BS: How do we improve on the poodle?

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 12:01 PM

Someone did suggest little mohawk haircuts. I thought that was inspired!

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Bert
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 02:41 AM

Ya know I'm surprised that nobody has yet suggested Nair.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 01:09 AM

My dogs would have that bag and that fake head off, torn up, and half-eaten by the time you stopped laughing so hard at the way that poor poodle looked.

I tell you, the stuff the dogs eat and poop out again--the inside of a goat's stomach indeed! Inside of a dog's gut is where some really wierd stuff passes through. Lately they've been eating the dacron fill from their bedding (after tearing up another dog bed--won't waste money on one of those again!) and have eaten various types of plastic, wood, seeds, and who knows what all.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:33 PM

What's really cool is, you attach a fake head to the dog's rear end first, THEN put the bag over its head. Then it looks like it's walking normally, except the legs don't look quite right.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:31 PM

Putting a bag over the poodle's head would make for a nice conversation starter down at the dog park as well.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:28 PM

Any dog will walk backwards if you put a bag over its head.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:25 PM

How do we improve on the poodle? Teach him to walk backwards and call him an "eldoop".

Okay. It's not much of an improvement, but it'd make for a nice conversation starter down at the dog park.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:04 PM

Leave the poor animals out of it, you two.

Consenting (apparent) adults only.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 05:01 PM

Registsered is how we send cash. Are you going to mail me some in this settlement of yours? Certified simply means it is very very very important and I want to know that you actually received it.

Maybe find a smart poodle to carry letters back and forth and act as a go-between.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 04:50 PM

Damn. So that's it.

Well, I am just going to have to take the bull by the horns and show up at her door in person, then.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 04:48 PM

She never answers her own mail.


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 04:46 PM

I already had the bejezus scared out of me by my last couple of girlfriends, Stilly, and haven't seen it around since, so it's too late.

Yeah, I wondered about the word "Jeremiad". I guessed that it meant an immense, ponderous, overly wordy, dauntingly long body of topheavy prose. Am I correct?

And you mean registered letters, do you not? Yes, we have those, with the little green stickers and all. I sent my last love letter to Hillary Clinton by registered mail. Haven't heard back from her yet, though.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 04:40 PM

You're outgunned on this one, Little Hawk-cum-Shambles. Can you honestly tell me that you read "jeremiad" and didn't run for your dictionary? I'll send certified letters to scare the bejezus out of you (do Canadian mail carriers get the little green cards signed off the back of the letter and mail them back?)

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 03:54 PM

What????? LOL!

Now you're being sexist too. I can see this developing into a long and festering dispute that consumes a grand canyon-sized volume of bandwith and solves absolutely nothing. Oh boy.

You will hear from my attorney when he sobers up and becomes coherent.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 03:49 PM

So you and Shambles are in a pissing contest, eh? Will you be REAL men and do it like a woman, with no hands? How will you determine the winner? Whosever shoes fill up first?

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 02:20 PM

Oh, indeed! I DO intend to sue you. But first I am going to go on and on and on about how unfair and insensitive you were to me, and suggest that perhaps Max should alter the rules of the forum in such a way that it can't happen again. All this could be avoided, however, if you were to issue a full apology or if the general membership of the forum were to indicate in some manner that they fully appreciate the gravity of the situation and that it is not in accordance with the sort of etiquette that would perhaps be considered appropriate in a gathering of peers who have ideals of mutual respect and equality on a forum such as this one in which membership is incumbent upon a certain measure of, shall we say, sensitivity, normal give and take. I think, hypothetically, that we can reach closure on this with a little fairness and meeting of minds, don't you? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 02:12 PM

So sue me. I was generalizing, based upon the usual manifestation of your sense of humor. If one doesn't read the thread, but just notices the similarity, that is what counts in thread titles. (And while I opened it to see who started it, I didn't read it because I hadn't been reading Shambles jeremiad to have the proper context).

;-D

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 02:07 PM

Yes, I did start that one, and only that one...after a veritable flood of other "oodle" copycat threads started by other people, Stilly, but I did it for one purpose and one purpose only: to make fun of Shambles by paraphrasing stuff in a link he posted on bullying in one of his endless complaint threads. I swear. Therefore it does not qualify as a true "oodle" copycat thread in my opinion, and anyway, you said I started "several" of them. One is not several.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 02:02 PM

"it"

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 02:01 PM

Aha! There is was right in front of me!

