in English!!! If it were, the middle ages, it's enough for

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Jos
Date: 24 Sep 18 - 01:16 AM

Sorry that should be 'back to Latin, and then back to English' - it's like a multilingual Chinese whispers.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Jack Campin
Date: 24 Sep 18 - 05:40 AM

No - back to Proto-Indo-European. That way we have no word for money, and "queen" is the same word as "cunt".

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 18 - 12:02 PM

Y'all can learn Lipan Apache.

Subject: RE: BS: New European Language
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Sep 18 - 03:23 AM

I speak a patchy version of English anyway



I'll get my dictionary................