BS: How do we end noodling on Mudcat?

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 01:59 PM

I opened one of these "-oodle" threads the other day and you were the originator. Did you bribe Joe Offer to delete the thread?

(Sorry for not noticing your challenge, I was working for my employer this morning. Sometimes one has to so some work to earn that paycheck.)

Back to the salt mines. I'll look again later and see if I can find the thread I am sure I saw and make my case.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM

Okay, then...here is the record of who started what copycat threads:

"strudel" - Daylia
"kaboodle" - Cluin
"doodle" - Purple Fox
"Canoodling" - JennieG
"-improve on the noodle" - Giok
"-improve on the doodle" - Guest, Art Masters

And I did not start any of them. I was not Guest, Art Masters, either.

Therefore, Stilly, I require a retraction of your scurrilous accusation that I started several of those copycat threads. If I do not receive said retraction within the next couple of days, I will engage in a protracted series of complaints such as those we are familiar with from Shambles, and I will go on and on and on and on about it for weeks and months until you just want to pull your hair out and scream!!!!

You have been warned. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 09:24 PM

You are on a roll tonight.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM

Oh, they'll pay.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM

"Twenty lashes with a wet poodle for them."

Most folks have to pay for that . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:48 PM

Not these people

But maybe these ones.... they have definitely commited an alliterative moving violation though.

Twenty lashes with a wet poodle for them.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: number 6
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:34 PM

No kidding.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:32 PM

People with a very sick sense of humour.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: number 6
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:31 PM

Oh .. ok.

Who would name their poodle noodles?

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:24 PM

It's about a poodle named Noodles.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: number 6
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:23 PM

I thought this thread was to do with poodles ... now it is noodles?!?!

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:07 PM

Yeh, you stick to that story, son.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 05:12 PM

You wound me with that accusation, Stilly! ;-)

There were a whole bunch started yesterday by other people, as a matter of fact, not by me. Then I finally started one about stopping "noodling on Mudcat", in response to those. But it wasn't really a response to this thread...it was in response to a link Shambles posted on one of his threads.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 05:02 PM

You should know, you've started several of them yourself, haven't you?

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 02:56 PM

I note that this noble and surprisingly successful thread has spawned a host of copycat threads...

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Scoville
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 02:45 PM

I used to be a vet tech and the breed that scared us more than any other was the American Cocker spaniel. They were biters almost without exception. Scottish terriers and dachshunds were close behind, and most Chihuahuas could not be trusted. Occasionally, we'd get vicious shih-tzu, which wasn't so bad except you can't wrestle with a long-backed dog (you can hurt them) and shih-tzus have no nose on which to put a muzzle.

Shar-peis, chows, and Akitas were probably the most dangerous but at least they were big enough to grab onto without fear of injuring them.

I finally came to the conclusion that the kinds of people who own really nasty pit bulls, Rottweilers, American bulldogs, dogos, etc. are the kinds of people who don't take their dogs to the vet, because we sure didn't see many of them. We had a Rottie patient that we had to sedate just a bit because he would go into "puppy mode"--he was 98 lbs. of solid muscle--and wouldn't stop wiggling and trying to lick everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 10:59 AM

My pit used to be afraid of cars at night (the lights terrified her, probably tied into the road accident--the vet guessed this is what happened because in addition to the leg and side injuries she had a row of broken teeth on top in front, where her face hit the street when she bounced. On top between the canines she has only gums because we had to remove all of those teeth). After doing our "sit" routine and gradually getting used to walking later, she's fine now. A woman out walking dogs in the evening in a quiet neighborhood is pretty safe, and when one of those dogs is a pit bull, even a sweet one that would lick you to death, I'm well protected. If someone actually did threaten me, these two would be more than a handful for anyone trying to approach.

The "zone" that I'm most cautious around ANY dog is the parking lot, when a dog is in its car waiting for the driver to return. Even the friendliest of dogs can be overtly protective in the car, something I remember my parents teaching us and I have found no reason to adjust that lesson as far as my kids are concerned. If a dog is in its car, no matter how cute, big or little poodle or anything else, leave it alone unless the owner is there and says its okay.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM

I've known two pit bulls and a Rotweiller. All of them were and are very good dogs, none have ever attacked anyone.
On a list of biters, the German shepard is number one. In the pit bull, there is a latent desire to dominate, but it is not a problem if it realizes who the alpha male and female are in its pack. They are almost impervious to pain, so when they do bite they can do terrible damage. My grandson has a pit bull, its name? Bubba. And, yes the name fits.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: John Hardly
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 05:07 AM

"It's more than shows that damage breeds. Popularity through the media with the resulting puppy mills and backyard breeders is far more at fault. So many breeds have suffered in the past 25 years that the list is almost too long to seem real."

Things do not bode well for the Alaskan Malamute (the breed that's owned me for the past 25 years). They are already one of the most beautiful breeds, but now they are going to suffer the popularity that follows a Disney movie (8 Below) and a "Best-of-Class" Westminister showing.

That one-two punch will have every puppy mill in the country working overtime to fulfill every child's five minute dream of dog ownership that will turn into every shelter'w nightmare.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 04:44 AM

But when a canary bites a kid, it doesn't rip his face off.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 12:30 AM

I'm guessing you're referring to the story and not the canary bite, right? ;-)

I did take them to the feed store. We went for a walk first so they'd be more relaxed for the trip, but it started raining on us before we got home. I had to towel dry them before getting in the pickup, so it was three rather soggy individuals who visited the store and we had the tell-tale aroma of wet dog about us.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 10:42 PM

SRS... awww... I have tears in my eyes after reading your post.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 10:28 PM

Most pit bulls DON'T bite. Most pit bulls are marvelous family dogs. Buster Brown's dog was a pit bull. (Google search).

More birds probably bite their owners than pit bulls do, so it's the canary that's the biter in that mix, not the dog! Pfftttt!

:-D

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 09:25 PM

Ebbie, I suspect Alaska has something like the blackflies I've known in northern Minnesota, upper Michigan, and Canada; do you really want something else around that flies and bites?

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 06:59 PM

Kendall, I'm not sure what such a cross might look like but I'd keep it. If you can figure out what to feed it, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Metchosin
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 03:56 PM

Glad it had an eventual good outcome, Little Hawk. Poodles aren't the only dogs that sometimes don't look before they leap. A few years back one of the Victoria City Police dogs here, took a flying leap over a low wall in a Parkade while in pursuit of a bad guy and plumetted three stories to the street below. Sadly, not so happy an ending.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Cluin
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM

Gee, you had to wait over 2 hours to deliver your punch line, Kendall. That's patience.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 02:17 PM

What a rotten situation to be in! Poor dog.

We had a poodle at one time, and it was known for having rather poor judgement. While out in the parking area behind our highrise for 30 seconds, while my dad's back was turned, it mysteriously disappeared. A search eventually revealed that the poodle had trotted over to a 3 foot stone wall which edged the parking lot, and jumped over the wall without looking to see what was on the other side. Well, on the other side of the wall was a 20 foot drop to a sunken driveway which entered an underground parking area.

The poodle was crouched miserably on the driveway, with its two front legs broken. It had waited there silently for the ten minutes it took for us to find out where it was.

The poodle survived this experience, but spent about 3 months recovering with casts on both front legs.

It could have been worse, I suppose. It might have jumped over the wall on a 22nd floor penthouse or something. ("Hmmm...I wonder what's behind this little wall? Well, we'll just take a little loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook!!!") (SPLAT!)

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: Metchosin
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 02:03 PM

Well they definitely climb ladders. Years ago when we were building our house, we were dog sitting my stepfather's poodle.

We'd left a very long ladder leaning against the siding on the high wall of the house while we went inside for lunch. We heard a very plaintive cry and discovered that Beau the poodle was not with us.

After searching the yard we found him on the of top of a 22' ladder. He'd mastered ladders but he wasn't certain how to turn around and climb down once he'd reached the top rung of a ladder propped against a vertical wall. Seems he used to follow my stepfather up and down ladders when he was doing roof repairs and must have thought all ladders lead to a roof with his owner and a good view.

Subject: RE: BS: How do we improve on the poodle?
From: kendall
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 01:00 PM

I don't know, Ebbie, but when the son of a bitch sings, I LISTEN.